I was sad, and this cheered me up.

March 3, 2009 9:50 PM

Billy Mays is secretly a sad, lonely robot.[SLYT]
posted by Faux Real (31 comments total)

This did not cheer me up.
posted by sanko at 9:56 PM on March 3, 2009

It makes complete sense now! Only a robot would be able to advertise cleaning products in infomercials at 2AM for years and keep its sanity!

Finally, we have programmed something more annoying than a BSOD.
posted by Chan at 9:57 PM on March 3, 2009

you know what's better than billy mays? being sexy.
posted by sexyrobot at 10:06 PM on March 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

this is many kinds of awesome.
posted by localhuman at 10:09 PM on March 3, 2009

sexyrobot brings up an excellent point.
posted by Caduceus at 10:20 PM on March 3, 2009

There's T-Pain and his vocoder, too - if you like
posted by jfrancis at 10:21 PM on March 3, 2009

Oh Billy Mays may kaboom unhinge your sadness.
posted by lone_one at 10:28 PM on March 3, 2009

billy mays gangsta remix
Sweetness (The Billy Mays Oxyclean Remix)
"Hi Billy Mays Here!" (Sparta Remix)
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 10:31 PM on March 3, 2009

floam, thanks for sharing your embarrassment. there is some hilarity in there.
posted by gnutron at 10:38 PM on March 3, 2009

I'm a little weirded out to say that up until about a month ago I've never heard of Billy Mays (except for this Billy May whose library I was hired to re-record a number of tracks for archival purposes a decade ago. Such is the blessing/curse of life without rabbit ears.

But. I love the vocoder treatment. I want to do the same with other spoken word. I'm thinking Jimmy Swaggart's late 60's release "Ring Of Fire" which I have on vinyl.
posted by sourwookie at 10:50 PM on March 3, 2009

Thanks floam, that was hilarious.
posted by archagon at 10:55 PM on March 3, 2009

I never would have believed that one of those commercials could be made to sound like beautiful music. It's oddly mesmerizing.
posted by 517 at 11:03 PM on March 3, 2009

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah Oh Superman, soap scum, mom and dad, ah ah ha ha
posted by sourwookie at 11:26 PM on March 3, 2009 [11 favorites]

Does the guy in floam's links remind anybody else of Bill Murray?
posted by minifigs at 12:40 AM on March 4, 2009

It's like, how much more black could Billy Mays' beard get? And the answer is none. None more black.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:32 AM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Why is he always yelling at me? Also: he is nothing next to the awesome that is Vince, the Shamwow pitchman.
posted by grubi at 4:08 AM on March 4, 2009

I bet Billly Mays' bathrooms at home are crawling with tough stains and ugly soapscum.
posted by digsrus at 4:56 AM on March 4, 2009

Does robot Billy Mays cry Kaboom tears?
posted by orme at 5:08 AM on March 4, 2009

I love Vince! "I can't do this all day" Blargh! I want a Shamwow.
posted by sweetkid at 5:42 AM on March 4, 2009

I'm embarrassed to say I've found these "dubs" all really funny.

I know, these make me laugh every time. I really don't even know why--it's basically the same joke for N minutes. I think the guy's voice. He sounds so bored/faux-excited.
posted by DU at 6:13 AM on March 4, 2009

Is this the original from which the UK's Cillit Bang adverts were ripped off?
posted by Hogshead at 6:26 AM on March 4, 2009

Wow, before this, I was completely unaware of the world of Billy Mays dubs.
posted by slogger at 7:20 AM on March 4, 2009

I was listening to Robot Rock just before watching this. I kept expecting a nice, hard beat to kick in. I was disappointed.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:44 AM on March 4, 2009

Billy Mays was pitching health insurance on TV the other night. What I'd like to know is how does his amazing bounty of useful household products qualify him to endorse health insurance? It's one thing to trust your laundry to the man; wholly another to trust whether your trip to the emergency room will be covered.
posted by misskaz at 8:01 AM on March 4, 2009

Billy Mays wants what you want; Billy Mays is what you are.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 8:09 AM on March 4, 2009

Party like it's $19.99.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:18 AM on March 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

This was funny, and even a little bit sad. I was hoping it would build to a powerful, cacophonous crescendo followed by a looong, slow fade at the end—I think it could have been transcendent.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:25 AM on March 4, 2009

I have seen the future and it wants me to buy stuff.
posted by tommasz at 1:15 PM on March 4, 2009

I kept expecting a nice, hard beat to kick in. I was disappointed.

Indeed. The words just barely don't have meter. It's driving me crazy. If I didn't have such a huge headache I'd whip out my CS4 Master Collection and figure out how I can fix it.
Cause I just spent $10,000 and don't know what half this stuff does.
posted by niles at 1:37 PM on March 4, 2009

"But. I love the vocoder treatment. I want to do the same with other spoken word. I'm thinking Jimmy Swaggart's late 60's release "Ring Of Fire" which I have on vinyl."

Say, if you happened to rip that unaltered and post it somewhere, well, I wouldn't complain ...
posted by krinklyfig at 2:28 PM on March 4, 2009

"Billy Mays was pitching health insurance on TV the other night. What I'd like to know is how does his amazing bounty of useful household products qualify him to endorse health insurance?"

Such is the state of health care in the US that some loud commercial huckster becomes the spokesperson for discount health insurance.

"It's real insurance, and it's parhhhful enough to clean your most stubborn stains!"
posted by krinklyfig at 2:32 PM on March 4, 2009