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What does "overcoming" Childhood Emotional Neglect look like?

Through therapy and all that, I've come to the realization that a multitude of the feelings I've always had stem from childhood emotional neglect. All my material needs were taken care of, but my parents were otherwise pretty shitty. I've always had a hard time making friends and maintaining connections with people. I'm ready to start doing the work and attempt to make positive changes, but.. what does overcoming emotional neglect look like? Is it really not too late for me to make meaningful connections with people?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on December 10, 2017 (6 comments)

Starting a women's networking group--what do we need to know?

A few friends and I would like to set up a professional networking group for women in our particular male-dominated policy area. We want to create a safe space that is as welcoming to all women. Initial plans are to start out with a Facebook group and follow up with some networking events, first in the city where we founders live, and then, hopefully, in members' cities. Have you ever set up such a group, and if so, how did you go about it, what worked best, and what do you wish you had done differently?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on December 10, 2017 (2 comments)

I can haz job for Christmas?

This was me. Thanks to the excellent advice from fellow mefites, I now have not one but two (TWO!) tenure-track academic offers in my field. Help me decide!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on December 10, 2017 (21 comments)

How to handle a very difficult conversation with the boss

I'm faced with a job situation that will require some tricky maneuvering. How should I handle this? Apologies in advance for the length.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on December 9, 2017 (18 comments)

Giving notice prior to an official offer

I have a verbal offer from the new boss to start working for a different unit within the same (large academic) organization. New boss has started the process with HR, but I haven't heard from HR yet. HR will need to do a background check and negotiate salary/start date. New boss wants me to give notice ASAP to current boss in order to ensure a smooth transition and to be mindful of current boss's needs.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on December 9, 2017 (14 comments)

Everything you wanted to know about adult ADHD....

....but were afraid to ask. I'm pretty sure - in large part because of what I've learned here! - that I am an adult with ADHD (who was once a very unhappy kid with ADHD). But my PCP visits have never left a space for this and I am anxious about being labeled a drug seeker. Those of you who have this diagnosis and who have been helped by making it official - how, exactly, did you go about it?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on December 9, 2017 (9 comments)

Need to get my professional act together

I’m a computer engineer with severe social anxiety (shocker). I want to feel like I’m in control of my career!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:11 AM on December 8, 2017 (7 comments)

Should I contest a negative performance review

I got a negative performance review at work. It's stuff that has been explicitly flagged by our company as being unfairly applied towards women and asks me to act out of accordance with our company's stated values. Should I contest it?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:10 AM on December 8, 2017 (27 comments)

looking for work transitioning out of adjuncting

After being promised classes for the spring, I found out that underenrollment and the shifting around of more permanent and more senior personnel meant I would not have a class after all. I am ready to move on from adjuncting but don't have much experience outside this context and am a bit at sea trying to figure out how to begin looking for work. I expect there won't be much opportunity to apply to jobs before the holidays anyway, but I definitely want to hit the ground running in January. Where do I begin? What job sites are effective for someone with an undergraduate degree in writing and an MFA in creative writing, whose job experience primarily entails teaching college English and managing an independent bookstore? I'm willing to consider big changes but I expect I would be most employable in higher ed admin/staff in some form. I am geographically bound to the Milwaukee, WI area.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on December 6, 2017 (12 comments)

Help me manage my disproportionate anger with life's frustrations!

When things go wrong, I have a temper about it. This sucks and is not fun! I get disproportionately angry or irritated about things that I have no control over, and I'd like to learn how to manage or assuage those feelings. Examples inside!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on December 6, 2017 (6 comments)

How important is gender when signing up for healthcare?

My transgender daughter, who is aging off of our family medical plan when she turns twenty-six in a few months, has just signed up for the medical benefits provided through her workplace. There was no way to change her gender from "female" to "male" on the form; it was automatically filled in based on her gender presentation at work. The trouble is, legally she is still male. Will this cause problems?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on December 6, 2017 (12 comments)

Stuck in the middle--or am I?

How do you navigate a potentially fraught situation, when it doesn't directly involve you, but you find yourself in the middle nonetheless?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 4:11 AM on December 5, 2017 (18 comments)

Is ICE checking phones of non-citizens at the border? Privacy tips?

I'm going to be traveling outside the US and re-entering on a valid visa. How likely is it my phone might be inspected on re-entry? I have nothing to hide (and am not from a travel ban or Muslim-majority country), but don't like the idea of immigration agents reading my email etc. Has anyone here had their phone inspected entering the US, or heard of someone who has? What would be best practices for keeping as much as privacy as possible in case one's phone is inspected -- I'll definitely be logging out of email, deleting cookies and clearing browser history before going through the border, but how effective is that and what else would you do?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on December 4, 2017 (20 comments)

If it's not IBS-D what is it?

After getting a really bad case of food poisoning about four years ago I found that I had continuing GI issues that still aren't resolved. I've been to 5 different doctors (2 GI specialists) and they keep telling me it's IBS-D but one of the core symptoms of IBS is pain and bloating -- a symptom I lack entirely. (TMI details below the fold!)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on December 4, 2017 (19 comments)

What's going on with my boobs?

YANMD. Both of my breasts started hurting a week ago. They're heavy, sore, and my nippes are so tender it's a bear to put on a bra or shirt. I'm two years into menopause and am absolutely not pregnant. What gives?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on December 4, 2017 (8 comments)

Strategies to stop late-night binge eating

I have struggled with my weight for years, losing and gaining the same 30-40 kg (~66-88 pounds) over and over again, and am at my absolute wits' end. My main problem is night-time binge eating. I would appreciate any advice on how to combat this behaviour!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on December 3, 2017 (15 comments)

right now, my vagina is not my friend

So part of me feels like if I never have PIV sex again, my vagina will be happy. I, obviously, won't be. My doctor tells me that these things happen, but what things, exactly, and how can I help my vagina to NOT do these things? (Most likely NSFW.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on December 2, 2017 (32 comments)

Ways to persuade someone to stop spitting in a shared kitchen sink

How can we stop this person from spitting in the shared sink? They also do not wash the lugie and/or spit down.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on December 2, 2017 (14 comments)

When And How To Move on From Silicon Valley Startup Senior Role?

After three years working for a San Francisco tech startup, I am considering looking for new opportunities. I am interested in input on what Silicon Valley software technical manager or senior-level manager/developer hybrid career paths might look like, what general opportunities and pitfalls I should consider, as well as advice on how to navigate the particulars of my situation.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:11 AM on December 1, 2017 (5 comments)

alternative ideas for christmas gifts?

I tried having a discussion with my siblings about xmas gifts as our extended family grows, about picking names, doing secret Santa, or otherwise cutting down on the number of gifts this year (particularly for older kids 10+ & young adults). It didn't go well, and according to my siblings, "they just want lots of gifts." This idea is foreign to me since we didn't celebrate Christmas growing up, and I did not have involved uncles and aunts. My nephews and nieces also have everything, and (imho) are extremely spoiled and don't have a lot of gratitude, as I've seen in holidays and other occasions. Is there anything I can do to give them the gift of giving? Give to others, in their name? Any alternative suggestions that won't cost me an arm and a leg?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on November 30, 2017 (31 comments)

Failing to Rebuild Trust in My Husband

I'm having a difficult time trusting my husband. It's ruining our relationship.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on November 30, 2017 (56 comments)

The thought of going to the office tomorrow is bringing me to tears.

I took a mental health sick day today, but I absolutely need to go back to the office tomorrow. I left early yesterday because after breaking down in tears for reasons I don't understand, I just couldn't pull myself together. Although I had to deal with a couple of stressful situations (and frankly, didn't really handle them well and got called out for it) it's nothing that should have caused this type of reaction, and hasn't in the past. But thinking of going back tomorrow is literally causing me to break out into tears again and I can feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack happening. What on earth do I do with this??
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on November 29, 2017 (15 comments)

What is up with my thumb nail?

My thumb nail looks crazy. No, not a photo thumbnail, the actual nail growing on my thumb. It's been like this for years and it seems like it might even be getting worse. I never asked a doctor about this because my nail has looked weird for years so I assumed it's just one of those little imperfections we all have. Photos and details after the jump:
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on November 29, 2017 (20 comments)

low-stress jobs for a creative coder

I've worked as a freelancer in art & technology for a decade. Before that, I worked in video games and newspaper publishing. I'm sick of stress and deadlines and responsibility! What kind of jobs (full-time or freelance) could I seek out that have low stress and not much decision-making, but still allow me to parlay my technical skills into a reasonable wage?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on November 29, 2017 (4 comments)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapist in Reno/Sparks area?

I need recommendations for a GOOD cognitive behavioral therapist in the Reno/Sparks area. Must have experience with PTSD/Abuse triggers. Gender not important. Must be available in December. Thanks!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on November 29, 2017 (1 comment)

Hurricane Damage and Insurance

We own a home in the state of Florida that was in the path of Hurricane Irma a few months ago. The good news: nobody in our family was injured, and no major structural damage was sustained. The bad news: The roofing company says we need a new roof (I believe them), the insurance company says we just need to replace shingles. More complexities inside.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:15 AM on November 28, 2017 (4 comments)

I am not a snitch

Someone has reported the office 'skiver' to the boss. The office 'skiver' thinks it's me.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on November 27, 2017 (13 comments)

Pornhub but... nicer?

Is there a Pornhub-like site that is a bit nicer in the presentation? Details of what I'm looking for inside. (probably nothing in this question is going to be SFW)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on November 27, 2017 (4 comments)

Birthday wrong in wills etc. Florida.

Well, this holiday season my folks gave me all of their paperwork. Will, living will, etc. etc. etc. Yay. But ...
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on November 26, 2017 (2 comments)

Going no contact without burning bridges... impossible?

I had a very painful falling out with a friend I'll refer to as Ted. For more than year, I've kept it all a secret from the rest of our friend group. I've come to the point where I want to unfriend Ted, unfollow him, un-everything him on social media, but I'm worried about how this will look to our friends, and how it could impact the entire group. How do I do this while minimizing damage?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 4:37 AM on November 25, 2017 (17 comments)

Looking for a NYC real estate agent for apartment owner.

Looking for suggestions for good, ethical real estate agents who can help us rent our East Village, Manhattan, NYC apartment.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 4:37 AM on November 25, 2017 (2 comments)

I have a confusing COBRA healthcare question, and I'm overwhelmed.

I had a job end in September. I haven't done anything about health insurance. I need to figure out a few things - thank you.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:36 AM on November 24, 2017 (6 comments)

How do I deal with a lack of perks/subpar facilities at my company?

I know this may make me sound entitled but tell me if I’m over reacting or thinking out of place regarding work environment. I’ve worked at tech companies for most of my career. My last companies had pretty good facilities and would often have snacks and coffee at a minimum. Most of them would buy us lunch at least once a week. From what I read about other tech companies, this seems like the norm.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on November 23, 2017 (22 comments)

Replacing Physical Intimacy and Comfort

When you expect to be without friends or sexual partners for the very long-term, what can replace, satisfy, or alleviate the need to physically comfort and be comforted?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on November 23, 2017 (34 comments)

Motivating yourself to do difficult work you really don't want to do

I have a set of tasks I absolutely need to do that are very challenging, will take a lot of time, and that I dislike working on a whole hell of a lot. (Think something along the lines of writing a thesis on a subject you dislike intensely.) I'm really struggling with finding the motivation to even get started, and time is running out. How can I force myself to grind my way through it?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on November 22, 2017 (21 comments)

Advice on troubling relationship incident

While we were having a fight, my partner kicked me accidentally and I don't know how to feel about it. We usually get along well (we are both very anti-confrontational). I grew up with a verbally abusive parent and I am used to smoothing things over as much as possible. I feel like I don't have any perspective from which to look at this incident and tell if it is really worrying, or just an accident, or a small red flag to keep an eye on. Any opinions are welcome.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 5:37 AM on November 19, 2017 (39 comments)

(When) Do I Go? And How?

I started at this job almost two months ago (despite having major reservations) because I really needed a job. As it turns out, I am not happy for multiple reasons, and I’d like to quit before I have to put it on my resume. Snowflakes inside.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on November 18, 2017 (4 comments)

Are these school show costumes cultural appropriation?

My kid's school regularly requests costumes for short shows throughout the year. Usually it's stuff like animals or a snowman. This year my kid's class have been assigned various "national costumes" for their winter term show, and I'm unsure of their appropriateness and am concerned they could be classed as cultural appropriation.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on November 17, 2017 (5 comments)

Navigating non-monogamy

I am dipping my toe into the waters of non-monogamy and looking for a little guidance.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on November 17, 2017 (6 comments)

I've Got This (don't I?)

A question about how to gracefully keep from having to pick up the tab every single time we eat out with friends and family. Details inside.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on November 17, 2017 (30 comments)

How do you get things done in your office?

I strongly suspect that the marketing department that I belong to is more dysfunctional than average. Please tell me about the workflow, best practices, software solutions, meeting frequency, etc. that make your office (marketing or otherwise) work so I might have a better idea of how far off the mark we are. Blizzard within.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on November 17, 2017 (6 comments)

How do I Confess if I've Harassed People in the Past?

I'm a straight white man who is in my thirties. When I was younger, I didn't always treat people well. I had "nice guy" tendencies, and while I never subscribed to their ideology, I did internalize that same grievance. Because of this I didn't always treat women well.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on November 17, 2017 (57 comments)

A possible employer praised my work but I can't say I did it. What now?

I wrote copy for a web project a few months ago. A potential employer praised in on LinkedIn. I'd like to raise my hand and try to get a job with his company. But the work was under NDA. I REALLY need a job. How do I handle this?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 7:20 AM on November 17, 2017 (6 comments)

Fear aggressive dog causing relationship issues, or is it me?

My bf of a year and a half have had ongoing issues over his dog's aggressive behavior, including snapping at my face and lunging and growling at several people. Multiple requests to get her trained have gone nowhere. BF also shuts down and withdraws any time this comes up, to the point I feel like I have to prepare for a breakup every time I initiate the discussion. No one else seems to have an issue with the dog, so maybe I really am the one in the wrong?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on November 16, 2017 (48 comments)

Keeping good habits

I'm struggling with keeping a few good habits that are essential for my life. No snowflakes here, just the regular stuff: exercising, eating well, meditating, limiting alcohol and caffeine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on November 15, 2017 (15 comments)

What helps with PTSD-related exhaustion?

I have been in therapy for a few years to deal with complex PTSD. It has made a world of difference with the emotional and cognitive aspects of trauma, but I still struggle with the physical symptoms of PTSD (like overactive nervous system and digestive stuff). The hardest of these to deal with is being tired all the time. Assume I have gotten all my levels checked, eat healthy, and sleep decently well. What else is worth trying?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on November 15, 2017 (13 comments)

Advice about asking for money for a non-profit

I need some help figuring out how to ask people I've never met at a certain company for money.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on November 14, 2017 (6 comments)

Is my ob-gyn scheduling this follow-up too soon?

Is 3 months enough time to heal, or to let the abnormal cells possibly go back to normal, or to show a different result?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on November 14, 2017 (6 comments)

How does one recover from a whirlwind relationship?

Long story short, a very close friend and I became romantically entangled (in an affair, to be completely honest), in which there lots of emotion invested, promises were made, then she broke it off, thereby also killing the friendship - which I knew was a risk. I know we shouldn't have gone there be we did anyway. I'm having difficulty coping with the loss. What's next, and how do I move along?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on November 14, 2017 (7 comments)

Web service for writing a book, confidentially.

Where on the internet can I compose a book (from a browser and a mobile device) and know with a high degree of confidence that it won't disappear if I am incapacitated?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on November 12, 2017 (7 comments)

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