Diary of a Non-Prospect
December 18, 2008 6:48 PM   Subscribe

So you're a minor-league pitcher in the Blue Jays system, not an exceptionally good one - a non prospect. So what do you do? You blog about a great prank you played on a teammate.
posted by Deep Dish (24 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies spring training prank.
posted by netbros at 7:02 PM on December 18, 2008

I don't know if you've ever used Instant Messenger before (IM for short).

Statements like this one are how you can tell there's a good prank a-brewin'.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 7:40 PM on December 18, 2008

I'm afraid to read it all. 1/3 of the way through and I'm already squirming.

Not to hijack the thread, but baseball players are supposedly notorious for playing pranks on each other. Is there a repository for good baseball prank stories?
posted by not_on_display at 7:58 PM on December 18, 2008

That's too long. Can someone summarize?
posted by xmutex at 7:59 PM on December 18, 2008

This reminds me of the evil stuff the players did to each other in Ball Four.
posted by popechunk at 8:02 PM on December 18, 2008

Wow, what a crappy wikipedia article I just linked to.
posted by popechunk at 8:07 PM on December 18, 2008

Of course the guy telling the story is named Dick.
posted by BrotherCaine at 8:09 PM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]


The player is made to say he would do something mildly homoerotic to get a big contract with a franchise over seas. After reading many paragraphs we find out that it's still funny when a man has teh gey.
posted by Midnight Rambler at 8:12 PM on December 18, 2008

After reading many not-very-well-written paragraphs by a guy who has discovered this great new thing called "the internet," we find out that it's still funny when a man has teh gey.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:59 PM on December 18, 2008

not_on_display: "Not to hijack the thread, but baseball players are supposedly notorious for playing pranks on each other. Is there a repository for good baseball prank stories?"

I got one, actually. It's not that good, but what the heck.

My dad's job puts him in regular contact with a major league team, so he knows about some of their locker room shenanigans. Last season there was a newcomer on the team who was obviously insecure and worried about screwing up, breaking unspoken rules, etc. So one day he and another, older player are written up for violating some technical rule on the field. New guy has no clue what the consequences are, so the rest of the guys conspire and then manage to convince the kid that the rule is hugely important, that the fine is $5000 -- and that if he doesn't have it by the end of the day, his job is at risk.

New guy freaks out of course, wondering how he's going to scrape that together in time. The other guys send him an emissary -- a plant, of course -- who buddies up to the kid and explains that there's already a collection pool going around the locker room raising money for the older player, and that he'll see what he can do to get the kid in on the action.

So at the end of the day the team puts together the money. The grand totals?

Older player: $4950.

New guy: $4.47, $10 of Monopoly money, and a Wendy's coupon.
posted by Rhaomi at 9:18 PM on December 18, 2008

Where are all the "Dick Hayhurst" puns?
posted by stevil at 9:32 PM on December 18, 2008

That guy went to college. It was the most painfully written story I have ever endured. It was a good prank though. The key was that they could actually see his reaction in real time.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:35 PM on December 18, 2008

Midnight Ranger:

I believe the whole thing is about the target being a hard core homophobe. I read it more like they are laughing at "The dude who would rather die than touch another man said he is willing to bathe a whole Japanese baseball team" rather than "LOL, he has the gay, LOL".

I guess if the guy was a hardcore carnivore, they would tell him the team was all vegan, or something like that.

Maybe I am being too naive.
posted by dirty lies at 10:32 PM on December 18, 2008

Tucker Max level writing, homophobia and playing on the hopes and dreams of a colleague?

You can take the boy out of the frat...
posted by minifigs at 12:51 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'd never heard of that IM-to-voice service. How is it free for both parties though? Someone has to pay for it somewhere, surely?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:04 AM on December 19, 2008

EndsOfInvention: if I understand correctly, the service is meant for the deaf, as a more convenient and up to date version of old TTY relays, and is funded by a grant or city or state agency.
posted by idiopath at 3:40 AM on December 19, 2008

That's too long. <- As if it is the article's problem.
Can someone summarize? <- As if it is a less-lazy/selfish-person's problem.
posted by spock at 4:13 AM on December 19, 2008

Text relay operators have all sorts of stories about people abusing the service like this. After a while it stops being funny.
posted by Spatch at 5:37 AM on December 19, 2008

Yeah, as a former relay operator, I have to say the service has been used for much better pranks than that.

And I'm not going to tell you about them, because the service is constantly buried under a mountain of idiotic crank calls, making it difficult for deaf people to use it and putting the service itself in danger of being canceled.
posted by MrVisible at 8:53 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

it's still funny when a man has teh gey.

No, but it's funny watching homophobes squirm when they think they accidentally got some of teh gay on them.

Funny until they turn around and take out their discomfort by attacking a real gay man. Like they say, "It's only funny until somebody smears the queer."
posted by straight at 9:07 AM on December 19, 2008

It's not a bad prank, but it's no Joe Pepitone going to the team doctor with a piece of popcorn lodged in his foreskin claiming he'd contracted some type of new, unknown venereal disease.
posted by vito90 at 9:46 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oddly I had an entirely different reading of the article - I took the prank as Borat-esque and playing on the victim's ignorance of Japanese culture (it reminded me of Borat telling people that wine from his country was made from horse urine) - which I thought suited the gosh-wow, strangely punctuated writing style. I also thought it was interesting to see a little piece of the culture of the minor leagues, and contrast it with the big money/big fame of the Big Leagues.

I didn't get turned off by the descriptions of Instant Messaging either - I just assumed that Baseball America had an older audience of people - like my dad - who don't use im. Totally read this as a light and fun article, didn't think the homophobe angle was the main thrust of the prank.
posted by Deep Dish at 2:28 PM on December 19, 2008

Okay, I was talking to my dad about any more funny baseball stories he has. This one is a bit better...

A few years ago he was working at a spring training camp for one of the major league teams. The training complex had received a special visit from Walter Cronkite and his daughter, Kathy, who were apparently big baseball fans. After the visit there was some joking amongst the players concerning the unflattering similarities between the two.

The next day during batting practice, my dad was sitting next to another player at the "bullpen", which was little more than a bench set against the front-row fence. They were talking about the visit when the other player casually snarks, "So, that Cronkite, he sure got a face for radio, huh?"

Without missing a beat my dad says, "Sure, but he looks downright handsome next to his daughter."

(Crappy thing to say, yeah, but it's baseball banter, what're you gonna do.)

Anyway, an inning or so later my dad leans back to stretch his neck, when he catches sight of the seats behind him.

Walter Cronkite was sitting in the front row. Kathy was right next to him. Their knees were practically touching the back of his head.

My dad turns beet red, the other player just smirks a little and turns away. Kathy is visibly pissed.

And Cronkite? He narrows his eyes, gathers up all the righteous anger and gravitas of a world class anchor, and... he nods. Just nods.

And that's the way it was.
posted by Rhaomi at 11:25 PM on December 19, 2008

What Deep Dish said. Also, the perps are laughing at the confluence of the sucker's ignorance, homophobia and greed. Which is a pretty good method for discouraging (the future display of) ignorance, homophobia and greed. Win.
posted by GrammarMoses at 7:16 AM on December 20, 2008

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