13 Beers in 13 Miles

August 3, 2010 6:34 AM

“Several of you told me that I was “going to die” if I drank 13 beers while running the San Francisco Half Marathon. I did not die. I puked three times, blacked out for miles 11 and 12, and needed five hours to finish. This is my story.”
posted by sveskemus (63 comments total)

Bookmarked in case anyone ever fools me into running for any reason besides being chased.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:36 AM on August 3, 2010 [5 favorites]

Is he warming up for the 30 Pack Marathon? "It's a drinking club with a running problem."
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 6:43 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Getting drunk while running a marathon does not a Hunter S. Thompson make. Adding acid, ether, and adrenochrome into the mix would have made him more credible.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 6:47 AM on August 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

Sheesh, if you're going to drink and run in San Francisco, do it during Bay to Breakers like a normal person.
posted by Jugwine at 6:50 AM on August 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

My 13 beers during a Halo 3 marathon did not get this kind of coverage.
posted by geoff. at 6:52 AM on August 3, 2010 [33 favorites]

Beer mile!
posted by slogger at 6:52 AM on August 3, 2010

Gross.
posted by hermitosis at 6:58 AM on August 3, 2010

Isn't this why they invented the Hash?
posted by felix betachat at 7:01 AM on August 3, 2010 [5 favorites]

I will wait for results from the urine analysis before celebrating this feat.
posted by mazola at 7:03 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Stupid is as stupid does."

Forrest Gump

A waste of a good beer and a good run.
posted by MuffinMan at 7:04 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

A waste of a good beer and a good run.

Of the beer he drank, only the Hoegaarden really can be counted as "good beer".
posted by norm at 7:07 AM on August 3, 2010

Did he consume more calories than he burned off?
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:07 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

My first reaction to this story was, My god, I never want to try that.

Then I read his time. Over 5 hours? Really?

Now I'm thinking: I think I can beat that.
posted by yeti at 7:08 AM on August 3, 2010 [10 favorites]

I like it! Everything even slightly out of the ordinary seems to earn the "... and then you'll die!" from The Ninnies. It pleases me to see things done and nobody dies at the end. Remember, you bite it eventually, no matter what, so you might as well gun the engine and do something stupid once in a while. No points for a pristine carcass.
posted by adipocere at 7:09 AM on August 3, 2010 [8 favorites]

Now if his water bottle had been big enough for a brick, this may actually have been amusing.
posted by maudlin at 7:13 AM on August 3, 2010

Proof that high school never ends (for some folks).
posted by MarshallPoe at 7:14 AM on August 3, 2010

Then I read his time. Over 5 hours? Really?

That's two and half miles per hour, barely a fast walk. Of course after thirteen beers, I wouldn't be able to walk at all so I doubt that I could beat his time.
posted by octothorpe at 7:21 AM on August 3, 2010

Of the beer he drank, only the Hoegaarden really can be counted as "good beer"

Good point, norm. In which case it's a tragedy he didn't puke 12 times.
posted by MuffinMan at 7:22 AM on August 3, 2010

Why the hell would you want to do this?
posted by resiny at 7:22 AM on August 3, 2010

Did this at university... though it wasn't 13 miles more like 5 and we carried/drank a crate between three of us (and it was a lot more stagger/walk than run).
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:23 AM on August 3, 2010

Modelo's pretty tasty.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:26 AM on August 3, 2010

Try running from the police after 13 beers, a fifth of Bacardi and 4 Thai sticks. I would have blogged about it but the internet wasn't around then.

Why the hell would you want to do this?

I blame the edgy sideburns.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:28 AM on August 3, 2010

I wish I could have handed this bro a Smirnoff Ice as he crossed the finish line.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:30 AM on August 3, 2010 [12 favorites]

That would have been the one and only cool "Icing".
posted by Mister_A at 7:32 AM on August 3, 2010

He's a fake!

Those are 12 ounce beer bottles he's talking about. By my arithmetic, 12 X 13 = 156 fluid ounces, or about 7.8 real (imperial) pints (9.75 of your wimpish short-measure colonial ones).

Seven and a half pints in five hours is a heavy evening session -- but he's exercising, hence burning off rather more calories than sitting around in a pub. And he puked three times? He's a wuss! If he tried that here in Edinburgh, we'd pull his kilt license! Why, if you can't down sixteen pints before breakfast, what kind of Scotsman are you?

Hic. Thud.
posted by cstross at 7:34 AM on August 3, 2010 [20 favorites]

I did not die.

Yet.

Sometimes these things can take a while to come true. Give it time, and I assure you, the prediction will be completely accurate.
posted by quin at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2010

(bear holding up paws)

HOW ABOUT NO.
posted by jquinby at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

beer is a very good thing for a run of six miles or less. After those six miles, it slows you down too much and it begins to taste completely awful.

If nothing else, I will take that away from this account.

Did he consume more calories than he burned off?

Good question!

1 Tecate (146cal) + 3 Hooegardens (3x176cal) + 9(?) Miller High Lifes (9x143cal) = 1,961 calories.

"Running" for 5 hours--let's generously call it "jogging"--would burn 2,862 calories (for a 180lb person).

So a quick calculation would reveal the answer to be yes.

But, 13 miles in 5 hours is 23-minute miles, or an average 2.6mph. I think I stroll about 3-4mph.

I think that jogging would be at least 6mph or 10-minute miles (that's pretty slow for running). The calorie calculator above puts walking 3mph at 1,782 calories burned in 5 hours.

...

I suppose it depends on how much of it he ran, how much time was spent dodging cars, etc. It seems like he burned most of his calories in the first half.

Again, 2.6mph? He may as well have walked, but I suppose that may have not gotten the vomit shot.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2010

No real Scotsman, that's for sure.
posted by mikeh at 7:39 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

He should go to Germany, where they are a bit more organized about this sort of thing.
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 7:47 AM on August 3, 2010

I remember when I had my first beer.
posted by Ouisch at 7:49 AM on August 3, 2010

Of all the things that make me think "drinking a crapton is so stupid", this is now one of them.
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:52 AM on August 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

I was queasy to begin with. Why did I read this? I don't even have beer to blame for this particular bad decision.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:54 AM on August 3, 2010

Count me among those understanding how it could take this long. One beer is equivalent to about a shot.5 of vodka. Spread out over 5 hours, you'd be pretty tipsy but why would you be walking a mere 2.5 mph?

Or maybe the arrow points the other way. "Holy crap am I drunk. I better slow down so I don't need to drink again for a while."
posted by DU at 7:59 AM on August 3, 2010

Sometimes doing stupid shit in the name of doing stupid shit is fun. This is a great anecdote for him and he seems like a fun dude to hang out with.
posted by josher71 at 8:02 AM on August 3, 2010

I remember when I had my first beer

This reminds me of when people call New Years or St. Patrick's Day "Amateur Night", as if somehow drinking for years stops people from acting stupid when they are drunk.
posted by josher71 at 8:05 AM on August 3, 2010

Those calorie estimates are probably inflated. Most tables list total calories burned (i.e. the entry for calories burned watching TV would still be substantial) not excess calories burned. A formula I found for excess calories (from "Energy Expenditure of Walking and Running", Medicine & Science in Sport & Exercise, Cameron et al, Dec. 2004.)
walking: 0.30 kcal per mile per pound (718 kcal for 180 lb walker on half-marathon)
running: 0.63 kcal per mile per pound (1510 kcal for 180 lb jogger on half-marathon)

I think a lot of sluggishness and illness could be attributed just to the volume of fluids. One beer per mile is a lot of volume in your stomach, I don't know if I could hold that down while running. The salt balance is probably pretty bad too, and I'd guess that would contribute to a sick feeling and wanting to slow down.
posted by Humanzee at 8:13 AM on August 3, 2010

Remember, you bite it eventually, no matter what, so you might as well gun the engine and do something stupid once in a while. No points for a pristine carcass.

And they have a whole class of awards for that kind of thing!
posted by educatedslacker at 8:16 AM on August 3, 2010

This reminds me of when people call New Years or St. Patrick's Day "Amateur Night", as if somehow drinking for years stops people from acting stupid when they are drunk.

There's a difference between acting stupid, and acting stupid in a way that brings you later shame. Professional drinkers have lost shame, you see.

Well, that and the fact that people who regularly drink or go to bars usually don't vomit all over, fall down, or drink lots of shots in a row.
posted by mikeh at 8:23 AM on August 3, 2010

I don't think he can accurately say he ran this event, and actually I don't think it is true that he walked it either.

I am not sure just what to call a 13.1 mile staggering and reeling event, in fact.

I do know that I want to compete with this guy about as much as I want to enter a hot dog eating contest.
posted by bearwife at 8:34 AM on August 3, 2010

re: Calories

Wolfram Alpha has a new calorie calculator that's pretty cool, although I had to guess at the guy's age, height, and weight.
posted by sharkfu at 8:41 AM on August 3, 2010

Feh. Lightweights.

The Otley Run.

When I did that, way back in the seventies, it was eleven miles (mainly uphill the way we did it back then - Leeds to Otley), sixteen pubs, a pint in each. and that's a British 20-ouncer, not one of those baby US pints. :-)
posted by Decani at 8:44 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

I could neither run (stagger?) 13 miles sober nor drink 13 beers in under 6 hours, so I tip my bonnet to this dude.
posted by giraffe at 8:44 AM on August 3, 2010

I thought this was pretty funny when I read it a couple of weeks ago...until I got to the part where he describes his run stagger across the Golden Gate bridge - in the road. Dude. No.
posted by rtha at 8:47 AM on August 3, 2010

I want to be there when, while applying for a job he really wants, his future employer casually googles him during the interview, sees this link, scans it, and then looks him in the eye and says "Really?"
posted by HuronBob at 8:52 AM on August 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't care how impressive this is, it's giving me douche chills. Future Tucker Max?
posted by naju at 8:57 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

This reminds me of a story David Bedford tells about the first ever London Marathon:

David Bedford’s performance in the first London Marathon, didn’t exactly befit one of the greatest distance runners of the 1970’s. But this was 1981 and the former 10,000m world record holder had hung up his racing shoes to become a nightclub owner. A bloke at the bar threw down the gauntlet in the early hours of the day of the race, betting £200 that Dave couldn’t get around 26 miles. David took the bet, switched from beer to cocktails (hoping the fruit juice would help) and later went on to fuel up with a curry. In the Indian restaurant he picked up the phone and woke the race director, his mate Chris Brasher, to ask for a place.
[...]
Everything went well until he got halfway around. At about mile 14 he was caught on camera being sick into a drain.
“I threw up a couple of times,” he tells me. “Actually, I was in all sorts of trouble. I won’t go into further details, but let’s just say it was the sort of the trouble you’d expect after half a dozen pints, several Pina Coladas and a curry at four o’clock that morning.”

posted by Electric Dragon at 9:05 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

One beautiful Seattle summer weekend I caught a ride with some friends to a lakeside party about 45 miles to the NE. Party was a verb way back then and I drank my usual amount of beer, i.e. a staggering amount.
There are 2 bridges that cross Lake Washington, I-520 to the North and I-90 about 4 miles across the water to the South. At about 9:00 PM it came time to head home. To deposit me at my house my friends would have had to drive on a lot of side streets after dropping me off so we decided they would just drop me off at the more northern I-520 and I would catch the bus home across the bridge.
I exited the car at the bus stop near the end of the bridge and I went and checked the schedule to make sure the bus was still running and it was for a couple more hours as I knew from experience. I sat down at the bus stop and no doubt lit a cigarette and sat there while it slowly dawned on me something was wrong - there was no traffic. I walked toward the crest of the hill where I could see the bridge and as I approached the first sight that was revealed to me over the crest of the hill were the yellow flashing lights on top of the service vehicles. Fine, the bridge is closed, I'll just ask the guys to walk by, cross the bridge and be home in couple of hours. I approached in the glare of the lights and talked, sort of, to the guy from the DOT. I asked if I could cross, he said no, I asked why not, he said - correctly as I looked closer - a section of the bridge was missing, I'll swim I said, I'm calling the police he responded.
Google maps shows the shortest route between where I was and where I then lived to be 15.3 miles. I assure you that is not the route I took as I meandered the dark suburbs of Medina, Bellevue, through the Beaux Arts village to the E Channel Bridge, across Mercer Island and then the I-90 bridge as people drove past giving a mocking honk of the horn.
I walked purposefully but still it was getting light when I climbed the stairs to my house six and a half hours after first starting my little (I later guessed) 19 mile stroll. Despite the embarrassment it hadn't been that bad. It would have been nice though if, for the walk, I had some beer.
posted by vapidave at 9:36 AM on August 3, 2010 [5 favorites]

Man, sometimes I think I understand mefites and then comes along and I feel like I'm on my own little island

an AWESOME island
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 AM on August 3, 2010

This reminds me of when people call New Years or St. Patrick's Day "Amateur Night", as if somehow drinking for years stops people from acting stupid when they are drunk.

That's really not what I meant, but okay. Though it is actually probably true that drinking for years allows you to know your limit, and not drink to the point of acting stupidly. It doesn't always have to be about building up a tolerance through years of alcohol abuse.

Or maybe that's just me.
posted by Ouisch at 10:11 AM on August 3, 2010

For the record, I LOVE beer and I drink pretty regularly. But I do dislike sloppy drunkenness, both in myself and other people. Makes me uncomfortable, for whatever reason.

But shine on, you crazy puke-covered diamond. Do your thing, I ain't stoppin you.
posted by Ouisch at 10:15 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

So he walked 13 miles over 5 hours while drinking?

Half the bartenders on the planet do this every day.

Without puking.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:15 AM on August 3, 2010 [4 favorites]

This fellow did it all wrong. Stross has pointed out some of the methodological limitations inherent in his approach, but let me add this crucial shortcoming to the list:

A beer a mile means when you get to the 1 mile marker, you stop, whip out a beer and chug it. Then you continue running. Repeat at every mile marker.
posted by Mister_A at 10:31 AM on August 3, 2010

For his 30th birthday a friend of mine had what he called a "30x30x30" party: 30 pints and 30 miles in 30 hours.

There was a 1-mile loop trail outside his house that we used for the track, and of the 17 people who took the challenge only one finished the whole thing.

It wasn't pretty.
posted by dolface at 10:35 AM on August 3, 2010

This made me think of the Berlin drinking game Drink the Ring.
posted by mannequito at 12:13 PM on August 3, 2010

mannequito, that's 27 beers in 13 1/2 hours. I don't think that's actually possible. Or is it?!

*books flight to Berlin*
posted by sveskemus at 12:47 PM on August 3, 2010

This research has already been done ad nausea by thousands of people like him at another San Francisco run called Bay to Breakers.
posted by astrobiophysican at 12:48 PM on August 3, 2010

MetaFilter: the sort of the trouble you’d expect after half a dozen pints, several Pina Coladas and a curry at four o’clock that morning
posted by mikeh at 1:06 PM on August 3, 2010

This research has already been done ad nausea by thousands of people like him at another San Francisco run called Bay to Breakers.

Narf narf, Bay-to-Breakers -- time to think again 'cause you're out of the loop.

Homeboy is doing this to push the bounds as 2011 is supposed to be a dry year for the Breakers as their major sponsor pulled out after not wanting to be associated with the bad public image of sponsoring a parade of alcohol abusers. They've tried this before and bowed to pressure from the "runners" though half or more of the particpants are non-payers. Facing a non-event has appeared to stiffen their resolve though the apocalypse could be again unleashed by a more party-friendly sponsor!

The neighbors are, as one would expect, not entirely pleased with the byproduct of scores of thousands of drunks traversing their front lawns. Not all of them apparently have good judgement, or control over their drinking or bodily products. These people live Sunday under siege...
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:28 PM on August 3, 2010

Effin' amateur. My running club does this every Sunday*.

*Beer mile this Friday at Memorial Park. Join us if you live in/near Houston.
posted by Brittanie at 9:24 PM on August 3, 2010

The neighbors are, as one would expect, not entirely pleased with the byproduct of scores of thousands of drunks traversing their front lawns. Not all of them apparently have good judgement, or control over their drinking or bodily products. These people live Sunday under siege...

I know that in practice, I would hate being one of the houses along this route... But in theory, the though of sitting on my lawn in a folding chair, with a high powered powerwasher in hand to deter any possible lawn-defilers, seems like it would be a fun way to spend a Sunday once a year. Only in theory though.
posted by antifuse at 7:54 AM on August 9, 2010

"the *thought* of sitting on my lawn"... Sigh...
posted by antifuse at 7:57 AM on August 9, 2010

Aren't you supposed to drink the beer after the half-marathon?
posted by BeerUniverse at 1:14 PM on August 19, 2010