98 year old refrigerator
November 9, 2010 12:57 PM   Subscribe

"Nobody wants your pumpernickel bread." Kool Keith dispenses some kitchen wisdom.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing (66 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
 
EARTH PEOPLE. LEAVE MY YOOHOOS ALONE.
posted by jquinby at 1:03 PM on November 9, 2010 [4 favorites]


OH MY GOD I WANT SOME OAKRIDGE CAKE AND WHEAT COOKIES RIGHT NOW
posted by infinitywaltz at 1:04 PM on November 9, 2010


It's like Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood stories, but boring.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:05 PM on November 9, 2010 [4 favorites]


"I lost so much ... YouHoos"

I keep thinking that he'd say something more tragic, talking about all that loss.

"Wow, it's going to be there when I get home."

Related: Keeping your refrigerator stocked will get you many women (not Kool Keith).
posted by filthy light thief at 1:08 PM on November 9, 2010


YooHoos, not YouHoos. Yes.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:08 PM on November 9, 2010


Learn to say NO, Kool Keith!
posted by orme at 1:12 PM on November 9, 2010


I have this on a DVD and show it to every guest of my home.
posted by scose at 1:14 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I love Kool Keith/Dr. Octogon/Doctor Dooom/etc.

A couple other favorites-

Welfare Love

The Girls Don't Like the Job

Sharks and Mermaids
posted by rollbiz at 1:17 PM on November 9, 2010


Post this again when I am high. Then I'll be like, "Yeah, seltzer water is good, yeah. People like sugar too much. HFCS sucks, yeah?"
posted by not_on_display at 1:20 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Nobody wants your pumpernickel bread."
I just kept watching until this line and then stopped.
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 1:21 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who keeps their oreos in the fridge?

Also, the man clearly doesn't understand how key pumpernickel bread is to the perfect Reuben. (Rye bread you say? Feh!)
posted by bearwife at 1:22 PM on November 9, 2010


From a YouTube commenter:

"he's def talking about people biting his style"

Not entirely convinced about that, but I thought that was pretty insightful. Then I just realized that I had read an insightful comment on YouTube. What's next? Forty years of darkness? Cats and dogs living together?
posted by mcmile at 1:25 PM on November 9, 2010 [8 favorites]


Apparently related. Is this really in response to this video? What is oakridge cake?
posted by cmoj at 1:34 PM on November 9, 2010


Yeah, mcmile, the same thought crossed my mind as well, that this was all some extended metaphor, but in the end I think he's just talking about people eating his food.
posted by Kattullus at 1:34 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


Obligatory Dr. Octagon song.
posted by joedan at 1:37 PM on November 9, 2010


But say it is a metaphor, what is he saying then, that he deliberately has kept his style less commercially viable, just to keep biters away? So theres no deranged mad genius behind eg A Visit to the Gynecologyst, just some sterile calculations that came to the conclusion: no-one will bite this shit! (with not even an evil laughter)

I'm sad.
posted by mnsc at 1:42 PM on November 9, 2010


YAY LETS MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY ILL THERE SO FUNNY OMIGOD I DIED LAUGHING ABOUT SELTZER WATER AND PUMPERNICKEL BREAD HE DOESNT MAKE SENSE ITS SO FUNNY
posted by nonreflectiveobject at 1:43 PM on November 9, 2010


Keith is like the Sun Ra of hip-hop.

That's a good thing.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:45 PM on November 9, 2010 [6 favorites]


YAY LETS MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY ILL THERE SO FUNNY OMIGOD I DIED LAUGHING ABOUT SELTZER WATER AND PUMPERNICKEL BREAD HE DOESNT MAKE SENSE ITS SO FUNNY

Ummmm...Do you know something about Kool Keith that I don't? Because he's definitely an interesting dude, but I don't know anyone besides you who has claimed he's mentally ill.
posted by rollbiz at 1:46 PM on November 9, 2010


YAY LETS MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY ILL

Well that's out of left field...

Do you realize that this guy is one of the most respected emcees of all time?
posted by cmoj at 1:48 PM on November 9, 2010


I'm sad.

Well, it seems his argument begins with "people want sugar". They want the sweet, the fluffy, the saccharine and artificial. They don't want your organic garden cake rhymes with peanuts on top. So he could be saying that cultivating that style has kept his sound fresh and original. However, he also says that "you have to learn to like it", so maybe it's not an intuitive process.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:48 PM on November 9, 2010


It's been a longstanding rumor in the Hip-Hop community that he's been hospitalized before at Bellevue for untreated schizophrenia. I find making fun of him for not making a lot of sense distasteful, because of the possibility that he's actually mentally ill.
posted by nonreflectiveobject at 1:49 PM on November 9, 2010


He is much less insane and more focused than I thought he'd be (yes, Rollbiz, that's the general impression of Kool Keith).

Also, is this a serious comment: YAY LETS MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY ILL THERE SO FUNNY OMIGOD I DIED LAUGHING ABOUT SELTZER WATER AND PUMPERNICKEL BREAD HE DOESNT MAKE SENSE ITS SO FUNNY ? Because I really really hope that it isn't.
posted by seventyfour at 1:50 PM on November 9, 2010


I thought that what he was saying made a ton of sense even if just taken literally. This is how I started drinking Johnny Walker and Seagram's 7, actually. My first apartment was basically a flophouse where people came and went, and I discovered that these were two boozes that I could keep around without people filching them, so I made myself develop a taste for them.
posted by rollbiz at 1:51 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


One time I had like 75 people interview me, and they started asking me the same questions. One guy was just asking me all types of questions, and I was just like, "Yeah, I went to Bellevue. I chewed my own hand off and they had to sew it back on." And the guy believed it. I guess he printed it, and then it started to spread, and next thing you know I see things that read: "The former Bellevue guy making a record."
posted by Joe Beese at 1:52 PM on November 9, 2010


cmoj, I'm definately down with the Keith, from Ultramagnetic days on. I just don't like it when people get their lulz on when he gets a bit, well, abstruse in conversation like this. He may just be a weirdo, and I'm probably in the wrong. But maybe, just maybe he's ill and making fun of that isn't cool. Particularly when in the Ultramagnetic MCs, he mentioned having been hospitalized at Bellevue. Here's a (possibly pointless) link that suggests he was in fact a patient at Bellevue.
posted by nonreflectiveobject at 1:54 PM on November 9, 2010


how much does Kool Keith like seltzer water?

THREE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 1:54 PM on November 9, 2010 [4 favorites]


So theres no deranged mad genius behind eg A Visit to the Gynecologyst, just some sterile calculations that came to the conclusion: no-one will bite this shit! (with not even an evil laughter)

DR. DOOOM IS IN THE ROOM
posted by dhammond at 1:55 PM on November 9, 2010


in the end I think he's just talking about people eating his food.

I think you're right.

I just kept watching until this line and then stopped.

I usually only get this excited when they say the title of a movie in the movie.

Who the hell doesn't like seltzer water? It's refreshing!
posted by mrgrimm at 1:55 PM on November 9, 2010


It's been a longstanding rumor in the Hip-Hop community that he's been hospitalized before at Bellevue for untreated schizophrenia.

It's a rumor he's personally refuted.

AVC: You do have a reputation for being insane, which you've encouraged.

KK: One time I had like 75 people interview me, and they started asking me the same questions. One guy was just asking me all types of questions, and I was just like, "Yeah, I went to Bellevue. I chewed my own hand off and they had to sew it back on." And the guy believed it. I guess he printed it, and then it started to spread, and next thing you know I see things that read: "The former Bellevue guy making a record." I didn't know it would travel like that. And I looked back like, "Wow, this story traveled." People tend to coincide my music with my mind. I write weird and do things sometimes as though I'm on drugs or crazy, but I don't have to get high to do that. Even the partial things that I do. they gotta take coke up the nose and shoot needles. You got rock stars out there—they gotta get high just to make the record I make normally.

posted by rollbiz at 1:55 PM on November 9, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's an extended metaphor. Just a riff on acquired/developed tastes and expectations. No crazy here.
posted by sonic meat machine at 1:57 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I really thought he was pretty coherent in this youtube, I didn't at all perceive it as making fun of Kool Keith (though my perception may be off as I figured that it would be poking at him).
posted by seventyfour at 1:57 PM on November 9, 2010


Ok, I retract. I didn't know that he had refuted it. Sorry, everyone. I'm the jerk here. Move along.
posted by nonreflectiveobject at 1:57 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


He should turn this into a TED Talk.
posted by naju at 1:58 PM on November 9, 2010 [8 favorites]


joedan: "Obligatory Dr. Octagon song. "

You might also like Prince Paul's take on same.
posted by jquinby at 1:58 PM on November 9, 2010 [2 favorites]


Ooh, I like that remix, hadn't heard this before.
posted by seventyfour at 2:01 PM on November 9, 2010


I am for both Kool Keith and Seltzer Water. Buy the most left-field shit, indeed.
posted by everichon at 2:01 PM on November 9, 2010


Yeah, I wonder if this is about getting older and becoming less impressed with trends and lowest-common-denominator marketing and mass appeal art and next big things. And just finding and cultivating your own weird style and odd leftfield things you like. I can definitely get behind that sentiment.
posted by naju at 2:02 PM on November 9, 2010


So ... let me get this straight. If you buy stuff nobody likes, yourself included, it'll last a long time?
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2010


Also, am I the only one who has thought, "Kool Keith is kind of like if Tracy Morgan was a rapper"?
posted by everichon at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2010 [3 favorites]


He may not be insane, but I do have it on good authority that Kool Keith has cirrhosis of the eye, and also moosebumps.
posted by seventyfour at 2:06 PM on November 9, 2010 [5 favorites]


Dude, no one is mocking him because he sounds crazy, any more than enjoying Tom Waits telling anecdotes is 'mocking the insane'. They are both just interesting guys with amusing ways of conveying a story or idea.

Also - NASA w. Tom Waits and Kool Keith, 'Spacious Thoughts'
posted by FatherDagon at 2:10 PM on November 9, 2010


I opened up the Austin Chronicle one night and saw that Kool Keith was playing that night. HOLY FUCK TROY the friend hanging out with me that night WE'RE GOING TO SEE KOOL KEITH TONIGHT, ONLY $25!

So we get to the club, wait in line, pay $50 total and walk inside. That's when I was introduced to Bavu Blakes, who got onstage and just flowed for a SOLID HOUR. Amazing.

Kool Keith finally came on and performed for twenty-five minutes, and then left and came back for a one-song encore. Pretty lame.

but forreal, i've listened to dr. octagonecologyst at least once a month since it came out.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:15 PM on November 9, 2010


Oh, this is making me search youtube for favorites off of the Dan the Automator/Kool Keith "A Much Better Tomorrow" project. So good.

It's Over Now (Kool Keith & Dan the Automator)

King of New York (Kool Keith & Dan the Automator)

Cartoon Capers (Kool Keith & Dan the Automator)

posted by seventyfour at 2:16 PM on November 9, 2010


Ok, I retract. I didn't know that he had refuted it. Sorry, everyone. I'm the jerk here. Move along.

I'm afraid you don't understand the finer points of online debate. The correct response here is to dig in your heels and not give an inch. Preferably, you should also malign the character of anyone who challenges your assertions, and decry the "persecution of dissenting viewpoints". Bonus points for using the term "echo chamber".
posted by [citation needed] at 2:20 PM on November 9, 2010 [4 favorites]


PareidoliaticBoy: So ... let me get this straight. If you buy stuff nobody likes, yourself included, it'll last a long time?

No, if you get into stuff that you like but that isn't popular, you will have it to yourself and other people won't steal it.
posted by Kattullus at 2:35 PM on November 9, 2010


Is seltzer water a gas or a liquid?
Is seltzer water a gas or a liquid?
Is seltzer water a gas or a liquid?
Is seltzer water a gas or a liquid?
posted by erniepan at 2:36 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I think it's hilarious that people in this thread are interpreting his preference for seltzer water as some sort of metaphor for his art or his place within the larger realm of hip hop. Kool Keith doesn't like people taking his shit, whether it's his seltzer water or people ripping off his style. END OF STORY.
posted by dhammond at 2:39 PM on November 9, 2010


Seltzer and soda syrup. Get that shit from Sam's Club. Never again worry about some asshole drinking your Dr Pepper.
posted by Dreamcast at 2:42 PM on November 9, 2010


The only correct position on this issue is that Kool Keith literally likes seltzer water.
posted by Benjamin Nushmutt at 2:44 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


No, no, Kool Keith is a literal viking.
posted by flod at 2:49 PM on November 9, 2010


1) The DVD this came from is completely awesome.
2) Keith & Beck - California Rodeo
posted by mintcake! at 2:52 PM on November 9, 2010


Not sure if this was a metaphor, but either way its definitely about biters.
posted by chadmalik at 2:56 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I like Kool Keith, I like seltzer, I like pumpernickel bread, and I may be crazy, so this hits all my sweet spots. Youthful fridge folks, step off.
posted by padraigin at 3:03 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I've had these conversations. Sometimes small talk is hard.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:04 PM on November 9, 2010


This is why I used to take squares of unsweetened bakers chocolate to school in my lunch bag.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:27 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


Maybe it's because I'm old enough to be your dad (get off of my lawn), but I thought this was a very coherent riff, indeed.

Now the real poetic justice would have been if he said he drank water directly from the faucet to foil the soda thieves.

I'm guessing you haters never had roommates.
posted by SteveInMaine at 3:40 PM on November 9, 2010


YAY LETS MAKE FUN OF THE MENTALLY ILL THERE SO FUNNY OMIGOD I DIED LAUGHING ABOUT SELTZER WATER AND PUMPERNICKEL BREAD HE DOESNT MAKE SENSE ITS SO FUNNY

Haha. I was going to make fun of you for this comment, but the irony literally killed me. And now I am dead.

Heaven has so much porn. It rocks.
posted by dgaicun at 3:42 PM on November 9, 2010 [2 favorites]


Apropos.
posted by dgaicun at 3:57 PM on November 9, 2010


What is oakridge cake?

I'm thinking it's a mispronunciation of okra cake. For my money, his hypothetical granny asking "Do you want some of my garden cake?" was the funniest moment of that clip. All hail Keith.
posted by Roachbeard at 4:41 PM on November 9, 2010


Just for fun. Fly Ricky the Wine Taster really gets me.
posted by Roachbeard at 4:44 PM on November 9, 2010


I'm thinking it's a mispronunciation of okra cake.

No, it's just an extemporaneously made-up old-fashiony sounding cake.
posted by dgaicun at 4:58 PM on November 9, 2010


So Kool Keith doesn't want you over his house if you like seltzer and pumpernickel bread.

Kool Keith is anti-Semitic?
posted by 1adam12 at 5:00 PM on November 9, 2010


I want to see a youtube video of when Henry Rollins runs into Kool Keith in a library in Brooklyn.
posted by fuq at 5:42 PM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


I choose to believe this is Kool Keith's response to this video
posted by mhjb at 7:49 PM on November 9, 2010


I wasn't aware of Kool Keith until reading this. I watched his exposition on seltzer water, then just listened to Sharks and Mermaids. He reminds me of me. I used to drink gin and tonic in college, because people for some reason would always want to take a sip out my drink. Once I switched to gin and tonic, I found their reactions most amusing after taking a swig of bitter old gin and tonic.

One morning I had a really nasty hangover. I was walking to an early class, and had to run an endless and pungent gauntlet of junipers, which reeked of gin.
posted by Xoebe at 10:21 PM on November 9, 2010


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