Creation Museum adds ark park
December 1, 2010 2:09 PM Subscribe
The Creation Museum is seeking tax breaks to expand by building an ark-themed amusement park.
“We’re going to get this Ark Encounter,” Link said. “With every ark there is a rainbow and at the end of this rainbow is a pot of gold.”
Heh, gotta love the first sentence (emphasis mine): "On Wednesday, Gov. Steve Beshear unveiled plans for a new tourist attraction in Grant County that will feature a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark."
When I build my Atlantis theme park, I'll be sure to make it exactly to scale as well.
posted by Perplexity at 2:11 PM on December 1, 2010 [16 favorites]
When I build my Atlantis theme park, I'll be sure to make it exactly to scale as well.
posted by Perplexity at 2:11 PM on December 1, 2010 [16 favorites]
Frankly I would love to see them build this, exactly to scale, with like a little diagram of exactly how many cubits every dimension is, and then when you go inside there are only enough holding pens for like twelve species.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:12 PM on December 1, 2010 [48 favorites]
posted by shakespeherian at 2:12 PM on December 1, 2010 [48 favorites]
But will the ark float? There's only one way to find out!
posted by jscalzi at 2:13 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by jscalzi at 2:13 PM on December 1, 2010
They gotta include an reenactment of when the Nazis found it and had their heads blowed up by it.
posted by Liquidwolf at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2010 [12 favorites]
posted by Liquidwolf at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2010 [12 favorites]
Leprechaun gold is a pagan concept. But that's ok if the God he worships is the $. (The Dollar, ironically, isn't a possessive god.)
posted by -harlequin- at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by -harlequin- at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
So a full-scale model of the ark will have room for two of every animal on earth, right? I expect to see stables for each.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
Don't forget the dinosaurs!
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
"On Wednesday, Gov. Steve Beshear unveiled plans for a new tourist attraction in Grant County that will feature a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark."
I think we found a new Minecraft project!
posted by nickmark at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [14 favorites]
I think we found a new Minecraft project!
posted by nickmark at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2010 [14 favorites]
Rainbow? Pot of gold!? Nothing like that in the Bible. These are leprechaunist lies. I would have expected better of the Creation Museum, but I guess I'll just have to take the family to the Holy Land Experience instead.
posted by saturday_morning at 2:16 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by saturday_morning at 2:16 PM on December 1, 2010
I expect to see stables for each.
Well, the paramecium stables are really, really small.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [13 favorites]
Well, the paramecium stables are really, really small.
posted by PlusDistance at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [13 favorites]
A rainbow is God's covenant that He will always refract sunlight through the full visible spectrum
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [51 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [51 favorites]
(said Holy Land Experience having been the first result when I searched for "terrifying Christian theme park")
posted by saturday_morning at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by saturday_morning at 2:17 PM on December 1, 2010
By "rainbow" do they mean Pride Flags? Cause I would line up for fucking hours to get into that Ark.
posted by helmutdog at 2:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by helmutdog at 2:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
Now I get it. That there are people who believe that there is an authentic ark design to replicate explains why there are so many people who find the image of white Jesus to be authentic.
posted by munchingzombie at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by munchingzombie at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
When I build my Atlantis theme park, I'll be sure to make it exactly to scale as well.
In all fairness, the bible does detail the dimensions of the ark: 300 x 30 x 50 cubits, where a cubit runs to about half a meter.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010
In all fairness, the bible does detail the dimensions of the ark: 300 x 30 x 50 cubits, where a cubit runs to about half a meter.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010
I know I should probably dislike this, but I really like theme parks and rainbows. If there are rollercoasters I'm sold.
posted by jnaps at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jnaps at 2:21 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
By the way, the likely Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) says that global warming is not a threat because God promised that he would never again destroy the Earth in a flood. Heck of a job, America.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:22 PM on December 1, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:22 PM on December 1, 2010 [10 favorites]
Plans also call for a 14-acre walled city, a Tower of Babel, a children’s play area, special events area and an amphitheater.
There's something in the back of my mind about building a Tower of Babel... I can't put my finger on it right now, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:27 PM on December 1, 2010 [48 favorites]
There's something in the back of my mind about building a Tower of Babel... I can't put my finger on it right now, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:27 PM on December 1, 2010 [48 favorites]
In other news, the GOP is axing the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming in the name of fiscal responsibility:
Created in 2007 by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) to draw attention to the causes and effects of climate change, the committee didn’t have much of a chance to survive the upcoming Republican takeover. Wednesday, the axe fell.posted by Rhaomi at 2:29 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
"We have pledged to save taxpayers' money by reducing waste and duplication in Congress,” said Michael Steel, spokesman for incoming Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). “The Select Committee on Global Warming – which was created to provide a political forum to promote Washington Democrats' job-killing national energy tax – was a clear example, and it will not continue in the 112th Congress."
By the way, the likely Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) says that global warming is not a threat because God promised that he would never again destroy the Earth in a flood.
Yeah, well, he also said he'd be back within "this generation", presumably the way absent husbands are forever "just going out to buy cigarettes". After 2000 years, who'd take that guy at his word?
posted by vorfeed at 2:31 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
Yeah, well, he also said he'd be back within "this generation", presumably the way absent husbands are forever "just going out to buy cigarettes". After 2000 years, who'd take that guy at his word?
posted by vorfeed at 2:31 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
There's something in the back of my mind about building a Tower of Babel... I can't put my finger on it right now, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Are you kidding? Linguists will fucking love this opportunity.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:34 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Are you kidding? Linguists will fucking love this opportunity.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:34 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
This sounds like a great idea. Now people will be able to see redback spiders, funnelwebs, saltwater crocodiles, redbelly blacksnakes, taipans, brown snakes, death adders, tiger snakes, copperheads, fierce snakes, platypuses and drop-bears without having to visit Australia.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:34 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:34 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
By the way, the likely Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) says that global warming is not a threat because God promised that he would never again destroy the Earth in a flood. Heck of a job, America.
Yeah, John, refresh my memory... what did he say was gonna happen next time?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:36 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
Yeah, John, refresh my memory... what did he say was gonna happen next time?
posted by louche mustachio at 2:36 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
Maybe that taxpayer money they are asking for would be better spent on improving basic science education.
posted by caution live frogs at 2:37 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by caution live frogs at 2:37 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
I don't see any fake dead bodies floating in that fake lake.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:39 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:39 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
This sounds like a great idea. Now people will be able to see redback spiders, funnelwebs, saltwater crocodiles, redbelly blacksnakes, taipans, brown snakes, death adders, tiger snakes, copperheads, fierce snakes, platypuses and drop-bears without having to visit Australia.
Christ that place terrifies me.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:40 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
Christ that place terrifies me.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:40 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
a little diagram of exactly how many cubits every dimension is
Right. What's a cubit?
posted by nickmark at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
Right. What's a cubit?
posted by nickmark at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
In all fairness, the bible does detail the dimensions of the ark: 300 x 30 x 50 cubits, where a cubit runs to about half a meter.
This Flash comparison with other vessels is kind of nifty.
posted by mazola at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
This Flash comparison with other vessels is kind of nifty.
posted by mazola at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
Are they going to build a pair of sad sinning unicorns, watching forlornly from the last little chunk of dry land as they contemplate their watery fate?
That'll teach the kids a lesson. OH YES.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
That'll teach the kids a lesson. OH YES.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:42 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
Now I get it. That there are people who believe that there is an authentic ark design to replicate explains why there are so many people who find the image of white Jesus to be authentic.
If he can turn water into wine, I'm sure he can turn Arabs into Swedes.
[I weep for humanity].
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:43 PM on December 1, 2010
If he can turn water into wine, I'm sure he can turn Arabs into Swedes.
[I weep for humanity].
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:43 PM on December 1, 2010
Yeah, well, he also said he'd be back within "this generation", presumably the way absent husbands are forever "just going out to buy cigarettes". After 2000 years, who'd take that guy at his word?
Maybe by "generation" He meant that He'd be back while we're still Homo sapiens.
posted by Neekee at 2:46 PM on December 1, 2010
Maybe by "generation" He meant that He'd be back while we're still Homo sapiens.
posted by Neekee at 2:46 PM on December 1, 2010
There's something in the back of my mind about building a Tower of Babel... I can't put my finger on it right now, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Oh yeah, they need to also put in a restaurant named the Gomorrah Inn and maybe surround it with the Walls of Jericho gardens.
That would be fantastic.
posted by quin at 2:47 PM on December 1, 2010
Oh yeah, they need to also put in a restaurant named the Gomorrah Inn and maybe surround it with the Walls of Jericho gardens.
That would be fantastic.
posted by quin at 2:47 PM on December 1, 2010
Are they going to build a pair of sad sinning unicorns, watching forlornly from the last little chunk of dry land as they contemplate their watery fate?
Ideally they should also have some sinful ducks swimming alongside, mocking the whole "world is flooded so everything evil has been washed away" concept.
posted by quin at 2:49 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
Ideally they should also have some sinful ducks swimming alongside, mocking the whole "world is flooded so everything evil has been washed away" concept.
posted by quin at 2:49 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
This isn't an amusement park... it's a bemusement park.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:50 PM on December 1, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by Joe Beese at 2:50 PM on December 1, 2010 [10 favorites]
Christ that place terrifies me.
I left out the various kinds of sharks, sea snakes, box jellyfish, irukandji jellyfish, stonefish & blue-ringed octopuses, because presumably they'd just be milling about in the water around the ark.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:51 PM on December 1, 2010
I left out the various kinds of sharks, sea snakes, box jellyfish, irukandji jellyfish, stonefish & blue-ringed octopuses, because presumably they'd just be milling about in the water around the ark.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:51 PM on December 1, 2010
God gave Noah the rainbow sign
"No more water but fire next time"
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep
posted by Tacodog at 2:51 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
"No more water but fire next time"
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep
posted by Tacodog at 2:51 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Maybe by "generation" He meant that He'd be back while we're still Homo sapiens.
Sure... just as by "I'm just going out for cigarettes" an absent husband means "have fun raising the kids".
posted by vorfeed at 2:56 PM on December 1, 2010
Sure... just as by "I'm just going out for cigarettes" an absent husband means "have fun raising the kids".
posted by vorfeed at 2:56 PM on December 1, 2010
Yeah, John, refresh my memory... what did he say was gonna happen next time?
God gave Noah the rainbow sign.
No more water, the slow but inexorable buildup of greenhouse gases next time.
posted by The Bellman at 2:57 PM on December 1, 2010
God gave Noah the rainbow sign.
No more water, the slow but inexorable buildup of greenhouse gases next time.
posted by The Bellman at 2:57 PM on December 1, 2010
Apropos of nothing whatsoever, I once had a beautiful dream, an ambition really, of going to Jim & Tammy Bakker's theme park (I forget what it was called. Liberty Something? Anyway.) and pouring a vial full of pure liquid LSD into the swimming pool.
Then they shut the place down when Bakker went to jail and Tammy Faye went on to be a freakishly successful sideshow (and probably a decent person, when you get right down to it).
It never crossed my mind that fundamentalism projects a greater reality-distortion field than pure liquid LSD.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
Then they shut the place down when Bakker went to jail and Tammy Faye went on to be a freakishly successful sideshow (and probably a decent person, when you get right down to it).
It never crossed my mind that fundamentalism projects a greater reality-distortion field than pure liquid LSD.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
I left out the various kinds of sharks, sea snakes, box jellyfish, irukandji jellyfish, stonefish & blue-ringed octopuses, because presumably they'd just be milling about in the water around the ark.
Oh believe me I know all the ways in which Australia wants to kill me. The cuddliest animals are the kangaroo, which can kill me with a kick, the koala, which has two thumbs per hand (presumably to strangle me), and the platypus, which has poison for no reason.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
Oh believe me I know all the ways in which Australia wants to kill me. The cuddliest animals are the kangaroo, which can kill me with a kick, the koala, which has two thumbs per hand (presumably to strangle me), and the platypus, which has poison for no reason.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010 [4 favorites]
I think that this is the Creation Museum that appeared on N Kids and Counting. The tour guide explains that there were dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden and that they were all vegetarian at that point because sin had not entered the world yet... here's the clip.
posted by XMLicious at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by XMLicious at 3:00 PM on December 1, 2010
This sounds like a great idea. Now people will be able to see redback spiders, funnelwebs, saltwater crocodiles, redbelly blacksnakes, taipans, brown snakes, death adders, tiger snakes, copperheads, fierce snakes, platypuses and drop-bears without having to visit Australia.
As a child, I once asked my pastor how kangaroos and the other animals had gotten to Australia, since obviously they'd been on the ark. Completely sincerely, he explained that before the Flood, Earth's continents had been a super-continent named Pangea, and they'd drifted apart since, leaving the kangaroos stranded on Australia.
posted by EarBucket at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
As a child, I once asked my pastor how kangaroos and the other animals had gotten to Australia, since obviously they'd been on the ark. Completely sincerely, he explained that before the Flood, Earth's continents had been a super-continent named Pangea, and they'd drifted apart since, leaving the kangaroos stranded on Australia.
posted by EarBucket at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2010 [5 favorites]
“(There will) probably be no live dinosaurs,” he said, laughing.
Dude. This will not end well.
posted by grapesaresour at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2010
Dude. This will not end well.
posted by grapesaresour at 3:06 PM on December 1, 2010
Frankly I would love to see them build this, exactly to scale, with like a little diagram of exactly how many cubits every dimension is, and then when you go inside there are only enough holding pens for like twelve species.
No, no, no! You only need enough room for the kinds of animals. Not species.
Whatever the fuck that means.
posted by brundlefly at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2010
No, no, no! You only need enough room for the kinds of animals. Not species.
Whatever the fuck that means.
posted by brundlefly at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2010
The downside of freedom of speech.
posted by Decani at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Decani at 3:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
. . . and the platypus, which has poison for no reason.
Oh there's a reason, shakespeherian, there's a reason. Pray you never find out what it is.
posted by The Bellman at 3:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
Oh there's a reason, shakespeherian, there's a reason. Pray you never find out what it is.
posted by The Bellman at 3:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [6 favorites]
they'd drifted apart since, leaving the kangaroos stranded on Australia.
Yeah, they'd all gathered here for an animal kingdom version of a Mortal Kombat deathmatch, when the continents decided to suddenly split apart and they couldn't go back home again afterwards.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:19 PM on December 1, 2010
Yeah, they'd all gathered here for an animal kingdom version of a Mortal Kombat deathmatch, when the continents decided to suddenly split apart and they couldn't go back home again afterwards.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:19 PM on December 1, 2010
When I went to the state fair, there was a Baptist stall with a large model of Noah's Ark, and a booklet explaining how the story was literally true. Underneath the model, which depicted a literal giant boat that actually existed, was a model train set.
I feel the decision to add the model train set undermined the realism of the piece.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:32 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
I feel the decision to add the model train set undermined the realism of the piece.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:32 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Maybe that taxpayer money they are asking for would be better spent on improving basic science education.
I believe they think they are doing just that.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:36 PM on December 1, 2010
I believe they think they are doing just that.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:36 PM on December 1, 2010
As a child, I once asked my pastor how kangaroos and the other animals had gotten to Australia, since obviously they'd been on the ark. Completely sincerely, he explained that before the Flood, Earth's continents had been a super-continent named Pangea, and they'd drifted apart since, leaving the kangaroos stranded on Australia.
I've never understood why people make objections to the lack of concordance between expectations given the flood-story and the real world. It starts by positing several giant miracles; more miracles to explain whatever you want are the same price.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 3:37 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
I've never understood why people make objections to the lack of concordance between expectations given the flood-story and the real world. It starts by positing several giant miracles; more miracles to explain whatever you want are the same price.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 3:37 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
The ark might be kinda lame, but the rest should be a pretty decent water-park.
posted by jnaps at 3:42 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by jnaps at 3:42 PM on December 1, 2010
The goggles have helped me wityh one burning question - How Long did it Take Noah to Build the Ark?
How long was the Ark in the building? (...)
There were with huge elephants, oxen, horses and other animals, apparently much gentler than today, to use as beasts of burden and to pull windlasses for hoisting.
Of course.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:06 PM on December 1, 2010
How long was the Ark in the building? (...)
There were with huge elephants, oxen, horses and other animals, apparently much gentler than today, to use as beasts of burden and to pull windlasses for hoisting.
Of course.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:06 PM on December 1, 2010
Of course. You would've been in charge of all the bitey, scratchy, and similarly non-gentle beasts of burdern.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
There were with huge elephants, oxen, horses and other animals, apparently much gentler than today, to use as beasts of burden and to pull windlasses for hoisting.
Yeah, after the flood, elephants evolved into something much less gentle.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:33 PM on December 1, 2010
Yeah, after the flood, elephants evolved into something much less gentle.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:33 PM on December 1, 2010
Wonder where they're going to get all that gopher wood.
posted by smcameron at 4:33 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by smcameron at 4:33 PM on December 1, 2010
I am eagerly looking forward to the Ark technical manual sitting alongside the Star Trek Enterprise technical manuals in the role-playing section at my local Barnes & Noble.
For that matter, why don't we see fundamentalist geeks arguing over arcane technical details about the Ark and related biblical technologies? Actually, scratch that, I'm sure they are, I'm just too scared to search it out.
posted by formless at 4:37 PM on December 1, 2010
For that matter, why don't we see fundamentalist geeks arguing over arcane technical details about the Ark and related biblical technologies? Actually, scratch that, I'm sure they are, I'm just too scared to search it out.
posted by formless at 4:37 PM on December 1, 2010
Where's the "Noah and his wife and three sons and their wives become the entire new gene pool for humanity" exhibit?
Will Noah on the ark also be laughing and pointing as the sinners vainly beg for help and hold up their dying children? Because nothing says "God is love" like "killing off 99% of humanity in a snit."
posted by emjaybee at 4:43 PM on December 1, 2010
Will Noah on the ark also be laughing and pointing as the sinners vainly beg for help and hold up their dying children? Because nothing says "God is love" like "killing off 99% of humanity in a snit."
posted by emjaybee at 4:43 PM on December 1, 2010
shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.
He wants to be very clear about the pitch.
Don't use, like, honey, to pitch it without.
posted by flaterik at 4:45 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
He wants to be very clear about the pitch.
Don't use, like, honey, to pitch it without.
posted by flaterik at 4:45 PM on December 1, 2010 [2 favorites]
For that matter, why don't we see fundamentalist geeks arguing over arcane technical details about the Ark and related biblical technologies?
Because as soon as they get to the second creation story in Genesis they throw away the Bible muttering something about continuity errors.
posted by callmejay at 5:09 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Because as soon as they get to the second creation story in Genesis they throw away the Bible muttering something about continuity errors.
posted by callmejay at 5:09 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Interestingly, there are cultures who believe that a rainbow is a bad omen. Somewhat ironically, I found this out through reading an account of a Christian missionary to the Balangao mountain tribe:
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 5:11 PM on December 1, 2010
If a rainbow appeared in the sky, it struck terror in everyone. They'd have to sacrifice. Anyone building a house would have to tear it down to the ground, even if they were tying on the very last shelf inside. It was very frightening.If you're interested, some more is here, but as you might expect it's quite...evangelical so you've been warned.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 5:11 PM on December 1, 2010
Screw the ark. Wake me when they add Gomorrahland.
I've heard rumors about its construction, but I'd take them with a grain of salt if I were you.
posted by davejay at 5:12 PM on December 1, 2010 [8 favorites]
I've heard rumors about its construction, but I'd take them with a grain of salt if I were you.
posted by davejay at 5:12 PM on December 1, 2010 [8 favorites]
As a totally reasonable Christian dude, this kind of thing drives me BONKERS OUT OF MY MIND. I forget where it says in the Bible "Seek thee tax breaks", but I remember lots about giving away your cash and being kind and loving despite yourself. Maybe these folks have a different book
posted by GilloD at 5:36 PM on December 1, 2010 [9 favorites]
posted by GilloD at 5:36 PM on December 1, 2010 [9 favorites]
smcameron : Wonder where they're going to get all that gopher wood
flaterik : He wants to be very clear about the pitch
More than that, the most plausible explanation of the word "gopher" (other than a now-extinct tree because that damned Noah used it all up) replaces the gimel with kaph (they look not too dissimilar, one a narrow version of the other with a tail; and in some styles, vertically mirror each other), which gives a word meaning "pitch".
So make sure to pitch the pitched wood both within and without. Pitch!
And the fact that he built the whole damned thing saturated and coated with a great fire accelerant explains why he couldn't safely take the dragons.
posted by pla at 5:43 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
flaterik : He wants to be very clear about the pitch
More than that, the most plausible explanation of the word "gopher" (other than a now-extinct tree because that damned Noah used it all up) replaces the gimel with kaph (they look not too dissimilar, one a narrow version of the other with a tail; and in some styles, vertically mirror each other), which gives a word meaning "pitch".
So make sure to pitch the pitched wood both within and without. Pitch!
And the fact that he built the whole damned thing saturated and coated with a great fire accelerant explains why he couldn't safely take the dragons.
posted by pla at 5:43 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
No, no, no, no.
The top should come off, then angels come out, then they turn to screaming skeletons then laser beams from god zap everybody and melts them down into puddles.
THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE.
What? What do you mean wrong ark?
posted by Artw at 5:48 PM on December 1, 2010
The top should come off, then angels come out, then they turn to screaming skeletons then laser beams from god zap everybody and melts them down into puddles.
THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE.
What? What do you mean wrong ark?
posted by Artw at 5:48 PM on December 1, 2010
The top should come off, then angels come out, then they turn to screaming skeletons then laser beams from god zap everybody and melts them down into puddles.
Now THAT is an amusement park I could support.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:14 PM on December 1, 2010
Now THAT is an amusement park I could support.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:14 PM on December 1, 2010
It will be run by top men! Top. Men.
posted by Artw at 6:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 6:18 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Blood
Frogs
Lice
Sunburn
Locusts
Fried foods that shouldn't be fried
Hail
Nearest bathroom is around behind the Leviticus ride
Pestilence
Fake dinosaurs keep banging the interns
AND THE NUMBER ONE PLAGUE OF EGYPT OR ANNOYING THING ABOUT CHRISTIAN THEME PARKS:
CREEPY DUDE HANDING OUT PAMPHLETS TO YOUR KIDS IN THE PARKING LOT!
posted by newdaddy at 6:23 PM on December 1, 2010
Frogs
Lice
Sunburn
Locusts
Fried foods that shouldn't be fried
Hail
Nearest bathroom is around behind the Leviticus ride
Pestilence
Fake dinosaurs keep banging the interns
AND THE NUMBER ONE PLAGUE OF EGYPT OR ANNOYING THING ABOUT CHRISTIAN THEME PARKS:
CREEPY DUDE HANDING OUT PAMPHLETS TO YOUR KIDS IN THE PARKING LOT!
posted by newdaddy at 6:23 PM on December 1, 2010
For that matter, why don't we see fundamentalist geeks arguing over arcane technical details about the Ark and related biblical technologies? Actually, scratch that, I'm sure they are, I'm just too scared to search it out.
Oh god...you don't know?
They exist.
Some of them are even called professors.
Lynchburg is a strange place.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 6:35 PM on December 1, 2010
Oh god...you don't know?
They exist.
Some of them are even called professors.
Lynchburg is a strange place.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 6:35 PM on December 1, 2010
Now I get it. That there are people who believe that there is an authentic ark design to replicate explains why there are so many people who find the image of white Jesus to be authentic.
I've actually met one of these people. I was on a business trip and while we were eating lunch with the contractors, one of them tried to start a conversation about how he read that "they" had found the real Noah's ark on top of some hill somewhere.
I thought he was joking until he segued into how angry he was at his father because his father is getting old and is still a non-believer and how will he get into Heaven without coming around to Christ? His coworkers were generally in agreement with him.
In the middle of a business lunch. With the clients at the table. I guess that's what you can get away with as a government contractor.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:01 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
I've actually met one of these people. I was on a business trip and while we were eating lunch with the contractors, one of them tried to start a conversation about how he read that "they" had found the real Noah's ark on top of some hill somewhere.
I thought he was joking until he segued into how angry he was at his father because his father is getting old and is still a non-believer and how will he get into Heaven without coming around to Christ? His coworkers were generally in agreement with him.
In the middle of a business lunch. With the clients at the table. I guess that's what you can get away with as a government contractor.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:01 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
For the record, I will never be your beast of burdern, UbuRoivas.
posted by joe lisboa at 7:28 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by joe lisboa at 7:28 PM on December 1, 2010 [1 favorite]
Maybe the Ark was actually a TARDIS.
Saving all the world's animals *does* sound like something the Doctor would do... but he tends to kill the entities that engage in wanton destruction of entire peoples.
God is dead? And Matt Smith killed him? With a screwdriver?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
Saving all the world's animals *does* sound like something the Doctor would do... but he tends to kill the entities that engage in wanton destruction of entire peoples.
God is dead? And Matt Smith killed him? With a screwdriver?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:17 PM on December 1, 2010 [3 favorites]
Now I'm imagining the entirety of western religious art with daleks pasted in instead of angels - and I think it would be an improvement.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:25 PM on December 1, 2010
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:25 PM on December 1, 2010
one of them tried to start a conversation about how he read that "they" had found the real Noah's ark on top of some hill somewhere.
One of my favorite lines about this sort of thing is that there are approximately enough pieces of the original cross to build Noah's ark.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:07 PM on December 1, 2010
One of my favorite lines about this sort of thing is that there are approximately enough pieces of the original cross to build Noah's ark.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:07 PM on December 1, 2010
My astronomy prof at UT was a born again, and the seemed to believe in both this kind of crap, the cosmos and the true geological beginnings of the earth. It confused the fuck out of me.
He handed out a large packet of how he deluded himself, and I picked it up, and couldn't read past the fact that he based the fact that athiesm was flat out wrong because (he actually said this, though I am not directly quoting) in his 1970's encyclopedia it had almost 5 pages on god, and a blurb on athiesm that was short enough for him to reprint right there. I had started an email response to him pulling the same crap with Wikipedia, but decided not to.
I still don't get it though. It made me question a lot of what he taught in the class.
posted by djduckie at 10:52 PM on December 1, 2010
He handed out a large packet of how he deluded himself, and I picked it up, and couldn't read past the fact that he based the fact that athiesm was flat out wrong because (he actually said this, though I am not directly quoting) in his 1970's encyclopedia it had almost 5 pages on god, and a blurb on athiesm that was short enough for him to reprint right there. I had started an email response to him pulling the same crap with Wikipedia, but decided not to.
I still don't get it though. It made me question a lot of what he taught in the class.
posted by djduckie at 10:52 PM on December 1, 2010
TWF: most classes (especially intro) do not have the student re-verifying Kepler's work from scratch. You just trust that the Prof is accurately transmitting the received understanding to you and not leaving out key pieces of historical context or experimental findings. When they demonstrate a willingness to bend the facts to their preferred ideology (which we all do to an extent, but professional scientists try hard to keep out of their work) at the slightest opportunity you might doubt that transmission. If your teacher was a cartesian demon with respect to your access to the history and wider world of a field it would be very slow going.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:55 AM on December 2, 2010
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:55 AM on December 2, 2010
I'm almost certain robot must have meant to say Morton's demon, rather than Cartesian demon.
posted by Marla Singer at 6:13 AM on December 2, 2010
posted by Marla Singer at 6:13 AM on December 2, 2010
Don't get caught waiting in line for a bible burger when they flood the park each day.
posted by orme at 7:34 AM on December 2, 2010
posted by orme at 7:34 AM on December 2, 2010
Ah, sorry then. The notion that everyone else is accepting liberal science propaganda is prominent in creationist criticism. Hugs for everyone!
posted by a robot made out of meat at 9:02 AM on December 2, 2010
posted by a robot made out of meat at 9:02 AM on December 2, 2010
"I got so frustrated with that damned puzzled I eventually smashed it into Rubik's cubits."
posted by Wolfdog at 10:54 AM on December 2, 2010
posted by Wolfdog at 10:54 AM on December 2, 2010
Sorry -- I completely the hell understand your predicament.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:19 PM on December 2, 2010
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:19 PM on December 2, 2010
What the hell the hell are you talking about?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:20 PM on December 2, 2010
posted by shakespeherian at 2:20 PM on December 2, 2010
So I come to read a thread, and end up downloading Cosby routines from Youtube.
Thanks, Metafilter! :-)
posted by Goofyy at 1:57 AM on December 3, 2010
Thanks, Metafilter! :-)
posted by Goofyy at 1:57 AM on December 3, 2010
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