Monk brawl in Jerusalem
November 9, 2008 7:59 AM   Subscribe

Fighting monks: not just in your D&D campaign anymore.
posted by baphomet (24 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Thanks to 4.0, they're not in my campaign at all.
posted by stresstwig at 8:03 AM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

This happens every few months.
posted by empath at 8:28 AM on November 9, 2008

Your favorite monks suck.
posted by odinsdream at 8:35 AM on November 9, 2008

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre has a long and fascinating troubled history. There's been violent fighting over which Christian sect controls the church going back for hundreds of years. It got so bad that in 1192 Saladin split responsibility for its entrance between two Muslim families: one controls the door, the other has the key. The current division of the church was solidified as the status quo of 1852, but fighting and disputes have continued. Church maintenance is a significant problem.

I know I've seen a map of the church with the ownership of each portion laid out. It was probably part of the 1999 NYTimes article. But I can't find it now.
posted by Nelson at 8:36 AM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

"not just in your D&D campaign anymore."

Right. Next thing you'll tell me there are movies coming from Hong Kong featuring fighting monks who have built a mythology based on the teachings of the Wu Tang Clan.

In other words, I think you missed a spot.
posted by Eideteker at 8:40 AM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Let me know when Cthulhu shows up and starts eating 1d6 per turn.
posted by Caduceus at 8:43 AM on November 9, 2008

"Don't taze me, Brother!"

Am I the only one that really wanted to see the tear gas being rolled out?
posted by cjorgensen at 8:43 AM on November 9, 2008

This is like watching a midget clown hobo fight without feeling exploitational.
posted by Phalene at 9:18 AM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

My favourite fighting monks were from the Onin War. Sohei, or warrior monks, were a considerable military force in medieval Japan. I think they came before D&D.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:32 AM on November 9, 2008

And here I was hoping "monks" was just a short form for "monkeys". But no, it's actual monks. Bummer -- a monkey brawl in Jerusalem would be the best FPP ever.

1st edition AD&D led me to think they'd be better in hand-to-hand combat than this. I don't see any one of these dudes throwing a quivering palm. I suppose they're low-level monks who don't have any abilities except "speak with animals."

Of course, if they could speak with animals, they could probably get some monkeys to help them. Really makes ya think.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:40 AM on November 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

*watches at high speed*

Gawd, look at the movement rate!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2008

A recent similar incident.
posted by greenie2600 at 10:04 AM on November 9, 2008

Incidentally, my go-to for fighting monks is these guys. Note the "failed to storm" photo partway down.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:10 AM on November 9, 2008

Warrior Nuns!
posted by Sailormom at 10:29 AM on November 9, 2008

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
— Mahatma Gandhi
posted by Smedleyman at 12:02 PM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I thought I'd see some nunchucks or chucked nuns.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:12 PM on November 9, 2008

Greeks... Armenians... Shi'a... they're a violent people who can't even respect themselves!

We should just nuke all those A-rabs, right?!
posted by markkraft at 12:44 PM on November 9, 2008

I lived in Israel for 6 months and I've traveled all over the world. I'm not the slightest bit religious, but the single most intense place I have ever been in my life was inside The Church of the Holy Sepulchre. I know it's cliche, but I tell you -- you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, I mean it. Watching the video on the BBC just sent me back in time 15 years and gave me goosebumps. The atmosphere inside the Old City of Jerusalem is tense - the tension is palatable - mixes with the smells of food, spices, animals, stone... The atmosphere inside the Church doesn't have the tenseness -- it's something else -- something you can feel in your body but not quite explain.
posted by trixare4kids at 1:17 PM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Good thing God wasn't there to see it.
posted by Liquidwolf at 1:24 PM on November 9, 2008

Religion of peace.
posted by pompomtom at 1:56 PM on November 9, 2008

Mark Twain wrote an hilarious account of the squabbles in the Sepulchre in his 1869 book called Innocents Abroad. If you haven't read this book, you are in for a treat. Twain describes how the Muslim government had to step in and station huge Turkish guards in between the areas staked out by the various Christian sects to keep the peace. Twain loved to poke fun at Christianity in all its foolishness.
posted by charlesminus at 2:04 PM on November 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

This is why Islam discourages celibacy. All that pent up energy translates into rage.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:19 PM on November 9, 2008

Caught this on the news yesterday... well actually right in the middle of the report, which was a bit of a WTF moment.

Now watching it again I find myself mentally dubbing chop-socky blows and 'hi-yahs!' onto it. Sorry god, please don't send me to hell.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:38 AM on November 10, 2008

Not another LOL-Amernian Orthodox Xtians post!
posted by Megafly at 10:33 AM on November 10, 2008

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