What's it like to be born a sellout?
July 26, 2001 2:54 PM   Subscribe

What's it like to be born a sellout? Two parents not only expecting a new child, but expecting a corporate donor to give them half a million dollars for the naming rights to their son. Their ebay listing claims it's for the child's education, though the article says they're looking to buy a new home. And if you actually think naming your offspring "Aaa-Oh-El" is a good idea and would like to copy it, too late, the imitators have already sprung up. (via NextDraft)
posted by mathowie (20 comments total)
this is incredibly sad.
posted by moz at 3:02 PM on July 26, 2001

I hope f*ckwit.com manages to scrape some money together just to teach these idiots a lesson...
posted by DiplomaticImmunity at 3:03 PM on July 26, 2001

Isn't this just the Truman Show?
posted by ParisParamus at 3:07 PM on July 26, 2001

"Welcome to the world, Fleet Enema Schroeder-Black!"
posted by Skot at 3:07 PM on July 26, 2001

I predict this is a sham story. Especially since $500K is awfully low. Plus, how do you contract with someone who's not born yet? Someone's trying to make a point.
posted by ParisParamus at 3:10 PM on July 26, 2001

I think its even sadder that the imitators are asking for 750K and 1M, but the original only wanted 500K...
posted by rschram at 3:17 PM on July 26, 2001

I suggest we scrape together enough money to buy the rights, and call him "my parents are senseless idiots who don't care about my future."
That way, his "education" gets paid, and I get to have a good chuckle.
posted by starduck at 6:16 PM on July 26, 2001

What Paris said. This reeks of sham.
posted by dong_resin at 6:27 PM on July 26, 2001

The father's a journalist; it's an art project, they're looking to make a statement, looking to get their own names in People. No corporation is going to invest in an unknown property. Instead, marketing waits until all the kids grow up, see if they become tour golfers, tennis pros, basketball stars or hit musicians, and if they do, then the company plasters their logo all over them.
posted by TimTypeZed at 7:00 PM on July 26, 2001

Part of that $500,000.00 should be set aside for therapy for the little tyke.... or for lawyer's fees when he sues his parents later on!
posted by poorhouse at 9:19 PM on July 26, 2001

"Metafilter" would be a pretty cool middle name, I reckon.

If this isn't a scam, I wonder if anything would prevent them from renaming the little tyke to something a little more orthodox than Maalox or Trojan a couple of years after birth? (I guess a condom brand might not be the best choice to name a newborn, but you know what I mean...)

BTW, any large corporates out there who are looking to give somebody half a million clams to become a walking personification of their brand - I'm there!

I feel so dirty. Again.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:46 PM on July 26, 2001

Can't the kid just change his name? The process is incredibly simple, all you have to do is start using it. He may have to wait until he's 18 though, but I'm not sure.
posted by Mark at 10:01 PM on July 26, 2001

Uhhh, let's not forget that many people are called by names other than their given ones. Like pretty much anyone named James (like myself), Richard, Theodore, Elizabeth, Katherine, and anyone with the initials JB, JC, TJ, or LT...
posted by fooljay at 12:26 AM on July 27, 2001

What if little Coca-Cola Schroeder-Black turns out to be a solid D- student? Will "things go better with Coke" then?

Will they have to reformulate for puberty? What if s/he suffers terrible rejection from his/her peers especially with respect to the dating scene; and it becomes widely known that s/he is not, in fact, "it"?

Even worse, what if that title belongs to his/her classmate, Pepsi Morgan Stanley?
posted by galachef55 at 12:49 AM on July 27, 2001

Mr. Black was on WABC radio a few minutes ago. They took him seriously...idiots.
posted by ParisParamus at 3:47 AM on July 27, 2001

Ebay Art is so passe. Been there, done that.
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 6:33 AM on July 27, 2001

Black said they have not ruled out anything -- except cigarette or gun brand names. "Those are personal values of ours," Black said. "Those are certain standards that we feel we have to stick by."

Well, it's nice to know they aren't going to be crass about it.
posted by RylandDotNet at 8:15 AM on July 27, 2001

It's almost August=slow news time = sham news time.
posted by ParisParamus at 8:36 AM on July 27, 2001

And there was me trying desperately to keep corporate sites away from this . . .
posted by feelinglistless at 5:56 AM on July 29, 2001

Here's Segfault's take on it.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 1:24 PM on July 29, 2001

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