Your inner turtle wants for you to spread some cheer
December 9, 2009 9:01 PM   Subscribe

Dear University of Maryland Family: (skip to the good bit)

The holiday season is a great time to appreciate the remarkable talent and energy on our campus and the support of our broader Maryland family. Thank you for all you do to make the University a vibrant, thriving place.

My wife, Patsy, and I wish you health and happiness in the coming year. For a special holiday greeting from the University family we invite you to enjoy our electronic holiday card found at

Simply click on the link above to view. Please forward this to anyone else who might enjoy it. Best wishes for the season.

C. D. Mote, Jr.
University of Maryland
posted by Electrius (31 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This is sort of weird and inside-baseball for anyone who isn't already kind of invested in UMD politics... -- cortex

This email was sent to everyone with a UMD.EDU email address as far as I can tell.
posted by Electrius at 9:01 PM on December 9, 2009

posted by empath at 9:05 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

'Tis the season for spreading salmonella.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:12 PM on December 9, 2009

is it just me, or is the first link dead?
posted by mercredi at 9:12 PM on December 9, 2009

Is this something I would have had to have gone to Maryland to understand?

Wait. I did go to Maryland, and I don't get what is significant about this.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:14 PM on December 9, 2009

So it was a turtle inside the briefcase in Pulp Fiction? Got it.
posted by maudlin at 9:15 PM on December 9, 2009 [6 favorites]

Damn godless liberal hippies forgetting about Christ in CHRISTmas! I don't know about you but I'm sure not going to worship a glowing angel turtle that flies through the air. Glenn Beck will be hearing about this, let me assure you.
posted by at 9:16 PM on December 9, 2009

When your athletic mascot is the "Terrapin", it's obviously turtles all the way down. I can hardly wait for the video greeting from the Purple Pounders.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:19 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

That's it... Cradle it. Cradle the turtle... Now it's dazzling you... Smile. Bigger, bigger! That's it. Smile and cradle. Now get a latte.
posted by boo_radley at 9:19 PM on December 9, 2009 with problems gets surreal video from overpaid president for Christmas?

Do I win something?
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:20 PM on December 9, 2009

wheres the birth certificate obama...
posted by Damn That Television at 9:21 PM on December 9, 2009

Autoplay warning, plz.
posted by crataegus at 9:23 PM on December 9, 2009

posted by mwhybark at 9:25 PM on December 9, 2009

This one time I was at a UVa football against Maryland and the Cavalier mascot and the Terrapin mascot were rasslin' around, as is their wont, and then they stopped and the Terrapin stayed on the ground and medics came over and took the costume head off and talked to him and then they brought the ambulance over and picked him up, still in his turtle suit minus the head.

I felt bad that they dude got hurt (ISTR he broke a leg or something like that) but the image of this half-man, half-turtle on its back waving its limbs uselessly had a certain funniness to it. Also, Leon didn't help it.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:27 PM on December 9, 2009

posted by mazola at 9:36 PM on December 9, 2009

Meh. We all know the only thing UMD is good for are basketball riots.
posted by bardic at 9:37 PM on December 9, 2009

I just want to know whether the band is in the business of being a TMBG knockoff - or were they specially commissioned to be so?
posted by moxiedoll at 9:39 PM on December 9, 2009

There are a lot of jowly people in that video.
posted by killdevil at 9:40 PM on December 9, 2009

It's broken for me no matter what browser I try the link in.
posted by Caduceus at 9:41 PM on December 9, 2009


posted by killdevil at 9:42 PM on December 9, 2009

I am on the executive committee of the UMD Graduate Student Government, referenced in that Diamondback article about last week's "safety walk" (and I led part of that event). Student organizations like ours spend a lot of time and energy concentrating on problems such as safety, transportation and parking, environmental conservation, and so forth, and we often find ourselves opposing the stance and opinions of the Administration, who are looking to increase the university's visibility and attractiveness to the people with the check books. Yet, despite our problems, there are many good things about our university. Between good news and controversy, you're always going to hear about the controversy. And come on, it's a holiday message. The video is joyful, if weird. I like it.
posted by zennie at 9:45 PM on December 9, 2009

The damn thing won't load. Spoilers, please.
posted by Partario at 9:45 PM on December 9, 2009

The good bit? Huh? Typical smarmy promotional video is the good bit?
posted by Malor at 9:46 PM on December 9, 2009

Spoilers, please

A turtle glows. Jowly people toss it to each other. There is a latte.
posted by nonspecialist at 9:47 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

sometimes I really do get confused by what stays and what goes on Metafilter
posted by mannequito at 9:50 PM on December 9, 2009

Holden: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Leon: [angry at the suggestion] What do you mean, I'm not helping?

Holden: I mean: you're not helping! Why is that, Leon?
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 9:51 PM on December 9, 2009 [3 favorites]

I want to see the video redone for UC Santa Cruz.
posted by cerebus19 at 10:04 PM on December 9, 2009

The real interesting bit here is not the lame video, but rather the vomit cleanup policy debacle linked under "health" above. Apparently, college students tend to puke on late-night busses (more than 30 times in one weekend) and remarkably, bus drivers were opting for less than sanitary cleanup methods that didn't require, you know, actual (gloved) hand contact with stuck up drunk kids' vomit. The obvious solution here, of course, was to hire special vomit cleaners to perform this job, probably out of the same slush fund the budget-crunched university used to pay for this holiday spectacular. How about charging drunk students who vomit on buses to pay for the cost of the cleaning, with an exception for the rare individual who vomits due to causes other than alcohol?

It's hard to fathom the profound amount of mismanagement required to turn the cleanup of a bunch of drunk college kids' vomit into a major incident requiring a union, state health & safety inspectors, university health & safety staff, outside vomit cleanup contractors, an investigation into the health risks of contact with strangers' vomit, and a lengthy news article.

Oh, and if your busses are vomited on 30+ times in a weekend by your students, the problem you should be dealing with is not how to clean the busses, it's how you're going to do basic stuff to address the binge drinking before more students die. Of course, the same idiots who can't manage the vomit cleanup situation are too busy going after pot smokers instead, because they are obviously the ones causing all the trouble.
posted by zachlipton at 10:07 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

And that would be a new record for me for number of times I've used the word "vomit" in a comment. Yay.
posted by zachlipton at 10:08 PM on December 9, 2009

I saw a Dead show at Cole Field house circa 1981 that was awesome. Many stories from that night into the next day, but I did spend a lot of time looking at the banner with the turtle on it. A lot of time. Or maybe it was seconds and it seemed like a lot of time. I do remember thinking that they should play Terrapin Station if there is a Terp hanging from the ceiling. Nah, too obvious. Glad I didn't watch the video that night.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:09 PM on December 9, 2009

As tech director for the Georgetown Gilbert and Sullivan Society, it is my sworn duty to get all of the tech-heads gifts at the end of every production. Usually this involves booze, but our propsmaster, who will be finishing law school with me at the end of this year, doesn't drink, so it's always a thing to find an appropriate gift for him. He also went to Maryland, and Maryland is basically his life. What I'm saying is that I need to find one of those glowing turtles for his final gift so that a tradition may be made whereby that turtle finds it's way into the props of every production to follow.

Anybody got any ideas of how I can make this happen?
posted by Navelgazer at 10:14 PM on December 9, 2009

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