Bears Play Hockey.

October 24, 2009 1:40 PM

Bears play hockey. But it's not all fun and games.
posted by weston (34 comments total)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nF4DiZEXU8
posted by billybobtoo at 1:59 PM on October 24, 2009

I don't understand other people too well. Like I'd never spot a bear and think gosh, it'd be fun to get up real close and put my shirt on it.

And this hockey business-- don't even get me started. For one thing, I'll bet those aren't even union bears.
posted by heyho at 2:10 PM on October 24, 2009

It is unclear what caused the bear to attack Potapov, 25, nearly severing one of his legs while dragging him across the ice by his neck.

I will hazard a wild guess: BECAUSE HE IS A FUCKING BEAR.
posted by idiopath at 2:11 PM on October 24, 2009 [19 favorites]

Somehow, I knew even as I clicked to view the videos, that it wasn't going to be about bears playing hockey.

Poor animals being mistreated. Poor disappointed me.
posted by hippybear at 2:14 PM on October 24, 2009

That goalie totally sucks.
posted by jimmythefish at 2:14 PM on October 24, 2009

Is no one going to welcome our new Hockey Playing overlords?

I for one will.
but wait. it must be photoshopped... as those aren't real Canadians.
I might like to read a book by one of these 'guys about a history where the Boston Bruins were actually bears, and those bears ended up mauling all the best NHL players... I'd bet that in that alt-time-line Canada, having no use beyond creating the next generation of hockey players, is absorbed into the USA by 1930..
posted by infinite intimation at 2:17 PM on October 24, 2009

"...nearly severing one of his legs while dragging him across the ice by his neck."

I guess that bear just said "fuck this!"
posted by longsleeves at 2:25 PM on October 24, 2009

Ah I see they finally dug up a player who might take on Laraque.
posted by mannequito at 2:30 PM on October 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Really CNN? This is the image you use in a story about a bear killing a dude?
posted by The Devil Tesla at 2:34 PM on October 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

I would have felt real bad if one of those guys in striped shirts had been dragged across the ice by one of those bears chomping on his neck. Not.
posted by notreally at 2:35 PM on October 24, 2009

Really CNN? This is the image you use in a story about a bear killing a dude?

"Bear community chagrined, saddened."
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:55 PM on October 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

Poor bears.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 3:00 PM on October 24, 2009

I was just reading this yesterday:
It's now time for the fourth category of human/bear relationships and my favourite subject: bear attacks.

Though this dude was talking about attacks in the wild. While I don't really want anyone mauled or killed by bears, putting them in skates with sticks or making them ride a bike in a porkpie hat is just asking for trouble.
P.S. I'm glad no one has made one of those horrible "In Soviet Russia..." jokes.
posted by Red Loop at 3:03 PM on October 24, 2009

Nothing like an animal revenge story. Tear the fucker to shreds.
posted by fire&wings at 3:12 PM on October 24, 2009

Did you notice the crowd in the second link doing the wave? Say what you will about bears playing hockey, but clearly the Russians are strongly in favor of it.
posted by tommasz at 3:35 PM on October 24, 2009

...And the number one threat...Bears! natch.
posted by OHenryPacey at 3:36 PM on October 24, 2009

Russia has a long-standing tradition of training bears to perform tricks such as riding motorcycles, ice skating, and playing hockey.

People are fucking morons.

It is unclear what caused the bear to attack

Reporters are morons.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 3:46 PM on October 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is animal cruelty and ought to be outlawed.
posted by HP LaserJet P10006 at 4:41 PM on October 24, 2009

Well hell! Een Sawiet Russia -- bear skeens you!
posted by Trochanter at 4:58 PM on October 24, 2009

Yeah, it's really hard to feel bad for anyone associated with making bears play hockey.
posted by elder18 at 5:04 PM on October 24, 2009

Hippybear- For whatever reason, I was hoping for these guys.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 5:51 PM on October 24, 2009

Of course bears play hockey.
posted by anthill at 6:46 PM on October 24, 2009

Obviously, the dead guy did not have a knife on him at the time, even if he had no special training.
posted by LionIndex at 7:39 PM on October 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Here we go Bruins...Here we GO!
posted by Rarebit Fiend at 7:44 PM on October 24, 2009

CNN forgot to include the last line of the story:

"The defensive-minded bear has since been inked to a two-year deal worth $4.2 million with the Toronto Maple Leafs and is expected to see plenty of ice time paired with the Leafs' long-time mascot, Carleton the Bear."
posted by tapesonthefloor at 7:49 PM on October 24, 2009

I can't play hockey nearly as well as those ursines.
posted by breath at 8:03 PM on October 24, 2009

Guess who just handed Seth MacFarlane a load of cutaway gag material for The Cleveland Show...
posted by Rhomboid at 8:04 PM on October 24, 2009

The bear is tough, but he's no Dave Schultz. I mean, 'nearly' severing. Pfft. With that weight advantage? C'mon. And anyway the guy was in the crease, how much you expect the bear to take?
posted by Smedleyman at 9:03 PM on October 24, 2009

Maybe they should have used monkeys insted.
posted by iviken at 2:43 PM on October 25, 2009

"It is unclear what caused the bear to attack Potapov, 25, nearly severing one of his legs while dragging him across the ice by his neck."

I will hazard a wild guess: BECAUSE HE IS A FUCKING BEAR.

The guy kept cross-checking him in the front of the goal. When the refs won't make a call on something like that, a bear can only take so much. But really, leave it up to the enforcer bears on your team to keep things in line, that's their job.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 6:11 PM on October 25, 2009

OK, so if you pity the bears, then consider the refs -- and then weep for the cameraman, who thought he was assuming the cultural mantel of Eeisenstein but instead found himself lacing up skates to film bear-on-bear hockey. (To say nothing of the editor, who had to search and search for a narrative among reels of slow-moving bear athletes...)

Also, the goalie in the first video was terrible, though I doubt I'd be willing to be the one to tell him.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:20 AM on October 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Paging Mr. Herzog. Paging Mr. Herzog.
posted by benzenedream at 1:10 PM on October 26, 2009

Paging Mr. Herzog. Paging Mr. Herzog.

I hope he is busy with another project.
posted by idiopath at 1:26 PM on October 26, 2009

I don't think Herzog would want to pigeon hole himself as the guy who has to run out and do a documentary every time a guy gets torn apart by a bear. That being said, I'd watch it.
posted by Lokisbane at 10:51 PM on October 26, 2009