Get your own chair, granny
June 5, 2009 12:29 PM   Subscribe

"We don't answer questions." The owner of Jansen Medical Supply is quite possibly the worst customer service representative of all time.

Sample review: "THIS MAN MADE ME CRY! I was trying to purchase a lift chair for my grandma..." (most links via Consumerist.)
posted by granted (87 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh, it's probably a legal thing. The call center people aren't doctors so in no way should they be allowed to answer questions... insurance reansons, etc.
posted by fuq at 12:33 PM on June 5, 2009


Funny bit: The more press he gets, the more likely the callers will not even be customers, but just calling to get yelled at... and the more angry he will get.
posted by smackfu at 12:35 PM on June 5, 2009 [11 favorites]


"Based on BBB files, this business has a BBB Rating of F."
posted by LSK at 12:38 PM on June 5, 2009


fuq, read the "THIS MAN MADE ME CRY" review. The guy is just an asshole.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:38 PM on June 5, 2009


What's amazing to me is that despite ample reports of similar behavior of others, there are still a few commenters at Consumerist from the blame-the-consumer contingent who do not believe that this actually happened.
posted by grouse at 12:39 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


smackfu, I chuckled at the thought of this guy being deluged with calls asking if he carries Battletoads.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:40 PM on June 5, 2009 [8 favorites]


Yeah, reading these I can pretty safely say that this isn't because of insurance reasons. It's because this guy is a total fucking asshole. Seriously. Even if there were good reasons not to help some of these people I don't recall laws in texas requiring someone to be a dick in those cases.
posted by Stunt at 12:40 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


fuq: "The call center people"

It's not a call center, the guy answering the phones is the owner of the business.
posted by granted at 12:41 PM on June 5, 2009


I think the owner needs to get a call from Timmy. I think the owner needs to get many calls from Timmy until his head explodes or he closes the business.
posted by maudlin at 12:42 PM on June 5, 2009 [12 favorites]


smackfu, I chuckled at the thought of this guy being deluged with calls asking if he carries Battletoads.

Oh, shit. I just figured out what to do tonight. I hope this is being directed to a home phone which he has to ignore instead of a business phone he's not there to hear.
posted by splice at 12:43 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


He's also a lawyer. Hahaha.
posted by granted at 12:44 PM on June 5, 2009


I don't recall laws in texas requiring someone to be a dick

They're only statutes.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:46 PM on June 5, 2009 [29 favorites]


You know, I currently work at gamestop so the mere whisper of Battletoads pisses me off. I'm sure it wouldn't piss this guy off nearly as much. Not more than normal calls apparently do, anyway

That would probably change pretty quickly.
posted by Stunt at 12:47 PM on June 5, 2009


Damn, I just called, but the guy was polite :(
posted by Saxon Kane at 12:50 PM on June 5, 2009


They're only statutes.

I JUST woke up and so things aren't chugging along quite as smoothly as they should be in my brain. I read that as statues and was really, REALLY confused for a second. It did lead to some hilarious mental images though.

Also, I need to learn to preview so that I don't have to machinegun comment.
posted by Stunt at 12:50 PM on June 5, 2009


The guy is just an asshole.

no, if he were just an asshole he would have taken their money after yelling at them. but he was refusing to sell things to these people even though they still wanted to buy from him after he treated them like an asshole. this man is no asshole, he's something special...
posted by geos at 12:52 PM on June 5, 2009


I wonder if he moonlights training the people who work in customer service at Dell?
posted by drjimmy11 at 12:53 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


From their return policies page:
"We feel that most folks are honest, and they wouldn't ask us to take something back unless it was really necessary. All we ask is that you treat us like you would want to be treated if you were in our place."

Emphasis mine. "You gotta be fucking kidding" mine as well.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:53 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


fuq, read the "THIS MAN MADE ME CRY" review. The guy is just an asshole.

Weirdly, the person who was made to cry also seemed to leave a rating of "good", unless I am misreading things.
posted by modernnomad at 12:53 PM on June 5, 2009


Christ, what an asshole.

Seriously, that's the only thing I can think of with this guy.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:54 PM on June 5, 2009


Somebody get this guy a Metafilter account.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:54 PM on June 5, 2009 [6 favorites]


this man is no asshole, he's something special

So you're saying he started out as an asshole, but then things went downhill from there? I guess that would make him a prolapsed asshole.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on June 5, 2009 [5 favorites]


Weirdly, the person who was made to cry also seemed to leave a rating of "good", unless I am misreading things.

The one-star is a rating, not a ranking.
posted by Dr-Baa at 12:56 PM on June 5, 2009


C'mon, give the guy a break. He's got enough on his mind dealing with the Thermond Chang Gang and saving New Earth.
posted by designbot at 12:57 PM on June 5, 2009


"We don't answer questions."

Hi. I have a question about your lift chair. Is it . . . Ghostbusters 2?
posted by The Bellman at 12:57 PM on June 5, 2009 [4 favorites]


Yahoo! Local has 21 one-star reviews and 5 five-star reviews. The five-star reviews are a bit suspicious (similar usernames; similar tone; some of them posted consecutively on the same day).

It's hard to comprehend how one person can be such a consistent asshole—and apparently not understand, or not care, how it's affecting his business. If he doesn't want to take the customer service calls, then he should remove the phone number from the site, or hire a freakin' CSR.
posted by ixohoxi at 12:58 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


Looks like he got his customer service training from Edsel Ford Fung.
posted by Killick at 12:58 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


this man is no asshole, he's something special...


It's not a medical supply story, not really, and he's trying to scare customers away from the dark and otherworldly secret hidden beneath it.

I mean obviously.
posted by The Whelk at 12:59 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


Is it possible that there's actually no way to purchase anything from Jansen Medical Supplies, and that Jeff Jansen is just a brilliant troll who's figured out a way to blow off steam while working on his legal practice?
posted by Navelgazer at 1:01 PM on June 5, 2009 [8 favorites]


I think he obviously has a medicare fraud of some sort going on here and doesn't need to nor want to deal with customers. He definitely has the credentials to take advantage of some loophole in the system that might require he maintain a retail presence. Something really isn't right here.
posted by geoff. at 1:04 PM on June 5, 2009 [19 favorites]


That guy reminds me of the UCB sketch about the lonely weed dealer that would only commence with the actual transaction part after making you hang out for a while and pretend to be friends and listen to "Sympathy for the Devil" for a while or whatnot.
posted by Rhomboid at 1:09 PM on June 5, 2009


Jansen Medical Supply Blog
Welcome to our blog. Jansen Medical Supply is a nationwide online discount retailer of durable and home medical equipment and medical suppliers. The purpose of this Blog is to discuss various issues relating to new types of medical products and supplies, Medicare Part B, and other issues of general interest. We will not discuss any individual's health issues or provide any medical/legal advice.
posted by geoff. at 1:09 PM on June 5, 2009


God, that would be awesome.

Now I can only hope that 4Chan gets ahold of this.
posted by klangklangston at 1:10 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


I think he obviously has a medicare fraud of some sort going on here and doesn't need to nor want to deal with customers.

I'm going to be driving right past there this weekend. I could knock.... Suggestions?
posted by Houstonian at 1:12 PM on June 5, 2009


My theory is that the phone company made a mistake, pointed the listing to some random guy's number, and the random guy decided to make them regret it.
posted by darksasami at 1:14 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


I just called him.

I gave it a real try, but he wasn't exactly rude, just kinda abrupt. I tried to keep it believable too, so he wouldn't think I was trying to fuck with him.

I asked about this item, thinking "Oh, this will get him riled up!"

I asked him "So, what's on the VHS tape? Anything good?"

Him: "Just instructions. Manufacturer's instructions on how to use the device."

Me: "And it doesn't mention what size the tube is. Do you know?" (HA! This will get him!)

Him: "I don't know." (nothing)

Me: "What if it doesn't fit? Can I return it?"

Him: "No, it's a hygenic item, so it can't be returned."

Me: "Sooo (thinking of what to ask next)..."

Him: "You should talk to your doctor or urologist. They can tell you what you need."

Me: "My doctor said to get something on the internet."

Him: "Your urologist will measure you and tell you exactly what you need."

Me: "Really?"

Him: "Yep."

Me: "Ok, thanks for your help."

Him: "You're welcome."

-click-

Then I just looked at the phone all disappointed like.

Booooring!

Maybe it only works for old people? Can someone call with an old person voice?
posted by orme at 1:14 PM on June 5, 2009 [5 favorites]


I almost called him, but the small part of me that's a good person didn't want to dick someone around who's actually acting in good faith.
This one guy (the owner?) clearly isn't.
posted by dunkadunc at 1:17 PM on June 5, 2009


My first thought is that he's probably a scammer, so he has no interest in doing "business" with people who are curious about anything at all, since they'll be more likely to challenge anything shady that happens.
posted by chundo at 1:18 PM on June 5, 2009


orme: My call was similar:

Him: Jansen's Medical Supply.

Me: Hi, do you sell colostomy bags?

Him: Online we do, yes.

Me: [Confused now, expecting the first question I asked would get a real pissy reaction]. Do they have... any sort of warranty?

Him: I don't think disposables have warranties, except that when you open them they should work the first time. But disposables don't have warranties.

Me: [Now totally stymied because I have no idea where to take this] OK, thanks!

*click*
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:22 PM on June 5, 2009 [3 favorites]


He's seen the hits on his website spike within the last few hours, so he took some happy pills to get through the day.
posted by Dr-Baa at 1:25 PM on June 5, 2009


OK, everyone gets to be glad they don't work for this guy. Mr. Jansen has been in a bad mood for quite some time.

If I had a verbal abuse fetish that I was paying for, this guy could save me some money.
posted by vapidave at 1:26 PM on June 5, 2009


In a way this is actually better than calling some place, asking a question and then getting a totally useless or wrong answer. But not much better.
posted by tommasz at 1:29 PM on June 5, 2009


Me: Hi, do you sell colostomy bags? Do they have... any sort of warranty?

A really bad job: colostomy bag warranty service technician
posted by jeoc at 1:31 PM on June 5, 2009 [15 favorites]


The guy is just an asshole.

And Gordie Howe is just a hockey player.
posted by eriko at 1:31 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


If he's a lawyer, doesn't that kind of explain why he isn't answering questions???
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:40 PM on June 5, 2009


It must be weird to have such a volatile personality and be aware of it. Apparently he's been doing some astroturfing.

Maybe he's going through a divorce or he or someone he loves is having health or financial issues.

/makes beeping sound as I back my judgment truck up and park it for the weekend
posted by vapidave at 1:41 PM on June 5, 2009


It's one of my dreams someday to own and operate a high profit business where I actually tell idiot customers to fuck off and still make money.

People who have managed to do this include:

* Lawyers
* The Soup Nazi
* Various professional athletes

Common thread: They all have talent. I don't.

Hold on, I gotta take a call...

"Hello, Cool Papa Bell Inc., how may I help you today? Yes, of course we'll replace your widget, no problem! Yes, I did tell you that this widget wouldn't work in your situation, but gosh darn, you never know!"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:51 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


A really bad job: colostomy bag warranty service technician

Worse job: processing the RMAs
posted by jquinby at 2:00 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


Somebody ought to call them up with the Arnold Schwarzenegger Soundboard:
"I want to ask you a bunch of questions, and I want to have them answered immediately."
posted by Flashman at 2:03 PM on June 5, 2009 [3 favorites]


Stop screwing around! I'm a cop you idiot!
posted by scarabic at 2:11 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'd imagine that this is a tactic that a discount reseller would try to cut any corners possible. Here's the plan:

1. undercut your competitors by not hiring anyone to answer questions
2. answer the calls yourself and drive away anyone who does ask questions
3. Profit!

The internet has made customer service unnecessary for purchasing an item. Why worry about the overhead cost for paying someone to answer the phones? Or instead of driving away the inquisitive customers, require buyers to get an extended warranty, bonus pieces, or something else to jack up the price, thereby paying for customer support.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:14 PM on June 5, 2009


If he know that something's up, you won't get an honest response from the man today. But based on the history of those complaints, he'll go back to caustic soon enough.
posted by Kevin Street at 2:15 PM on June 5, 2009


Go read the FAQ page on their website. The thing reads like some manifesto declaring "the world sucks. deal with it." Complete with the declaration of "the innocent suffer from the deeds of the few" on why they don't ship your stuff until the check clears.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:28 PM on June 5, 2009


¿Cómo se dice "douche nozzle"?

I'm really disappointed that nobody has been able to get him to rise and take the bait. Not just because I could use the Friday entertainment, but because I really like to imagine that fifty or so years ago, MetaFilter would have been the place where "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" was invented.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:35 PM on June 5, 2009


Give them a low rating on WOT and move on.
posted by brenton at 2:37 PM on June 5, 2009


Sounds to me like he has the internet/retail store to fulfil some mandatory contract requirement, likely for an insurance provider, and is actively attempting to drive customers away: he doesn't need nor want them.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:45 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hello is Al there?
posted by ericb at 2:50 PM on June 5, 2009


I think the owner needs to get a call from Timmy.

Oh, wow. I knew Zappos was an awesome company when I ordered running shoes with free shipping from them and got an email an hour later informing me that they'd upgraded my shipping to rush -- and got the shoes by lunch the next goddamn day, but that puts it over the top. Best company ever.
posted by middleclasstool at 2:59 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


geos : this man is no asshole, he's something special...

I don't know, he sounds like someone with anger issues and a self destructive personality (not selling things to people asking to give him money).

Not really funny, just sad.

But then, I work in a customer facing field, and I hear about irrationally angry people like this all the time. It is amusing at a distance, and incredibly frustrating in person.
posted by quin at 3:11 PM on June 5, 2009


Returns

We feel that most folks are honest, and they wouldn't ask us to take something back unless it was really necessary. All we ask is that you treat us like you would want to be treated if you were in our place. The following are our thoughts, and the reasoning behind them. Retail stores have taught a whole generation of consumers that it is OK to buy three sizes and bring two back rather than take the time to try them on in the store. That may get customer satisfaction, but it is very wasteful and costly. If we had the wild markups those stores do, we could do that also. But if we want to keep offering the prices we do (or just to continue to stay in business, for that matter), we can't do that. Please let us emphasize that our goal is not to make money on returns - just not to lose money.

-----------------

Emphasis mine. And it goes on from there.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:19 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


I just called him.

I gave it a real try,



Stop looking for reasons to be offended.
posted by Zambrano at 3:36 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


Me: (Inquiring...) So, then, why do you answer the phone? You are the customer service representative. What do you usually do when you pick up the phone?

JMS: (no answer...this obviously made him mad)

Me: Well, then, I am not quite sure what to do. I need to place a large order and you won't answer my questions.

JMS: You will not be placing a large order with us.

Me: I won't?

JMS: We don't want your money. You need to take your business elsewhere.

Me: What? May I please speak with your manager?

JMS: Missy, you need to go away. You need to go away right now.


==============


He's a businessman who doesn't want a random stranger to place a large order with his company.

He's either

1) A drug/mob front

or

2) Mentally ill.

I'm personally kind of leaning towards #2. It's possible for people with severe mental illness to also be "functional" in society, especially if they've gotten their schooling/credentials done before the illness really gets full-blown. I'm thinking specifically of Jack Thompson, who, while IANAD, seems to be suffering from some kind of pre-senile dementia that manifests itself as extreme assholeish behavior.
posted by Avenger at 3:43 PM on June 5, 2009


Actually, Jack Thompson got disbarred recently for his assclownish behavior, so maybe there is some justice in this world after all.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:47 PM on June 5, 2009


That guy reminds me of the UCB sketch about the lonely weed dealer that would only commence with the actual transaction part after making you hang out for a while and pretend to be friends and listen to "Sympathy for the Devil" for a while or whatnot.

That's a sketch? Every pot dealer is this way.
posted by Netzapper at 4:04 PM on June 5, 2009 [2 favorites]


I haven't read all the complaints against this guy, but are most of the complaints from females and/or people with foreign accents?
posted by Ron at 4:19 PM on June 5, 2009


Zambrano: Stop looking for reasons to be offended amused.
posted by Saxon Kane at 4:31 PM on June 5, 2009


There sure are a lot of links to Jansen Medical product pages littered through the blogs and forums currently covering the company's atrocious service record.

I understand the desire to give voice to howls of outrage, but I'm not sure the thought process at work here makes much sense, i.e. let's put this terrible company in its place by jacking up its PageRank, ensuring that many more hapless people will have the pleasure of pulling up contextless links to its product pages and low, low prices when Web searching for x-and-such medical device (which is likely the way in which they already get the bulk of their orders).

On the Internet, maybe more than in other venues, the only really damning publicity is no publicity at all.
posted by killdevil at 4:41 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]


We feel that most folks are honest, and they wouldn't ask us to take something back unless it was really necessary. All we ask is that you treat us like you would want to be treated if you were in our place. The following are our thoughts, and the reasoning behind them. Retail stores have taught a whole generation of consumers that it is OK to buy three sizes and bring two back rather than take the time to try them on in the store. That may get customer satisfaction, but it is very wasteful and costly. If we had the wild markups those stores do, we could do that also. But if we want to keep offering the prices we do (or just to continue to stay in business, for that matter), we can't do that. Please let us emphasize that our goal is not to make money on returns - just not to lose money.

I certainly won't offer excuses if this man is in fact the asshole he sounds like, but I'm darned if I can find a single word to disagree with in that paragraph.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:55 PM on June 5, 2009


There are a surprising number of small businesses that are run by people who are otherwise unemployable, and I say that as a small business owner. This guy is obviously mentally ill, and probably independently wealthy or on a disability pension or otherwise getting by without actually needing to run his business in any kind of professional manner. He probably spends most of his time trolling on the internet. The internet appears to be currently engaged in trolling him.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:07 PM on June 5, 2009


So, like... IRL trolling??
posted by dunkadunc at 5:22 PM on June 5, 2009


And apparently it even pays. Man, I wish I'd thought of it.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:41 PM on June 5, 2009


IRL Trolling. (Encyclopedia Dramatica must always be assumed to be NSFW)

My vote is for the insurance angle. He keeps trying to point people to their local shops as a professional gesture, and maintains a storefront out of an obligation to do so. He would probably sell something to a customer who entered that store front, and assumedly would honor any money sent in anticipation of good over the internet, but he doesn't need to deal with the people, so he chooses not to do so.

Personally, my guess is that if he were doing anything illegal, or distasteful enough to get him disbarred, he would avoid being such a spectacular asshole, which can only draw attention.
posted by paisley henosis at 6:44 PM on June 5, 2009


Could be drugs.

There was a small stone/aggregate supplier in my town. My wife had placed an order for gravel and paid in advance. They took forever to deliver, so she cancelled - but the girl at the counter opened the register and they had no cash on hand to refund the payment. They delivered it the next day, after my wife had placed an order with another company. She called to complain, and got an earful from them.

I was out of town at the time. I called them to demand they remove their gravel, and the phone call quickly escalated into something very ugly. I drove up from L.A. that night and was at their gate when they opened the next morning - the guy was clearly a nervous wreck, and he wound up shutting his front gate, with me outside fuming , and he went and hid. It was kind of weird.

I checked around, there were a number of people with similar experiences. The rumor was that this guy and his staff sat around the office doing crystal meth all day and night.

They were out of business not long after, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of him anywhere in the county since then.
posted by Xoebe at 7:03 PM on June 5, 2009


It's the new Sunnydale and he's guarding the hellhole.
posted by notashroom at 7:14 PM on June 5, 2009


I second the idea that this is probably a front for drugs or maybe money laundering or something like that.
posted by champthom at 7:37 PM on June 5, 2009


If you were running a money laundering scheme you wouldn't want to be the cheapest thing on the web, would you?
posted by small_ruminant at 7:47 PM on June 5, 2009


yeah, not a drug front. they'd just not answer the phone. pissing people off and getting attention would be very stupid.
posted by Maias at 7:48 PM on June 5, 2009


In my experience, people who aren't smart enough to be safe with drugs aren't smart enough to avoid pissing people off and getting attention.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:52 PM on June 5, 2009


He drinks too much.
posted by milarepa at 9:10 PM on June 5, 2009


i think someone should call him and ask him if he's got brown colostomy bags
posted by pyramid termite at 9:13 PM on June 5, 2009


He's a businessman who doesn't want a random stranger to place a large order with his company.

He's either

1) A drug/mob front

or

2) Mentally ill.



There was this deli in Mt Hawthorn [a reasonably posh inner city suburb] run by a very frail old non-English speaking lady where I could buy the newspaper, a pack of gum, or a lemon.

It absolutely REEKED of being a front for organised crime. FWIW, I'm also going for mentally ill.

Booger: [rings door buzzer]
Mr Stewart?: [mail flap opens, revealing a pair of crazed eyes] Who's there?
Booger: [pauses] Ahhh, is...
Mr Stewart?: What do you want?
Booger: Is this the Stewart residence?
Mr Stewart?: Why are you here?
Booger: Ahh, I've come about the roo...
Mr Stewart?: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Booger: I've come about the roo...
Mr Stewart?: Don't have, no way!
Booger: I - I, uh, do you have a room for rent?
Mr Stewart?: Not for rent!
Booger: I thought it was for rent!
Mr Stewart?: Fuck off!
[mail flap closes]
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:40 AM on June 6, 2009


Anybody who puts this in their FAQ can't be all bad:

Q. Can we return a lift chair after we have purchased it?

A. In a word, "No." Our lift chairs are built to order by Med Lift & Mobility, who is the finest, and has the best customer service, of any lift chair manufacturer in the country. However, we have had customers ask for refunds, not because of the quality of the chairs, but because: 1) "The chair didn't exactly match my curtains"; 2) "The chair measures 18 1/2" from the floor instead of 19"" and 3) "The chair won't fit the turntable that I built for it..." Because those folks at the factory are so nice, they worked with us to get partial refunds for these customers, but we cannot ask them to do it anymore. We would love to sell you a lift chair; we think you will find that it is the highest quality, best made chair in the world today. However, if you order it, it is yours, and all sales are final.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:29 AM on June 6, 2009


I'm guessing he has institutional deals that bring him his real money, and the storefront is required to meet gov't regulations for contractors.
posted by Billegible at 10:45 AM on June 6, 2009


What is this, some kind of doctor dystopia?
posted by Michael Leung at 11:28 AM on June 6, 2009


Anyone other than me find it amusing the Yahoo profile shows one of their products as Dignity?
posted by Samizdata at 2:23 PM on June 6, 2009


Retail stores have taught a whole generation of consumers that it is OK to buy three sizes and bring two back rather than take the time to try them on in the store.

Really? People do this?


My mother does this. When we were growing up she would bring home great piles of clothes for us to try on and return what didn't fit/we didn't like (ie, all but one or two pieces). She does it with her own clothes as well. Also with non-clothes items that she just keeps around for a while before deciding she doesn't want.
posted by frobozz at 9:10 PM on June 6, 2009



My mother does this. When we were growing up she would bring home great piles of clothes for us to try on and return what didn't fit/we didn't like (ie, all but one or two pieces).


I can see people doing this with clothes or shoes.

I can't see people doing this with forearm crutches, penis catheters, or physical therapy step stools.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:47 PM on June 6, 2009 [1 favorite]


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