August 22, 2001
12:32 PM   Subscribe

Sick of being beaten to a pulp in bar-room scuffles? Feeling bruised, battered and almost defeated? Learn how to take a punch and turn your life around. This serious advice page includes such gems as 'Move toward the blow, not away from it..', 'Avoid taking the punch in the nose, which is extremely painful', 'do not flinch..', and little-known defence manoeuvres such as '3. Attempt to deflect the blow with an arm' and '4. (optional) Hit back with an uppercut or roundhouse'. Goodluck warriors: Your equipped.
posted by Kino (13 comments total)
Be sure to see this article, too. Very useful.
posted by Hackworth at 12:39 PM on August 22, 2001

Well spotted warriors - Just testing your alert reflex mechanism's.. Congratulations, you passed.. Now here's the link without enemy punctuation infiltration. Go get 'em comrades!.
posted by Kino at 12:39 PM on August 22, 2001

I can see how that guys haircut and attire could provide the motivation for battle comrade Hackworth. Do him!
posted by Kino at 12:42 PM on August 22, 2001

TOP SECRET: The mystery ---> " disappeared before even a stealth text editor could be loaded for battle. Not to worry; we'll get him nextime. Be on high alert for mystery " 's warriors. Wait 'til u see the whites of their i's!
posted by Kino at 12:56 PM on August 22, 2001

When someone starts threatening me, I immediately lapse into the ancient Navajo technique of begging and pleading for my life. [loosely paraphrased from Woody Allen]
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:58 PM on August 22, 2001

And not to bitch here (which of course means "here comes the bitching"), but how many goddam posts do we have to have with the INCORRECT use of "your"/"you're"?!?! –that's right biznatch: 2 question marks and 2 exclamation points! There's another one.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:01 PM on August 22, 2001

Oh and no more posts that end in "Do him!" either. Unless the question is "I am a leggy supermodel and often find myself trapped in a room with the breathtaking adonis Kafkaesque. How should I handle this situation?"
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on August 22, 2001

ahh yes.. but fear of 'your' usage is just enemy propaganda to instill a meme that can divert us from the real danger... it's the highly trained guerilla warfare equipped upside down question marks that have the power to maim of even kill.. especially when expertly spun like this.. take note comrade K: - - -- --- - - - - - ----- ¿
posted by Kino at 1:10 PM on August 22, 2001

Actually, Kino, the book is exactly right insofar as moving into the blow. The others are fairly obvious but this one may not be.

By moving into the blow, you move forward of the maximum impact point. If you get hit, it will not be at max velocity and max force (for balance reasons). You will be immediately on the offensive and moving forward, not backward, where your opponent can follow up with another punch.

Secondly, when people punch, assuming that they actually aim, they are aiming for that impact point. By moving into the blow, you have a better chance of being able to dodge it than you do by moving your head backwards, where the opponent can see your movement and adjust.

The real key, however, it to avoid the fight altogether and force your opponent to buy you a beer.
posted by fooljay at 6:47 PM on August 22, 2001

....gez, bringin a fist to a gunfight.
posted by clavdivs at 7:03 PM on August 22, 2001

I win all my fights by at least two hundred metres.
posted by Option1 at 7:22 PM on August 22, 2001

I wouldn't mess with anyone who can gesticulate about fighting techniques in a scientific fashion Fooljay.. Here, have a pint. It's on the house. We don't want no fistycuffs in 'ere! Hang on.. Tell me that ain't a real AK47 Clavdivs. Here, have the bar. Twice. And the barmaid. It's ok, feel free, i don't mind. Really. I'll just divorce her.
posted by Kino at 11:24 PM on August 22, 2001

Hehe, I'm flush with information from my new hobby...
posted by fooljay at 11:13 AM on August 23, 2001

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