Clever girl.

November 4, 2008 11:28 AM

One Velociraptor Per Child
posted by allkindsoftime (36 comments total)

allkindsoftime, indeed.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:39 AM on November 4, 2008

Sadly, it's just marketing for the OLPC. Nice idea, crappy implementation. Site's a bit simplistic.

Not sure if I get the joke.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:41 AM on November 4, 2008

So much work for so little payoff.
posted by GuyZero at 11:41 AM on November 4, 2008

See, this is where "No Child Left Behind" gets you.
Left Behind.

In Pieces.
posted by eclectist at 11:42 AM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Needs more live webcams.
posted by no_moniker at 11:43 AM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

i feel like there was a conversation you needed to be a part of, for this to really be funny.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 11:45 AM on November 4, 2008

Is there a demo? I was told there would be a live demo during feeding time.
posted by ardgedee at 11:45 AM on November 4, 2008

allkindsoftime, indeed.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:46 AM on November 4, 2008

Needs more carnage.
posted by tommasz at 11:46 AM on November 4, 2008

(whoops hit post to fast)

allkindsoftime, indeed.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:47 AM on November 4, 2008

Screw this new browser and its stupid key settings. I give up trying to point out how old that joke is.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:48 AM on November 4, 2008

It would have been funnier if they didn't make it obvious by crossing out the word laptop.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:49 AM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Most of the nearly two billion children in the developing world have inadequate access to dinosaurs. Some receive no paleontology training at all. One in three has never even seen a dinosaur in person.

Mission Statement: To increase the Darwinian fitness of the world's poorest children by providing each child with a rugged, low-cost, low-energy, internet-enabled velociraptor with content designed for collaborative, practical, self-empowered survival.

How am I the only person that finds this very funny?
'
posted by cyphill at 11:52 AM on November 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

What kind of a world do we live in where every single child needs their own velociraptor? When I was growing up, my sister and my cousin all shared one, alternating weeks.
posted by typewriter at 11:59 AM on November 4, 2008

Since when does "→" mean "per"? I mean outside of the homeworks I have to grade where "→" means absolutely anything including (besides "per") "equals", "implies", "is less than or equal to", "has been seen in the vicinity of", "might be continuous if this other thing is" and "eight".
posted by Wolfdog at 12:05 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

IF YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE, CALL 1-800-PROTECT-THE-JOKE
posted by DU at 12:09 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think 1 velociraptor → child implies a relationship, as in 1 velociraptor goes to 1 child, and eats that child. That's why me and my sister had a stegosaurus when we were growing up. See: 1 Child → stegosaurus. Get it?
posted by trueluk at 12:09 PM on November 4, 2008

perhaps one velociraptor has been seen in the vicinity of a child
posted by Severian at 12:15 PM on November 4, 2008

I can't wait for the Flickr pool of everyone opening their velociraptors.
posted by jrossi4r at 12:21 PM on November 4, 2008 [3 favorites]

Maybe I am just simple in the head, but this is pretty much the most awesome awesomeocity I've come across recently. With all the political bullshit and partisan fighting it's good to finally see a clear message of hope that we can stand behind to work towards making the developing world a better place.
posted by Stunt at 12:22 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Velociraptor attack is the 3rd leading cause of death for men age 27-29, even worse for kids. However, everyone must think about the implications of velociraptors: young and old, men, women and transgendered persons.

The American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention is a bi-partisan group of professionals, dedicated to the diffusion of knowledge concerning velociraptor attack prevention.
posted by netbros at 12:24 PM on November 4, 2008

Oh, there's more - thanks, cyphill, I thought it was just an amusing image.

And while this is no webcam, it is an awkwardly made music video, with some very intense grass (0:36-0:41). And there's a lot of velociraptor vids linked from this one.

Happy Velociraptor Tuesday!
posted by filthy light thief at 12:28 PM on November 4, 2008

Uhhh.
posted by Mister_A at 12:36 PM on November 4, 2008

[insert internet catchphrase here]
posted by LogicalDash at 12:46 PM on November 4, 2008

I think you have to be a big fan of XKCD to enjoy this, but if you already are then it's pretty goddamn funny.
posted by Ryvar at 1:02 PM on November 4, 2008

If you give a velociraptor a child, you have fed it for a day. Teach a velociraptor how to use MySpace, Meetups, and Twitter to lure in victims and you have fed it for the remainder of the human race's lifetime.
posted by adipocere at 1:16 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think you have to be a big fan of XKCD to enjoy this, but if you already are then it's pretty goddamn funny.
Actually, I think that XKCD's charity would be called no velociraptors per child and would be aimed at preventing velociraptor attacks on third world children.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 1:16 PM on November 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

One Seersucker Per Child
posted by mathowie at 1:23 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is admirable, albeit a bit naive. While the relatively small Velociraptor is certainly more practical than the larger Dromaeosaurids, such as Deinonychus or Utahraptor, they still pose a significant logistical challenge.

I would have gone with the more manageable Bambiraptor, at least to start off with. Baby steps (with raised killing claws).
posted by brundlefly at 2:17 PM on November 4, 2008

Weren't velociraptors the size of turkeys? My kid's seen Jurassic Park, so he's going to be expecting his lovable velociraptor to be ginormous. It'll take days and days for me to deal with the epic disappointment once he sees the real thing. Unless OVPC wants to come to my house and deal with all the crying, of "Mommy, why did you let me waste my money on this stupid baby-sized ripoff velociraptor??!!!?" I'll pass. I learned my lesson from the great Sea Monkey debacle of 2003 but good.
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:20 PM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also -- and I realize that this may seem rather old fashioned -- there's still the option of having a single Allosaurus per village, which all the kids can share.
posted by brundlefly at 2:21 PM on November 4, 2008

Such a waste of effort. Taiwanese companies are getting their distribution systems efficient enough for the carnivorous dinosaurs to naturally find their way to the children.
posted by FuManchu at 2:38 PM on November 4, 2008

> If you give a velociraptor a child, you have fed it for a day.

If you give a velociraptor a child, it will probably ask for a glass of milk.
posted by jfuller at 5:55 PM on November 4, 2008

I can't wait for the Flickr pool of everyone opening their velociraptors.

I'm holding out for the YouTube posts.
posted by deborah at 7:02 PM on November 4, 2008

If you give a velociraptor a child, it will probably ask for a glass of milk.
And if you get it that glass of milk then it will eat you instead because you just fell into its clever trap.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 7:52 PM on November 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

In Zoviet Russia is one child per velociraptor.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:58 AM on November 5, 2008