Tips from the Black Metal Martha Stewart
February 4, 2009 10:11 PM Subscribe
How to properly wash metal shirts, what to do with bar soap, stitching etiquette and care, and other tips from the Black Metal Atmospheric Kitchen.
"WOOLITE IST KRIEG". Heh.
There's record reviews on here, too. Man, metal freaks over-categorize music almost as much as electronic music snobs, but at least most of the sub-sub-genres of electronic music are actually audibly different from each other. "Symphonic black metal" and "atmospheric doom metal" and blah blah blah all sound like interchangeable, overly detuned distorted muck under "vocals" that range from constipated Cookie Monster to cats fucking. Plus so many of them nowadays are grunting and screeching about Nazism.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:53 PM on February 4, 2009
There's record reviews on here, too. Man, metal freaks over-categorize music almost as much as electronic music snobs, but at least most of the sub-sub-genres of electronic music are actually audibly different from each other. "Symphonic black metal" and "atmospheric doom metal" and blah blah blah all sound like interchangeable, overly detuned distorted muck under "vocals" that range from constipated Cookie Monster to cats fucking. Plus so many of them nowadays are grunting and screeching about Nazism.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:53 PM on February 4, 2009
For a second, for just one second, I thought that the soup had a human heart in it. That would be so unbelievably metal.
http://abmkitchen.blogspot.com/2009/02/delicious-soup-is-delicious.html
posted by degoao at 11:02 PM on February 4, 2009
http://abmkitchen.blogspot.com/2009/02/delicious-soup-is-delicious.html
posted by degoao at 11:02 PM on February 4, 2009
And, somewhat appropriately, this young lady seems to be a right-leaning anarchist, which she helpfully explains as being like libertarianism without the bullshit.
Which explains it. If someone took the bullshit away from libertarianism, and were I to have bought into droll Ayn Randian prattle as a way of life, I'd be listening to Dragonslayer music too.
Which strikes up an interesting image of Ayn, frightful haircut and all, banging her head while some cartoonish dye-laden young man screams about manually stimulating himself in front of a picture of Everyone's Favorite Inbred Austrian Dictator. Yes. Yes, well, that's enough of that. Ahem.
posted by electronslave at 11:05 PM on February 4, 2009
Which explains it. If someone took the bullshit away from libertarianism, and were I to have bought into droll Ayn Randian prattle as a way of life, I'd be listening to Dragonslayer music too.
Which strikes up an interesting image of Ayn, frightful haircut and all, banging her head while some cartoonish dye-laden young man screams about manually stimulating himself in front of a picture of Everyone's Favorite Inbred Austrian Dictator. Yes. Yes, well, that's enough of that. Ahem.
posted by electronslave at 11:05 PM on February 4, 2009
I have some copper chainmail that I made years back, and it's turning all green. I was hoping for chainmail washing tips, too.
posted by Balisong at 11:07 PM on February 4, 2009
posted by Balisong at 11:07 PM on February 4, 2009
I had to advise a friend how to wash his chainmail once, as his cat had pissed on it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:11 PM on February 4, 2009
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:11 PM on February 4, 2009
Balisong: Clean copper with salt and vinegar. You won't believe it.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:15 PM on February 4, 2009
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:15 PM on February 4, 2009
Clean copper with salt and vinegar. You won't believe it.
And, bonus... you'll smell like snacks!
posted by rokusan at 11:25 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
And, bonus... you'll smell like snacks!
posted by rokusan at 11:25 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
You know what I'm talking about - the guys whose ultra-vintage Slayer shirts are now grey dishrags where the print is barely discernible.
See, the thing is, the near-gray-dishrag state is their natural state. Brand new unfaded Slayer shirts look weird to me. Sure, by not Wooliting them, you'll be forced to retire them, but you'll also eventually have to put your dog to sleep.
At a distance, they might as well be wearing the same wolf shirts and ancient NASCAR merch as their bucktoothed brethren.
You'd think black metallers would be all over wolf shirts. I could see that being the first piece of clothing Varg bought as soon as he got out of prison.
Related: Cookies Ist Krieg.
posted by ignignokt at 11:26 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
See, the thing is, the near-gray-dishrag state is their natural state. Brand new unfaded Slayer shirts look weird to me. Sure, by not Wooliting them, you'll be forced to retire them, but you'll also eventually have to put your dog to sleep.
At a distance, they might as well be wearing the same wolf shirts and ancient NASCAR merch as their bucktoothed brethren.
You'd think black metallers would be all over wolf shirts. I could see that being the first piece of clothing Varg bought as soon as he got out of prison.
Related: Cookies Ist Krieg.
posted by ignignokt at 11:26 PM on February 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
How to properly wash metal shirts
Note to the metal fans who often catch the bus at the same time I do: The basic gist of that article can also be applied to yourselves.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:28 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Note to the metal fans who often catch the bus at the same time I do: The basic gist of that article can also be applied to yourselves.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:28 PM on February 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
You'd think black metallers would be all over wolf shirts. I could see that being the first piece of clothing Varg bought as soon as he got out of prison.
When Varg killed Euronymous, he was wearing a shirt (which the cops later found) with a little cartoon Viking and the text "Norway: Land Of The Vikings!" on it. So yeah, given his proven love for goofy T-shirts, it's certainly possible he'd be into wolf shirts. Not likely, though, as wolf shirts are strictly for rednecks and furries.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:34 PM on February 4, 2009
When Varg killed Euronymous, he was wearing a shirt (which the cops later found) with a little cartoon Viking and the text "Norway: Land Of The Vikings!" on it. So yeah, given his proven love for goofy T-shirts, it's certainly possible he'd be into wolf shirts. Not likely, though, as wolf shirts are strictly for rednecks and furries.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:34 PM on February 4, 2009
All this advice goes against my own personal goals for laundry success. I hope for softness and a nice fresh natural scent. Starting with chain mail will just make the process much more difficult.
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:58 AM on February 5, 2009
posted by twoleftfeet at 1:58 AM on February 5, 2009
What's a wolf shirt?
Also, I am intrigued by the delicious soup recipe. Looks healthy, tasty, and cheap.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:25 AM on February 5, 2009
Also, I am intrigued by the delicious soup recipe. Looks healthy, tasty, and cheap.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:25 AM on February 5, 2009
See, the thing is, the near-gray-dishrag state is their natural state.
I was thinking the same thing - one's shirts need not be as black as one's heart.
I was hoping to get some tips on keeping my hat pointy after running through the woods.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:48 AM on February 5, 2009
I was thinking the same thing - one's shirts need not be as black as one's heart.
I was hoping to get some tips on keeping my hat pointy after running through the woods.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:48 AM on February 5, 2009
Put your mail in a small keg with some sand and water. Have your pages roll it around for a while.
Better still, loose that old thing and get yourself a nice Churburg harness.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 4:51 AM on February 5, 2009
Better still, loose that old thing and get yourself a nice Churburg harness.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 4:51 AM on February 5, 2009
"Magic Wand Blessing- and yet another lasagna recipe"
Good stuff from the Kitchen.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 7:04 AM on February 5, 2009
Good stuff from the Kitchen.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 7:04 AM on February 5, 2009
the black oven is still my fave.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 7:29 AM on February 5, 2009
posted by fuzzypantalones at 7:29 AM on February 5, 2009
In conclusion, I would like to address the concerns of those who proudly remark that laundry, showering, and other matters of personal hygiene are NOT "heavy metal." Well, right on, brother, that's hilarious, but will you still be laughing when you die a virgin?"
Brilliance!
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 8:08 AM on February 5, 2009
Brilliance!
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 8:08 AM on February 5, 2009
"Symphonic black metal" and "atmospheric doom metal" and blah blah blah all sound like interchangeable, overly detuned distorted muck under "vocals" that range from constipated Cookie Monster to cats fucking.
I'm sorry, but Anorexia Nervosa sounds nothing like Sunn 0))), and even a complete neophyte could tell you that. And everyone outside of the tiny echo chamber of national socialist politics knows that Aryan supremacy metalheads are rather small in proportional population, unanimously pricks, and pretty much the bottom of the food chain. Also, your favorite sub-sub-genre sucks. ::goes back to listening to Mika's "Love Today"::
posted by FatherDagon at 10:33 AM on February 5, 2009
I'm sorry, but Anorexia Nervosa sounds nothing like Sunn 0))), and even a complete neophyte could tell you that. And everyone outside of the tiny echo chamber of national socialist politics knows that Aryan supremacy metalheads are rather small in proportional population, unanimously pricks, and pretty much the bottom of the food chain. Also, your favorite sub-sub-genre sucks. ::goes back to listening to Mika's "Love Today"::
posted by FatherDagon at 10:33 AM on February 5, 2009
The guy that wrote the Heavy Metal Laundry Tips is the station manager for the college radio station I work at. He is so fucking metal.
posted by azarbayejani at 10:44 AM on February 5, 2009
posted by azarbayejani at 10:44 AM on February 5, 2009
I would so buy any cleaning product that Dethklok put out. It'd be brutal.
posted by piratebowling at 4:14 PM on February 5, 2009
posted by piratebowling at 4:14 PM on February 5, 2009
goo, that shirt link is awesome.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:41 PM on February 5, 2009
posted by eyeballkid at 4:41 PM on February 5, 2009
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Also, metal metal, Metal buffalo buffalo.
posted by not_on_display at 10:27 PM on February 4, 2009 [2 favorites]