Que chupe, Montañas de Pastillas de Goma!
April 23, 2010 1:48 PM   Subscribe

Having zombie problems again? Perhaps a bloodless coup has installed you as dictator of your HOA? Don't worry - Spanish for Everyday Situations has you covered. (NSF lovers of correct Spanish grammar.)
posted by freshwater_pr0n (14 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
But we don't need no water! Because it's an electrical fire! For which a non-conductive chemical-powder extinguisher such as PKP would be far more appropriate!

¡Pero no necesitamos nada de agua! ¡Porque es un fuego eléctrico! ¡Para que un no conductivo extintor de polvo químico como PKP sería mucho más adecuado!

I am reminded of Latin Class - where one section got the story that started with "The girl is under the tree. The Girl is holding a book. The girl is happy!" and the other section got "The poet is singing. The poet singly badly. A dog bites the poet! The poet cries"

guess which group had more progress.
posted by The Whelk at 1:54 PM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

"is singing" argh.
posted by The Whelk at 1:54 PM on April 23, 2010

Parece que los zombis no tienen ningún interés en mí. Me siento aliviado y, además, despreciado.

voluble bastardos
posted by three blind mice at 1:55 PM on April 23, 2010

Perdone, buen señor. ¿Podría usted tiene algunos cerebros frescos pude toma

Yes. Yes. Yes. Why do language books always teach you the old timey formal way of saying things?
posted by edbles at 1:59 PM on April 23, 2010

¿Qué el coger?
posted by omegar at 2:07 PM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why do language books always teach you the old timey formal way of saying things?

Remnant of the Cold War era. Back then, you needed to know who was really lifelong citizen of your country, so you could alert McCarthy and Hoover when "John" asked you "Where might I purchase some petrol for my red automobile?"
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 2:11 PM on April 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

¡Oh, qué maravilloso. Estoy de pie junto a mí!
posted by beelzbubba at 2:23 PM on April 23, 2010

Yo no le hablo a zombies.
posted by peeedro at 2:29 PM on April 23, 2010

Kinda disappointed to learn that these are "basically just Google Translator output". Sure, they'll probably still convey the gist of things, but what if I happen across the señorita of my dreams while out zombie-hunting, only to embarrass myself with ungrammatical Spanish? This is no help at all.
posted by eykal at 2:34 PM on April 23, 2010

¡Cuidado! ¡Cuidado! ¡Cuidado! ¡Zombi del Llamas!
posted by Smedleyman at 2:35 PM on April 23, 2010

The single most important word to know, in case of a Spanish-language nerd-related emergency situation, is the root word "caza", or "hunter". Let's say you're being attacked by angsty yet quippy vampires. The correct phrase is: "¡Ayudame! ¡Cazavampiros!" Gozer? "¡Por favor! ¡Cazaphantasmas!" The Penguin? "¡Cazadora! ¡Y tambien Batman!"

There is almost certainly a... yup, there it is, "Cazador de Zombis". Keep this one simple word in mind, and you to need never fear rubbery Spanish monsters again.
posted by ormondsacker at 2:41 PM on April 23, 2010 [6 favorites]

Cortar la cabeza.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:10 PM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Very annoying. I'm big on language learning and silly things like this - IF they had the correct grammar - are an excellent way to learn a language - because they're entertaining and because you learn complex sentence patterns just for fun.

But it's bad to learn wrong sentence patterns that way.

Protip: learn lyrics of popular songs, you'll have fun and learn patterns that people really use.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 3:42 PM on April 23, 2010

I can't speak for the grammar, but reading the English alone has made me laugh for 2 days now.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:28 PM on April 27, 2010

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