Everyone's on TV but you

March 29, 2010 8:15 AM

Sure, you've heard that the Discovery channel's parent company will give Sarah Palin a show on The Learning Channel, but did you know that Levi's pitching an Alaska-based reality show called "Levi Johnston's Last Frontier?" Meanwhile, Bristol is going to appear on ABC Family as herself.
posted by mccarty.tim (141 comments total)

I hope that Mr. Johnston continues to cling to Sarah like lichen all the way through 2012.
posted by blucevalo at 8:17 AM on March 29, 2010 [11 favorites]

I didn't want to pollute the description, but this is what I've been waiting for.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:18 AM on March 29, 2010

Finally, a way to find out what willfully ignorant, gun-toting nutjobs think we should do!
posted by DU at 8:21 AM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

14:59
posted by punkfloyd at 8:22 AM on March 29, 2010 [6 favorites]

The candle that burns the brightest burns the shortest, let us hope.
posted by codacorolla at 8:24 AM on March 29, 2010

The Learning Channel? Really?

Let me guess, they're making this programming shift a la Vh1 c. 2002, when everything shifted from music based docs like Pop-Up Video, the List, BTM, etc. to "clinging to my 15 minutes like a telephone pole in a hurricane" shows.

Going from somewhat informational programming to "waste of policial maneuvering meets the Osbornes", are we TLC? Please tell me the Doles are going to have a cooking show, and my DVR locked on your station until 2014.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 8:26 AM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

The Larnin Channil. Git Larned Good!
posted by Babblesort at 8:26 AM on March 29, 2010 [18 favorites]

Proof that even the most insane addled lurid satire of 21st century cannot match reality.
posted by The Whelk at 8:27 AM on March 29, 2010 [26 favorites]

"I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win!" - Sarah Palin on her reality show, 2010

"I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win!" - Sarah Palin in the first Presidential Debate, 2012
posted by Think_Long at 8:27 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

Also: Sarah Palin having a wildlife conservation show on the learning channel strikes me as similar to Zach Galifianakis having a fashion advice show on the Style Network...

Someone call Zach Galifianakis' agent, immediately.
posted by codacorolla at 8:30 AM on March 29, 2010 [6 favorites]

Ugh. It's hard not wanting to absolutely rip these decisions apart. Sarah Palin is getting a show...

"The travel series will feature Palin as the host, and she will introduce viewers to some of Alaska's lesser known traditions and attractions."

Why the HELL does she deserve a show? She is insulting and crude. Lesser known traditions and attractions? Oh give me a break TLC. You hired her for her name and her name only, and you hope she can carry herself through a couple of shows.

This completely validates everything that is utterly wrong with this woman. She is concerned with her public image, concerned with cultivating it and growing it as best she can. When will people realize she has no idea what she is talking about politics wise? When will people realize that without the spotlight Sarah Palin would be nothing more than a bad politician who gave up her job when the going got tough, tried to run for Vice president but failed miserably.

This is not a political derail. I have nothing to say about the Tea Party or anything Mrs. Palin is involved in. My qualm is with her character and demeanor alone. But I will say this, wholeheartedly:

Sarah, you are a bad, bad human being. I hope one day you can understand the shame you've brought upon yourself - I have no respect for you. None whatsoever. How it cannot be clear to more people that this woman lives only for the spotlight and her soundbites I do not know. Somebody, please, give me a solid instance where Sarah Palin spoke about something on her own terms, with her own language, without an army of writers supporting her. I doubt it could be done.

Again, it's not Republican or Democrat. This is about a person who is reeling in the money because of...what? She talks a little differently? She pretends to have some idea about issues she denounces/supports? It's a farce! And it's upsetting to me, it's an insult to anybody with intelligence, and I hope that for the sake of her ego that this program fails miserably.
posted by deacon_blues at 8:30 AM on March 29, 2010 [23 favorites]

TLC doesn't stand for "The Learning Channel" anymore. It's like ATT or PPG where the company kept the letters but ditched the original meaning of the acronym.
posted by octothorpe at 8:31 AM on March 29, 2010 [9 favorites]

Sarah Palin's Reality Show: What Should It Be Named?
posted by gman at 8:32 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I began typing, and was clipping along comfortably into tl;dr territory when I looked at a little sign I keep on my desk: Try to say nothing negative about anyone today.

So, I deleted it all in favor of: Thank you, Ms. Palin, for giving me one more reason to get rid of my television.
posted by Pragmatica at 8:33 AM on March 29, 2010 [9 favorites]

Why not "The Learning Channel's parent company"?
posted by ethnomethodologist at 8:35 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wow. Max Bialystock finally found another can't-miss project.
posted by PlusDistance at 8:36 AM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

Thank you, Ms. Palin, for giving me one more reason to get rid of my television.

And thank you, television, for failing to rid us of Ms. Palin despite a score of reasons to do so.




[Um, I just realized everyone all over the place is calling her "Ms. Palin," when I had done so on accident. Google search confirmed the internets is doing the same. Isn't she married, or something? Did I misunderstand a basic rule of etiquette?]
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 8:39 AM on March 29, 2010

Ethnomethodologist: I just like to think about asavage and Palin being on the same payroll. Plus, they're called Discovery Communications.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:39 AM on March 29, 2010

The Awl had a really terrifying (maybe a little overly paranoid, but still terrifying) dog-whistle analysis of Palin and her End Timey intentions for the show.
posted by oinopaponton at 8:40 AM on March 29, 2010

We laugh and we shake our heads, but we know it's coming. This fool is actually going to get elected as president or vice president. It is going to be the most absurd thing in history. And every day you will wake up and say whatthefuck.
posted by cashman at 8:41 AM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

So long as she's safely contained in the Idiot Box. They were meant for each other.
posted by mazola at 8:42 AM on March 29, 2010

Wikipedia is your friend, BB.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:42 AM on March 29, 2010

TLC was already a quagmire of feces. Don't get me started on the history channel.

TONIGHT ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL: Rival teams of celebrity ghost-hunters compete to have a seance with Hitler's ghost to develop tomorrow's superweapon. (genre: reality)
posted by fuq at 8:42 AM on March 29, 2010 [29 favorites]

Why the HELL does she deserve a show? She is insulting and crude. Lesser known traditions and attractions? Oh give me a break TLC. You hired her for her name and her name only, and you hope she can carry herself through a couple of shows.

Doesn't Kim Kardashian have a TV show? Didn't Paris Hilton have one too? Wasn't there a TV show about a couple who had a lot of kids, and the show was about how they had a lot of kids?

She was the governor of a state. She was a candidate for Vice President. As vapid and empty-headed as she is, she's head and shoulders about the walking brain-dead that get shows on television. Of course they hired her for name recognition. But explain to me why they hired all these other people.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:43 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, gods. Am I going to have to picket outside the Discovery building?

I hate driving all the way to Silver Spring.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:46 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

I thought Mizz was the polite way to address a woman regardless of marital status.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:46 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

You are liars and know you are totally tuning into this for the rage boners and epic lulz.
posted by The Straightener at 8:47 AM on March 29, 2010 [7 favorites]

Don't get me started on the history channel.

Oh yeah, I hadn't put this together with the History Channels love of Nazis but now it makes sense.
posted by DU at 8:51 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Pastabagel, I'll throw you a half-touche, because that's a very valid point.

I like to think, however, that given what Sarah Palin is supposed to be, she should be held to a little bit of a higher standard than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Paris and Kim are not getting paid thousands of dollars to speak about real political issues. I doubt that many people would listen to the political musings of Paris or Kim.

The problem is this - people listen to Sarah Palin. She has a base of supporters, those who support her politics and her views. Her being is former VP candidate is all the more reason she shouldn't be getting a show on TLC.

I understand the motives behind hiring her as FoxNews commentator. That makes a little bit of sense. But TLC is effectively boosting her political career by giving her more airtime and more room to babble on. This is a woman who might very well be running for president in 2012. There is no reason she deserves a show on TLC, if not to promote herself even more. TLC is making a political decision by giving her a show, and it's a wrong decision at that.
posted by deacon_blues at 8:51 AM on March 29, 2010

Before Sarah Palin came along I didn't know Africa was a country. So there, I'm sure to learn a bunch, you betcha.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:51 AM on March 29, 2010

Television itself has now officially jumped the shark.
posted by saulgoodman at 8:52 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

TLC doesn't stand for "The Learning Channel" anymore. It's like ATT or PPG where the company kept the letters but ditched the original meaning of the acronym.

Or KFC. Actually, that was done by the lawyers. Turned out it was misleading to call it "Kentucky" "Fried" or "Chicken".

Well, actually it was still fried.
posted by delmoi at 8:53 AM on March 29, 2010

i don't know. i kinda like watching all three of them.and let's face it, the camera loves them. they are all pretty/handsome, and perky. what more do you want from a television star?
their politics/ideas don't interest me at all. i just love the idea of watching them milk this for all it's worth.
now be honest. wouldn't you rather watch sarah instead of michelle o?
posted by billybobtoo at 8:53 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'll tune in for the episode where she accidentally leaves Trig at a gas station outside Ketchikan and only realizes it when her "family values" trophy case seems to be missing something.
posted by kpht at 8:53 AM on March 29, 2010 [6 favorites]

Why does anyone care about these awful people?
posted by tommasz at 8:54 AM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's the same media conglomerate that brings us that annual overdose of cuteness, the Puppy Bowl (puppehs!!) with Kitten Half Time Special (kittehs!) and guinea-pig blimp-cam (piggehs!).

I'd like to think that offsets her show somewhat.
posted by contessa at 8:57 AM on March 29, 2010

I applaud this.

There will be no end to the amount of stupid crap she says or does that will be recorded on videotape and documented for all time. Putting her in the same league as reality TV show people will hopefully move her into the entertainment business and out of politics.

As for criticism of Discovery, why bother? They don't owe you anything. Just don't watch the crap you don't like.

>> TLC is making a political decision by giving her a show

A political decision? Come on, it's a financial decision. The people who love her will watch sometimes, and the people who hate her will watch ALL THE TIME. That's big advertising money and you're crazy if you think the decision to give her a TV show has to do with anything but money.
posted by poppo at 8:59 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

Oh yeah, I hadn't put this together with the History Channels love of Nazis but now it makes sense.

Around our house it's called "The Hitlery Channel."
posted by dw at 9:01 AM on March 29, 2010 [9 favorites]

I thought Mizz was the polite way to address a woman regardless of marital status.

Verbally, yes. But, I had understood, in written correspondences you only use "Ms." if the marital status is unknown, or if she was divorced. With the connotation associated, "Miss" has fallen by the wayside, unless the woman is a late teen. [But then again, thanks to some ignorance, if the "Ms." was emphasized with a certain volume, it became associated with a question of their orientation; so some are bouncing that, too.]

I thought you try to use "Mrs." if you know she's married. Has this changed with the cultural shift (as I can see it could be considered offensive to be addressed by her marital status, with her husband being the first 2 letters in "mrs.")?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 9:01 AM on March 29, 2010

A political decision? Come on, it's a financial decision.

No, all TV programming decisions are politicial -- that's what Marx and Engels themselves wrote! After all, why would the Travel Channel continue running No Reservations if only to further Tony Bourdain's political aspirations? I mean, clearly he's gunning for Bloomberg's chair. Why else would the backmasked messages on the Bloomberg Network be entirely about Bourdain?
posted by dw at 9:04 AM on March 29, 2010

I say we have Ceasar Milan do his little "tssst" pinch on her every time she opens her mouth. Now THAT'S a show.
posted by stormpooper at 9:06 AM on March 29, 2010 [13 favorites]

>The people who love her will watch sometimes, and the people who hate her will watch ALL THE TIME.

Totally right. Works for the Duggars. They're ridiculous, scary trainwrecks, but they get ratings.

My issue is that the Duggar's show has legitimized them by presenting them as a quirky but regular American family, when they are much less innocent than TLC projects. I can only assume that this show would do the same for Palin's disaster of a family.
posted by kpht at 9:06 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Around our house it's called "The Hitlery Channel."

Ours is Hitler-palooza or Nazi-o-rama.
posted by stormpooper at 9:07 AM on March 29, 2010

Anthony Bourdain, the Palins, and Levi do a thanksgiving special. Tony tries to cook a dinner so good that it mends the woulds between Sarah and Levi, while injecting his acerbic liberal athiest wit. The Mythbusters drop by because their car just so happened to break down outside, and the Palins are always glad to welcome in company...
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:07 AM on March 29, 2010

I know I'm getting old when I can say I remember when the Learning Channel was actually about learning.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 9:07 AM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

Previews of the set show a portrait of George Wallace on the wall behind her. Also, she's ending every show with "What the fuck is a 'zen'...?"
posted by victors at 9:08 AM on March 29, 2010

They wanted her for the money it could bring in. They, perhaps unintentionally, made a political move by doing this. Come on, how can you not see that it is political to some degree? She doesn't have to be giving lectures. She doesn't have to be pushing a platform. There are TLC viewers who before this show knew next to nothing about Sarah Palin. While the show might not help that, it will help make her more well known then she already is, and being well known = people know who to vote for = political decision. If TLC gave Obama a show about growing up in different parts of the world when he was younger while he was running for President or even before, then it would have surely been called political. Sure, he brings money in, but giving him the airtime would be like giving him free publicity.
posted by deacon_blues at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Anyone wanna give me a show? I could, like ...do things.
posted by The Whelk at 9:11 AM on March 29, 2010

Am I the only one who keeps expecting Palin to one day unzip her skin suit lizard-queen-from-V-style, and Angela Lansbury pops out, dislocates her jaw, swallows a rat, then picks up the phone and says,"Raymond, how about passing the time by playing a little solitaire?"
posted by buzzv at 9:12 AM on March 29, 2010 [5 favorites]

Now our children is learning, Mr. Bush.
posted by gman at 9:15 AM on March 29, 2010

I understand the motives behind hiring her as FoxNews commentator. That makes a little bit of sense. But TLC is effectively boosting her political career by giving her more airtime and more room to babble on. This is a woman who might very well be running for president in 2012. There is no reason she deserves a show on TLC

First, no one "deserves" a show on TLC (or any other channel). People get TV shows because TV execs decide they are compelling/fascinating/famous/silly/train-wrecky enough to attract sufficient eyeballs to boost ad revenue.

Second, I think this is excellent news for anyone still afraid this woman will do anything but further the decline of the GOP if she's reckless enough to make a serious bid for the 2012 ticket. Consider the following career trajectory:

Governor of small inconsequential state ---> failed VP candidate --> Fox News commentator --> star of TLC reality show

Does that look like it's still trending upward to you? Do you really think the next plot point on that arc is president of the United States? And if so, I think you should start worrying as well about the consequences of Nancy Grace's Supreme Court nomination and Corey Feldman's Senate bid. I mean, TV stardom couldn't get Fred Thompson anywhere near the White House, and he was on a hit network show.

If anyone should be afraid for their job because of this, it's Elizabeth Hasselbeck, not Barack Obama.
posted by gompa at 9:19 AM on March 29, 2010 [24 favorites]

I will only watch this show if there is an animal being turned into some sort of sausage behind her in EVERY shot.
posted by edbles at 9:20 AM on March 29, 2010 [5 favorites]

They wanted her for the money it could bring in. They, perhaps unintentionally, made a political move by doing this. Come on, how can you not see that it is political to some degree? She doesn't have to be giving lectures. She doesn't have to be pushing a platform.

This.

It might not be a deliberately partisan move, but deliberately or not, it's a political move.

Chiefly, it's just throwing more wood on the great big fire of dishonest nonsense and cheap culture war theatrics that seems to be rapidly consuming what precious little of value is left of American culture since Spalding Gray, Kurt Vonnegut and Paul Newman died.

It's a dick move. It's not the same kind of thing as when Murdoch bought the Wall Street Journal (just in time to exert more influence over how the financial crisis spun out in the press) and made them start officially referring to health care reform as "government run health care." But it's still not helping to make living in America any more goddamn bearable.

Nope, Land of the Assholes, that's us. Assholes all the way down.
posted by saulgoodman at 9:20 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

So remember when Sarah Palin was making all those snide "Celebrity" remarks about Barack Obama in '08? Yeah.

No point at all to that. I was just rememberin'.
posted by contessa at 9:21 AM on March 29, 2010 [8 favorites]

Consider the following career trajectory:

Resigned half-term Governor of small inconsequential state ---> failed VP candidate --> Fox News commentator --> star of TLC reality show

FTFY.
posted by contessa at 9:24 AM on March 29, 2010

REMEMBERING THINGS IS UN-AMERICAN EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE THING
posted by The Whelk at 9:24 AM on March 29, 2010

If resigning your executive office amid scandal to become a talking head and reality-show star doesn't qualify you to be President, I don't know what does.
posted by brain_drain at 9:26 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

The Learning Channel? Really?

TLC is a family values Christian network crossed with a good old-fashioned circus sideshow. The Palins will fit right in.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:27 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

The people who love her will watch sometimes, and the people who hate her will watch ALL THE TIME.

Piffle.
posted by DU at 9:28 AM on March 29, 2010

brain_drain Don't misunderestimate her.
posted by ExitPursuedByBear at 9:29 AM on March 29, 2010

Television itself has now officially jumped the shark.

I disagree. That happened back in September 1977.

And the second Google search result for the learning channel is for Jon & Kate plus 8, wherein we learned that televising an already stressed marriage won't make anything better (but it will make for some good TV. You know, in terms of ratings).

More fun with Google search results: the three news stories currently listed when searching for Sarah Palin On Discovery Channel are Sarah Palin does not represent everyone (a letter to the editor in the Juneau Empire), Why Sarah Palin Is Not Only an Airhead But a Dangerous One‎ (HuffPo fo'sho') and Is Sarah Palin, the Next Leader?‎, which Google News lists as coming from Spooftimes.com (satire), in case you thought it might be serious news.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:30 AM on March 29, 2010

(Also, be sure and check out TLC's new desparately blatant ripoffs of A&E's Intervention and Hoarders.)
posted by Sys Rq at 9:30 AM on March 29, 2010

Governor of small inconsequential state ...

Wait, Lincoln Almond is getting a reality show? Awesome! I always knew Rhode Island would get on the map one of these days.

Oh, you were talking about Alaska, the largest state in the union. I'd say it's far from inconsequential. (But it actually ranks just below Rhode Island in Gross State Product ranking, which I just learned now.)
posted by filthy light thief at 9:37 AM on March 29, 2010

Don't you think she looks tired?
posted by schmod at 9:37 AM on March 29, 2010 [12 favorites]

hopefully she can read and write reallllly small to fit all that dialog on her hands and follow trough on her cost cutting promise to TLC in the form of no teleprompters. {/}
posted by edgeways at 9:41 AM on March 29, 2010

be sure and check out TLC's new desparately blatant ripoffs of A&E's Intervention and Hoarders

No thanks. I don't need to feel better about myself and my family by comparing myself to people in terrible situations. Shows like Intervention that make me think of pluck[ing] heart strings for theme music. There's enough tragedy voyeurism in the news.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:43 AM on March 29, 2010

I hope you're right, gompa, I really do. Because if just one of those things gets in the white house then all that bs that we think is important...we can just kiss all of that goodbye.
posted by cashman at 9:46 AM on March 29, 2010

"TLC doesn't stand for "The Learning Channel" anymore. It's like ATT or PPG where the company kept the letters but ditched the original meaning ..."
Like the GOP ?
posted by Webbster at 9:52 AM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

now be honest. wouldn't you rather watch sarah instead of michelle o?

Honestly, no. Sarah does absolutely nothing for me, visually, intellectually, or interest wise, she comes across as a bad sitcom character and not in a good way. If she was a sitcom character I'd wince every time she came on camera, which coincidentally is not to far off from what I do when exposed to her anyways. This doesn't really have much to do with partisanship, but to do with her dumbshitisnship.

It will never some to this, so it is almost a waste of time writing it but, from what I've seen Michelle would mop the floor with Sarah if it ever came down to a 1:1 exchange. M. Obama is actually intelligent and from a wholly shallow POV looks better.
posted by edgeways at 9:56 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

Once upon a time, I'd tell people that, no, I don't have television service, but I'd gladly pay for a cable package that just allowed me to get educational channels. Now there are no more educational channels, just the blowing stuff up/killer animals channel, the nazi channel, the marriage/baby channel, etc. And I'm glad I don't have television because I might be tempted to tune in, just out of curiosity and I'd rather not give Palin the eyeballs.

Plus, Palin always sounds like she's screaming in a passive-aggressive grandma voice. What is up with that?
posted by Never teh Bride at 9:56 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

If Palin wants the rest of her fifteen minutes of fame on basic cable, I say we give it to her before she has a chance to refocus her efforts elsewhere.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:58 AM on March 29, 2010

Now, if we can just Steele in on the action we could have

Reality (faux) lesbian bondage... in ALASKA!
Now, with more moose
posted by edgeways at 10:08 AM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

The media is constantly fascinated by the media's constant fascination with Sarah Palin.
posted by Legomancer at 10:15 AM on March 29, 2010 [11 favorites]

If Palin wants the rest of her fifteen minutes of fame on basic cable, I say we give it to her before she has a chance to refocus her efforts elsewhere.

Yeah, it probably is true that this development will hasten Palin's inevitable transformation from political comer to B-grade celebrity kook. But then again, things have been getting weird lately. I'm not quite sure if the old rules apply.

Besides, if Palin wasn't the polarizing figure she is, there'd be no show here.

Wouldn't it be nice to have some shows with some, um, well, show in them again, instead of more of this garbage? I mean, don't get me wrong--some of my best friends are reality TV producers. But doesn't it seem like, more and more, new reality TV shows don't even bother having a real premise anymore? They just point some cameras at somebody controversial or extraordinarily rich or who we're supposed to care about for some other purely invented reason. It's an obnoxious waste of public bandwidth is what it is.

Or on preview, what Legomancer said.
posted by saulgoodman at 10:23 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty much always gonna call it the Family Learning Channel.

This seems like a great opportunity to associate the greater conservative movement with her, and get her on record saying crazy things for them.

Or everyone will vote for her and I'll move to Belgium.
posted by poe at 10:44 AM on March 29, 2010

Why does anyone care about these awful people?

It's not that we care about them, per-se.
However, having a regular show on a top-tier cable network can only serve to make the shrew more familiar and, yes, more palatable to lots and lots of people.

People who vote.

Make no mistake. This is a calculated move to get her into US homes on a regular basis and to get Americans much more comfortable with her. To show her as more than just the politician. This is being done to give the image of her more depth. This is being done with a strategic eye on 2012.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:51 AM on March 29, 2010 [5 favorites]

Governor of small inconsequential state ---> failed VP candidate --> Fox News commentator --> star of TLC reality show --> Porn Star?
posted by Dick Laurent is Dead at 10:51 AM on March 29, 2010 [3 favorites]

Why the HELL does she deserve a show? She is insulting and crude. Lesser known traditions and attractions? Oh give me a break TLC. You hired her for her name and her name only, and you hope she can carry herself through a couple of shows.

See: The Gosselins, The Duggars, The Teutuls, The Hayes, The Roloffs, Kat Von D, Buddy Valastro, Bill Klein & Jen Arnold and Toddlers & Fucking Tiaras.
posted by zarq at 10:52 AM on March 29, 2010

It would be nice if the Learning Channel really gave her an educational show. She could sit in a classroom and learn about things like geography, math, basic political science, maybe intro level philosophy and an English composition course. Learn Along With Sarah! It would be great for shut ins.
posted by mygothlaundry at 11:08 AM on March 29, 2010 [21 favorites]

See: The Gosselins, The Duggars, The Teutuls, The Hayes, The Roloffs, Kat Von D, Buddy Valastro, Bill Klein & Jen Arnold and Toddlers & Fucking Tiaras.

But, but--even a hundred wrongs don't make a right...
posted by saulgoodman at 11:08 AM on March 29, 2010

See: The Gosselins, The Duggars, The Teutuls, The Hayes, The Roloffs, Kat Von D, Buddy Valastro, Bill Klein & Jen Arnold and Toddlers & Fucking Tiaras.

Big family, big family, family business, big family, little family, tattooed lady talks to people about their families, family business, little family, weird families.

There's a subtle theme there. Can you spot it?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:13 AM on March 29, 2010

The travel series will feature Palin as the host, and she will introduce viewers to some of Alaska's lesser known traditions and attractions.

Maybe she can challenge Canada's Governor General to a seal heart eating contest.
posted by mazola at 11:14 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Anything that keeps her in the studio or on location in Alaska, rather than crisscrossing Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina for the next 21-or-so months is fine by me Pawlenty, Romney, Huckabee...

And just spitballin' here - maybe the Repubs could borrow from the Whigs' brilliant 1836 strategy and run four different candidates, each with regional appeal: Mittens in the northeast, Huckabee in the south, Pawlenty for the midwest, and Palin in the west. Might be a million-to-one shot, but fifty-fifty says it works!
posted by hangashore at 11:22 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

A travel show with Sarah Palin?

The TV execs should get Michael Palin to join her for another travel program. He could be paid to tolerate her dadaistic reaction to every new thing she sees and also help her learn something new each episode. It would be heartwarming.
posted by Anything at 11:29 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

just as long as he gets to slap her with a fish at the end of every episode.
posted by edgeways at 11:37 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

I would just like to say DAMN YOU John McCain for foisting this whole miserable clan on the public consciousness.
posted by darkstar at 11:42 AM on March 29, 2010

This thread is now gold thanks to hangashore's possibly-accidental nickname for Mitt Romney.
posted by emelenjr at 11:43 AM on March 29, 2010

There's a subtle theme there. Can you spot it?

Well they're known as the "go to" network for Little Person / Family / Higher Order Multiples Exploitation Reality Shows for a reason. Looking at their program guide, one begins to get the unsettling feeling that if TLC could possibly find a bickering interracial family with hereditary Dwarfism, sextuplets and a thriving LOTR-reenactment business, the network execs would wet themselves from excitement.
posted by zarq at 11:48 AM on March 29, 2010

You know what makes me sad these days? The History Channel. Turns out being a channel puriently obsessed with every possible detail of the reign of Hitler and the Third Reich was actually it's highpoint of quality, and now it's the pseudoscience biblecode mystery of the pyramids channel. Only Nostradamus could have predicted this!
posted by Artw at 11:48 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

Elizabeth Hasselbeck calls Palin's crosshair map "despicable". In other news: pigs fly, hell freezes over.
posted by oinopaponton at 11:50 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I thought Mizz was the polite way to address a woman regardless of marital status.

Sarah Palin is like the Frankenstein monster of feminism.

Look at what she did all by herself, and gosh she is so pretty! Isn't it well past it time we gave a woman a chance, America, let's all come together and break this glass ceiling!

Now just step aside and let me roll up my sleeves and get to work doing the business of governing, the business of America, God opened the door for me and now it's time to get back to family values and no abortions and women with their children at home just like when it was perfect back in that golden age WTF she deeked us all out...

Mrs. Palin doesn't get to be a Ms., fuck her.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:51 AM on March 29, 2010

You know what makes me sad these days? The History Channel.

Well I, for one, watched Ice Road Truckers for the physics lessons.

"....and here we have Ice Road Newbie Roscoe Jenkins, who is about to drive THAT VERY HEAVY OVERSIZED load (TWENTY TONS OF COAL, PEOPLE! TWENTY TONS!!!) over a foot and a half of river ice during a blizzard. Let's watch and see if he falls in....
posted by zarq at 11:54 AM on March 29, 2010

darkstar: "I would just like to say DAMN YOU John McCain for foisting this whole miserable clan on the public consciousness."

I'd like to thank Mr. McCain for insuring his opponent's victory by selecting Gov. Palin as his running mate. Obama was in pretty good shape at that point but the VP choice really sealed the deal.
posted by octothorpe at 11:54 AM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

"The travel series will feature Palin as the host, and she will introduce viewers to some of Alaska's lesser known traditions and attractions."

This is straight out of the Ronald Reagan playbook.

Death Valley Days, hosted by Reagan in '65-'66, went a long way toward convincing the American voter he wasn't too crazy to to hold office, first as California governor and then President (although he was in fact far too crazy, as witness the way he almost precipitated a nuclear war out of sheer incapacity to see how a military exercise would look to the Soviets).

Palin's handlers are trying to do the same, and the Discovery Channel is fully aware of and entirely complicit in this project.
posted by jamjam at 11:58 AM on March 29, 2010 [4 favorites]

I love Wasilla, I love my baby Trig
bridges to nowhere,
and lipstick on a pig

boomdeeaada boomdeeaada boomdeeaada boomdeeaada

Seriously that whole media company is dead to me now. So long Mythbusters, Man vs Wild, and Survivor Man, I can't be complicit in the rising popularity of a anti-science demagogue.
posted by nowoutside at 12:07 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

The media is constantly fascinated by the media's constant fascination with Sarah Palin.

Nothing draws a crowd like a crowd.

But doesn't it seem like, more and more, new reality TV shows don't even bother having a real premise anymore? They just point some cameras at somebody controversial or extraordinarily rich or who we're supposed to care about for some other purely invented reason.

The "reality" in reality TV is that it's not (supposed) to be scripted. It's people being "real." See how normal people deal with survival on a tropical island, being 20-somethings in house together, or the chance at being a (music/home design TV/culinary) star. All the situations are staged, but the reactions to such situations is what should be real.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:13 PM on March 29, 2010

"The travel series will feature Palin as the host, and she will introduce viewers to some of Alaska's lesser known traditions and attractions."

This is straight out of the Ronald Reagan playbook.

Good eye, jamjam. That's a very interesting parallel.
posted by saulgoodman at 12:13 PM on March 29, 2010

The "reality" in reality TV is that it's not (supposed) to be scripted.

Yeah, but they still used to at least have an operating premise (like Survivor, Big Brother, Real World, etc.). Now there's almost no discernible creative content in the product at all.
posted by saulgoodman at 12:15 PM on March 29, 2010

Sarah Palin's Reality Show: What Should It Be Named?

I'm holding out for Moose Murders.
posted by ilana at 12:26 PM on March 29, 2010

Send Mike Rowe and Les Stroud to Alaska.
Now THAT'S a freakin' show.
Better yet, have them hunt Sarah Palin in a helicopter or something.

This + PPV = Ka-ching!

Sarah Palin's current show is more of a freak show.
posted by willmize at 12:27 PM on March 29, 2010

emelenjr: This thread is now gold thanks to hangashore's possibly-accidental nickname for Mitt Romney.

Totally intentional (and truth be told, I believe I stole it off someone here). The gold goes to mygothlaundry for Learn Along with Sarah! Adjust it so that our heroine is always in danger of flunking out - Failin' Palin. And madcap antics will surely ensue.
posted by hangashore at 12:29 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh boy. In other LOLREPUBLICANS news, the RNC (the one headed by Michael Steele) spent $2,000 at a bondage-themed topless club where dancers pantomime lesbian sex, all on RNC funds. Family values, moo moo, &c.
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:29 PM on March 29, 2010

While we're talking new Discovery shows, I'd love to see a Mythbuster's spin off called Fact Checkers. They could go on adventures and do interviews, probably well within MI5's budget. Maybe even do some gotcha reporting for really erroneous claims.

Also good: Since Discovery is focused on science, they should make a show that tries to explain controversial or poorly understood science in terms people can intuitively understand (like evolution, global warming, etc). They wouldn't even so much be pushing a political view as explaining why the science works so well. Global warming and evolution are accepted because they're parsimonious (with science, not the Bible and Fox News) and make decent predictions.

Granted, that would kind of take the fun out of a news system where you can pretty much say whatever you want.
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:34 PM on March 29, 2010

In a perfect world the show would get cancelled half way through the first season.
posted by R. Mutt at 12:43 PM on March 29, 2010

I think that most of us MeFites are the kind of people who look around the world around us and wonder who's the "They" in "That's what they say." We look at our friends and our educations and our goals or dreams or curiosities or whatever, and we wonder how some folks look at the world without the slightest sense of curiosity or yearning for knowledge or understanding or something along those lines.

I know I do, often. I mean, it's what keeps me from having religious faith---my damnable curiosity and itch to understand.

But, and this is a BIG BUT---that's now how most people are. I'm reminded of this every time I go visit my girlfriend's family. They're sweet folks, but they're like cattle at the grinding wheel---heads down, walking in circles, never really noticing that they're not going anywhere. No real goals, no thought of growth, nothing like that, and I realize when I go visit them that maybe they're the privileged ones---because they DON'T wonder and the DON'T question and they BELIEVE in government and they BELIEVE in justice and they BELIEVE in sacrifice and healing power of the Lord and they're complacent, and they don't fear any more than they don't get excited, and their love has contraints and they always act inside a box, under a defined set of acceptable behaviors.

Anyway, I think WE forget that THEY don't see the world how WE do. I'm not separating them, I almost feel like it's our job to protect them. And these are the people who are going to watch The Palin's just like they're the people who watch The Gosselins (ok, there's probably mefites who like Kate too, but...whatever) because it's a snapshot of a life we don't quite understand but that we're pretty sure we wish we had...or something. It's safe TV, it's like patent-leather shoes---kinda boring but easy to look at.

I mean, we're the same culture who cares more about Michelle Obama's wardrobe at the UN than we do about what she's saying...

I don't know, kinda ranty, but if ya don't like it don't watch it. Change the channel or even better, turn it off.
posted by TomMelee at 12:59 PM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

So Palin wants to do a Planet Earth styled show? Cool. But since she is full of folksy wisdom, I hope they let her put her own script to work and write absolutely nothing for her.

TV shows picture of salmon;

Palin: "That's a fish. They're tasty. That one sure is pretty!"

TV shows picture of wolf;

Palin: "That's a wolf. I sometimes shoot them from a helicopter."

TV shows picture of two guys;

Palin: "Those are some proud Alaskans, enjoying the cool air"

TV shows the two guys start holding hands;

Palin: "Those are an abomination that will be purged in fire. You betcha!"

TV shows a bear;

Palin: "That's a bear. They're tasty. That one sure is big!"
posted by quin at 1:12 PM on March 29, 2010 [5 favorites]

Just put her on the fuckin crab boat already! You know how Captain Keith gets the worst greenhorns every season? Sign her up! She'll be better than Moi. But then again, other crab were better crab fishers than Moi!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:20 PM on March 29, 2010

TomMelee - On one hand, I get what you're saying. On the other hand, that was really really condescending. People are complicated and they have their own reasons for their beliefs, even if they're wrong - dear God so so wrong - they do not need "protection" from us enlightened liberal souls.
posted by Think_Long at 1:22 PM on March 29, 2010 [2 favorites]

I felt really bad for Moi when he left. He looked like a sad Keanu Reeves.
posted by Think_Long at 1:23 PM on March 29, 2010

and they BELIEVE in government and they BELIEVE in justice and they BELIEVE in sacrifice and healing power of the Lord

But, but--Palin doesn't believe in government. Ask her. Or better yet, ask her secessionist husband. And Palin doesn't believe in justice because if she did, she'd be interested in the pursuit of it, instead of taking it for granted. She also doesn't believe in the healing power of the lord, because if she did, she'd recognize that the lord she claims to believe in couldn't possibly have any need to work through the government to accomplish his goals.

It's me--liberals like me--who believe in those things you just described (well, except maybe "the healing power of the lord" part). And that's what disgusts me so much about Palin, because she's a pretender. A self-interested phony. She's not the real thing, she's a tacky second generation copy of a stereotype, and her entire political orientation is based around dismissing and demonizing roughly half of the fellow citizens of the nation she claims to love.
posted by saulgoodman at 1:26 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I must be the least reality tv watchingest person alive, because at least half of this thread was way over my head.
posted by paisley henosis at 1:36 PM on March 29, 2010

Half? Hell, I think her views about reproductive choice alone dismiss and demonize more than half of her fellow citizens. Throw in everything else and it's probably closer to 2/3 or 3/4.
posted by box at 1:39 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Television itself has now officially jumped the shark shot the moose.

(Man, I hope that catches on.)
posted by TG_Plackenfatz at 1:45 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

I must be the least reality tv watchingest person alive, because at least half of this thread was way over my head.

It's not over your head; it is beneath you.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:51 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sarah Palin has done more for the Democratic party than anyone else.
I would not be surprised if she is an undercover Democrat working to completely eviscerate the Republican party.
posted by notreally at 2:12 PM on March 29, 2010

notreally; from time to time I have those thoughts about Michael Steele.
posted by edgeways at 2:25 PM on March 29, 2010

As of late, my fiance has been calling TLC by the moniker MBW (midgets, babies and weddings).
posted by kaiseki at 3:44 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yea, I figured someone might have an issue with the way that turned out. Let me make the pot even more cloudy by telling you I'm registered republican....but I didn't vote in the General. Lol. (in WV, repubs can vote repub or independent in the primary, whereas independents can only vote indy and dems can only vote dem.)

BUT re: protection, it didn't come out how I intended it to. Here's a side story my girlfriend would kill me if she knew I shared:
At a birthday party recently for a 5 year old, I was somewhat invited into a discussion with one of these folks who had, according to him, discovered free energy and had patented it for only $150, and was in the process of finishing his blueprints and you or I could buy one soon for about $300. The premise was that he could take a car alternator and a gas generator and create DC from AC and AC from DC and use the "surplus" from the generation of each to power whatever you wanted. He was very proud of himself, but admitted he was still working out some of the schematics.

No, I didn't feel better than him, I just felt bad for him. The whole entire family was bought in 100% including this in their discussions of why Obama was the black antichrist, because somehow he would try to block this technology...or something. At some point it became more convoluted than I could follow.

This has little to do with the thread, but I'm quite certain that based on their spoken love for Ms. Palin, these are folks who make it worthwhile for these networks to air these shows...and methinks there's more of thesefolks than MeFolks (pun intended) in the US.
posted by TomMelee at 5:20 PM on March 29, 2010

So we were sitting on the porch this afternoon, admiring the spring garden and talking about what we should do with the little extra money coming our way. I suggested buying a signal box for the TV.
Mr. Gravy: What for?
Me: So we could watch TV sometimes.
Mr. Gravy: Do you want to watch TV?
Me:.....um.....I guess not. Not really.

10 years ago we were avid viewers of Survivor, and Amazing Race, and Project Runway, and Top Chef. And I watched that first Duggar special. And The Office. And other things. But we we canceled HBO after we found out that we could get The Wire on DVD. And we canceled basic cable after we found we could watch The Daily Show on-line. And when the US went digital we didn't notice because we hadn't used the TV set for anything other than DVDs for years. I can't see us going back for any reason. So y'all will have to keep an eye on Sarah for me and let me know how it goes.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:53 PM on March 29, 2010 [1 favorite]

Around our house it's called "The Hitlery Channel."

You want to know the sad part of that? I first heard the joke on Mystery Science Theater 3000. When it was on Comedy Central. That makes the joke at least ten years old, and it's still true.

Putting her in the same league as reality TV show people will hopefully move her into the entertainment business and out of politics.

It will not work that way. Fox News has built its entire network around blurring the two for maximum effect. The only possibly positive thing that could happen from that is, for the same reason Colbert wasn't allowed to actually run for office, Palin might be similarly barred. And yet what will really happen is she'll quit the show mid-season when it comes time to run again. It's not like she doesn't have a prior history of that kind of behavior. And the show will have served its purpose: keeping her name current in the two-and-a-half years before the 2012 election.

That kind of puts TLC in the position of Useful Fool, doesn't it?
posted by JHarris at 6:22 PM on March 29, 2010

It would be easier for me to see TLC as a Useful Fool if I didn't also believe that Republican administrations are typically more beneficial to gigantic media conglomerates.
posted by box at 6:33 PM on March 29, 2010

In a perfect world the show would get cancelled half way through the first season.

Everything about Sarah Palin suggests we're at least four rungs down the ladder in terms of world perfection.

I get the joke though.
posted by JHarris at 7:48 PM on March 29, 2010

It's a shame that TLC has something to do with it, but it could be worthwhile in the end. If you put her in front of a camera long enough, that writhing mass of self-loathing and contempt right underneath the surface will eventually burst forth. It's like when Kathy Lee was on with Regis. The show was horrible, but watching Kathy Lee weakly try to hide her contempt for her co-host was amusing in small doses, and you always got the feeling she was exercising a great deal of control to keep from ripping his head off at any given moment. I don't think Palin has the savvy to be another Reagan, and if anything it will probably have the opposite effect than what she may have intended. Or, she may have intended to cash in as much as possible without any thought to her political future, which is sort of a mixed blessing, because it means we're going to be seeing a lot more of this.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:05 PM on March 29, 2010

The show was horrible, but watching Kathy Lee weakly try to hide her contempt for her co-host was amusing in small doses, and you always got the feeling she was exercising a great deal of control to keep from ripping his head off at any given moment.

You must have been watching a different show than I. (And watch that use of second person there.)
posted by JHarris at 12:58 AM on March 30, 2010

In other Palin News: Ms. Palin addressed a Tea Bag Party in Nevada on Sat. Night and told the crowd to "Fire Obama."

"In these upcoming elections we're saying that the big government, big debt Obama, Pelosi, Reid spending spree is over. You're fired," Palin said. "We're not going to sit down and shut up."

She also told Teabaggers to stop cars with Obama stickers and talk to yell at them:

"That bumper sticker that maybe you'll see on the next Subaru driving by -- an Obama bumper sticker -- you should stop the driver and say, 'So how is that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?'"

She didn't address the question of how you are supposed stop someone and talk to them when they are driving a car.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:09 AM on March 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gah! Link
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:10 AM on March 30, 2010

Christ, she's not even on TV yet and she's already in reruns.
posted by The Whelk at 8:13 AM on March 30, 2010

'So how is that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?'

I don't have an Obama sticker on my car, but maybe I should get one. HEY SARAH! It's working out great for me! Not only do I think the HCR legislation is a great step in the right direction (both morally and economically), but it included student loan reform! This means that when I get my elitist PhD at Ivory Tower U, the subsidized federal loans I qualify for will come straight from my university and won't help line the pockets of Big Banks. Yeah, things in this country could be better, but they could be way, way worse. For example, you could be in the White House.

So things are working out pretty well for me. How's that ragey, threaty thing working out for you?
posted by oinopaponton at 8:19 AM on March 30, 2010 [5 favorites]

I've had my Obama bumper magnet in my glovebox for a while now, but I think I'll put it back on, just to spite Palin and to tell her followers that I'm actually feeling great under Obama as of late, between HCR and good foreign policy. Plus, 2012 is coming up, eventually.

Plus, I like to live dangerously.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:43 AM on March 30, 2010

'So how is that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?'

I just bought and moved into my first home, so...pretty good, I guess?
posted by infinitywaltz at 9:51 AM on March 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

> That bumper sticker that maybe you'll see on the next Subaru driving by -- an Obama bumper sticker -- you should stop the driver and say, 'So how is that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?

Well, that would be a definite improvement to what I normally get, which is usually along the lines of "Obama sucks!" or "Fucking socialist!" Usually screamed at me by young men who honestly don't look like they were old enough to vote in the last election.

> How's that ragey, threaty thing working out for you?

I'm totally gonna use that if I get the chance.
posted by contessa at 10:19 AM on March 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sarah Palin's also getting her own show on Fox News, but it's about "real American stories" from celebrities, like Toby Keith and LL Cool J, and great American citizens, like veterans.

And yet all Joe the Plumber has is a book. The McCain campaign is only an opportunity to become a celebrity, not a guarantee.
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:38 PM on March 30, 2010

Oh, LL Cool J just bailed because he hated the promo for the show. Sorry, slashficers.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:30 PM on March 31, 2010

Ooh, I hope Palin records an LL dis song. He hasn't had a good feud since Canibus.
posted by box at 5:57 PM on March 31, 2010

Sarah Palin's also getting her own show on Fox News

"Airing in place of On The Record with Greta Van Susteren"

Hm.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:05 PM on March 31, 2010

Oh, and guess who's hosting SNL next week?
posted by Sys Rq at 6:08 PM on March 31, 2010

Justin Bieber!? But he's a mere child!
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:50 PM on April 1, 2010

More Real American Stories drama.
posted by craven_morhead at 2:49 PM on April 1, 2010

So the moral of the story is that if you talk to FOX News, ever, they will use it at a later date to ratfuck you. Nice.
posted by Artw at 3:29 PM on April 1, 2010

In other LOLREPUBLICANS news, the RNC (the one headed by Michael Steele) spent $2,000 at a bondage-themed topless club where dancers pantomime lesbian sex, all on RNC funds. Family values, moo moo, &c.

And in yet more LOLRNC news: RNC Mailer Directs Donors to Sex Line: 'We Love Nasty Talk as Much as You Do'
posted by homunculus at 4:20 PM on April 1, 2010

Tina Fey Unveils "The Sarah Palin Network" on SNL
posted by homunculus at 10:58 AM on April 11, 2010