I took your purse and felt a connection.
September 15, 2009 7:33 AM   Subscribe

Damn! I totally could have been that drunk clown.
posted by Elmore at 7:37 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I feel like I'm pretty urbane and have been to New York a number of times, but I am right on the fence as to whether person #7 could possibly exist.
posted by kittyprecious at 7:40 AM on September 15, 2009

Thing is, this list could be the 2,000 most bizarre Craigslist posts and I'd still keep reading, and number 1,999 would be just as bizarre and funny as number 1. People are nuts, people need Craigslist.
posted by Elmore at 7:41 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Okay this is worth it just for the decorative box. I hope someone took that person up on that.
posted by lunit at 7:42 AM on September 15, 2009

What does it say about me that the only part of the "sit in my bathtub filled with spaghetti" listing that surprised me is "shit, he's only paying ONE DOLLAR for that?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 AM on September 15, 2009 [13 favorites]

I dunno, but I think I'd rather be homeless than live in a bathroom on an air mattress that I had to pick up and move every time someone had to use to the toilet or shower.
posted by tommasz at 7:56 AM on September 15, 2009

First thing that occured to me was, as the clown, would I have to pay for my own drinks?

Second thing was, if I lay in your tub full of pasta... how do I clean myself off before I leave since I cannot use the tub and presumably the shower?

Third thing was, if both of these events take place on the same day... well, that would be a banner day.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 8:01 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

You Suck at Craigslist, Previously
posted by Tavern at 8:03 AM on September 15, 2009

The dude doesn't clarify whether he will be paying for the clown to drink. If I'm a would-be drunk clown, I'm skeptical.
posted by xmutex at 8:06 AM on September 15, 2009

One of us?
posted by Dr Dracator at 8:11 AM on September 15, 2009

#6 Wanted: Pony

No shit. You and 70,000+ whatever Mefites.
posted by marxchivist at 8:12 AM on September 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

All of these posts sound like they were written by the same person, and don't contain the usual Craigslist collection of misspellings and bizarre grammar. I call fake.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 8:12 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I have been that clown. The first few drinks you pay for yourself, but after they get to see that you are a good drunk loser clown, they start buying you drinks as a joke to see how fucked up you can get. Then, when you start being the drunk puking clown, they cut you off and throw you to the street. Bastards. Oh, the wings and fries are extra too.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:13 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

My all time favourite classified ad - "Must Bring Your Own Weapons".
posted by Deep Dish at 8:16 AM on September 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

FTA: "10) Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space "

Clearly a spoof referencing Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, one of Douglas Adams' lesser-known (if any of them count as such) books - Wherein the protagonist has a couch delivered and it ends up stuck at a bend in his front stairway in a physically impossible way (which - minor spoiler alert - resulted from someone bending time and space to let the delivery men turn the couch in a doorway that doesn't normally exist in that stairway).
posted by pla at 8:17 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

A bunch of fakes. Two I hadn't seen before: the Pope hat blurb made me laugh (though I also think it's fake); and the penguins one mades me a little sad.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:27 AM on September 15, 2009

Is there anything better than Craigslist to make a person feel normal? I dont' think so.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:34 AM on September 15, 2009

pla, that's totally not a minor spoiler!

Oh, crud.
posted by sixswitch at 8:35 AM on September 15, 2009

I tried to sell a bed once on Craigslist. It was a double Ikea bed, plus mattress, that I'd bought the year before for maybe $400 and was in excellent condition, and I was selling it for SUPER cheap - maybe $20 - because it had to move. A man, probably in his 50s, called me immediately and asked if he could come over after work that day to take the bed - it would be around 7 because he lived over an hour and a half away. He sounded frantic, and was extremely concerned about me selling the bed to someone else first. I said OK, and he arrived on time, took a look at the bed, and asked me to help him take it down the stairs. We were about to move the bed when he noticed one tiny, almost-imperceptible hammer mark on a part of the footboard that would be facing inward and never seen by anyone, ever. He looked shocked and called his wife, and he stood in my living room for a good 15 minutes talking it over with her. He got off the phone and told me I had been dishonest in my ad in not mentioning the tiny little hammer mark. He ranted at me for how long he'd had to drive just so he could turn around and drive right back, all for nothing. When I mentioned that the mark would be covered by the mattress at all times, he huffed and walked out, slamming the door.

But the strange part was that I saw him, out of my second-story window, walk across the street and get onto a motorcycle. By himself.
posted by ORthey at 8:40 AM on September 15, 2009 [93 favorites]

Of all time? You mean, like, since the beginning of time?
posted by swift at 8:57 AM on September 15, 2009

An alternative list: the defunct Black Table's Stupidest Postings Ever.
posted by Iridic at 9:01 AM on September 15, 2009

swift: "since the beginning of time?"

Free, u move it, baby diploducus, I got it as a pet for my 6 year old daughter, but it is now too large for our small apartment. Affectionate, cuddly, loves to play with string and nibble on houseplants.
posted by idiopath at 9:03 AM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm surprised this collection did not include the obligatory model train jerkoff guy.
posted by Rhomboid at 9:05 AM on September 15, 2009 [8 favorites]

That is one cheap pervert.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:08 AM on September 15, 2009

The clown idea is great! Where is Shakes when you need him?
posted by Theta States at 9:11 AM on September 15, 2009

How does the Twister fan (NSFW) not make this list? No gay stuff, just masturbation and tornadoes (poss. handjob exchange).
posted by malphigian at 9:13 AM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]

sixswitch : pla, that's totally not a minor spoiler!
Oh, crud.

My apologies if I spoiled that part for anyone - I really didn't think it all that significant, and considered it almost obvious "how" it happened from near the beginning (the book practically opens with the Monk). Now, the "who" and "why", I would have called a much bigger spoiler, so didn't mention them.

Mea culpa... If the mods want, feel free to truncate that entire last parenthetical section of my post.
posted by pla at 9:20 AM on September 15, 2009

Malphigian and Rhomboid: I have been around for a long time -- on the internet (or what passed for the internet) now for over 25 years, which is a little scary, actually. I pretty much figured I had seen it all.

I had not seen it all.
posted by The Bellman at 9:20 AM on September 15, 2009

"Item 1 would, of course, have been reserved for anything Chuck Norris advertised that he thought was funny.

I mean, what kind of top 20 countdown would so blatantly ignore Chuch Norris unless the author had a death wish? Of course, this explains the lack of a by-line. Don't think that will save you from Chuck Norris!"

posted by mippy at 9:52 AM on September 15, 2009

Well. Model trains have been ruined for me now. Please keep any stamp collecting JO posts to yourself.
posted by jdfan at 10:08 AM on September 15, 2009

I recommend following the included link to the 10 weirdest ebay auctions. That dead fairy is mine!
posted by AOTF at 10:32 AM on September 15, 2009

I would totally love it if I could come home Easter Sunday and have candy-filled eggs hidden for me. Then again, I have friends and family who have a good enough sense of whimsy that they'd hide eggs for me if I asked, and probably would ask me to return the favor.

Making entry in calendar for next April...
posted by xingcat at 10:33 AM on September 15, 2009

The model train guy is an admitted troll though.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:16 AM on September 15, 2009

These are not even close to being the Top 500 weirdest Craigslist posts.
posted by blucevalo at 11:44 AM on September 15, 2009 [2 favorites]

Given that I really wish I had some orange juice now, #2 is not sounding at all implausible.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:10 PM on September 15, 2009

Looks like an ordinary week on CL to me.
posted by notashroom at 12:23 PM on September 15, 2009

The Plato one is surely just a joke, but at least it is a funny joke. Number 13 might even be real. It made me laugh regardless.

13) Do you have a small, incontinent dog?
"Or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know). Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me."

posted by caddis at 12:26 PM on September 15, 2009

Dryer ride wanted
posted by exogenous at 12:57 PM on September 15, 2009

I was totally thinking something else exogenous!
posted by schyler523 at 1:11 PM on September 15, 2009

The Plato one is surely just a joke, but at least it is a funny joke

You know, I was wondering about that. It could very well be a joke, or it could be a number of other, less likely but more "craigslist-y" reasons. Like, someone signed "plato" in there and the seller has no idea that he died a very long time ago. Or they're trying to pull a fast one on someone.

Or... they're telling the truth!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by ORthey at 3:19 PM on September 15, 2009

Here's my favorite one of all time. Los Angeles, late 2006, some guy selling/trading a metal giraffe sculpture. I wish I had the foresight to save the photograph, which featured said sculpture with its face in a tree as though it were nibbling on the leaves.

8 Foot Bronze Giraffe for SUV-Truck-Station Wagon-MC

Reply to: sale-238963493@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-23, 10:35AM PST

8 Foot Bronze Giraffe
I will trade for a SUV or Truck or Station Wagon or Motorcycle- it was be be in excellant running condition

The giraffe is one if not the most elegant animal in Africa. It is difficult to describe their grace until seen in the wild. The giraffe was Dali's favorite animal.
They eat the top of the trees.and the sculpture is displayed in a somewhat similar setting.
8" Tall - 5.5" Long - 3" Wide
The bronze sculpture is secured so it can not be stolen. I call deliver the sculpture and set it up for you.
Call 323-xxx-xxxx Ed
posted by the_bone at 3:22 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Maybe I did steal your heart

And I am such a perfect criminal

that you never noticed.

(Or the police report would have mentioned it.)
posted by filthy light thief at 1:05 PM on September 16, 2009

Holy shit I know the penguin person. That is real.
posted by stresstwig at 10:17 PM on September 17, 2009

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