Ain't No Doubt, I Love This Land
February 10, 2010 10:21 AM   Subscribe

 
this is like the best fuckin day on metafilter

ive been stuck in the house for almost A WEEK STRAIGHT and funny/food links are the only thing keeping me from stabbing and eating the few people i still have access to
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:24 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


Quad bypass?
posted by datawrangler at 10:25 AM on February 10, 2010


That's fucking disgusting. I'm all about real food, big fat, robust flavors, have smoked some pretty serious meat in my day, etc, but I will never understand sealing greasy cheese inside greasy chopped meat. Prolonged slow sealed up heat doesn't do anything good to cheese or to sausage, just gets the protein and fat good and separate. With ground meat, gross! Greasy, salty pabulum. Any of these would be so much better with the filling spread out on a thin-pounded piece of beef, maybe flank steak, or pork loin, and then sliced across the grain. Get a little crust going on the exposed bits of cheese, get some texture contrast on the casing vs. filling. WTF, smoking fuck yeah! culture? Do you really need to chase down the ultimate hedonistic thing at the expense of food that actually tastes good? This is like something Caligula's idiot cousin would have eaten.
posted by peachfuzz at 10:28 AM on February 10, 2010 [20 favorites]


My stomach is giddy with anticipation; my heart quivers in fear.
posted by kjs3 at 10:28 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


Pork boner.
posted by pianomover at 10:29 AM on February 10, 2010


damn I thought this was a how to about cooking fat people.
posted by Dick Laurent is Dead at 10:30 AM on February 10, 2010


I will never understand sealing greasy cheese inside greasy chopped meat. Prolonged slow sealed up heat doesn't do anything good to cheese or to sausage, just gets the protein and fat good and separate. With ground meat, gross! Greasy, salty pabulum.

I just got really hungry.
posted by DU at 10:30 AM on February 10, 2010


Wait - smoked sausage STUFFED WITH OTHER STUFF? THEN GRILLED? The saints eat this off of angels' tits in heaven, man!
posted by Mister_A at 10:30 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: This is like something Caligula's idiot cousin would have eaten.
posted by dw at 10:31 AM on February 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


I see what you did, there.
posted by shmegegge at 10:33 AM on February 10, 2010


Somewhere the American Heart Association is feeling a great disturbance in the force as if a thousand arteries clogged suddenly.
posted by ExitPursuedByBear at 10:34 AM on February 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Angels don't lactate. Also, if you eat this "food" please sequester yourself in a sealed tube for the next 18 hours so no one else has to smell your rotting carcass flatulence.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:35 AM on February 10, 2010


A breakfast sausage stuffed with a taco bell burrito then wrapped in bacon?

USA! USA! USA!
posted by jefbla at 10:36 AM on February 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Is it just me, or did the phrase 'smoke a fattie' used to be... more vegetarian-inclusive?
posted by palindromic at 10:36 AM on February 10, 2010 [11 favorites]


Not just like it says on the tin. Not at all.
posted by gurple at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


When I returned to smoking, I found a ton of discussions on fatties.
I can't say I have felt the urge to make one, but I would definitely taste on given the chance. Maybe.

As peachfuzz said, I can always think of a hundred different things that take up rack space in a fatty's stead.
posted by Seamus at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2010


Angels don't lactate.

Well heaven is stupid then.
posted by Mister_A at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2010


You're the one for me, fatty. No, you're the one...
posted by demonic winged headgear at 10:37 AM on February 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Angels don't lactate.

Do they have navels?
posted by DU at 10:38 AM on February 10, 2010


You'd have to be reallly fucking stoned to enjoy one of those monstrosities. They don't look so good.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:41 AM on February 10, 2010


At least they didn't suggest to mix it with tobacco.
posted by three blind mice at 10:44 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is like the exact inversion of the Rasta Gourmet.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:44 AM on February 10, 2010


I really love you, fatty fatty ...
posted by horsemuth at 10:45 AM on February 10, 2010


Metafilter: like something Caligula's idiot cousin would have eaten
posted by jquinby at 10:48 AM on February 10, 2010


I would say that I'm thoroughly tired of this gross-looking-ultra-fat food obsession, except I never really got it to begin with. Is it possible to be bored and mystified at the same time?
posted by Afroblanco at 10:54 AM on February 10, 2010


This is sickening blasphemy. I nearly cried [1] when I saw that marvelous strip of venison backstrap wasted like that. It didn't even get touched by the smoke, and was completely smothered by that nasty orange velveeta. It's like boiling filet mignon.

In this thread are some actual decent ways to cook backstrap. Ignore the idiots who suggest deep frying it; pan fried or marinated and smoke-grilled are the only way to go.

[1] I'm actually vegetarian now, but was raised on venison thanks to my hunting relatives in Western PA. If you're going to eat meat, kill it yourself and fucking cook it right I say.
posted by xthlc at 10:58 AM on February 10, 2010 [3 favorites]


Gross greasy food being ironically hip just jumped the shark big time.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:01 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


A fatty, in barbecue terms, is basically a smoked sausage roll and is usually stuffed (with some combination of meat, cheese, vegetables, and seasoning).

You can't just co-opt terms like that, I'm sorry. Now I have to go back to rolling my joint (working for a living).
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:04 AM on February 10, 2010 [4 favorites]


Hey, it's food Darwinism in action!

Oddly enough, people who cook like this often don't believe in evolution.
posted by loquacious at 11:15 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


You can't just co-opt terms like that, I'm sorry. Now I have to go back to rolling my joint (working for a living).

Yeah, me too. But in a few hours I plan on ravaging a pre-teen. (drinking 12 year old scotch).
posted by surplus at 11:16 AM on February 10, 2010 [7 favorites]


Looks like a great way to waste venison.
posted by kenko at 11:19 AM on February 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Dunkadunc, I don't think most people into this are trying to be either ironic or hip.
My sampling suggest something more along the lines of chunky and redneck.
posted by Seamus at 11:21 AM on February 10, 2010


I've smoked more than my share of fatties, although nothing quite as over-the-top as this. I'll usually throw a couple of pounds of breakfast sausage, mix in some minced onion and sundried tomatoes, and then make a couple of "meatloaves" out of it. I'll give them a good covering with my rib rub and throw them on the smoker with whatever else I'm smoking that day (usually pork ribs, beef brisket or the odd leg of lamb). It's awesome, especially with biscuits and eggs the next morning.

Easy, simple. This is just stunt-cooking, though - it's just pointless.
posted by deadmessenger at 11:25 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


oh, this makes my heart hurt.....
posted by rhythim at 11:34 AM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


gross.
posted by archivist at 11:44 AM on February 10, 2010


Not sure I get why people are smoking uncased sausage. It just seems like it would dry out and become grainy. The technique is somewhat interesting though. I could see using it to make a meatloaf. Roll out a "sheet" of ground meat, layer it with sauteed mushrooms, onions, peppers & other misc. veggies. Drop it into a loaf pan and bake. Serve with some brown gravy and mashed potatoes, and that sounds like a good home style meal.

As an aside, those who top their meatloaves with ketchup are unwashed heathens and should be banished from every kitchen.
posted by slogger at 11:49 AM on February 10, 2010


It's up there, but my oh please god don't put that in your mouth, oh god you're putting it in your mouth meter has been higher.
posted by june made him a gemini at 11:50 AM on February 10, 2010


Gross! You'd never see true gourmands making a monstrosity like these americans, with their rolled stuffed meat! No sir, no how!
posted by shownomercy at 12:19 PM on February 10, 2010


I do not approve of this.
posted by Caligula's Idiot Cousin at 2:01 PM on February 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


The venison one is indeed a tragedy. Look at that uniformly grey, rubbery result from an absolutely beautiful piece of meat. Keep your venison rare, people.
posted by mek at 2:02 PM on February 10, 2010


I have decided to become vegetarian. I will smoke a fatty while listening to clancy eccles and avoiding meat now, thanks.
posted by mjg123 at 2:31 PM on February 10, 2010


june made him a gemini, you just made me sick.
That was awful and disturbing, and I ain't no vegan wisp off a man.
posted by Seamus at 2:37 PM on February 10, 2010


gah. I've just gotten into smoking, and just gotten Charcuterie in the mail, and I've been dreaming of the things I'd love to make. I can't wait to try to make my own corned beef, my own pastami. I'm excited to try to make bratwurst and chorizo, and maybe, if I can figure out a good drying chamber (thinking of a used refrigerator) some prosciutto. Finding the ingredients in Japan for some of those things will be a challenge, but it will be a work of love, and I will then show that love by sharing it with friends.

fatties? Not so much.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:12 PM on February 10, 2010


And for those who missed it in the OP: this.
posted by slogger at 6:42 AM on February 11, 2010


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