cleanternet

April 25, 2010 9:05 PM

cleanternet: for a cleaner and safer internet.
posted by homunculus (58 comments total)

Via.
posted by homunculus at 9:06 PM on April 25, 2010

SIgn me up. It is for the children!
posted by birdherder at 9:14 PM on April 25, 2010

Pedophiles are the new Terrorists? Well, I suppose cheap tactics of fear and loathing haven't changed since the dawn of ... anything.
posted by flippant at 9:23 PM on April 25, 2010

since the dawn of fear and loathing.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:33 PM on April 25, 2010

LAS VEGAS!
posted by dirigibleman at 9:40 PM on April 25, 2010

lol

paraphrase of my favorite section:

"the web sites hosting the child pornography will get an immediate warning; this will help save the resources of the police and the courts, because the hosts themselves will go ahead and delete the illegal images. And there is another advantage to making our own list of links to illegal websites: eventually even the pedophiles that have disabled our blocking system will find out which sites are definitely not allowed"
posted by idiopath at 9:43 PM on April 25, 2010

"Everywhere where you look these days there are websites full of child pornography"

What!?

Just where exactly have these people been looking?
posted by delmoi at 9:50 PM on April 25, 2010 [13 favorites]

A bit of context would be helpful here. What exactly is the EU proposing to do?
posted by bicyclefish at 9:51 PM on April 25, 2010

Keep watching, delmoi.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:52 PM on April 25, 2010

i see what they did there.
posted by leotrotsky at 9:55 PM on April 25, 2010

"Even China, North Korea and Iran are already using a successful blocking system to protect the freedom and democracy..."

*giggles*
posted by Sallysings at 10:05 PM on April 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

Just to save everyone a lot of trouble, here is an ASCII hamburger:

       __________________
   _.-", ,' .'. ,  `. .  "-._
 .'. `    .    ,  `  .  ' '  `.
.`____________________________'.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
 `____________________________' 

*Crosses fingers, hits preview*
posted by !Jim at 10:10 PM on April 25, 2010 [11 favorites]

A bit of context would be helpful here. What exactly is the EU proposing to do?

Commissioner for Home Affairs Cecilia "Censillia" Malmström would like ISPs to filter our internet. Hopefully it will be just like when the German Family Minister proposed the idea a few years ago - she'll be solidly mocked, her attempt will fail, and she'll fade off into some other corner of politics.
posted by cmonkey at 10:12 PM on April 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

man, i didn't get it until when the pedophile found out the sites that are blocked.
posted by angrycat at 10:14 PM on April 25, 2010

is this real???
posted by bam at 10:20 PM on April 25, 2010

I appreciate subtlety as much as anyone, but at least linking to some website that also opposes the blocking system would probably be helpful.
posted by ankurd at 10:35 PM on April 25, 2010

I expected that big dog that licks the screen...
posted by Cranberry at 10:40 PM on April 25, 2010 [4 favorites]

Fundamental difference between leud content on the Internet and elsewhere: there is no "dial" which makes you accidentally come across something you don't want to see. You have to go looking.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 10:44 PM on April 25, 2010

Such a weird experience. Youtube (or whatever video hosting site their video is on) is blocked in China, and so when I visited this page, there was just the 'cleanternet' logo and an enormous blank square, which is pretty much the cleanest Internet you can get.

It's almost like real website blocking is as funny or funnier as parodies of website blocking.
posted by Valet at 10:53 PM on April 25, 2010 [4 favorites]

Cranberry
posted by adamvasco at 10:58 PM on April 25, 2010

Am I missing something? They talk about how child porn sites are hosted in poor countries, and then show us a map... of the US, Canada, Russia, Germany, and Japan.

What?
posted by reductiondesign at 11:04 PM on April 25, 2010

Though, after the second half of the video, I'm 100% sure this is satire.
posted by reductiondesign at 11:06 PM on April 25, 2010

Thanks adamvasco, but I have friends(?) who send me that every now and then. Remember when everything on the internet was new?
posted by Cranberry at 11:19 PM on April 25, 2010

Hey. I like that dog cleaning the screen.

Someday it'll probably get blocked though.
posted by Some1 at 11:55 PM on April 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

Opps, sorry was an hour late with that.
posted by Some1 at 12:16 AM on April 26, 2010

"....must be forced to fight for a cleaner internet..." WHAT?!
posted by nzero at 12:36 AM on April 26, 2010

Veridian Dynamics
Life. Better.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:42 AM on April 26, 2010 [3 favorites]

"It will be extended to help people around the world who are victims of gambling, terrorism, copyright infringement, criticism, political opposition, freedom of speech, and democracy"

What? Was this very badly written (by committee), and then badly translated?

There are some interesting comments on YouTube too
posted by DanCall at 1:10 AM on April 26, 2010

DanCall - you want they should have ended with "lol just kidding" or "... NOT" or what?
posted by idiopath at 1:22 AM on April 26, 2010

I've had this discussion a few times with people who think of a similar plan:

"so you're going to publish kiddie porn?"

"huh? No! that's exactly what we don't want!"

"then why are you publishing a list of sites that have kiddie porn, if it isn't to make it easy for the pederasts to find them?"

"but... but..."

"because you know that is what happened with countries that implemented this plan, right?"
posted by DreamerFi at 1:22 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Idiooath - victims of Freedom of Speech? Victims of democracy?
posted by DanCall at 1:42 AM on April 26, 2010

The whole thing is a joke. They didn't mean any of it. The fact that they refer to victims of Democracy is supposed to make that obvious.
posted by idiopath at 1:45 AM on April 26, 2010

People do need to be protected from Democracy. They might make the wrong choice when voting in elections. Much better to have a one party state. And Secret Police to protect the people from dangerous new ideas such as freedom.
posted by electricinca at 1:56 AM on April 26, 2010

this new design sucks!! how to i login my facebook????
posted by ryanrs at 2:25 AM on April 26, 2010 [10 favorites]

Wow, serious irony fail on Metafilter today.
posted by howfar at 3:51 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

The author's blog (just in case).
posted by elgilito at 4:08 AM on April 26, 2010

Apart from being quite brilliant, Cleanternet is an adapted shorter version of the German-centric Rette Deine Freiheit (Save Your Freedom). Also see Du bist Terrorist.
posted by brokkr at 5:15 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one that noticed the reference to the Ministry of Truth?
posted by inmediasres at 5:43 AM on April 26, 2010

My bad. It is very well done though, and having had to read through some of this sort of stuff from the EU, it's very much in keeping with the sort of stuff that does get produced.
posted by DanCall at 5:55 AM on April 26, 2010

I didn't realize that there were so many child pron enthusiasts! It's amazing how quickly they've evolved from real people into strawmen!
posted by blue_beetle at 5:59 AM on April 26, 2010

go ahead, say "cleanternet" fast , ten times... I'm willing to bet you end up at a word that brings a bit of irony to this whole thing...
posted by HuronBob at 6:03 AM on April 26, 2010

Thinking about it, I reckon a lot of people are falling for it because it suits their preconceptions to do so. I'm not saying that a negative preconception of people who favour censorship over law-enforcement is wrong, but the power of prejudice is incredible, even when you're in the right.
posted by howfar at 6:05 AM on April 26, 2010

Hey. I like that dog cleaning the screen.

Cats are much better at cleaning.
posted by Evilspork at 6:08 AM on April 26, 2010

Here's an English-subtitled version (badly subtitled, but still) of Du Bist Terrorist.
posted by mediareport at 6:25 AM on April 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

My irony meter is legitimately broken. Thanks a lot, cleanternet.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 6:36 AM on April 26, 2010

Thanks, that was hilarious. I hadn't even heard about the issue of European countries trying to set up a blocking system for child porn, which they make a compelling case against. I will have to go to Google News and read up on that sometime.

Hugs America for not doing something quite that dumb (yet).
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:46 AM on April 26, 2010

It's hard not to fall for something like this when descriptions of real events increasingly read like headlines from The Onion.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 6:58 AM on April 26, 2010

It's far, far too late for that.
posted by bwg at 7:11 AM on April 26, 2010

Thanks for the link mediareport. I'll say one thing, this stuff makes those who claim that Germans don't understand irony look a bit silly.
posted by howfar at 7:22 AM on April 26, 2010

I think this thread can be used to measure the length of a mefite's attention span while watching a 2 minute video.
posted by desjardins at 8:26 AM on April 26, 2010 [3 favorites]

Just to save everyone a lot of trouble, here is an ASCII hamburger

The meat looks pricey.
posted by krinklyfig at 9:03 AM on April 26, 2010

howfar: "I reckon a lot of people are falling for it because it suits their preconceptions to do so."

That, or you could blame it on Poe's Law.
posted by idiopath at 9:59 AM on April 26, 2010

Look at this fucking pederast.
posted by Babblesort at 10:33 AM on April 26, 2010

This is really good at not being too heavy-handed. You could probably show it to one of those concerned parent types and get them to support it. And that would be hilarious.
posted by tehloki at 11:14 AM on April 26, 2010

@tehloki: actually, that would be sad.

Precisely because it is so true.

On a more serious front, she apparently doesn't use ad-block plus. I mean, how often does the normal web searcher come across child-porn? Or porn AT ALL? (Unless you're looking for it...or the movie xXx.)
posted by Sallysings at 12:14 PM on April 26, 2010

Fundamental difference between leud content on the Internet and elsewhere: there is no "dial" which makes you accidentally come across something you don't want to see. You have to go looking.

Tell me about it. I had a dream about a bird called a "Hungarian Swallow." Wanting some insight into my dream, I googled. I probably should have thought that one through.
posted by Kskomsvold at 12:20 PM on April 26, 2010

I really expected more from my fellow MeFites. I don't see how anyone could watch this and take it seriously. I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm just curious about your thought process. What did you think when you watched it?
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 1:33 PM on April 26, 2010

”Child pornography is great,” the speaker at the podium declared enthusiastically. ”It is great because politicians understand child pornography. By playing that card, we can get them to act, and start blocking sites. And once they have done that, we can get them to start blocking file sharing sites”.
posted by homunculus at 2:06 PM on April 28, 2010 [1 favorite]