Krull Weddings.
August 19, 2010 9:08 PM Subscribe
It's a nice day for a KRULL WEDDING. Back in 1983, a dozen lucky couples were married as a promotion for the 1983 scifi swashbuckler Krull. This is weird enough, but what's even more baffling is that Columbia Pictures scheduled this wedding before Krull even came out.
I have always said that Liam Neeson films were not meant to be adored, but instead to inspire the adoration of others. I know of at least four relationships that were spontaneously consummated when Neeson cried out "Release the Kraken."
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:33 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:33 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
You do have to wonder what these people think when they reminisce about their wedding, I know the blogger has a list of questions, I hope he manages to find one of them to come forward.
And sure, it's a terrible, terrible movie, yet I watched it way too many times as a 10 year old. I'm a game designer these days and one of my first ever attempts at video game design was a Krull themed game made with Adventure Construction Set. I spent hours making that thing for my friends to play, only to realize when I was done that I didn't have any friends.
Ok, not really, but not any that would play a C64 adventure I had made.
Still, there's no arguing the movie is a horrible thing, even as fantasy-obsessed 10 year old I couldn't stand the third act with the "power of love" saving the day. That cyclops was totally cool though.
posted by malphigian at 9:34 PM on August 19, 2010 [4 favorites]
And sure, it's a terrible, terrible movie, yet I watched it way too many times as a 10 year old. I'm a game designer these days and one of my first ever attempts at video game design was a Krull themed game made with Adventure Construction Set. I spent hours making that thing for my friends to play, only to realize when I was done that I didn't have any friends.
Ok, not really, but not any that would play a C64 adventure I had made.
Still, there's no arguing the movie is a horrible thing, even as fantasy-obsessed 10 year old I couldn't stand the third act with the "power of love" saving the day. That cyclops was totally cool though.
posted by malphigian at 9:34 PM on August 19, 2010 [4 favorites]
it's a terrible, terrible movie
*Gasp!*
You'll be dissing Ladyhawke or Beastmaster next.
posted by Artw at 9:38 PM on August 19, 2010 [7 favorites]
*Gasp!*
You'll be dissing Ladyhawke or Beastmaster next.
posted by Artw at 9:38 PM on August 19, 2010 [7 favorites]
I know of at least four relationships that were spontaneously consummated when Neeson cried out "Release the Kraken."
I thought Rosie had five daughters.
posted by maxwelton at 9:40 PM on August 19, 2010 [5 favorites]
I thought Rosie had five daughters.
posted by maxwelton at 9:40 PM on August 19, 2010 [5 favorites]
For me there were only three good fantasy themed movies in the 80's - Conan the Barbarian, Excalibur, and Krull. Yes, Krull had its problems in the third act, but with an experienced, mostly Shakespearean trained actors, and a solid storyline (save for the last bit), Krull is leaps and bounds better than most of the other fantasy fare of the time.
I know I am probably in the minority, for its appreciation. My brother took me to see that when I was little. He hated it, and teased me by calling that movie "Krud."
posted by chambers at 9:46 PM on August 19, 2010
I know I am probably in the minority, for its appreciation. My brother took me to see that when I was little. He hated it, and teased me by calling that movie "Krud."
posted by chambers at 9:46 PM on August 19, 2010
it's a terrible, terrible movie
Uh yeah, it's pretty bad, but you have to admit it has a lot of memorable things going for it. The soundtrack, by James Horner, is very very good. It has a couple of pretty striking set pieces, like the spider widow scene, or the finding of the glaive. Some interesting if failed concepts: the cyclops who knows when everybody will die, the flying horses, the strange transmorgifying magician. Compared to a lot of current disposable entertainment it's pretty memorable.
Oddly enough the parts I tend to not remember very well are the main plot points of the film, which I think is the reason why it fails. The motivations and personalities of the principals are very very thinly sketched out to the point where we really don't care about them very much. The secondary characters in Krull end up swallowing the story.
Whenever I glance at it, I watch it from the point after the princess has been kidnapped onwards, and switch it off after the firemares scene.
posted by Omon Ra at 9:48 PM on August 19, 2010 [4 favorites]
Uh yeah, it's pretty bad, but you have to admit it has a lot of memorable things going for it. The soundtrack, by James Horner, is very very good. It has a couple of pretty striking set pieces, like the spider widow scene, or the finding of the glaive. Some interesting if failed concepts: the cyclops who knows when everybody will die, the flying horses, the strange transmorgifying magician. Compared to a lot of current disposable entertainment it's pretty memorable.
Oddly enough the parts I tend to not remember very well are the main plot points of the film, which I think is the reason why it fails. The motivations and personalities of the principals are very very thinly sketched out to the point where we really don't care about them very much. The secondary characters in Krull end up swallowing the story.
Whenever I glance at it, I watch it from the point after the princess has been kidnapped onwards, and switch it off after the firemares scene.
posted by Omon Ra at 9:48 PM on August 19, 2010 [4 favorites]
Space castle!
posted by Artw at 9:50 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 9:50 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ynyr is really one of the best tragic characters in the movie. He thought he was the one of prophesy to save the world and rule the world, and was almost worthy, but he was not the chosen one. His quest led his wife to murder their only child, he learns he is not the one, and has to live with it for the rest of his life. After he finds Colwyn and sets him on the path, he has to come to terms with the fact that all his suffering, and wrecked life actually gets to stand for something, and have purpose and meaning by aiding the chosen Prince Colwyn.
Almost all the characters motivations and backstory are detailed and interesting, and make much more believable characters. It's an ensemble work, and I can understand how all the secondary characters can drown out the main protagonists, but I think it lends itself to a richer story entirely.
posted by chambers at 9:56 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
Almost all the characters motivations and backstory are detailed and interesting, and make much more believable characters. It's an ensemble work, and I can understand how all the secondary characters can drown out the main protagonists, but I think it lends itself to a richer story entirely.
posted by chambers at 9:56 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
This played non-stop on HBO one summer when my family was at the beach, but all I remember about it was the five-bladed boomerang thingy. Which, to be fair, would liven up any wedding.
posted by Rangeboy at 9:57 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by Rangeboy at 9:57 PM on August 19, 2010
I am trying to remember this film, and all I seem to recall is that whenever The Beast was shown, it was all fuzzy like they put vaseline on the lens. I guess it was to hide how awful and fake the thing looked. It didn't work.
posted by Badgermann at 9:58 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by Badgermann at 9:58 PM on August 19, 2010
Chambers, I agree that it's an ensamble work, but I half wish that they had dispensed with the fairy princess being held by the monster bit because a) It's not really a very compelling monster and b) It's not a very compelling princess, either.
posted by Omon Ra at 9:59 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Omon Ra at 9:59 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
And sure, it's a terrible, terrible movie. . .
The hell you say!?
posted by nola at 10:05 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
The hell you say!?
posted by nola at 10:05 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
Omonra nailed it. Krull was the movie equivalent of a really awesome RPG game setting/adventure being played by people who don't "get it". I would have loved to seen more of Krull and less of the lead characters.
posted by KingEdRa at 10:13 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by KingEdRa at 10:13 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
One day, I hope to track down the participants of these weddings.
And then you can write an interesting article!
posted by stevil at 10:20 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
And then you can write an interesting article!
posted by stevil at 10:20 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
I was going to launch into an impassioned defense of Krull until I realized I don't remember a damn thing about the movie expect the glaive.
posted by graventy at 10:22 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by graventy at 10:22 PM on August 19, 2010
I am not too proud to say that I actually OWN the DVD of this movie, I watch it at least once a year, and dammit, Lyssa and Colwyn? They are like the Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks of really crappy sci-fi. FIRE PALM, BABY!
posted by jimhankmom at 10:24 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by jimhankmom at 10:24 PM on August 19, 2010
"Now imagine you had one of the Glaives from “Krull.” That is not cool. It will never be cool."
Oh hell no. I suppose that the next article will suggest that a triple-sword that shoots swords isn't cool. You know what's not cool? Gettin glaived in the throat, motherfucker.
posted by Benjamin Nushmutt at 10:24 PM on August 19, 2010 [16 favorites]
Oh hell no. I suppose that the next article will suggest that a triple-sword that shoots swords isn't cool. You know what's not cool? Gettin glaived in the throat, motherfucker.
posted by Benjamin Nushmutt at 10:24 PM on August 19, 2010 [16 favorites]
Now imagine you had one of the Glaives from “Krull.” That is not cool. It will never be cool.
Seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK. Of course the glaives are cool!
I really wish he'd tracked down the couples involved. Still, neat story.
posted by graventy at 10:25 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK. Of course the glaives are cool!
I really wish he'd tracked down the couples involved. Still, neat story.
posted by graventy at 10:25 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't know, a wedding is pretty expensive. They offered a free wedding, including designer wedding dress, tuxes, and a week honeymoon in San Francisco.
And count me among the ones who like the movie (I saw it when I was very young--I'm sure I'd laugh at it now).
Do you secretly dread every visit from family, sure that this will be time that the little one asks “where were you married, Gramma?” Will you answer, “on the planet Krull?”
...the parents wonder why their kids stare in wide-eyed awe everytime Granmda comes in the room.
posted by eye of newt at 11:03 PM on August 19, 2010
And count me among the ones who like the movie (I saw it when I was very young--I'm sure I'd laugh at it now).
Do you secretly dread every visit from family, sure that this will be time that the little one asks “where were you married, Gramma?” Will you answer, “on the planet Krull?”
...the parents wonder why their kids stare in wide-eyed awe everytime Granmda comes in the room.
posted by eye of newt at 11:03 PM on August 19, 2010
The soundtrack, by James Horner, is very very good.
Indeed.
posted by kmz at 11:06 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Indeed.
posted by kmz at 11:06 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Variety called it a “blatantly derivative hodgepodge of Excalibur meets Star Wars.”
Yeah, that's what made it cool.
They just don't get this at all, do they?
posted by pompomtom at 11:31 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yeah, that's what made it cool.
They just don't get this at all, do they?
posted by pompomtom at 11:31 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
So what?
It totally gives everything this weird actually-it's-sci-fi quality that's kind of neat, like a Fantasy/SF crossover D&D module.
posted by Artw at 11:37 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
It totally gives everything this weird actually-it's-sci-fi quality that's kind of neat, like a Fantasy/SF crossover D&D module.
posted by Artw at 11:37 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Granmda is Grandmother on Krull.
posted by eye of newt at 11:41 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by eye of newt at 11:41 PM on August 19, 2010
I saw Krull in the theater when I was about 17, and honestly, all I remember about it was that it was pretty good and the Glaive was badass. That's it. Conan...one of my favorite movies - and I can quote the entire thing from heart. Excalibur? Seen it over 10 times...Ladyhawke - ah, young Rutger Hauer and the over and under crossbow....Krull....ummmm, Glaive? Don't remember a damn thing except the weapon. I remember I didn't hate it, but that's about it.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:43 PM on August 19, 2010
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:43 PM on August 19, 2010
Grynmyr.
posted by Artw at 11:43 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 11:43 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh! And Beatmaster! Oh, Beastmaster - I had your poster in my room! Your abs lulled me to sleep many a night! I still have a soft spot for ferrets and leather loin cloths because of you!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:45 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:45 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
I suppose that the next article will suggest that a triple-sword that shoots swords isn't cool.
Some people might think you're making shit up.
posted by fleacircus at 11:50 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
Some people might think you're making shit up.
posted by fleacircus at 11:50 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]
Yeah, The Sword and the Sorceror is a true part of this canon. Conan and Excalibur don't really cut it - really we are talking more about the likes of Hawk the Slayer here.
posted by Artw at 12:01 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by Artw at 12:01 AM on August 20, 2010
And Circle of Iron, or was that too good?
posted by fleacircus at 12:09 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by fleacircus at 12:09 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Circle of Iron: Where Fantasy movies and Kung Fu movies meet and make durty, durty love.
posted by KingEdRa at 12:16 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by KingEdRa at 12:16 AM on August 20, 2010
Is it just me or this a still from a Residents video?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:08 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:08 AM on August 20, 2010
Hawk the Slayer's rubbish!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:10 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:10 AM on August 20, 2010
Which reminds me, y'all, the sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer, named Abelar: Tales of an Ancient Empire. is in post-production right now. Yeah, I said it, sequel. And the one review of it I saw makes Hawk the Slayer look like Othello.
Meanwhile, at least they've not yet dug Dragonslayer out of the grave for its gold teeth. LEAVE VERMITHRAX PEJORATIVE ALONE!
posted by adipocere at 3:39 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Meanwhile, at least they've not yet dug Dragonslayer out of the grave for its gold teeth. LEAVE VERMITHRAX PEJORATIVE ALONE!
posted by adipocere at 3:39 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Now imagine you had one of the Glaives from “Krull.” That is not cool. It will never be cool.
One thing to note is that before Krull, this was a Glaive. But Krull's Glaive isn't some weird (but awesome-looking) one-off. Warcraft 3's Night Elves used Glaives as weapons, and that's just off the top of my head. I'm sure they've shown up other places in nerddom.
I'd say if there's one thing that'd be cool about the movie, at least to a select crowd, it'd be owning one of the Glaives.
posted by explosion at 4:12 AM on August 20, 2010
One thing to note is that before Krull, this was a Glaive. But Krull's Glaive isn't some weird (but awesome-looking) one-off. Warcraft 3's Night Elves used Glaives as weapons, and that's just off the top of my head. I'm sure they've shown up other places in nerddom.
I'd say if there's one thing that'd be cool about the movie, at least to a select crowd, it'd be owning one of the Glaives.
posted by explosion at 4:12 AM on August 20, 2010
My next door neighbors, growing up, had a last name of Krull. Imagine my confusion...
posted by notsnot at 4:44 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by notsnot at 4:44 AM on August 20, 2010
fearfulsymmetry: Is it just me or this a still from a Residents video?
No, dude, those are the guys on Warner Brothers lot who PeeWee Herman stops and asks how to get to the movie set where his bike has been given to that kid from The Wonder Years. The knight-thing guy had a really high voice, and he stopped and asked a chorus-line girl with a really low voice. I am certain that is the same costume.
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:47 AM on August 20, 2010
No, dude, those are the guys on Warner Brothers lot who PeeWee Herman stops and asks how to get to the movie set where his bike has been given to that kid from The Wonder Years. The knight-thing guy had a really high voice, and he stopped and asked a chorus-line girl with a really low voice. I am certain that is the same costume.
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:47 AM on August 20, 2010
On a slight tangent, one night years ago on cable I saw this short film called Mullitt (starring Pat Healy, Michael Shannon, and Henry Gibson). It was really funny, I've tried to find a copy of it online but never had any luck. But one piece of dialogue in it was permanently burned into my psyche that night. In a comic book store, a young nerdy kid admits to his ignorance of the movie Krull, to which a stunned Comic Store owner looks at him and says "You've never seen Krull? That is soooo gay".
posted by stifford at 4:49 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by stifford at 4:49 AM on August 20, 2010
I know of at least four relationships that were spontaneously consummated when Neeson cried out "Release the Kraken."
That was Olivier damnit!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:54 AM on August 20, 2010
That was Olivier damnit!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:54 AM on August 20, 2010
Wow, it's like some kind of retro-viral advertisement!
posted by Eideteker at 5:21 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by Eideteker at 5:21 AM on August 20, 2010
For me there were only three good fantasy themed movies in the 80's - Conan the Barbarian, Excalibur, and Krull.
WHAT?!?!
Dragonslayer! Sword and the Sorcerer! DEATHSTALKER, motherfucker!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:26 AM on August 20, 2010
WHAT?!?!
Dragonslayer! Sword and the Sorcerer! DEATHSTALKER, motherfucker!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:26 AM on August 20, 2010
My brother and I used to play this game.
"Umm...lightsaber or Colonial viper?"
"Lightsaber. Ummm...Greatest American Hero suit or Buck Rogers' fighter?"
"Suit. Green Lantern's ring or Batcave?"
"Ring. Krull glaive or..."
"What?"
"The glaive, from Krull."
"What? Why? Who would ever want that piece of crap?"
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:38 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Umm...lightsaber or Colonial viper?"
"Lightsaber. Ummm...Greatest American Hero suit or Buck Rogers' fighter?"
"Suit. Green Lantern's ring or Batcave?"
"Ring. Krull glaive or..."
"What?"
"The glaive, from Krull."
"What? Why? Who would ever want that piece of crap?"
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:38 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Krull is now available on Netflix's streaming service. I think it's a relatively new addition, since it wasn't available the last time I looked.
posted by jedicus at 6:08 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jedicus at 6:08 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
One thing to note is that before Krull, this was a Glaive... I'm sure they've shown up other places in nerddom.
Oh my, yes. Anyone who played 1st edition AD&D will recall Gary Gygax's polearm fetish: the glaive, the glaive-guisarme, the voulge, the voulge-guisarme, the glaive-voulge, the glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive...
Also, it turns out the word "glaive" becomes meaningless pretty quickly when you type it out a bunch of times...
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [4 favorites]
Oh my, yes. Anyone who played 1st edition AD&D will recall Gary Gygax's polearm fetish: the glaive, the glaive-guisarme, the voulge, the voulge-guisarme, the glaive-voulge, the glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive...
Also, it turns out the word "glaive" becomes meaningless pretty quickly when you type it out a bunch of times...
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [4 favorites]
polearms are seriously powerful infantry weapons for defending against cavalry.
posted by jb at 6:35 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jb at 6:35 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't require science fiction/fantasy/speculative fiction movies to necessarily make sense; sometimes it is very amusing when they don't (for example, Buckaroo Bonzai, a movie that is vastly more entertaining than Krull). However, I do not like to feel that a movie makes no sense because the director believes that the people watching it will all be idiots. That's how Krull made me feel. Visually interesting, but extremely stupid, and intended to be viewed by idiots.
You recall the race of the cyclops, one eyed beings all of whom foresee the time of their own death. This came about because when they originally had two eyes, they made a deal with the Beast because they wanted to be able to see the future. So the Beast took one of their eyes in payment, and then endowed them with the ability to see the future, but the only part of the future that they could see is their own deaths, thus making them an embittered and neurotic race. The Beast strikes again! Does any of that make sense to you? Even strictly as a fairy tale it is ridiculous. It also means that the powers of the Beast are god-like, and the quest to kill him by throwing a bladed weapon at him is blatantly absurd.
posted by grizzled at 7:00 AM on August 20, 2010
You recall the race of the cyclops, one eyed beings all of whom foresee the time of their own death. This came about because when they originally had two eyes, they made a deal with the Beast because they wanted to be able to see the future. So the Beast took one of their eyes in payment, and then endowed them with the ability to see the future, but the only part of the future that they could see is their own deaths, thus making them an embittered and neurotic race. The Beast strikes again! Does any of that make sense to you? Even strictly as a fairy tale it is ridiculous. It also means that the powers of the Beast are god-like, and the quest to kill him by throwing a bladed weapon at him is blatantly absurd.
posted by grizzled at 7:00 AM on August 20, 2010
This came about because when they originally had two eyes, they made a deal with the Beast because they wanted to be able to see the future. So the Beast took one of their eyes in payment, and then endowed them with the ability to see the future, but the only part of the future that they could see is their own deaths, thus making them an embittered and neurotic race. The Beast strikes again! Does any of that make sense to you?
It's a standard and very old fantasy trope, the Wish Gone Ironically Wrong. And really, once you're watching Krull, you should be expecting these sorts of things to happen.
I did not like Krull or Legend the first time I saw them, but because they ran 8 million times a summer on HBO, I developed a Stockholm Syndrome-like affection. They are terrible movies. But fun to talk about.
posted by emjaybee at 7:16 AM on August 20, 2010
It's a standard and very old fantasy trope, the Wish Gone Ironically Wrong. And really, once you're watching Krull, you should be expecting these sorts of things to happen.
I did not like Krull or Legend the first time I saw them, but because they ran 8 million times a summer on HBO, I developed a Stockholm Syndrome-like affection. They are terrible movies. But fun to talk about.
posted by emjaybee at 7:16 AM on August 20, 2010
Pick up the pieces of your weapon, the Glaive. Avoid all boulders.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:19 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 7:19 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
The Beast strikes again! Does any of that make sense to you?
Sure, it's a classic Faustian bargain. As emjaybee said, it also has shades of the plot device of a wish being granted in an extremely literal way, much to the dismay of the wisher.
It also means that the powers of the Beast are god-like, and the quest to kill him by throwing a bladed weapon at him is blatantly absurd.
I don't think it necessarily means his powers are god-like, since the power he granted the cyclops is pretty limited. Anyway, the glaive is a magical weapon.
posted by jedicus at 7:21 AM on August 20, 2010
Sure, it's a classic Faustian bargain. As emjaybee said, it also has shades of the plot device of a wish being granted in an extremely literal way, much to the dismay of the wisher.
It also means that the powers of the Beast are god-like, and the quest to kill him by throwing a bladed weapon at him is blatantly absurd.
I don't think it necessarily means his powers are god-like, since the power he granted the cyclops is pretty limited. Anyway, the glaive is a magical weapon.
posted by jedicus at 7:21 AM on August 20, 2010
Yes, the Beast made a faustian bargain with the cyclops, but it didn't make any sense. What does he gain by making such a bargain? And seriously, you don't think that it would require god-like power to endow a race of beings with the magical ability to foresee their own death? Just because that ability does not bring them any happiness does not mean that it is an ability that would be easy to confer. What I observe in this plot element is that an enormous amount of power is being used for no discernable purpose. You could say well, the Beast is evil, hence he enjoys making deals with other that they will come to deeply regret. But with that much power, there are much more satisfying things that an evil being could do; this is pretty silly.
posted by grizzled at 7:31 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by grizzled at 7:31 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh my, yes. Anyone who played 1st edition AD&D will recall Gary Gygax's polearm fetish: the glaive, the glaive-guisarme, the voulge, the voulge-guisarme, the glaive-voulge, the glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive...
It's guisarme-voulge... at least according to Gygax. (Apparently great chunks of the Player's Handbook are still hard-wired into my brain somewhere)
polearms are seriously powerful infantry weapons for defending against cavalry.
Exception... Lord Of The Rings.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:32 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's guisarme-voulge... at least according to Gygax. (Apparently great chunks of the Player's Handbook are still hard-wired into my brain somewhere)
polearms are seriously powerful infantry weapons for defending against cavalry.
Exception... Lord Of The Rings.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:32 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Huh. I never saw this movie, but I remember really wanting to because that glaive thing looked really cool... but on viewing the trailer you only see it for half a second at the end. Maybe there were TV spots that showed more of it.
On viewing the trailer: What's with the total lack of set dressing? Every scene features big elaborate sets that are totally devoid of everything except the actors. Wikipedia lists the budget as having been 45-50 million dollars, which ought to have been enough for some props and furniture. (By comparison: Holy crap, Raiders of the Lost Ark was made on a budget of 18 million dollars?)
posted by usonian at 7:48 AM on August 20, 2010
On viewing the trailer: What's with the total lack of set dressing? Every scene features big elaborate sets that are totally devoid of everything except the actors. Wikipedia lists the budget as having been 45-50 million dollars, which ought to have been enough for some props and furniture. (By comparison: Holy crap, Raiders of the Lost Ark was made on a budget of 18 million dollars?)
posted by usonian at 7:48 AM on August 20, 2010
It also means that the powers of the Beast are god-like, and the quest to kill him by throwing a bladed weapon at him is blatantly absurd.
It was an absurd quest—just look at the morons that joined up: blind old man with baggage. Useless kid with bad haircut. World's shittiest magician. Emo cyclops. Liam Neeson.
And the glaive didn't work. They looked pretty stupid there for a second. Fortunately Colwyn had thepatronus charm literal prophecy fire of love or whatever the fuck.
Pick up the pieces of your weapon, the Glaive. Avoid all boulders.
One token left. Gyruss or Krull?
posted by fleacircus at 8:02 AM on August 20, 2010
It was an absurd quest—just look at the morons that joined up: blind old man with baggage. Useless kid with bad haircut. World's shittiest magician. Emo cyclops. Liam Neeson.
And the glaive didn't work. They looked pretty stupid there for a second. Fortunately Colwyn had the
Pick up the pieces of your weapon, the Glaive. Avoid all boulders.
One token left. Gyruss or Krull?
posted by fleacircus at 8:02 AM on August 20, 2010
Gyruss, of course.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:07 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:07 AM on August 20, 2010
I can't even begin to describe the number of dangerous objects my best friend and I fastened together and threw at each other because of this movie. It didn't inspire us to get married though...
posted by jardinier at 9:21 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by jardinier at 9:21 AM on August 20, 2010
or me there were only three good fantasy themed movies in the 80's - Conan the Barbarian, Excalibur, and Krull.
I thought they were called The Neverending Story, Labyrinth, and The Dark Crystal.
posted by Windigo at 10:04 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I thought they were called The Neverending Story, Labyrinth, and The Dark Crystal.
posted by Windigo at 10:04 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh my, yes. Anyone who played 1st edition AD&D will recall Gary Gygax's polearm fetish: the glaive, the glaive-guisarme, the voulge, the voulge-guisarme, the glaive-voulge, the glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive...
To understand this fetish you've got to go to the source of the obsession: The Art Institute of Chicago's Arms, Armor, Medieval, and Renaissance collection.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:08 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
To understand this fetish you've got to go to the source of the obsession: The Art Institute of Chicago's Arms, Armor, Medieval, and Renaissance collection.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:08 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
What, no love for the lucerne hammer?
It should be noted that the Krull weapon is about as far away from a polearm as it gets.
posted by Artw at 10:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
It should be noted that the Krull weapon is about as far away from a polearm as it gets.
posted by Artw at 10:18 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
What, no love for the lucerne hammer?
Like this one? Seriously, you can practically smell Gygax in that gallery. Passing through there, you know where he went to gather ideas for the original game.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:42 AM on August 20, 2010
Like this one? Seriously, you can practically smell Gygax in that gallery. Passing through there, you know where he went to gather ideas for the original game.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:42 AM on August 20, 2010
You know, there's such a variety of polearm design, from simple sharpened wood poles to mad canopeners on sticks like that, that it would probably make for a good FPP subject in itself.
posted by Artw at 10:57 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by Artw at 10:57 AM on August 20, 2010
You know, there's such a variety of polearm design, from simple sharpened wood poles to mad canopeners on sticks like that, that it would probably make for a good FPP subject in itself.
Sadly, Gary Gygax died a couple of years back, and he wasn't a Metafilter member anyway.
posted by JHarris at 11:10 AM on August 20, 2010
Sadly, Gary Gygax died a couple of years back, and he wasn't a Metafilter member anyway.
posted by JHarris at 11:10 AM on August 20, 2010
Been playing Total War Medieval 2 for the past upteen months. Plenty of poll-arm love there... had a moment of minor excitement the first time I saw one of my billman use his weapon to hook the legs of an opponent and send them flying.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:11 AM on August 20, 2010
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:11 AM on August 20, 2010
Gygax lives on inside all of us, JHarris.
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
Krull was really just kind of a cheesy, half-baked, slightly weird fantasy movie in the same way that a lot of the other 80s fantasy movies mentioned here are (and the way that the 80s also had cheesy, half-baked, slightly weird SF movies like Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. Your childhood affection for them doesn't make them really good, any more than my childhood affection for Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang makes it that good (I re-watched it as an adult and was amazed at how poorly it held up). Even though I am usually pretty good at spotting actors that I'd seen in films years before, when Ken Marshall appeared as Eddington in DS9 I didn't recognize him at all, and didn't remember Liam Neeson from it, either.
That having been said, for "a free wedding, including designer wedding dress, tuxes, and a week honeymoon in San Francisco", I'd do a Teletubbies wedding.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:35 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
That having been said, for "a free wedding, including designer wedding dress, tuxes, and a week honeymoon in San Francisco", I'd do a Teletubbies wedding.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:35 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
DO NOT do a Kill Bill wedding.
posted by Artw at 11:56 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:56 AM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
“Everyone knows what a cruller is…a tasty glazed donut. Now comes the Kruller…a tasty Glaived donut.”
I hope that marketing genius stabbed himself in the eye with a plastic promotional Glaive.
posted by killy willy at 11:57 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I hope that marketing genius stabbed himself in the eye with a plastic promotional Glaive.
posted by killy willy at 11:57 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
> Oh! And Beatmaster!
My cat really enjoyed Beastmaster.
What, no love in here for Yor?
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:40 PM on August 20, 2010
My cat really enjoyed Beastmaster.
What, no love in here for Yor?
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:40 PM on August 20, 2010
Is it bad form to bring up Ice Pirates in this thread? I mean, for me, all of these movies kind of reside in the same awesome, awesome universe.
posted by jabberjaw at 3:29 PM on August 20, 2010
posted by jabberjaw at 3:29 PM on August 20, 2010
Yes, the Beast made a faustian bargain with the cyclops, but it didn't make any sense. What does he gain by making such a bargain?
LOLs? If I were an intergalactic space monster-god, I'd do it just to see the expressions on their faces.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:51 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
LOLs? If I were an intergalactic space monster-god, I'd do it just to see the expressions on their faces.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:51 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I haven't even clicked the link, but the rest of this thread is awesome.
posted by Amanojaku at 4:24 PM on August 20, 2010
posted by Amanojaku at 4:24 PM on August 20, 2010
Yes, the Beast made a faustian bargain with the cyclops, but it didn't make any sense. What does he gain by making such a bargain?
LOLs? If I were an intergalactic space monster-god, I'd do it just to see the expressions on their faces.
Plus you know...all those eyes.
posted by stifford at 7:30 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
LOLs? If I were an intergalactic space monster-god, I'd do it just to see the expressions on their faces.
Plus you know...all those eyes.
posted by stifford at 7:30 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh dear...the article bad mouths the original version of Clash of the Titans.
Fuck them.
posted by GavinR at 8:45 PM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
Fuck them.
posted by GavinR at 8:45 PM on August 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
Also, the Krull arcade game was made by Gottlieb and not Atari as they claim in the article. As mentioned in an earlier post, there was an Atari 2600 Krull game, that is certainly not even remotely the same thing as the arcade game. I hate whoever wrote this.
posted by GavinR at 8:47 PM on August 20, 2010
posted by GavinR at 8:47 PM on August 20, 2010
Is it bad form to bring up Ice Pirates in this thread?
When I was a kid I took some karate lessons from the guy who played this robot. Fear me.
posted by homunculus at 9:46 PM on August 20, 2010
When I was a kid I took some karate lessons from the guy who played this robot. Fear me.
posted by homunculus at 9:46 PM on August 20, 2010
Am watching the movie now via netflix. Figured it was a crime I hadn't seen it yet, sci fi geek former teen of the 80s that I am.
It sucks balls so far. What's with this palid weeping weenie? He's supposed to be the fucking hero?
I'd definitely do a Krull themed wdding, just in the hope my betrothed would end up just like this tool.
posted by purenitrous at 9:51 PM on August 20, 2010
It sucks balls so far. What's with this palid weeping weenie? He's supposed to be the fucking hero?
I'd definitely do a Krull themed wdding, just in the hope my betrothed would end up just like this tool.
posted by purenitrous at 9:51 PM on August 20, 2010
Speaking of Krull, you know those signs meant to indicate, "Don't stand in-between the closing doors" on subways and whatnot? I'd really like it if people all over the world started modifying those images so that the person holding the doors appears to be a cyclops. I think it would really help drive the message home if people thought of Rell when they saw those signs, you know?
posted by neuromodulator at 11:05 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by neuromodulator at 11:05 PM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
Is it bad form to bring up Ice Pirates in this thread?
Yes it is, the castration scene alone gave me nightmares when I was a kid.
posted by Omon Ra at 7:05 AM on August 21, 2010
Yes it is, the castration scene alone gave me nightmares when I was a kid.
posted by Omon Ra at 7:05 AM on August 21, 2010
Is it bad form to bring up Ice Pirates in this thread?
Space Herpies! I love Ice Pirates!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:54 PM on August 21, 2010
Space Herpies! I love Ice Pirates!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:54 PM on August 21, 2010
Interestingly, Krull and Ice Pirates were both written by the same guy, one Stanford Sherman. He also wrote a bunch of episodes of Batman.
posted by usonian at 8:38 PM on August 21, 2010
posted by usonian at 8:38 PM on August 21, 2010
Personally, I view a wedding as too important an event to be tied to pop culture.
A wedding is afterall a lifelong commitment. Pop culture is by definition, temporary.
On the other hand, a wedding is a highly personal event, the theme of which the bride and groom should have complete discretion over.
Who am I to judge? :)
Bogdan
posted by bogdano2 at 3:03 PM on September 12, 2010
A wedding is afterall a lifelong commitment. Pop culture is by definition, temporary.
On the other hand, a wedding is a highly personal event, the theme of which the bride and groom should have complete discretion over.
Who am I to judge? :)
Bogdan
posted by bogdano2 at 3:03 PM on September 12, 2010
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posted by MegoSteve at 9:29 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]