Or was that squeal thing you did supposed to be the crying doves? How did it go? "Aii! Aii! Aii! Aiaiaiai!" It was a massive turn-on, but it was not science.
September 24, 2009 4:42 PM   Subscribe

John Moe's Pop-Song Correspondences

An Invitation to
Joni Mitchell to Sing
at the Opening of
the Tree Museum.

"Why couldn't we have just cut the trees up? Then it would have been a log museum. And we wanted a tree museum."

A Letter to Prince
Regarding the Crying
of Doves and the Fiasco
That Resulted From
the Presentation
of a Speech on
That Topic.

"Despite the provocative title of the speech you proposed, we are not in the habit of hiring speakers who are not ornithologists. But frankly, Mr. Prince, your androgynous, highly charged sexuality hypnotized us. We went crazy; you were a star; we wanted you to take us with you. Also, as you know, we were all quite fond of your father, Tubold. Knowing how rigorous Tubold's academic standards were, we thought his son would be just as thorough and insightful. But you are not like your father, Tubold. "

A Note Placed In
The Pay Envelope Of
Billy "The Piano Man" Joel.

"And our businessmen were irate about your description of them getting "stoned." Do you not know the difference between drunk and stoned? Hint: One is acceptable businessman behavior, the other's illegal. But even if you were to say they were getting drunk, that still would not be OK. As a matter of fact, just don't sing about the businessmen. They're nice guys and good tippers."
posted by ocherdraco (10 comments total)
Oh, hey. McSweeney's.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 4:50 PM on September 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

A steel horse. I am not shitting you.
posted by box at 4:56 PM on September 24, 2009

The style and idea reminds me of stories by Ron Carlson, like 'What We Wanted To Do', the one that first got me hooked on his writing and that somebody has been kind enough to scan and put online.
posted by Flashman at 5:02 PM on September 24, 2009

I love McSweeney's!
posted by Afroblanco at 5:06 PM on September 24, 2009

Like the gen-Xers on the Simpsons, I can't even tell if people are being sarcastic anymore. Dude.

Yes, we all know about McSweeney's. Yes, it's a little hit or miss sometimes. But Moe's stuff is consistently hilarious.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:18 PM on September 24, 2009

...like 'What We Wanted To Do'...

Heh. "Minigoths." Well done.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:28 PM on September 24, 2009

SOrry, but John Moe's stuff is awesome, and the Pop Song Correspondences are the only thing I check back in with McSweeney's for. The Sweet Child o' Mine one might have to be the best. "Delete. Fix. Do something. You'd hide in a place that reminds you of hair? Never show me such phrases again."
posted by Navelgazer at 8:36 PM on September 24, 2009

oh god, it took me a while, but I finally got the "you're not like your father, tubold," thing. jesus this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.
posted by shmegegge at 8:40 AM on September 25, 2009

This is the John Moe who used to do Weekend America on NPR, right? John Moe of the Seattle Moes? I love that guy. Saw him speak once, he's great at that, too.

I always worried about the name "Weekend America" for a radio show, though. It was just begging for conservatives to start screaming about how liberal NPR listeners want to bring about a "Weakened America".
posted by gurple at 9:29 AM on September 25, 2009

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