Gore Verbinski... in Hollywood... with Universal.
February 25, 2009 4:48 PM   Subscribe

 
This will not do.
posted by middleclasstool at 4:56 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


Something tells me this is going to be the The Day the Earth Stood Still of board-game movies.
posted by micketymoc at 4:59 PM on February 25, 2009


Derail from the last link: there's gonna be a Stretch Armstrong movie?! *high-fives 7 year old self*

Rerail: Clue was one of the games that began my board gamery. I'm excited for the movie remake, even if it'll suck.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:02 PM on February 25, 2009


Or by its original name: Cluedo. And as it's known in the rest of the world.
posted by meech at 5:04 PM on February 25, 2009


This is part of Hasbro's ongoing attempt to turn as many of its properties as it can into summer movies. Transformers 2 and G. I. Joe come out in theaters this summer, and Ridley Scott is attached to direct Monopoly (no, that's not a hoax).
posted by Prospero at 5:05 PM on February 25, 2009


At first glance, I misread "Clue" as "Che" when reading this post.
The list started out making sense, but got progressively stranger as it went along...
posted by roombythelake at 5:07 PM on February 25, 2009 [8 favorites]


Harry Potter clue? Isn't it Snape with a wand on the tower every time?
posted by GuyZero at 5:11 PM on February 25, 2009 [13 favorites]


Further derail: Candy Land and Monopoly movies? I understand videogame movies, but board games?

The original movie was surprisingly entertaining. My wife's family still quotes lines from it. For those who doubt it, I suggest you watch it.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:11 PM on February 25, 2009


Every time I hear some version of the phrase "Ridley Scott is directing a Monopoly film", my brain goes into a sort of panic mode and I lose the ability to concentrate on anything else in the conversation.

Another film version of Clue, you say? I guess if they tried it once, it could be worth another RIDLEY SCOTT IS DIRECTING A MONOPOLY FILM

It's the Rocky Horror problem all over again; who can you get to live up to Tim Curry's iconic RIDLEY SCOTT IS DIRECTING A MONOPOLY FILM

Officer, this isn't what it looks like. It's not my gun and I don't know how that man ended up bleeding on the RIDLEY SCOTT IS DIRECTING A MONOPOLY FILM
posted by cortex at 5:12 PM on February 25, 2009 [26 favorites]


Or by its original name: Cluedo. And as it's known in the rest of the world.

North America has eaten my brain.
posted by crossoverman at 5:13 PM on February 25, 2009


GuyZero - sadly, Harry Potter Clue is only to solve the disappearance of a fellow classmate, not solve a murder. That way, everyone's nice and alive in the end. Family games, and all that.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:13 PM on February 25, 2009


Ridley Scott is just a red herring.
posted by frobozz at 5:15 PM on February 25, 2009 [6 favorites]


Ridley Scott is attached to direct Monopoly

The film will only be able to capture the true spirit of the game if in the middle of the movie, for absolutely no reason, one of the main characters wins second prize in a beauty contest and collects ten dollars.
posted by burnmp3s at 5:16 PM on February 25, 2009 [13 favorites]


Family games, and all that.

That was the one endearing element of the original Clue - that it was about a violent, bloody murder with a blunt weapon. Or poison.

Also, I hear Michael Bay has optioned the rights to "Connect 4".
posted by GuyZero at 5:19 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


A Clue movie remake?! I hate that idea.......so......much. It...Flames...flames on the side of my face...breathing..heaving breaths..heaving....
posted by otolith at 5:21 PM on February 25, 2009 [25 favorites]


The Clue movie re-make will only surpass the original movie in terms of awesomeness if, at the end of the movie, they have a "This is how it could have happened..." card appear on screen and then we see how the movie would have played if Tarantino, Spielberg and Ron Howard had directed instead of Verbinski.
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:29 PM on February 25, 2009 [11 favorites]


To be fair, I think some good movies were based on board games. Jumanji, anyone?
posted by orme at 5:29 PM on February 25, 2009


I want to know when the Connect Four movie is getting made. Or the Simon movie.

The original Clue movie is fun. I don't think it's a masterpiece, but it had an excellent cast and was a wonderful way to waste many an afternoon in college.

Yes, that's what we did in college. Watched Clue a lot. I hung out with theater majors, OK? And usually, on a Sunday afternoon, we were hungover and watching Clue always seemed like a fun idea.

(I still miss Madeline Kahn. She's in many of my favorite movies.)
posted by darksong at 5:31 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


Effigy, they need to do it Wayne's World, with the waving hands. Tia Carrere optional but most welcome.

Actually, the Scooby-Doo ending would probably fit well.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:34 PM on February 25, 2009


Wayne's world style, that is.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:35 PM on February 25, 2009


The Clue re-make isn't even on his IMDB yet (though, unfortunately, BioShock is). Remaking Clue is like remaking Rocky Horror with Hugh Jackman. Oh God, I didn't give anyone any ideas did I?
posted by geoff. at 5:35 PM on February 25, 2009


Well they ARE remaking Rocky Horror, so...
posted by crossoverman at 5:37 PM on February 25, 2009


You guys don't know what self-control it's taking for me to not just sit in this thread and recite Clue in its entirety. My hands are actually shaking from the effort. I... I have to go.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 5:44 PM on February 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Also, I will eat my own legs before I go see the remake. "Travesty" is such a weak and insignificant word.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 5:45 PM on February 25, 2009




GuyZero: "Also, I hear Michael Bay has optioned the rights to "Connect 4"."

Pretty sneaky, sis.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:58 PM on February 25, 2009 [5 favorites]


Brian De Palma's "Guess Who."
Quentin Tarantino's "Scrabble."
David Lynch's "Chutes and Ladders."
Roman Polanski's "Sorry!"
posted by Curry at 5:59 PM on February 25, 2009 [5 favorites]


Clued'oh! Or cluedon't, even.

Is "Cluedo" pronounced "Clue-doo" or "Clue-doh"? And what does "Cluedo" mean?
posted by kirkaracha at 6:05 PM on February 25, 2009


Roman Polanski's "Sorry!"

Starring Dakota Fanning.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:29 PM on February 25, 2009 [12 favorites]


If I was the killer I'd kill this remake next.
posted by norm at 6:52 PM on February 25, 2009


I introduced my wife to Clue (the movie) a while back; I'd seen in back in the 90s sometime. It's quite well done: funny script, great cast, solid direction. And the Madeline Kahn line is so priceless: "I hated her...SO much...that the flames..."
posted by zardoz at 6:57 PM on February 25, 2009


There was an entirely different Harry Potter Clue game called "Mystery at Hogwarts" that had a different board structure and some weird ghost piece that there were rules for. The gameplay was identical, though.
posted by LSK at 7:02 PM on February 25, 2009


Clue had a great cast, all hamming it up to mildly enjoyable effect. But! Do you know that it was a remake of a genuinely awesome movie called Murder By Death? Peter Sellers, Alec Guinness, David Niven, Peter Falk, Maggie Smith. Neil Simon script. It streams on netflix; you could be watching it right now.
posted by damehex at 7:04 PM on February 25, 2009


What does "Cluedo" mean?

It's a pun on Ludo, which is better known as "Parcheesi" in America.
posted by explosion at 7:11 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Che:The Harry Potter Edition
posted by cmoj at 7:17 PM on February 25, 2009


CLUE the high school math project...


posted by misterL at 7:17 PM on February 25, 2009


I can't decide whether a Clue remake or a Rocky Horror remake upsets me more. What is this, Make Former Theater Geeks Cry Day?
posted by naoko at 7:18 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


CLUE High School Project
posted by misterL at 7:21 PM on February 25, 2009


Aaaah the Clue musical is an abomination and now I can't get it out of my head.

My favourite moment from watching the movie for the first time at a party:

Friend (entering near the end of the movie): What did I miss?
Me: Everything.
Tim Curry: *re-enacts the plot of the entire movie so far*
Me: ...Nothing.
posted by ilana at 7:37 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


No! A Clue remake would be lame in the library with a candlestick.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:40 PM on February 25, 2009


I remember that probably fifteen years ago there was a spinoff "museum heist" Clue game that was a huge flop despite being thirteen kinds of awesome. One player was the thief, the other a guard trying to catch him, and the thief had no piece on the board unless either the guard or a security camera caught him. Of course, the thief could cut the wires to the cameras if he could approach them undetected, etc.

One of the most fun board games ever, and nobody played it. Seemed like they discontinued it almost immediately after making it.

Ah, yes, here it is.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:42 PM on February 25, 2009


All these board game movies seem like a pretty big RISK to me!

Huh? Huh?













Guys?
posted by hifiparasol at 7:54 PM on February 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


My boyfriend loves Clue: The VCR Game (http://www.geocities.com/cluevcr/) so much that he had it transferred to dvd. It's actually quite awesome.
posted by odayoday at 7:55 PM on February 25, 2009


middleclasstool: Sounds a little like Scotland Yard.
posted by hifiparasol at 7:56 PM on February 25, 2009


hifiparasol - I loved Scotland Yard! I must find out if my parents still have it at home.
posted by crossoverman at 8:02 PM on February 25, 2009


This movie summary of Mouse Trap doesn't sound very true to the board game.
posted by tellurian at 8:13 PM on February 25, 2009


Voiceover: The players name was Gaff, I'd seen him around Baltic Avenue. The bank must have made an error. That gibberish he talked was Monopoly speak. A mishmash of railroad slang, public utility jargon and real estate lingo. I didn't really need a translator, I knew the lingo, every token did. But I wasn't going to make it easier for him. I'd just second place in a beauty contest.
*cut to*
Don't be an asshole Pennybags, I've got four skin jobs on Pennsylvania Avenue.

'What about the top hat? He's good'

He can breathe OK as long as nobody unplugs him.

'I was on free parking when I came in here...I'm going to take a ride on the Short Line.'

Stop right there! You know the score pal, if you're not connected you go to jail. You go directly to jail. You do not pass Go. You do not collect $200.
*cut to*

I want more dice - fucker.
*cut to*
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Battle ships on Chance off the shoulder of Oriental Avenue. I've watched Scottie Dogs advance to the nearest Railroad and buy it from the bank. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like going back...three spaces. Time to pay.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:14 PM on February 25, 2009 [13 favorites]




Y'know what's kinda funny, I used to think that fiction writing was kind of a scam. I mean I've got loads and loads of interesting stuff in my head (not a writer so expressing it is a problem, but still) so I'm thinking - how hard can it be? You figure out how to do it well, you get (some) money. The screwy ideas seemed like the easy part to me.

Apparently, it's far harder than I thought. Re-make a movie... based on a board game?
Clue was great, but only because of who was in it and the tongue in cheek manner in which they handled it. It's a stupid, stupid premise.
And yet, the fool who follows the fool has a whole crowd flocking behind him.
Sheesh. Oh, don't do the Canterbury Tales or anything. Just not enough amazing works of fiction in the English language alone, they gotta (yeah, yeah, I know, it's "branding" and "marketing" I know - just seems amateurish to toss off some hunk of blah when you could make a lasting work that keeps generating and spinning off stuff naturally instead of having to force it. Ugh. Seriously, are Hollywood folks that dull?)
posted by Smedleyman at 8:29 PM on February 25, 2009


My boyfriend loves Clue: The VCR Game

Holy shit, yes! My brother and I never actually played it, we just watched it over and over again until we had memorized every. Single. Line of dialogue. "Curare is better. Like my daddy always said, give me a good neuro-muscular poison any day!" It must have been a two or three month stretch that we watched it literally every day after school. I wish to Christ I hadn't thrown it out, I still have a VCR.

middleclasstool: Sounds a little like Scotland Yard.

Ooh, thanks for that. Could be a good replacement.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:33 PM on February 25, 2009


I would love to see a Candy Land movie in "Taste-O-Vision" where they sell a tray with little packets of candy that you eat for each scene in different parts of Candy Land.

(You're welcome Candy Land producers for the extra $50 million in box-office).
posted by autodidact at 8:41 PM on February 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Goddamnit now I'm scouring the internet for a download of the VCR game movie DEMONOID WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME
posted by middleclasstool at 8:53 PM on February 25, 2009


I don't think it's available for download. We found a VHS copy on ebay (I think), then had it transferred to dvd. I could probably try to get a copy to you, so mefi mail me if you'd like. :)
posted by odayoday at 8:59 PM on February 25, 2009


I'm quite partial to Clue. In fact, I has tattoo.
posted by ktrey at 9:02 PM on February 25, 2009


I could probably try to get a copy to you, so mefi mail me if you'd like. :)

Someone in this thread has a new best friend.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:06 PM on February 25, 2009


Jumanji, anyone?

*facepalm*

..one plus two... plus one...
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:26 PM on February 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


GuyZero - sadly, Harry Potter Clue is only to solve the disappearance of a fellow classmate, not solve a murder. That way, everyone's nice and alive in the end.

Jesus Christ, did these people read Harry Potter? Or see the movie maybe?
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:28 PM on February 25, 2009


Clue the Movie! Still kind of a sore point for me.

I remember my parents decided one weekend to take us out to a movie, and left it up to us to decide which one to go to. This was a rare and exciting thing because there were 5 of us and the movies have been expensive since forever. It came down to a vote between Clue and Back to the Future (part 1), both of which were playing at the same time in the same multiplex. I lost and we went to see Back to the Future, which I presume was the better movie considering I've yet to see Clue and can't find it in video stores while I've seen Back to the Future on network TV approximately 2,000 times.

But I really wanted to see Clue. That vote totally wasn't fair.
posted by Hoopo at 9:30 PM on February 25, 2009


which I presume was the better movie

Well, it'd be churlish to disagree with you.

Right?
posted by pompomtom at 9:35 PM on February 25, 2009


Battle ships on Chance off the shoulder of Oriental Avenue.

Battle ships?

Battleship?

BATTLESHIP! Paging Michael Bay


BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
posted by geos at 9:49 PM on February 25, 2009


Brian De Palma's "Guess Who."
Quentin Tarantino's "Scrabble."
David Lynch's "Chutes and Ladders."
Roman Polanski's "Sorry!"


Oliver Hirschbiegel's "Axis and Allies"
posted by GuyZero at 10:12 PM on February 25, 2009


Funny, I thought the first "Clue" movie was just a badly-done remake of "Murder By Death" (killer cast...)
posted by wendell at 11:54 PM on February 25, 2009


you beat me to it, otolith, you magnificent bastard. For my part, I'm very skeptical of any remake of Clue that doesn't have Madeleine Kahn and, seeing as she is no longer with us, I don't forsee this wendell-ing.

By the way, Clue is available in the iTunes store for about 9$ (at least in the US store)...
posted by LMGM at 12:45 AM on February 26, 2009


I remember many years ago going for a job interview at Waddingtons in Leeds, and how they explained that they actually owned Clue(do) but allowed Parker Bros to market it in the US in exchange for the right to market Monopoly in the UK. They didn't care about it much anyway, since they saw themselves as a packaging company with a small but interesting sideline in board games. It was their new toothpaste-tube shaped toothpaste tube carton they seemed most proud of.

Hasbro subsequently engulfed them as well as Parker Bros, presumably simplifying the question of rights to both games considerably.
posted by Phanx at 4:05 AM on February 26, 2009


With the exception of Tim Curry, and to a lesser extent Madeline Kahn, the cast of Clue was basically a group of very funny B-listers who don't deserve to be forgotten.

...also Lee Ving, whose legacy includes many, many songs about beer.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:06 AM on February 26, 2009


My sisters and I wore out a VHS tape of Clue and had to make do with a copy taped off of TV, because we were competing with each other to see who could watch it the most often. I lost count at viewing number 79, and have seen it a few times since, but I wasn't the winner of that little content (I think, unless they were padding their counts).

To this day we can break out into a recital at the ringing of a doorbell, or a mention of any sort of flames or monkey's brains or Kipling. Or communism.
posted by harriet vane at 4:45 AM on February 26, 2009


Mrs. Peacock was a man?!

David Lynch's "Chutes and Ladders."

I would see this.
posted by shakespeherian at 5:16 AM on February 26, 2009


CLUE the movie... what's not to like? All-star cast, three different endings, and Lee Ving lead singer of FEAR as Mr Boddy! Good memories!
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:32 AM on February 26, 2009


shakespeherian: David Lynch's "Chutes and Ladders." I would see this.

Seconded! It would probably involve a two-hour series of clips with Laura Dern climbing up ladders and falling down slides. But damn it if Lynch just isn't my brand of crazy.
posted by Avelwood at 5:42 AM on February 26, 2009


My sister just brought over the 'New' edition of Clue this weekend, featuring different rooms, special powers for each player (accuse twice, roll twice, etc), and some card chance elements thrown in. "You brought CLUE?", I said. "Are we 11 and having a sleepover?" "Just try it", said she.

I loved it.

Find it, people, it's out there. The purists can ignore the new stuff and play "Old Clue", but I promise that you'll enjoy the additional stuff.
posted by unixrat at 6:34 AM on February 26, 2009


David Lynch's "Chutes and Ladders."

Give Lynch "Hungry Hungry Hippos"—I want to see Chutes and Ladders as done by Lars von Trier, as a Dogville sequel. He'd just draw the whole board in masking tape on a blank set and make people move around and like rape and betray each other based on die rolls.
posted by cortex at 6:47 AM on February 26, 2009 [3 favorites]


I, too, could recite probably every word of the movie. I'm extremely dubious about the remake, but if they release it with different endings in different theatres, well, yeah, that'd probably suck me in.
posted by marginaliana at 7:05 AM on February 26, 2009


I think you'll find it's Quentin Tarantino's "Guess Who?".

"Does he look.... like a bitch?"
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:50 AM on February 26, 2009 [8 favorites]


Holy crap.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:51 AM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]


That was the one endearing element of the original Clue - that it was about a violent, bloody murder with a blunt weapon. Or poison.

Unless you're grinding down the lead pipe and sprinkling the filings on Mr. Boddy's oatmeal, there's no poison among the weapons in Clue.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:20 AM on February 26, 2009


If we are talking about other game/ movie crossovers, I still think that they are missing out on a great crossover promotion here, they should retitle the upcoming movie to Transformers: The Rock 'em Sock 'em Revenge of the Fallen, and the movie should end when Optimus Prime punches a Decepticon so hard its head flies off.

I'd go see that.
posted by quin at 8:47 AM on February 26, 2009


Give Lynch "Hungry Hungry Hippos"

If I had my druthers, Lynch would get Uncle Wiggily. He already has the rabbit costumes handy.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:54 AM on February 26, 2009


David Cronenberg's take on Operation would be worth grimacing at.
posted by cortex at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2009


there's no poison

My bad. I was recollecting my copy of Super Clue or whatever it was called.
posted by GuyZero at 9:43 AM on February 26, 2009


Tim Burton presents: Candyland.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:56 AM on February 26, 2009


Werner Herzog should direct Candyland.

Think Aguirre with candy!
posted by winna at 9:56 AM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]


Twister. A Film by Eli Roth.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:42 AM on February 26, 2009


From Mamet's Scrabble:

"You know what you are, Lenny? You're the blank fucking tile here. You sit there, waiting for just the right moment to show your shitty little face, then you just be whatever anybody wants you to be. But you know what? You're not worth anything, Lenny. You ain't worth shit."
posted by hifiparasol at 11:22 AM on February 26, 2009 [5 favorites]


Twister. Directed by Jan de Bont, starring Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 11:24 AM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]


The Cronenberg version of Operation would be about an an anaestesiologist with a raging uncontrollable narcotics addiction that results in insomnia and madness. Half way through the movie a Mr. Potato Head starts talking to him and giving him advice after he meets a strange woman with a bizarre sexual fetish for desk pens and ink blotters who is secretly a government agent.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:39 PM on February 26, 2009 [2 favorites]


Martin Scorcese’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots.

‘Hey, Red, I never popped up, man! You never popped my head up, Red! You hear me? You never popped me up. Huh? I'm still here.’
‘Who's an android? Your mother's an android, ya son of a ‘bot.’
posted by Smedleyman at 12:39 PM on February 26, 2009


Chutes and Ladders? What happened to the snakes?
posted by ODiV at 1:36 PM on February 26, 2009


I'm kind of in love with Wikipedia's Cluedo chronology article, but it doesn't include the characters' childhoods.
posted by roll truck roll at 1:43 PM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]


The problem with a David Cronenberg movie about a board game, is that you'd never know if you when it was over... "Are we still in the game?"
posted by crossoverman at 1:59 PM on February 26, 2009


Chutes and Ladders? What happened to the snakes?

North America.
posted by crossoverman at 2:00 PM on February 26, 2009


'What does "Cluedo" mean?'

It's a pun on Ludo, which is better known as "Parcheesi" in America.


What? That's ludocrous.
posted by Eideteker at 4:24 PM on February 26, 2009


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