Kwanzaa Cake

December 28, 2008 9:43 PM

Sandra Lee: Much loved cake guru, teaches us mere mortals a valuable lesson about Kwanzaa via angelfood cake, in her great track record of cultural and religious understanding. Higher quality vid, w/ads.
posted by mccarty.tim (38 comments total)

Sandra Lee should be shot from a cannon into the center of the fictional town of Stepford.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 10:00 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]

Man, at Christmas my grandma was just all gooey for Sandra Lee and her oh-so-clever"semi-homemade" shit. It's like neo-tuna-jellomold food culture. All novelty and branding, no flavor. I don't have time to eat canned frosting, but I sure can afford the 30 minutes to blend up the real thing.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:08 PM on December 28, 2008

And, are those corn nuts?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:08 PM on December 28, 2008

@Ambrosia: Yes, but please, call them Egg-Corns.
posted by mccarty.tim at 10:10 PM on December 28, 2008

I gagged a little watching her make that kwanzaa cake. ack. ack. gross.
posted by flipyourwig at 10:16 PM on December 28, 2008

I'd never heard of Sandra Lee, and now that I've spent a little time seeing what she's all about, I'm quite certain that she is Satan's interior decorator and chef. She actually makes money off of this? ((shudder))
posted by The Light Fantastic at 10:19 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]

Worst candelabra ever.
posted by parallax7d at 10:22 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

I used to watch Sandra Lee's show, but one day she used the word "tablescape" twice in one episode and I just couldn't take it anymore.
posted by amyms at 10:25 PM on December 28, 2008 [5 favorites]

wow...that was terribly awesome. and awesomely terrible! thank you.

no idea who sandra lee was until now. how does she have a show? it's as if someone hired me to just make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on tv over and over again.

my favorite was anthony bourdain's take on all of the food network hosts.
posted by sentinel chicken at 10:26 PM on December 28, 2008

RACHAEL: Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?” Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”


I love you, Anthony Bourdain. I love you so, so much.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:27 PM on December 28, 2008 [7 favorites]

Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa Cake is the best perennial holiday meme ever. Each year, legions of new people discover it as the pinnacle of awfulness of U.S. culture. That it is so relentlessly scorned by all of humanity gives me hope for our future.
posted by mediareport at 10:52 PM on December 28, 2008 [4 favorites]

Count me in as a newly initiated 'omgwtf, that's not food!' viewer.

Watching her videos on YT is just amazing--wow, lady, you added Corn Nuts to angel food cake? That's like a stoner's dream, but it sure isn't what I was expecting from the Food Network!
posted by librarylis at 11:42 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

If you have never seen the show, Lee is known for her absurd "food shortcuts", but also, conversely, for her extremely complex, intricate, boozy and totally disgusting cocktails. While on one hand she lamely chops up some pre-roasted chicken with some Miracle Whip and declares it Coronation Chicken, she will take up half an episode concocting a Raspberry Creme White Coco Bourbon Angel Whisper Martini with confectioner's shavings and a coulee drizzle. And she leans on the booze.

I was once half-watching an episode when she made this particular drink. It is hard to tell in that picture, but that brandy snifter is actually about half as big as a human head, and it is all pretty much liquor in that drink. I was astounded as she just kept pouring and pouring and pouring...the recipe listed there is nowhere near what she actually poured in the episode. No where near.

I tried to imagine myself at a Semi-Homemade holiday party, walking around with that ginger monster, trying to chit chat with the neighbors without slurring too much, struggling to remain vertical...I wondered what possessed her to think this was a good idea to be slinging that much juice around on teevee. So, in checking out the Kwanzaa cake this year, I can't say I am all that surprised. Take a look around at some of the other crazy shit she does.
posted by oflinkey at 11:53 PM on December 28, 2008 [4 favorites]

I am convinced the Star of David Angel Food Hanukkah Cake simply must be a parody. Right? Please? Rarely do I take on the burden of speaking on behalf of my people, but I'll tell it to you straight: that shit 'aint Jewish.

Lee also tells me that I can "Honor Jewish history with a menu featuring cheese and dairy," which apparently commemorates the glorious victory of the Maccabees against the pagan Greeks and their minions in the Battle of the Great Schmear, where one one bagel buffet was enough to feed the Children of Israel for an entire Sabbath afternoon. Don't forget "creamy White Nights Cocktails to toast tradition," which makes sense only if you're attending a cocktail party sponsored by your local Ku Klux Klan and the tradition in question is cross burning.

I will now honor Jewish history by tucking into a casserole made of Handi-snacks and Cool Whip. Happy Hanukkah, everyone!
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 12:50 AM on December 29, 2008 [3 favorites]

When people in the entire rest of the world are laughing themselves to death about "American cuisine," this is what they're laughing at. Star of Hanukkah?!?! If it starts with "store-bought angel food cake," then whatever you think you're reading, it's not a recipe.

Cooking decent food is not hard. There should be no market for this rubbish.
posted by 1adam12 at 1:04 AM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites]

Marshmallows on a Chanukah cake? Marshmallows contain gelatin, for Christ's sake. Which isn't necessarily kosher.
posted by orthogonality at 1:18 AM on December 29, 2008 [3 favorites]

Oh yes! Finally a cooking show that makes me feel all superior! I am going to treasure the feeling, because all the other food links on the blue usually make me feel like a klutz.
posted by Harald74 at 1:20 AM on December 29, 2008

She recently released a music video with a single off of her upcoming album.
posted by stavrogin at 2:00 AM on December 29, 2008

Thanks for the link to Cake Wrecks - it's led to me sitting here in complete hysterics while my partner watches, perplexed, from the sofa and I just about manage to gasp 'it's a cake... santa... caterpillar...'. There's something about the combination of cake, Santa Claus and unintentional body horror that puts me in danger of wetting myself.
posted by terpsichoria at 3:03 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

what makes one cake a Hanukkah cake, and another one not a Hanukkah cake? i thought the frosting looked good, and the little star was, well, the frosting on the cake.
posted by billybobtoo at 5:38 AM on December 29, 2008

AV: my crush on Rachel Ray aside, compared to Sandra Lee she's Wolfgang Puck.
posted by jonmc at 7:26 AM on December 29, 2008

There's a time and a place for "semi-homemade" food. Those nights when you're at work until 7, haven't eaten since morning, and can't afford the time or money to go out? That's a perfect time to be able to pour something out of a can and spruce it up a bit so it doesn't taste horrible.

But what I hate about Sandra Lee (and I had to watch quite a bit of her while in Oklahoma the last week) is that she isn't offering these "recipes" as easy shortcuts for those difficult, busy days... No, she is offering these as a way to impress your friends. You're not just cooking for yourself, she expects you to use her recipes to host wonderful, complicated dinner parties!

It's like premade meat stewed with canned salsa has any rightful place on a disgustingly over-the-top "tablescape" involving a homemade tablecloth, personalized settings, and flower arrangements. As if it's not the quality of the food or even the time you put into preparing it that matters, but instead just keeping up appearances. Like you should be satisfied with yourself if you make it look like you are the perfect little domestic hostess, even if really you couldn't boil water if there weren't directions on the side of a can. Keep the facade alive, she demands, because that's all that really matters!

Ugh.
posted by Ms. Saint at 8:22 AM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites]

Cake Wrecks is awesome... Sandra Lee is creepy. Very Stepford.
posted by etherealclarity at 8:31 AM on December 29, 2008

There's a dress I really like available on-line, but it's called the "Rachael" because it was inspired by one of Rachael Ray's wrap dresses. I keep putting it in my shopping bag, but I can never bring myself to hit "check out". I would be reminded of her every time I wore the dress, and I just don't think I could handle it. My hatred of her is bottomless.

Ditto for Sandra Lee.
posted by Evangeline at 8:32 AM on December 29, 2008

I wondered what possessed her to think this was a good idea to be slinging that much juice around on teevee.

Reminds me of the time she hung shot glasses on a tree and called it her Cocktail Tree. Seriously. She hung shot glasses on a tree and proudly announced, "Of all the trees I've ever created this is my very favorite one!"

No, seriously.
posted by mediareport at 8:48 AM on December 29, 2008 [7 favorites]

I've never liked Sandra Lee, but she used to come on after Paula Deen, and if I was busy cleaning the house, I would just leave her on. Until I saw her cut open eclairs to SCRAPE OUT THE CUSTARD to be used in a different recipe. Lord almighty, why the hell is this woman on television?
posted by kimdog at 9:42 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

@ mediareport - OMG, you just killed me with that video.
posted by dnash at 9:48 AM on December 29, 2008

I am a Food Network junkie and I hate hate hate this woman. Smitten Kitchen linked to the Kwanzaa cake back in the day, thanks for resurrecting it and all its cornnutty glory.
posted by sararah at 10:49 AM on December 29, 2008

I've never seen her show and I doubt I ever will, but I love her for putting shot glasses on a tree. I love her for creating cocktails that are all liquor and fancy shit that has no place in a cocktail. She's a crazy drunk and she's managed to get rich being one. How is that not awesome? It is all kinds of awesome.

(But I'll never make any of the stuff she puts together - just because she's a crazy drunk doesn't mean I am.)
posted by Salmonberry at 10:54 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

My favorite part of that video is that she gave the nutcracker king at the top of the tree a fuckin martini. That woman must be a total lush.
posted by nooneyouknow at 10:54 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

Correction, nooneyouknow: "That woman IS a total lush."
posted by bitter-girl.com at 2:25 PM on December 29, 2008

A sure winner in the ugliest, nastiest cake competition. The candles...
posted by francesca too at 3:02 PM on December 29, 2008

@ mediareport It's just sad now. That just opens so many questions. Apparently, she has friends who think it's "cute" to put all your liquor paraphernalia on the tree, and she isn't in college. Further, who wants to show off that they have that many glasses and don't mind losing the few that inevitably fall off?

I have no problem with people safely and responsibly enjoying alcohol, but part of that responsibility is not trying to decorate or pretend to cook while drunk. Actually, kind of reminds me of a Jim Gaffigan routine.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:09 PM on December 29, 2008

Until I saw her cut open eclairs to SCRAPE OUT THE CUSTARD to be used in a different recipe. Lord almighty, why the hell is this woman on television?

She also scraped all of the filling out of a store-bought pumpkin pie to be used in a pumpkin truffle made with store-bought pound cake. They make canned pumpkin pie filling, with the sugar and spices already in it, far cheaper than a store bought pie, and you're not wasting the crust and the packaging. But in the parade of canned foods, pre-cut chicken, pre-diced vegetables and seasoning packets made of salt, salt, salt and a crumb of spice that cross her countertop in any given episode, no one thought that maybe disemboweling a pie might not be necessary.
posted by Dreama at 3:52 PM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites]

Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa Cake is the best perennial holiday meme ever. Each year, legions of new people discover it as the pinnacle of awfulness of U.S. culture. That it is so relentlessly scorned by all of humanity gives me hope for our future.

ObTWOPSLop: documentary evidence, from the first airing of the Kwanzaa Kake episode to today's cult status. (And 'June Cleavage' is my favourite TWOP nickname for her.)
posted by holgate at 6:50 PM on December 29, 2008

2nding the thanks for links to Cake Wrecks, one of the funniest photoblogs on the tubes of late.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:36 PM on December 29, 2008

I've never heard of Sandra Lee until just now. Her "cuisine" seems very much like that of Shelley Duvall in 3 Women, which see.

Or that fake Kraft commercial from SCTV where the disembodied voice narrates the disembodied hands as they pile disgusting processed crap on top of disgusting processed crap.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:31 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

MST3K did a parody of those Kraft adds too, in one of their Godzilla eps, they called them "Klack" foods and featured such delights as Samoain Skin Mittens and Cheese Pinwheel Devils.
posted by Ruby Stevens at 10:35 PM on December 29, 2008