Tom's Glossary of Book Publishing Terms
December 29, 2009 2:37 PM   Subscribe

COPYRIGHT: A concept invented by lawyers as a hedge against unemployment.

posted by Sys Rq at 2:42 PM on December 29, 2009

AUTHOR PHOTO: Pictorial fiction. Authors always choose photos that emphasize that quality in which they feel most deficient.

A guy I was friends with in high school had a novel published by Simon & Schuster. The dust jacket photo reminded me of the cover of Bryan Adams' Reckless.

I'm not sure what that means he felt deficient in.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:46 PM on December 29, 2009

Why, oo get to the other side, natch. *adjusts ascot, monocle, watch fob, handkerchief, cufflinks, porkpie, auxiliary ascot, briefcase, lapels, snood, wimple*
posted by Damn That Television at 2:51 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Some of these are bang on, and I started out amused, but some of these are actually kind of nasty and not that funny. Two stars.
posted by Caduceus at 3:22 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

Well, I think this is really funny but that's probably because I have a book.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:37 PM on December 29, 2009

Dear Thomas Christensen,

Thank you for submitting your proposal for a Glossary of Book Publishing Terms, which we are returning herewith. While there are indeed many witty alternative definitions of the publishing industry's sometimes arcane terms, we feel that in an extended list of them, the joke wears thin. In its current form, we do not believe we could publish it successfully and wish you the best of luck with submitting it to a more suitable firm.

Yours Sincerely,

Scuffle and Dustcough Publishers (est. 1890)
posted by Doktor Zed at 3:39 PM on December 29, 2009 [6 favorites]

These are a little too accurate to be enjoyed.
posted by The Whelk at 3:48 PM on December 29, 2009

my faves:

BLURB: A brief noise that embarrasses everyone.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS: The best place to hide from a congressman.
SHELF LIFE: Bookworms.
WRONG FONT: Comic Sans.

It could've been funnier.

BOOK CLUB: A gathering of persons who enjoyed getting their reading assigned to them in High School.

CRIME FICTION: Any book's list price.

FIRST DRAFT: A very cold wind, or, not enough beer to write good yet.

GHOST WRITER: A publicist for a haunted house.

OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB: A thermonuclear bludgeon.

POETIC LICENSE: A permit to operate a metaphor (not valid in all states).


SOFT COVER: A poorly-thought-out pen name.

WRITER'S BLOCK: Where all the authors reside. syn: ghetto
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:51 PM on December 29, 2009 [1 favorite]

It was better when Ambrose Bierce did it.
posted by clockzero at 6:48 PM on December 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

I enjoyed this, thanks.
posted by smoke at 7:42 PM on December 29, 2009

heh. Some of these made me wince, some of these made me laugh....

posted by jonathanstrange at 2:53 AM on December 30, 2009

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