Metamania will run wild over you
October 6, 2009 6:56 PM   Subscribe

Botchamania is a series of fan-created, professional wrestling video mashups that showcases the physical slip ups, bad commentary and interviews, and bizarre aspects of wrestling.
posted by ollyollyoxenfree (41 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite
The greatest promo ever.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:59 PM on October 6, 2009

posted by Saxon Kane at 7:13 PM on October 6, 2009

If John McCain had won, the Supreme Court would now be hearing arguments about "human cockfighting" videos.
posted by Tube at 7:14 PM on October 6, 2009

wow those are really badly put together, boring clip jobs.
posted by empath at 7:18 PM on October 6, 2009

Ohhhhh YEAH.
posted by Doug Stewart at 7:19 PM on October 6, 2009

Tube: "If John McCain had won, the Supreme Court would now be hearing arguments about "human cockfighting" videos."

Large business interests are afraid of what might happen if it's decided that the ban was constitutional. And the Roberts Court doesn't like to see large business interests suffer from fears like that.

So I think that Scalia is about to discover a sudden passion for the First Amendment.

That small animals will suffer in the bargain is just gravy.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:21 PM on October 6, 2009

Snap in to a SlimJim!
posted by mrducts at 7:22 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Seeing Sabu break his neck on the botched spot with Benoit still makes me shudder.
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:24 PM on October 6, 2009

posted by deezil at 7:25 PM on October 6, 2009

posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:27 PM on October 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

I'd like to see mashups of physical skill, good commentary and interviews and regular aspects of wrestling. But I don't think that's going to happen.
posted by tellurian at 7:37 PM on October 6, 2009

tellurian, what's the fun in that?
posted by deezil at 7:40 PM on October 6, 2009

The real greatest promo ever.
posted by Chuckles at 7:49 PM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

The real greatest promo ever.

Roddy Piper is one of the great unrecognized geniuses of the 20th century.
posted by empath at 7:51 PM on October 6, 2009

How, uhh... I'm not sure how to put this, exactly.

How do you separate out the bizarre aspects of wrestling? I mean, it's all pretty damn weird. Soap operas in spandex.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:54 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

The bumpy men yell a lot.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:55 PM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I tend to avoid the botchamania clips because I'm not a fan of stuff like the Sabu/Benoit clip, or Sid Vicious' leg break (I saw it the first time, thanks), or the Hayabusa wipeout. I dunno if those are in there, but man, too much.

(Same with CZW-style garbage matches. I mean, Necro Butcher is a better-than-decent brawler, but when he breaks out the weed wacker, I tune out.)

I do enjoy stuff like the debut of the Shockmaster, though. Ah ha ha ha ha

I assume leotrotsky means "bumpy men" in the "men who are taking bumps" sense.
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 8:03 PM on October 6, 2009

Alright, Dragon Dragon was pretty awesome.
posted by xorry at 8:06 PM on October 6, 2009

I hadn't watched wrestling for a long time, not since I was a kid - then I happened to turn it on during a Rey Mysterio Jr. match. The athleticism and crazy moves flying through the air were amazing, and it was actually pretty fun to watch.
posted by HopperFan at 8:16 PM on October 6, 2009

Tellurian, here's a little tribute to Mysterio, as an example of physical skill.
posted by HopperFan at 8:19 PM on October 6, 2009

Watching that Mysterio clip gave me an idea.

Mysterio seems like the sort of guy that has great athletic talent but isn't tall enough for the NBA, nor big enough for the NFL, nor quite skilled enough for baseball or soccer. I imagine that have got to be a lot of guys like that in the world. How awesome would it be if wrestling were populated exclusively by guys like that?
posted by oddman at 9:05 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oddman: You are looking for the TNA X-Division. (Wow, that reads horribly.) Here is a match between two of their better young guns. (Or, young Guns.) X-Division Title Match: Alex Shelly vs. Chris Sabin. The action gets going about 4 minutes in.
posted by andreaazure at 9:50 PM on October 6, 2009

Go to 5:20 in the last video....Dragon Dragon, as posted above, is so huge that I have been inspired. The world cannot stop me, because the world did not stop Dragon Dragon.
posted by Khazk at 10:49 PM on October 6, 2009

Super dragon, clap, clap, clap.
posted by johnny novak at 11:25 PM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

The third "best of" video is the hardest I've laughed in ages.
posted by hellojed at 12:06 AM on October 7, 2009

... that was more like UNprofessional wrestling, amirite!!!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:58 AM on October 7, 2009

Actually how on earth did Sabu keep wrestling without killing himself? (and why did they keep booking him?)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:15 AM on October 7, 2009

I wanna see Super Dragon vs Dragon Dragon
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:43 AM on October 7, 2009

Speaking of fan created content, I was once part of a small charity even put on by some juniors in my little suburban town. It was pretty much an overblown talent show in someone's large backyard, but the main event was WWF style wrestling, complete with a 10 foot high chain link cage and lots of prepared breakaway furniture. (John Cena was a local, and his little brother was in our grade.)

We all watched while 5 kids hurled themselves around the set grunting and bellowing. When things went terribly wrong, it took a good 5 minutes for anyone to realize, because their was already a lot of hammy moaning and doubling over in pain. The groups leader landed back first on the edge of an overturned picnic table. While he was missing his mark, his buddy managed to rupture his spleen on some other piece of broken furniture.

Got the whole thing on tape. I'd like to see THAT on youtube.
posted by es_de_bah at 7:09 AM on October 7, 2009

Because it's on SciFi, I've found myself tuning in to wrestling more often lately. It's pretty hilarious and surreal, though I always wonder just how much of the audience is getting that. It is kind of neat how it exists in multiple critical streams all at once—it's easy to watch it for camp, or with the assumption that all the wrestlers are gay, or as a parody, while still enjoying the choreography and athleticism. Plus, what got us (my girlfriend and I) into it was watching some straight-edge heel dress down the crowd for their drinking and prescription drug abuse while we got high. Seeing him clobbered for implicitly insulting the audience made it clear that wrestling sides with drug abusers, and that was A-OK.
posted by klangklangston at 7:52 AM on October 7, 2009

By the time the first few of these had been done, all the really infamous "botches" (Gene Okerlund saying "FUCK IT!" live on Pay-Per-View, Sid Eudy's gruesome compound fracture, "The Shockmaster", etc.) were all used up. The original people have long since stopped making them, and the later ones are by a ton of different people and feature boring stuff that only a dedicated pro wrestling fan could even identify as fuck-ups. So yeah, watch like parts 1, 2, 3, etc. and avoid part 67 or whatever they're up to now.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:59 AM on October 7, 2009

Gene Okerlund saying "FUCK IT!" live on Pay-Per-View

Actually, even if you don't bother with the Botchamania series, watch this. It's funny as hell, regardless of the pro wrestling context. I can't find it right now on YouTube, but basically, a huge prop sign reading "Summerslam" or something like that loudly and visibly falls over right behind them, on camera while they're trying to record a segment, and Gene (the backstage interviewer/ring interviewer/occasional commentator, if you watched the WWF in the 80s you'll remember him) just barks "FUCK IT!" and walks off. This all went on the air live, and was pretty risque for the mid 80s.

It's a lot funnier than it might sound from that rather dry description, believe me. If someone finds it by itself, please post it.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:06 AM on October 7, 2009

Never mind, here it is:

Future Governor Jesse Ventura tries to play it off like part of the show, but it clearly wasn't. Notice that none of the other commentators even acknowledge it.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:11 AM on October 7, 2009

fearfulsymmetry: Actually how on earth did Sabu keep wrestling without killing himself? (and why did they keep booking him?)

Sabu was/is always a draw, because of his willingness to sacrifice his body. I remember seeing a tape of a match where he tore open his bicep on some barbed wire -- like, this was a real fucked up injury, nasty stuff. Instead of stopping the match, he tapes it up and keeps going. He blows a lot of spots, yes, but he hits a lot of them too, and even though he's not great at the fundamentals, he can be impressive to watch.

klangklangston: wrestling sides with drug abusers

I know you meant this as a silly joke, but the drug abuse problem in wrestling is actually huge, and one of the reasons I don't watch anymore (the other being frustration with what I view as terrible booking). Because of the grueling road schedule and the perceived need to work through injuries (if you're off the show, you're not getting paid, and you're not getting pushed either, so you start losing $), wrestlers take huge amounts of roids, painkillers, uppers, downers, etc. That's why so many of them die of heart problems in their 40s. A list of wrestlers who've died before 65
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:46 AM on October 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Great. And now my afternoon – and possibly the next 20 – are claimed (shakes fist).
posted by Exploding Gutbuster at 11:31 AM on October 7, 2009

Re: Sabu - in his RFVideo shoot interview, he says that when he would slice himself up bad enough that it was, like, life-threatening, he had a trick he learned from a documentary on Vietnam medics: he would close the wound with SUPER FUCKING GLUE (i.e. cyanoacrylate) and continue the match.

Yeah, and people think wrestlers bleed by using fake blood capsules ("Where would they put 'em? In their tights? What if they accidentally broke open, the guy'd look like he's on the rag!" - Bobby Heenan, slightly paraphrased). The results are pre-determined, but the injuries are often real. Ask The Undertaker, who lives near me and uses my store to mail out his tax returns and such. The man can quite visibly barely walk and probably requires Limbaugh's weight in painkillers to even do that much, yet he's still out there every week slowly destroying his body even more. Ask Chris Benoit- oh, wait. You get my point.

I once heard someone respond to this sort of point, specifically about the original 90s ECW and Sabu et al, in a real snotty tone: "you ever hear of CGI?!". Yeah, they really went out of their way with the CGI (in 1995), they even made it look like the show had a weekly budget of about $500 and ridiculously cheap and poor lighting and set pieces for that extra realism. For fuck's sake. "It's fake" doesn't go so far as to mean the wrestlers are fucking secret military androids and the matches are taped at Area 51 or something. And wrestling fans are supposed to be the dumb ones.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:36 AM on October 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, and wrestlers actually bleed by breaking off the corner of a razor blade, hiding it in their wrist tape or somewhere (Bret Hart would even hide it in his MOUTH, don't ask me how), and surreptitiously* remove it and cut themselves above the hairline. It's been done that way since before anyone can remember.

* Or not - it's been caught on camera about a million times, but you wouldn't notice it if you don't know what to look for. Shawn Michaels, on the other hand, once bladed himself in MID-AIR (after a dive) so well you couldn't even catch it on freeze frame. Some are really good at it, others aren't, a few never even do it at all.
posted by DecemberBoy at 11:41 AM on October 7, 2009

And here's an infamous blood story for you (the beginning of the actual match may be in one of the Botchamania videos, to bring us full circle): Kerry Von Erich was set to wrestle Jerry Lawler to unify their respective promotions' titles and begin a joint business venture between the Memphis and AWA promotions, so the title unification match was a big deal for real life business reasons (back then, wrestling titles were much more important parts of the whole show than they are now, where they are basically meaningless props). Pre-match, Lawler and Kerry were planning how everything would go in the ring. Kerry, for those who don't know, was a notorious drug addict and kind of an idiot to begin with. He had a blade taped to his finger with athletic tape. Suddenly, his bicep itched. You see where this is going.

Being a roided monster, his skin was stretched so taut on his hugely muscled arm that when he itched it, with the razor blade-equipped finger, he opened a huge gash that sprayed gushes of blood everywhere. Keep in mind, this is BEFORE this hugely important match has even started. So when it did, and Kerry was still bleeding, they had to do a spot where Lawler rammed Kerry's arm into the ring post to at least try to make it look like that somehow caused the bleeding. The match, surprisingly, wasn't even awful, if I remember correctly (it was in like 1987).
posted by DecemberBoy at 12:25 PM on October 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

DecemberBoy: Once someone told me that they knew for a "fact" that the wrestlers weren't really hitting each others with chairs. No, they had it time perfectly, so that person would pull the shot, stopping just millimeters from the other person's head, the lights in the arena would go out for a split second -- so fast you couldn't tell -- right at the moment when the chair was supposed to hit so you couldn't see that the person wasn't actually getting nailed with the chair, and they used a sound effect for the noise.

Another friend of mine, whose uncle or grandfather was a doctor in Mexico, said that the lucha libre guys would buy blood from him for their "blood capsules" -- I said if they were buying blood, it was probably for doping purposes.
posted by Saxon Kane at 12:50 PM on October 7, 2009

As a follow up to this, Maffew's YouTube account has been suspended, and all his new stuff is going to be here.
posted by deezil at 6:56 PM on October 12, 2009

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