...But I can't see the stove
June 30, 2010 12:26 PM   Subscribe

 
Wow. So someone posted the first 30 minutes of The Phantom Menace?
posted by flarbuse at 12:29 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Youtube's vuvuzela button pushes that Cheesiest Quotes video all the way past bad and back to hilarious.
posted by mhoye at 12:32 PM on June 30, 2010


My favorite movie moment of all time is when the Ko-Dan ship is about to crash into some moon, and just asked "what do we do", the leader of the Ko-Dan says "we die", just after his eyepiece thingy swings over his eye. That was gold.
posted by oonh at 12:37 PM on June 30, 2010 [10 favorites]


Don't forget about Clark.
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 12:44 PM on June 30, 2010


I don't think I can ever see the Nic Cage Wicker Man. There is absolutely no way it can hold up to the image I have from seeing clips on YouTube.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:45 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed the second video, actually, although it could have used more Glengarry Glenn Ross. They have the start of the epic Al Pacino takedown of Kevin Spacey, but they don't let it get to the part where he calls him a "fucking child."
posted by Bookhouse at 12:49 PM on June 30, 2010


Actually, I was concerned about Wicker Man, too, uncleozzy, but I've been assured that it is time well-spent.

From Nic Cage's own mouth:

"You don’t karate chop Leelee Sobieski in the throat and not know how absurd that is, but it’s just not something I would like to talk about. I would rather let them discover it on their own ... I am kind of amazed at the life THE WICKER MAN has generated because I knew being in a bear suit and doing those insane things with the character was doing would get talked about, but I didn’t know exactly how people would respond, but I had a feeling they were going to respond in a way that was going to have some impact, but I had no idea it was going to create this kind of internet sensation of bashing as well as laughter that it did and I’m quite thrilled about it. [Laughs]"
posted by neuromodulator at 12:55 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


The second video is evidence that no one has ever been, nor every will be, anywhere near as awesome as Groucho Marx. All that foul language and potty imagery and he gives us: "I can see you now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove." Classic.
posted by The Bellman at 12:55 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


WILSON!!! WILSON!!!!!!
posted by Skygazer at 12:56 PM on June 30, 2010


The whole scene from True Romance with Walken and Hopper is brilliant, too.
posted by KGMoney at 12:59 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


With an occasional exception, the phrase "of all time" should be "in the last twenty or thirty years." Also, either I've done a good job of staying away from bad movies or my memory is fading, but I recognize almost none of the "cheesiest" quotes. Are they really the cheesiest? Or are they just somewhat cheesy? Anybody willing to admit to expertise on this subject?
posted by kozad at 1:02 PM on June 30, 2010


Sorry, showbiz_liz, I just noticed the post title. Great minds.
posted by The Bellman at 1:05 PM on June 30, 2010


Has the Sesame Cake line. Is a valid label.
posted by cavalier at 1:08 PM on June 30, 2010


The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time.

Damn. I think I may have to say my daily affirmation a couple of dozen times to counteract the effects of this video.
posted by crunchland at 1:11 PM on June 30, 2010


Man I loved it, thanks. Go home and get yer shine box!
posted by vito90 at 1:12 PM on June 30, 2010


"Are you a MexiCAN or a MexiCAN'T?" is one of my favorite lines ever.
posted by hanoixan at 1:12 PM on June 30, 2010


How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
posted by shmegegge at 1:19 PM on June 30, 2010 [6 favorites]


Only one Twilight quote in the whole thing? I cry foul.
posted by lilac girl at 1:20 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I watched the insults video to see Chevy Chase's insuperable rant from Christmas Vacation, and was not disappointed.

"HALLELUJAH, HOLY SHIT. Where's the Tylenol"
posted by deadmessenger at 1:22 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Am I the only person who loves Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken and Quentin Tarantino and thinks the True Romance scene is sort of awful?
posted by neuromodulator at 1:26 PM on June 30, 2010


No, I feel the same way neuromodulator.
posted by Mister_A at 1:32 PM on June 30, 2010


The second video is evidence that no one has ever been, nor every will be, anywhere near as awesome as Groucho Marx.

Amen. My personal favorite is in Horse Feathers when he tells Chico, "You've got the brain of a four year old boy and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."
posted by otio at 1:44 PM on June 30, 2010


It was nothing like that, penis-breath!
posted by swift at 1:47 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I remember listening to Dr. Demento as a kid and hearing him play a George Carlin record wherein Carlin said, "you drive like old people--" and then, instead of "fuck", there was this crazy sound that was kind of like something huge and squishy suddenly squirting out of a too-small exit.

It was years before I knew how the bit actually went and even today when I think of great insults, "you drive like old people (squishy squirt sound)" comes to mind.
posted by stinkycheese at 1:49 PM on June 30, 2010


I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!
posted by giraffe at 1:51 PM on June 30, 2010


"I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum" as cheese? As finely aged sarcastic cheddar, perhaps.

Put. The Glasses. ON!
posted by phearlez at 1:56 PM on June 30, 2010 [3 favorites]


See I was in full cynic mode, chuckling at all the dross and then they played that scene from Ghost, and know I'm in tears. *sniff* DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
posted by nola at 2:02 PM on June 30, 2010


I laughed out loud at "NOT THE BEES! THE BEES OH GOD! THE BEES!"
posted by joeyjoejoejr at 2:12 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


They had me at "Hello."

Also: the scene (oh, god, am i really going to say this?) with Boromir and Aragorn really doesn't count as cheesy. He's not calling him his king for nothing. It's pivotal because it shows that Boromir has finally accepted Aragorn as the true king of Gondor.
posted by ColdChef at 2:15 PM on June 30, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wow. So someone posted the first 30 minutes of The Phantom Menace?

Only if insulting the audience counts for "100 greatest movie insults"
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:31 PM on June 30, 2010


Oh, my god--it actually has the greatest stupid movie quote of all time:

Put . . . the bunny . . . back . . . in the box.
posted by Peach at 2:32 PM on June 30, 2010


License and registration, CHICKEN FUCKER!
posted by dry white toast at 2:38 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't think I've ever seen a video that puts clips from Three Amigos! and A Clockwork Orange right next to each other before...
posted by ZsigE at 2:42 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


One day they are going to remake They Live.

One day I'm going to burn the world.

I'm not saying that these events are related, but I'm not ruling it out either.
posted by quin at 3:03 PM on June 30, 2010


I'm sorry, but: "I am here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of bubblegum," is the greatest movie quote of all time.
posted by empath at 3:09 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


"Fuck with me and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk."

Sorry, but that is just cheesy.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:14 PM on June 30, 2010


*not* cheesy
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:14 PM on June 30, 2010


"I've never been so insulted in my life."

"Well, it's early yet."
posted by beowulf573 at 3:26 PM on June 30, 2010


I'm sorry. These are good, but last night some friends dragged me out to a tradition whereby we get tipsy, go to the midnight premier of the Twilight movie, and ruin it for everyone else. Eclipse was so bad that I couldn't even enjoy making fun of it. I was literally shaking with rage at the end. Imagine two assholes with I.Q.s of around 90 violently yanking a ragdoll of a girl back and forth while shouting the same tow lines at eachother, and ignoring her rare bit of protest that this is hurting her, for two hours. Then imagine being surrounded by young women swooning over the concept the entire time.

Point being that the "cheesiest lines" are all art compared to anything in that vacuous, painful piece of shit.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:27 PM on June 30, 2010 [4 favorites]


The insult list was good but sadly lacking without...

"I assume you are making those cartoon noises to attract my attention. Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?"
- Zero Mostel to Gene Wilder, "The Producers"
posted by evilcolonel at 3:36 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


They missed one of my favorite cheesy lines, from The Black Dahlia. It was reaching that point during a bad movie where you realize it's just going to be bad all the way through, and you notice how uncomfortable the chair is, and you feel kind of embarrassed for the movie but somehow it's not quite bad enough to walk out of.

The audience was dead quiet the whole time that movie was up there on the screen. Eventually as it tried to fumble its way towards a climax, Scarlett Johansson summons up all her ability to not act and says, "She looks like that dead girl. How sick are you?" A derisive laugh went through the audience, and it was a big relief to know all of us were on the same page.
posted by fleacircus at 3:53 PM on June 30, 2010


What's the piano phrase at the beginning of the "Cheesiest" video, after the first American Beauty clip? It's oddly familiar.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:58 PM on June 30, 2010


Nevermind, of course it's the song American Beauty from the score and it imitates a whole bunch of other piano-driven film score songs.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:01 PM on June 30, 2010


Insult list is also sadly missing Harry Dean Stanton's immortal/incomprehensible
"Goddamn dipshit Rodriguez gypsy dildo-punks."
From Repo Man, of course.
posted by hap_hazard at 4:24 PM on June 30, 2010 [3 favorites]


My motherfucker is so cool, when he goes to bed, sheep count him.

Not entirely appropriate, but there you go.
posted by NortonDC at 6:13 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm sorry, Sid, but I don't wanna marry you. I really like you. We've had ourselves some really great times, but I thought you understood.

I want to marry a pilot. I want to live my life overseas. The wife of an aviator.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:35 PM on June 30, 2010


I guess this doesn't exactly qualify as a put down and is about 2 minutes long, but this is one of the best Jack Nicholson scenes ever.
posted by Daddy-O at 8:20 PM on June 30, 2010


To add to the aforementioned Groucho insults, my favorite is "And now, go! And never darken my towels again!" (Duck Soup. 1933)
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 8:24 PM on June 30, 2010


Navelgazer: "I'm sorry. These are good, but last night some friends dragged me out to a tradition whereby we get tipsy, go to the midnight premier of the Twilight movie, and ruin it for everyone else. "

I hope you're kidding because I don't care how bad a movie is that's a dick move.
posted by Bonzai at 8:36 PM on June 30, 2010






Dear people who make movie montages,

Please label where the clips come from, it makes it somewhat easier to follow along.

thanks,
People who watch movie montages
posted by madajb at 10:08 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


madajb: The "more info" in both youtube videos contain information about the movies included in each montage.
posted by yaymukund at 10:11 PM on June 30, 2010


I guess this doesn't exactly qualify as a put down and is about 2 minutes long, but this is one of the best Jack Nicholson scenes ever.

The view from that Denny's is about the same today.
posted by madajb at 10:12 PM on June 30, 2010


Bonzai, for whatever it's worth I couldn't go through with it in there, but rather just stewed in my own hatred for the movie. But make no mistake, that showing absolutely NEEDED people poking through anyone who would have taken it seriously.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:01 PM on June 30, 2010


I want to marry a pilot. I want to live my life overseas. The wife of an aviator.

I will never in my life be able to say 'mayonnaise' straight.
posted by fleacircus at 11:03 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Before I started watching this I knew half of Commando would be in there. But they missed one:

"What happened to Sully?"
"I let him go."
posted by tracicle at 12:12 AM on July 1, 2010


Wow, YouTube needs to wash its mouth out with soap after all those insults.

I love these, but there were a lot of reused clips from the Arnold video.
posted by Herschel at 1:23 AM on July 1, 2010


Navelgazer: "Bonzai, for whatever it's worth I couldn't go through with it in there, but rather just stewed in my own hatred for the movie. But make no mistake, that showing absolutely NEEDED people poking through anyone who would have taken it seriously."

I kind of resent that it seems like I'm defending a Twilight movie because sparkly vampires are silly.

However, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. People who pay to see a movie absolutely have a right to watch that movie without being mocked. Watching movies (in a theater) is a shared experience. You don't talk on the phone, you don't talk to the screen, you don't talk.

You can laugh (where appropriate), you can cry, you can gasp but you must show respect for the other people in the theater. Just because you and I think Mormon vampires are idiotic that doesn't mean we get to ruin the experience for those who love it.
posted by Bonzai at 8:41 AM on July 1, 2010


"Sit your $5 ass down..." is going to be my response to everything today...even if they're already sitting.
posted by Increase at 9:34 AM on July 1, 2010


Bonzai: Just because you and I think Mormon vampires are idiotic that doesn't mean we get to ruin the experience for those who love it.

Restated for decency.

When people are into things that might strike you or I as asinine or moronic... they're still people. People are allowed to be moved by dumb things. The feelings aren't any less real.

I don't mean to harp, Navelgazer ~ I know it was your friends' idea, and you didn't actually go through with it, etc... it is a pretty horrible conceit, though, to imagine that one's own aesthetic preferences are so superior to someone else's that deliberately spoiling their enjoyment of a film they paid to see, and of which You Disapprove, is doing them a favour.
posted by Rumpled at 10:57 AM on July 1, 2010


Dear people who make movie montages,

Please label where the clips come from, it makes it somewhat easier to follow along.


Dear Madajb,

Just click the little button to expand the description. The cheesy one lists them all right there, the insult one has a link to a list on his website.
posted by phearlez at 12:43 PM on July 1, 2010


After seeing the first insult, I had to go find Steve Martin's 20 Somethings Better from Roxanne. Could've replaced some of the less interesting ones in the video with a few good nose jabs.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:25 PM on July 1, 2010


Insults missing some choice Brit stuff... in particular 'Big man...' and 'Piss 'oles in the snow'... both from the immortal Get Carter
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:15 AM on July 2, 2010


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