You win!
June 18, 2010 8:30 AM Subscribe
Girls suck at video games (vimeo)
Well, on the bright side more and more women have the opportunity to eschew the kiddie track and and drink and smoke and stay late at the office for the big paycheck so they can die earlier as well. Yay!
posted by cjorgensen at 8:46 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by cjorgensen at 8:46 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
oh come now, its just that drinking and smoking is way more fun on a friday than cleaning up after kids
posted by infini at 8:48 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by infini at 8:48 AM on June 18, 2010
Where's the part where the she's able to cry to get out of a speeding ticket?
Cause I can never get past that boss battle.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:55 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
Cause I can never get past that boss battle.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:55 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
Where's the part where the she's able to cry to get out of a speeding ticket?
Try not speeding.
posted by delmoi at 8:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
Try not speeding.
posted by delmoi at 8:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
insert half-joking complaint about how women actually have it way better than men
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
Insert sense of humor here. ;-)
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:59 AM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:59 AM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
How 20th century. Mutters the dad who has to be a single parent for a week while his wife is off at a resort with friends.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:06 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by mrgrimm at 9:06 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I found this sexist and unfunny. Why does this exist?
posted by fuq at 9:09 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by fuq at 9:09 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
The dead babies got a raised eyebrow of concern out of me.
posted by charred husk at 9:17 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by charred husk at 9:17 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
Different strokes: I sort of only liked the dead babies. The rest is crappy animation used to flog a questionable old dead horse.
posted by umberto at 9:19 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by umberto at 9:19 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'M AT WORK AND I JUST SENT THIS TO MY WIFE, WHO IS AT HOME. (Of course, she won't be able to watch it until dinner is served and the kids are all in bed, meanwhile, I'm dicking around on the computer and getting paid for it.)
posted by ColdChef at 9:21 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by ColdChef at 9:21 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
fuq, you can ask her on her blog (in French) located here.
I wasn't a huge fan of the video, but I quite like her other art.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:23 AM on June 18, 2010
I wasn't a huge fan of the video, but I quite like her other art.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:23 AM on June 18, 2010
Whenever these social-commentary-presented-as-a-video-game videos get posted, I always wind up wanting to play them just to analyze their game mechanics. Could she juggle the babies? Would catching all of them give her access to a nanny? Might there be a little IUD in the prophyl-pactic maze that would be a point boost? Or would the power pills be morning-after pills? I have so many (stupid) questions.
posted by boo_radley at 9:23 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 9:23 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
I'm not sure what's controversial about the idea that a woman is expected to juggle her career, housework, and childraising, denying herself things she wants to attain those goals, and in the end, for all that effort, gets less than men who are not expected to perform that juggling act get.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:30 AM on June 18, 2010 [38 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:30 AM on June 18, 2010 [38 favorites]
So if you enter the Konami code, does it unlock a bonus room with free childcare and morning after pills?
posted by giraffe at 9:30 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by giraffe at 9:30 AM on June 18, 2010
Pope Guilty: "I'm not sure what's controversial about"
well you see it has made a man feel bad, therefore
posted by boo_radley at 9:32 AM on June 18, 2010 [18 favorites]
well you see it has made a man feel bad, therefore
posted by boo_radley at 9:32 AM on June 18, 2010 [18 favorites]
It's no "Trucker's Delight" but it wasn't without its sins.
Ugh, speaking of that piece of vile excrement, it's now an iPhone game too. Good job on that one, App Store!
posted by kmz at 9:42 AM on June 18, 2010
Ugh, speaking of that piece of vile excrement, it's now an iPhone game too. Good job on that one, App Store!
posted by kmz at 9:42 AM on June 18, 2010
She wants a highly paid smoking/drinking/baby-tossing business job and she can't even sort the high scores properly?
posted by Gary at 10:07 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Gary at 10:07 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
The bit where she's preggers reminded me of the bit in Pirate Baby's Cabana Battle Street Fight where the zombie babies erupt out of the zombie moms. Man, that rocked so hard.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:07 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:07 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm not sure what's controversial about the idea that a woman is expected to juggle her career, housework, and childraising, denying herself things she wants to attain those goals, and in the end, for all that effort, gets less than men who are not expected to perform that juggling act get.
It's misandry, misandry I tell you! Remember, in discussions of gender on Metafilter we must always ignore existing structural imbalances in favor of men.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 10:24 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
It's misandry, misandry I tell you! Remember, in discussions of gender on Metafilter we must always ignore existing structural imbalances in favor of men.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 10:24 AM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
Hee, thanks desjardins. It's like Gender-Based Social Inequity 101 in videogame form.
And the babies were hilarious. Actually the running-while-holding pregnant belly was hilarious.
You know Cool Papa Bell, that ticket thing didn't work for me. Only ticket I've ever gotten, when I was 16, for expired tags and the tears (because I thought I had been speeding and my dad would kill me) cut no ice w/ the dude who pulled me over.
And even if it had, I'm pretty sure the 75 cents I make to a man's dollar kind of negates it.
posted by emjaybee at 10:37 AM on June 18, 2010
And the babies were hilarious. Actually the running-while-holding pregnant belly was hilarious.
You know Cool Papa Bell, that ticket thing didn't work for me. Only ticket I've ever gotten, when I was 16, for expired tags and the tears (because I thought I had been speeding and my dad would kill me) cut no ice w/ the dude who pulled me over.
And even if it had, I'm pretty sure the 75 cents I make to a man's dollar kind of negates it.
posted by emjaybee at 10:37 AM on June 18, 2010
I just Googled and watched Trucker's Delight. :(
posted by Kloryne at 10:44 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Kloryne at 10:44 AM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
A strange game. The only way to win is not to play,
posted by crunchland at 10:48 AM on June 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by crunchland at 10:48 AM on June 18, 2010 [7 favorites]
It's misandry, misandry I tell you! Remember, in discussions of gender on Metafilter we must always ignore existing structural imbalances in favor of men.
But of course - how else would the hegemony be able to feel oppressed?
posted by djgh at 10:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
But of course - how else would the hegemony be able to feel oppressed?
posted by djgh at 10:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
So the lady doesn't get bonus points for raising the kids or is money all that counts in life?
posted by parallax7d at 11:19 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by parallax7d at 11:19 AM on June 18, 2010
infinitewindow: "More gender-role 16-bit action. "
This was created by a very bitter man. I've known a few men like that, their bitterness is mostly well earned but you should never take their advice when it comes to women. Unfortunately, videos like this doesn't come with such a warning label.
posted by charred husk at 11:23 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
This was created by a very bitter man. I've known a few men like that, their bitterness is mostly well earned but you should never take their advice when it comes to women. Unfortunately, videos like this doesn't come with such a warning label.
posted by charred husk at 11:23 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Her talent is wasted on this. She's really good at drafting and the human body but she's not animating it like Dan the Man or anything. We're not seeing animation cycles, or segmented bodies. It's more like an early Playstation game (like the roller blading racer game) where they're big single gifs of the characters.
Dan the Man and Pirate Baby get it. Make it look like a video game.
Also it is a really tired theme. At least Dan the Man mixed more actual game elements into it instead of stuff just plain not making sense in "femmes". Space Invaders all of a sudden?
posted by Napierzaza at 11:27 AM on June 18, 2010
Dan the Man and Pirate Baby get it. Make it look like a video game.
Also it is a really tired theme. At least Dan the Man mixed more actual game elements into it instead of stuff just plain not making sense in "femmes". Space Invaders all of a sudden?
posted by Napierzaza at 11:27 AM on June 18, 2010
Marry well, then. I live in a whole county of women who just drive around in Mercedes SUV's and Range Rovers and sip lattes while they chauffer their kids everywhere, write a check for the housekeeper and then pick up the pre-prepared dinner at the gourmet store.
And when something interferes with this grueling routine, they play the "well, I have a child" card and everyone falls in line, including hubby.
Where's that video game?
(That was the flip side, everyone. You're welcome.)
posted by L'OM at 11:33 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
And when something interferes with this grueling routine, they play the "well, I have a child" card and everyone falls in line, including hubby.
Where's that video game?
(That was the flip side, everyone. You're welcome.)
posted by L'OM at 11:33 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
So the lady doesn't get bonus points for raising the kids or is money all that counts in life?
I think that's the point.
Really, this works equally well as a misogynist "Why women don't belong in the workplace and shouldn't make as much as men" video. Kudos!
posted by coolguymichael at 11:38 AM on June 18, 2010
I think that's the point.
Really, this works equally well as a misogynist "Why women don't belong in the workplace and shouldn't make as much as men" video. Kudos!
posted by coolguymichael at 11:38 AM on June 18, 2010
You know Cool Papa Bell, that ticket thing didn't work for me.
Never works for me. I sniffle and whimper a bit and keep saying, "But Officer, this Corvette is so big and scary ..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:04 PM on June 18, 2010
Never works for me. I sniffle and whimper a bit and keep saying, "But Officer, this Corvette is so big and scary ..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:04 PM on June 18, 2010
Maybe you shouldn't marry someone who makes you do all that.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:33 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:33 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
Interesting. The content AND the art style are from the 80s.
posted by papercake at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by papercake at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2010
So the lady doesn't get bonus points for raising the kids or is money all that counts in life?
I think that's the point.
Really, this works equally well as a misogynist "Why women don't belong in the workplace and shouldn't make as much as men" video. Kudos!
Wait, that's the point of the artist, or the point of some pretend male making that argument?
posted by parallax7d at 1:28 PM on June 18, 2010
a questionable old dead horse.
Until progress is made and parity reached, even if women decide to have children at some point, then maybe we can cremate this allegedly dead horse, but until then, maybe those who need to think about these things will do so.
posted by cmgonzalez at 2:10 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Until progress is made and parity reached, even if women decide to have children at some point, then maybe we can cremate this allegedly dead horse, but until then, maybe those who need to think about these things will do so.
posted by cmgonzalez at 2:10 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I live in a whole county of women...
It's so bizarre how anytime there's an article or video or game that discusses particular difficulties women face in our society, there are always a handful of men who feel utterly compelled to chime in with the, "But men have it hard too! What about the problems men face? Huh? How come nobody ever talks about men?" or worse, "This is sexist! Women have it so much better than men!" (which, even if it were true, would by that logic mean that no one who is not a starving child in Africa should ever complain about anything.)
posted by straight at 2:32 PM on June 18, 2010 [11 favorites]
It's so bizarre how anytime there's an article or video or game that discusses particular difficulties women face in our society, there are always a handful of men who feel utterly compelled to chime in with the, "But men have it hard too! What about the problems men face? Huh? How come nobody ever talks about men?" or worse, "This is sexist! Women have it so much better than men!" (which, even if it were true, would by that logic mean that no one who is not a starving child in Africa should ever complain about anything.)
posted by straight at 2:32 PM on June 18, 2010 [11 favorites]
Maybe you shouldn't marry someone who makes you do all that.
I think the point of the game was that women are expected by society to raise the kids, do most of the chores, and that any woman who wants to work is expected to suddenly juggle all of that. And if a man and woman want to have a family, the woman is the one who carries the baby (obviously) but there's not a lot of support there and her choices are often denigrated.
If you find a man who is awesome and will share half the chores, half the raising of the kids, or stay home, whatever, it's like "wow! how special and lucky you are, lady, that he's willing to do that!" rather than just being the norm.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:05 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think the point of the game was that women are expected by society to raise the kids, do most of the chores, and that any woman who wants to work is expected to suddenly juggle all of that. And if a man and woman want to have a family, the woman is the one who carries the baby (obviously) but there's not a lot of support there and her choices are often denigrated.
If you find a man who is awesome and will share half the chores, half the raising of the kids, or stay home, whatever, it's like "wow! how special and lucky you are, lady, that he's willing to do that!" rather than just being the norm.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:05 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
a questionable old dead horse.
Stop calling attention to this horse! It's dead, I'm telling you!
*cracks whip, rides off into sunset*
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 3:11 PM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
Stop calling attention to this horse! It's dead, I'm telling you!
*cracks whip, rides off into sunset*
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 3:11 PM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm writing code while wearing mardi-gras beads and eating plastic grapes, thanks to my two-year-old. That is all.
posted by Ella Fynoe at 3:36 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Ella Fynoe at 3:36 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's so bizarre how anytime there's an article or video or game that discusses particular difficulties women face in our society, there are always a handful of men who feel utterly compelled to chime in with the, "But men have it hard too! What about the problems men face? Huh? How come nobody ever talks about men?" or worse, "This is sexist! Women have it so much better than men!"
Yeah! Those uppity men should learn their place! If you wanted their thoughts on something you would have gone out to the gararge...
Ahh, who am I kidding ? Men can't think!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:52 PM on June 18, 2010
Society expects lots of stuff.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:59 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:59 PM on June 18, 2010
Pogo_Fuzzybutt, I know you're kidding and I understand why, but it's a nasty cycle that straight is referring to. In my area, a man just murdered his whole family -- mother-in-law, wife, and pre-K children -- and fled the house; he was caught in about 72 hours. Nevertheless, the comments section on a major local paper contained many posters eager to place the blame on women, because the family courts are supposedly so biased against them that family murder is preferable to divorce.
When I, as a known cracker, read articles about the black experience of racism, I consider it best, upon the whole, to keep my mouth shut about the difficulties of being white in such a system. Doesn't mean they don't exist. It just means that they are not what is under discussion, and therefore not germane.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:17 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
When I, as a known cracker, read articles about the black experience of racism, I consider it best, upon the whole, to keep my mouth shut about the difficulties of being white in such a system. Doesn't mean they don't exist. It just means that they are not what is under discussion, and therefore not germane.
posted by Countess Elena at 4:17 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]
Solon and Thanks: If you find a man who is awesome and will share half the chores, half the raising of the kids, or stay home, whatever, it's like "wow! how special and lucky you are, lady, that he's willing to do that!" rather than just being the norm.
And people will still get in your face about it with either fake concern about how haaaaaaaard the poor boy's life must be or just constant 'reminders' from onlookers/family/friends about the things they think you should be doing (i.e. the other anachronism always washes up yet my mother in law will never ever talk to him about it, instead preferring to nag me about when I'll do it, no matter how many times I tell her that he does it and he'll do it when he's ready).
posted by geek anachronism at 4:39 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
And people will still get in your face about it with either fake concern about how haaaaaaaard the poor boy's life must be or just constant 'reminders' from onlookers/family/friends about the things they think you should be doing (i.e. the other anachronism always washes up yet my mother in law will never ever talk to him about it, instead preferring to nag me about when I'll do it, no matter how many times I tell her that he does it and he'll do it when he's ready).
posted by geek anachronism at 4:39 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Society expects lots of stuff.
And builds those expectations into its many institutions.
posted by Danila at 4:41 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
And builds those expectations into its many institutions.
posted by Danila at 4:41 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]
And builds those expectations into its many institutions.
The person you choose to marry isn't an institution.
If societal pressure is to blame it goes both ways, men can just say they don't help because of the societal pressure. People are anti gay or racist because of societal pressure.
At some point you just have to take personal responsibility.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 6:31 PM on June 18, 2010
I like Dan the Man a lot. It's not anti-woman, it's about what a futile game the "American dream" is.
When a woman marries a man because he saved her from a giant robot, it's not a start to a very fulfilling life. I've seen it.
posted by roll truck roll at 7:13 PM on June 18, 2010
When a woman marries a man because he saved her from a giant robot, it's not a start to a very fulfilling life. I've seen it.
posted by roll truck roll at 7:13 PM on June 18, 2010
Marry well, then.
Maybe you shouldn't marry someone who makes you do all that.
The person you choose to marry isn't an institution.
Um, I married a supportive guy, and I can attest to the fact that the world did not magically make me immune to experiencing sexism in my daily life outside our home. Nor did it absolve me of financial responsibilities, since getting married did not make us magically wealthy. Clearly we are doing this marriage thing wrong?
Also:
If societal pressure is to blame it goes both ways, men can just say they don't help because of the societal pressure. People are anti gay or racist because of societal pressure.
You do understand that there's a difference between benefiting from a systemic inequity that is actively harmful to other people who are not you, and facing a systemic inequity that causes others to benefit from your oppression, right?
posted by ellehumour at 8:13 PM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
Maybe you shouldn't marry someone who makes you do all that.
The person you choose to marry isn't an institution.
Um, I married a supportive guy, and I can attest to the fact that the world did not magically make me immune to experiencing sexism in my daily life outside our home. Nor did it absolve me of financial responsibilities, since getting married did not make us magically wealthy. Clearly we are doing this marriage thing wrong?
Also:
If societal pressure is to blame it goes both ways, men can just say they don't help because of the societal pressure. People are anti gay or racist because of societal pressure.
You do understand that there's a difference between benefiting from a systemic inequity that is actively harmful to other people who are not you, and facing a systemic inequity that causes others to benefit from your oppression, right?
posted by ellehumour at 8:13 PM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]
Ugh, that should read: and I can attest to the fact that this did not magically make me immune to experiencing sexism in my daily life outside our home.
Clearly I am becoming hysterical. Sigh.
posted by ellehumour at 8:16 PM on June 18, 2010
Clearly I am becoming hysterical. Sigh.
posted by ellehumour at 8:16 PM on June 18, 2010
Thanks for posting this, desjardins. I'd linked it at the end of the Girlzone post because I thought people would like it but I wasn't sure if it was worth an FPP. Then I thought it might be, then I wondered if it was weird to make an FPP out of something I'd already linked to elsewhere (on my Tumblr as well), then I just gave up on beanplating and had a coffee instead :)
I don't quite get the annoyance felt by some men in this thread. It's a little video about an experience faced by many (but by no means all) women. If you know some women who don't have to handle this particular juggling act, that's nice. But it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the video.
posted by harriet vane at 10:03 PM on June 18, 2010
I don't quite get the annoyance felt by some men in this thread. It's a little video about an experience faced by many (but by no means all) women. If you know some women who don't have to handle this particular juggling act, that's nice. But it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the video.
posted by harriet vane at 10:03 PM on June 18, 2010
Um, I married a supportive guy, and I can attest to the fact that the world did not magically make me immune to experiencing sexism in my daily life outside our home.
And this has what to do with complaints that men don't help out with kids and around the house?
Nor did it absolve me of financial responsibilities
...and...what? Nobody is absolved of financial responsibilities.
You do understand that there's a difference between benefiting from a systemic inequity that is actively harmful to other people who are not you, and facing a systemic inequity that causes others to benefit from your oppression,
Again, the person you marry isn't a systemic inequality, it's just a person. If you are trying to read into my comments that I don't think sexism exists I'm not sure where you are getting that from.
It's just not an excuse.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 10:04 AM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
And this has what to do with complaints that men don't help out with kids and around the house?
Nor did it absolve me of financial responsibilities
...and...what? Nobody is absolved of financial responsibilities.
You do understand that there's a difference between benefiting from a systemic inequity that is actively harmful to other people who are not you, and facing a systemic inequity that causes others to benefit from your oppression,
Again, the person you marry isn't a systemic inequality, it's just a person. If you are trying to read into my comments that I don't think sexism exists I'm not sure where you are getting that from.
It's just not an excuse.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 10:04 AM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
May you not get fuckpiled over this charming yet poorly executed pixel video, desjardins!
posted by tehloki at 10:07 AM on June 19, 2010
posted by tehloki at 10:07 AM on June 19, 2010
How do I arrange to get fuckpiled? 'cause I don't have plans after work tonight.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:10 AM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:10 AM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Girls suck at making videos! That was horrible.
posted by QueerAngel28 at 10:24 AM on June 19, 2010
posted by QueerAngel28 at 10:24 AM on June 19, 2010
Breeders are weird. This is bullshit.
Alright I'll give you poor judgement on that. But what I'm actually trying to express is this sentiment: One of the nice things about the gay experience is that all those societal roles and pressures get thrown out the window. I may have lady parts, but someone I'm dating will, too. So there's no reason either of us would by default expect the other one to be the one that handles all the child-rearing duties. Obviously there will be talking and negotiation. It seems like other then the 9 months of carrying the kids, heterosexual couples have the same negotiation strategies available to them. It is weird that obviously articulate people upthread are acting like having a conversation isn't a good strategy around dealing with this. Yes societal pressure yadda yadda yadda, but I'm with furiousxgeorge on the marrying an individual not an institution comment.
posted by edbles at 10:39 AM on June 19, 2010
Alright I'll give you poor judgement on that. But what I'm actually trying to express is this sentiment: One of the nice things about the gay experience is that all those societal roles and pressures get thrown out the window. I may have lady parts, but someone I'm dating will, too. So there's no reason either of us would by default expect the other one to be the one that handles all the child-rearing duties. Obviously there will be talking and negotiation. It seems like other then the 9 months of carrying the kids, heterosexual couples have the same negotiation strategies available to them. It is weird that obviously articulate people upthread are acting like having a conversation isn't a good strategy around dealing with this. Yes societal pressure yadda yadda yadda, but I'm with furiousxgeorge on the marrying an individual not an institution comment.
posted by edbles at 10:39 AM on June 19, 2010
You might be surprised to learn that there are millions of hetero couples that both hold outside jobs and both devote equal amounts of time to childcare.
Actually the fact that I'm typing this indicates that I do know at least 1 breeder couple with kids. I also know of homo couples where someone stays home and does all the child rearing. Both are valid choices arrived at by mutual consent. Awesome, good for them. What are we arguing about? I feel like these last two sentences:
It is weird that obviously articulate people upthread are acting like having a conversation isn't a good strategy around dealing with this. Yes societal pressure yadda yadda yadda, but I'm with furiousxgeorge on the marrying an individual not an institution comment.
Make it clear that I believe and understand that any couple gay/striaght/bi/asexual have both the intelligence and ability to negotiate this. What I'm confused about is the attitude in these quotes:
And builds those expectations into its many institutions.
Until progress is made and parity reached, even if women decide to have children at some point, then maybe we can cremate this allegedly dead horse, but until then, maybe those who need to think about these things will do so.
They express that the rules that develop in an individual partnership are ordered down from on high rather than negotiated between 2 individuals, which is a weird attitude.
posted by edbles at 11:09 AM on June 19, 2010
Actually the fact that I'm typing this indicates that I do know at least 1 breeder couple with kids. I also know of homo couples where someone stays home and does all the child rearing. Both are valid choices arrived at by mutual consent. Awesome, good for them. What are we arguing about? I feel like these last two sentences:
It is weird that obviously articulate people upthread are acting like having a conversation isn't a good strategy around dealing with this. Yes societal pressure yadda yadda yadda, but I'm with furiousxgeorge on the marrying an individual not an institution comment.
Make it clear that I believe and understand that any couple gay/striaght/bi/asexual have both the intelligence and ability to negotiate this. What I'm confused about is the attitude in these quotes:
And builds those expectations into its many institutions.
Until progress is made and parity reached, even if women decide to have children at some point, then maybe we can cremate this allegedly dead horse, but until then, maybe those who need to think about these things will do so.
They express that the rules that develop in an individual partnership are ordered down from on high rather than negotiated between 2 individuals, which is a weird attitude.
posted by edbles at 11:09 AM on June 19, 2010
many societies have enough such expectations built in that while it seems odd that,
They express that the rules that develop in an individual partnership are ordered down from on high rather than negotiated between 2 individuals, which is a weird attitude.
the fact remains that there is societal peer pressure to conform to the norms and customs according to gender roles as defined by said society
posted by infini at 11:18 AM on June 19, 2010
They express that the rules that develop in an individual partnership are ordered down from on high rather than negotiated between 2 individuals, which is a weird attitude.
the fact remains that there is societal peer pressure to conform to the norms and customs according to gender roles as defined by said society
posted by infini at 11:18 AM on June 19, 2010
And this has what to do with complaints that men don't help out with kids and around the house?
The video - and thread - are mostly about women who work outside the home. The idea that simply marrying the "right" man means that women won't have to worry about having sexist double standards w/r/t marriage, family, and work is bullshit; all of these things involve more people than your spouse and more institutions than your marriage (and yes, marriage is an institution, one surrounded by laws, contracts and regulations). I don't think you're saying sexism doesn't exist, I just think your conclusion - that women who struggle with it in their private and professional lives should just suck it up and make better choices - is pretty flawed.
posted by ellehumour at 11:28 AM on June 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
The video - and thread - are mostly about women who work outside the home. The idea that simply marrying the "right" man means that women won't have to worry about having sexist double standards w/r/t marriage, family, and work is bullshit; all of these things involve more people than your spouse and more institutions than your marriage (and yes, marriage is an institution, one surrounded by laws, contracts and regulations). I don't think you're saying sexism doesn't exist, I just think your conclusion - that women who struggle with it in their private and professional lives should just suck it up and make better choices - is pretty flawed.
posted by ellehumour at 11:28 AM on June 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
the fact remains that there is societal peer pressure to conform to the norms and customs according to gender roles as defined by said society
I'm of two minds:
1.
Well, yeah. But if there are things that you desire deeply you do your best to make choices to support them, despite the bullshit unjust fucking retarded barriers society puts in place. Acting all helpless and beholden to the system like what happens in the plot of that little video is lame. What should have happened is they should've shown her going all matrix bullet-time after reading a copy of the feminine mystique busting through the walls of the system and hacking the code to get the top score.
2.
It's unreasonable to expect every single woman to single-handedly rewrite all of the bullshit rules. And the above argument is sounding a little BOOTSTRAPP-y. But balanced and negotiated child-rearing seems like it's an attainable goal. So maybe the video didn't go far enough. Why not show that girl at 5 with her brother being told she's pretty while he's being told he's smart and a hard worker. And then at at 7 being handed a Barbie that claims it's bad at math. And then at 13 running for VP of student body because her other classmates think the boy has a better chance of winning and at 21 being the only girl in her engineering major and at 25 fighting with 5 dudes with old boy network connections for job positions 30 being passed up for a promotion by a more relatable to the male management male co-worker, etc. I mean child rearing duties are actually somewhat in your power to control. Implying that all she's missing out on is booze undercuts the legit feminist arguments that could be presented.
Really, this works equally well as a misogynist "Why women don't belong in the workplace and shouldn't make as much as men" video. Kudos!
The worldview "girls suck at videogame" presents is that if ladies would just stop having those babies they could keep up.
posted by edbles at 11:41 AM on June 19, 2010
I'm of two minds:
1.
Well, yeah. But if there are things that you desire deeply you do your best to make choices to support them, despite the bullshit unjust fucking retarded barriers society puts in place. Acting all helpless and beholden to the system like what happens in the plot of that little video is lame. What should have happened is they should've shown her going all matrix bullet-time after reading a copy of the feminine mystique busting through the walls of the system and hacking the code to get the top score.
2.
It's unreasonable to expect every single woman to single-handedly rewrite all of the bullshit rules. And the above argument is sounding a little BOOTSTRAPP-y. But balanced and negotiated child-rearing seems like it's an attainable goal. So maybe the video didn't go far enough. Why not show that girl at 5 with her brother being told she's pretty while he's being told he's smart and a hard worker. And then at at 7 being handed a Barbie that claims it's bad at math. And then at 13 running for VP of student body because her other classmates think the boy has a better chance of winning and at 21 being the only girl in her engineering major and at 25 fighting with 5 dudes with old boy network connections for job positions 30 being passed up for a promotion by a more relatable to the male management male co-worker, etc. I mean child rearing duties are actually somewhat in your power to control. Implying that all she's missing out on is booze undercuts the legit feminist arguments that could be presented.
Really, this works equally well as a misogynist "Why women don't belong in the workplace and shouldn't make as much as men" video. Kudos!
The worldview "girls suck at videogame" presents is that if ladies would just stop having those babies they could keep up.
posted by edbles at 11:41 AM on June 19, 2010
whoa edbles you just almost nailed my career path there
(and I will add that in more conservative societies like those in Asia child rearing is often not solely on the mother alone)
posted by infini at 11:48 AM on June 19, 2010
(and I will add that in more conservative societies like those in Asia child rearing is often not solely on the mother alone)
posted by infini at 11:48 AM on June 19, 2010
YOU KNOW HOW TO ACTIVATE BULLET-TIME?!
But for realsies:Odd, I thought I was describing my own experiences in undergrad CS classes, and as an adult watching older female relatives interact with my younger smarter female cousin.
(and I will add that in more conservative societies like those in Asia child rearing is often not solely on the mother alone)
neat!
posted by edbles at 12:09 PM on June 19, 2010
But for realsies:Odd, I thought I was describing my own experiences in undergrad CS classes, and as an adult watching older female relatives interact with my younger smarter female cousin.
(and I will add that in more conservative societies like those in Asia child rearing is often not solely on the mother alone)
neat!
posted by edbles at 12:09 PM on June 19, 2010
edbles: It is weird that obviously articulate people upthread are acting like having a conversation isn't a good strategy around dealing with this. Yes societal pressure yadda yadda yadda, but I'm with furiousxgeorge on the marrying an individual not an institution comment.
Do you see how I mentioned, very specifically, other people? No matter what I negotiate with my (stay at home parent) husband, his mother, his old workmates, my workmates, my family, our friends, total stranger and internet douchewads ALWAYS think they know better. To the point people honestly worry about how my husband will feel about staying home. Never mind that he and I have very deliberately worked towards this, or that he has always wanted to stay at home, they know better than us!! We can't possibly be enjoying our non-gender appropriate lifestyle choices!
We had people honestly and openly ask if the other anachronism will start doing housework when he quit work to stay at home. They not only thought that he did none while working, but that he would continue to do no housework while staying at home with our daughter because his mighty penis apparently will prevent it. That's the societal pressure - it rewards him for not doing housework and supports that decision while deriding mine AND punishing me for not doing housework. So in spite of what we 'had a conversation' about, society still attempts to push us into boxes that don't fit and either actively or passively punishes those that don't. From the almost total lack of social support groups/playgroups for stay at home dads to the whispering, nagging bullshit of being a working mother.
And if your partner starts buying into that shit? More conversations, more negotiation. So you not only deal with society telling you to do it differently, you get to deal with inertia as well. Then there's learned helplessness and lack of experience and it's really not as simple as 'marry better' or 'learn to negotiate, stupid breeders'.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:28 PM on June 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
Do you see how I mentioned, very specifically, other people? No matter what I negotiate with my (stay at home parent) husband, his mother, his old workmates, my workmates, my family, our friends, total stranger and internet douchewads ALWAYS think they know better. To the point people honestly worry about how my husband will feel about staying home. Never mind that he and I have very deliberately worked towards this, or that he has always wanted to stay at home, they know better than us!! We can't possibly be enjoying our non-gender appropriate lifestyle choices!
We had people honestly and openly ask if the other anachronism will start doing housework when he quit work to stay at home. They not only thought that he did none while working, but that he would continue to do no housework while staying at home with our daughter because his mighty penis apparently will prevent it. That's the societal pressure - it rewards him for not doing housework and supports that decision while deriding mine AND punishing me for not doing housework. So in spite of what we 'had a conversation' about, society still attempts to push us into boxes that don't fit and either actively or passively punishes those that don't. From the almost total lack of social support groups/playgroups for stay at home dads to the whispering, nagging bullshit of being a working mother.
And if your partner starts buying into that shit? More conversations, more negotiation. So you not only deal with society telling you to do it differently, you get to deal with inertia as well. Then there's learned helplessness and lack of experience and it's really not as simple as 'marry better' or 'learn to negotiate, stupid breeders'.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:28 PM on June 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
...it's really not as simple as 'marry better' or 'learn to negotiate, stupid breeders'
But realising that would mean acknowledging the existence of sexism! And then they'd have to stop victim-blaming! It's much more convenient to deny the difficulties of the situation faced by any woman who wants to have kids and also wants or needs to get out of the house and earn money.
posted by harriet vane at 9:44 PM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
But realising that would mean acknowledging the existence of sexism! And then they'd have to stop victim-blaming! It's much more convenient to deny the difficulties of the situation faced by any woman who wants to have kids and also wants or needs to get out of the house and earn money.
posted by harriet vane at 9:44 PM on June 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
It just seems like some are taking this as a criticism of individual men (which it is not) rather than of the systems society sets up to reinforce its expectations: in addition to there not being much support for stay-at-home dads, many companies lack day-care for working mothers, or reasonable maternity/paternity leave, not to mention the practice of not hiring women you think are going to become pregnant.
It's not really about marrying someone who makes you do this or that, but about how much societal support there is for individual men and women who try and break their prescribed gender roles.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:35 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's not really about marrying someone who makes you do this or that, but about how much societal support there is for individual men and women who try and break their prescribed gender roles.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:35 PM on June 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I gave the flip side of this post and everyone projected their PC bullshit onto it because they don't want to think it really exists. But it does. In my neck of the woods it's the norm.
There are simply some women who "have the life" because they married a good provider.
That's all I'm saying here. There are two sides to this. Stop trying to make it into something more than that- like there's some sexist anti-women/pro-mens rights agenda going on here.
posted by L'OM at 8:44 AM on June 26, 2010
There are simply some women who "have the life" because they married a good provider.
That's all I'm saying here. There are two sides to this. Stop trying to make it into something more than that- like there's some sexist anti-women/pro-mens rights agenda going on here.
posted by L'OM at 8:44 AM on June 26, 2010
You suggested a counterpoint that doesn't really balance the point made by the video; the number of women who live the way you described is so vanishingly minute compared to the number of women who don't that you might as well have said, "Well, the QUEEN OF ENGLAND lives in a castle surrounded by miniature dogs! Where's the game of THAT, you PC thugs? Zing!"
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 11:26 AM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 11:26 AM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
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