Forget Chuck Norris. Steven Seagal just 1-up'd!
July 10, 2010 8:41 PM   Subscribe

Steven Seagal speaks out against Oil Companies [SLYT] 1994, from the movie "On Deadly Ground", as Forrest Taft, a specialist dealing with oil drilling-related fires.
posted by humannaire (28 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Eh, that's actually pretty bad. I mean "electro and magnetic engines that can practically run forever"? What? And ordinary gasoline engines can already run on ethanol and biodeisel, it's just more expensive. So I only watched a few minutes.
posted by delmoi at 8:48 PM on July 10, 2010

That was an awesome movie. It has a special place in my heart. I don't remember a minute of it.

Steven Seagal and I have a complex relationship.
posted by mazola at 8:53 PM on July 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

True fact: "On Deadly Ground" was one of the first Big Budget Movies we chose for a Suck-Off.* I forget what we paired it against; probably Deep Shock. Anyway, I was astonished at the degree to which On Deadly Ground sucked.

*A Suck-Off is where we pair a big-budget major studio motion picture with a Sci-Fi Original Movie on a similar theme, and determine which one sucks more.
posted by KathrynT at 9:19 PM on July 10, 2010 [9 favorites]

And when I say "we," I mean "my friends and I, real life friends whom I totally really have."
posted by KathrynT at 9:20 PM on July 10, 2010 [6 favorites]

Really, the whole movie might as well be a 90 minute close up of a Seagal's nads painted gold.

What do you mean painted gold? Those things have been traded openly on forex markets since 1985.

Steven Seagal makes me ashamed to pull my hair into a ponytail.
posted by loquacious at 9:40 PM on July 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

Sci Fi Original movies are the bestest, and yes, I can't remember a minute of any of them. They are so beyond terrible that the brain cells tasked with remembering them commit suicide.
posted by mek at 10:10 PM on July 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

Is this the movie where he blows up an oil refinery, causing an ecological disaster in the name of environmentalism?
posted by scalefree at 10:41 PM on July 10, 2010

A Suck-Off is where we pair a big-budget major studio motion picture with a Sci-Fi Original Movie on a similar theme, and determine which one sucks more.

That's nice, but if it's all the same to you, I'm going to pretend you didn't write this and keep my own ideas of what you meant.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:31 AM on July 11, 2010 [5 favorites]

No, just no.
posted by crossoverman at 1:36 AM on July 11, 2010

...injuns that run on alcohol...

posted by StickyCarpet at 2:32 AM on July 11, 2010

This was just on cable recently, so yeah, I watched the what was left of it. I just can't tear myself away from Seagal, his films are just so horrible that I've seen all of them, many of them multiple times. No, not the early ones where he was a cop, out for vengeance on the scum who killed his family. Just the later ones, like On Deadly Ground, where there's a 'message.' *

The problem about him is that he never gets hit. He's always too much of a badass for anyone to lay a hand on him. Van Damme, Stallone, hell, Bruce Lee got hit. Seagal? Nope, too much of a bad ass. Every fight is him side-stepping someone then deftly beating them down.

And the films, they're just pain festivals. The end of On Deadly Ground, with the lecture, it's the worst possible excess of acting egomania. Who on earth thought it would be a good idea? At that point of his career, his films must still have been doing well enough that no one could or would talk him out of it. It's almost on par with Rocky addressing the non-English speaking crowd at the fight in Moscow (Rocky IV, easily the best of the series) on Christmas day, swaying them with his unintelligible sob story about how "If I can change, maybe you can change, maybe we can all change."

God, that's good cinema.

*The later films, where he isn't the main draw, like the one with DMX, wow. Bad... Fun, but baddddd.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:19 AM on July 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

I believe the man actually directed On Deadly Ground himself. Personally, I prefered the one where he went up against the evil coal-mining evangelicals (or did I dream that one)?
posted by rikschell at 4:20 AM on July 11, 2010

That's Fire Down Below, where IIRC the Man treats us to his musical prowess also.
posted by biffa at 4:52 AM on July 11, 2010

Apparently, the speech originally ran to 15 minutes long, but the studio executives insisted that it be cut back significantly. Which just goes to show, sometimes studio interference is a good thing.
posted by xchmp at 5:03 AM on July 11, 2010

True story: when they were filming that movie in Alaska, Seagall interacted with lots of Native folks in the area. Often, when I am in some Eskimo elder's home, there is a signed picture on the wall of Seagal with the elder whose house it is. Often.

He may be a ridiculous dork, but he actually made quite an impression on some Eskimos.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:54 AM on July 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

Steven Seagal wrestles a bear.
posted by Dmenet at 6:08 AM on July 11, 2010

I can't recall which movie it is (they all blend into one) where Seagal finally comes face to face with the Evil Mastermind™ who's been behind the Evil Plot™ all along, and it turns out to be some dude playing the piano in a warehouse full of flaming torches and Japanese wall-hangings who keeps using the word "jejune". He just wanders off, leaving Seagal to fight the Interchangeable Asian Martial Arts Dude™. The camera pans round, the music gets frantic, we're clearly about to see a ridiculous yet awesome fight scene...

...and Seagal just shoots him and walks away, pausing briefly to watch the Evil Mastermind's helicopter blow up due to the handy bomb he somehow managed to plant earlier while no-one was watching. It's a bit of narrative that wouldn't look out of place in bad Mary Sue-filled fan fiction, and is the only bit of film that has ever had me yelling "where's my awesome kung fu sequence??" at the screen.
posted by ZsigE at 6:22 AM on July 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

So I think I understand the problem. We need Steven Seagall, but we've got Kevin Kostner instead. We're doomed.
posted by localroger at 7:25 AM on July 11, 2010

I'll take Seagal's politics over those of Chuck Norris.
posted by Joe Beese at 7:32 AM on July 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

They tried hair!
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:58 AM on July 11, 2010

A friend of mine worked on some shitty budget Seagal movie a couple years ago... well after his star had faded. I guess he's packed on a few pounds and relies on stunt doubles a lot these days.

Anyway, among other anecdotes, my bud has one where one night the crew goes to a bar to catch a pay per view boxing match And Seagal shows up. He takes a seat at the bar and orders 25 hot dogs with no buns.

And he just eats them one after another, robotically, nursing the plate for the entire fight. Fight ends, he wipes his hands, pays and leaves without saying anything to anyone the entire time.
posted by nathancaswell at 9:20 AM on July 11, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hey, I just remembered went to the theatre to see this. About a third of the way through, the projector broke and nobody complained.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 9:35 AM on July 11, 2010

Executive Action is my favorite Seagal film. He plays a complete asshole and dies in the first reel (start at 8:00 for the good part).
posted by warbaby at 10:47 AM on July 11, 2010

Executive Action is my favorite Seagal film. He plays a complete asshole and dies in the first reel (start at 8:00 for the good part).

I saw that in a theatre, having no idea. I'd thought Seagal was basically the big action star of the movie up to that moment. It was truly astonishing. I think it added at least 1 1/2 stars to my enjoyment of the film.
posted by straight at 3:12 PM on July 11, 2010

I also watched Executive Decision (ahem) in the cinema, the kids behind me convinced themselves that Seagal could not possibly die at that stage in the film and must be hanging on to the plane somehow, to re-enter the film at a later stage.
posted by biffa at 4:09 PM on July 11, 2010

I love the hot dog story. I think my favorite Internet photo ever is the one with Steven Seagal with a panda sitting on his lap.
posted by rikschell at 4:56 PM on July 11, 2010

The best Seagal movie is the one with the secret Army super-flu that's going to kill everyone, until of course, some random flower that only the local Native American tribe knows about completely counteracts the flu. They fly over the town, dropping the flowers from helicopters, with loudspeakers proclaiming "Collect the flowers and make tea from them. The tea will cure you."

Sheer genius.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:04 AM on July 12, 2010 [1 favorite]

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