Activity from amber_dale

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The dark truth behind the convictions for 'gender fraud'
It is not okay to ignore consent because you don't like someone's reasons for not having sex with you. Even if you think those reasons are "transphobic."
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 1:50 PM on December 18, 2015
I never said Kyran was a woman.
I said that the woman victim in this case did not consent to being penetrated by an object, and that Kyran apparently understood that, which is why Kyran concealed the nature of the penetrating object from her.
If you penetrate a woman with something without her enthusiastic and affirmative consent, that is and should be rape.
Even if her understanding was a transphobic one, that does not entitle anyone to ignore her… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 2:05 PM on December 18, 2015
I'm against any men raping women. (Anyone raping anyone, really.) That's why I originally said that it didn't matter why someone was using a prosthetic penis, simply that it shouldn't be put inside someone else's body without enthusiastic and affirmative consent from the partner. The law should reflect that.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 3:25 PM on December 18, 2015

Books for the heartbroken
On Love?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 12:46 PM on December 8, 2015

On dads and dad music (SL Storify)
After hearing the cd in my car, my dad very seriously asked me to make a copy of it for him and listened to it whenever I was over. It was Sheryl Crow's Tuesday Night Music Club.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 10:10 AM on December 8, 2015

"I am not yet old enough to vote———"
I just love his old roommate, Craig.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 7:11 PM on December 5, 2015

“...things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired,”
I read 2666 on a beach vacation. This book sounds like too much for me. Also, the "fairly standard post-college New York City book" is so tired that adding torture porn is about the only thing you could do to jazz it up.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:05 PM on December 4, 2015

The 12 week rule is toxic. Asking women to keep what can be intense grief and emotion to themselves (to avoid bothering other people with it? To make things less awkward for those who don't like thinking about blood and miscarriage and loss?) can be a huge burden on top of the event itself.
The first time I got pregnant, I completely disregarded the whole nondisclosure thing, and it made for some upsetting and uncomfortable conversations with relatives and friends when, like this… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:12 AM on December 4, 2015
Even if that experience is "lying in bed mourning." (This came off as really dismissive, btw. Echoes of the sad girl thread.)
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:12 AM on December 4, 2015

Watch it open up 'cause it can't keep a secret
Is this that Crone Island I've heard so much about?
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 1:52 PM on December 3, 2015

How do I wedding dress?
That 20s inspired style was very popular in 2011, when I was shopping for wedding dresses. (It's what I ended up loving!) If you find an older gown you like, you might check resale sites like Or you could find a picture and use it as a model for a custom dress.
There are also lots of etsy and eBay vendors who make celebrity and costume knockoffs who could make to measure that Atonement dress or a similar era piece in white (maybe look for Downton Abbey or… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 3:54 PM on October 20, 2015

Minor kitchen remodel on even minor-er budget
You can strip out old stain (I've used lacquer thinner and steel wool), but it still will not match the lowers unless the new stain is very, very dark. Prime the uppers well and paint them white, then do whatever color you want for the lowers. Gray or blue is nice.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 3:35 PM on October 6, 2015

Flower Power: Pit Bulls of the Revolution
Responsible pet ownership is of paramount importance.
That said, this is the thread for adorable pibble photos?
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 4:21 PM on October 5, 2015

a guy who’s giving 150 percent, and yet you’re not sure if he means it
So where does one go to find a complete and exhaustive rundown of Tom Cruise's many sins? The Vanity Fair piece just after the divorce lacks many of these juicy details.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:18 AM on August 3, 2015

Relaxing beachy honeymoon with no cell and no internet?
Madagascar. Islands off the coast especially so. Best honeymoon ever.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 4:03 PM on July 9, 2015

Comfy socks to gift a friend after her foot surgery?
Thrummed socks or slippers are what you are looking for.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:49 AM on June 16, 2015

Does this product exist?
fresh rice dry oil does the job for me and has a light but not conventionally oily or lotiony scent.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 12:54 PM on May 28, 2015

Unexpectedly fostering young dog with no doggie experience whatsoever
Yes, please take this dog to your regional shelter! They are often the official point of contact for people seeking lost pets. They will also be able to scan for a microchip. If this dog has been lost since last week, it may have very worried owners.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:35 AM on April 13, 2015

Running empires requires lots of meetings
IIRC Addison is a pen name for Sarah Monette, author of Melusine, The Mirador, The Virtu, Corambis, and (with Elizabeth Bear) A Companion to Wolves and The Tempering of Men.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:46 AM on December 15, 2014

What are these flowers?
This is in Northern California. My cat Snape snuck in there, like he does.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 10:03 PM on June 11, 2014

Help me avoid unnecessary hormones
Planned Parenthood (even in Arkansas!) will give copper IUDs to nulliparous 20-somethings. When you call to make your initial appointment, mention your circumstances. If they are unwilling, try another location.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 4:50 AM on February 12, 2013

"Untamed Humans" on the Roof of the World
Ah, the familiar rage when you get to the section where it's revealed that half the population is effectively subhuman and outside the scope of the author's view.

There is one thing more expressive than a Kyrgyz yurt. And that is a Kyrgyz woman. Men dress like they’re perpetually on their way to a funeral. Women are Kyrgyz works of art.
The women perform endless chores—milking the yaks twice a day along with sewing and cooking and
… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 6:06 AM on January 22, 2013

Not the Ending, but an Ending.
I think I am one of like two people on MeFi who like Scott Bakker's Prince of Nothing series.

Three. Cnaiur! The sexism bugs, though.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 1:04 PM on January 17, 2013

Knitting Behind Bars
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:22 AM on January 4, 2013

Help me win arguments with libertarians
As someone who has long identified as a libertarian but is now more of the bleeding-heart mold per googly's link, here are some questions you might ask and avenues you might pursue:

- What is the end of "freedom and personal liberty"? Human flourishing? Individual autonomy? Can you find some empirical evidence showing that limited or discrete forms of state intervention maximize those true ends more effectively than strict libertarianism?… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 2:44 PM on November 12, 2012 marked best answer

Skincare for Dummies
The Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair creams for day and night have been a godsend for me. If you already tolerate their products, give that pairing a try. They have retinol, which is supposed to be one of the few beauty-product ingredients that really makes a difference.

Also, a professional microdermabrasion every few months is great.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 11:40 AM on October 10, 2012

Tamarinds and lemons say the bells of near south Minneapolis
Lemon sticky buns. By far the best roll of their kind that I've had.

Lemon cream quinoa with spinach. Vegetarian and delicious for breakfast or dinner.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 2:15 PM on October 2, 2012

Vintage-inspired on a budget.
I endorse heartmycloset, aka oriental_treasure on eBay. They make things exactly to measure. The fabrics are equal or better than Modcloth's.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:09 PM on September 11, 2012

The Mites That Eat, Crawl and Have Sex on Your Face
Kill it with fire tea tree oil?
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 12:00 PM on September 5, 2012

Thoughts about women and homemaking in the 21st century
The tactile creativity element is key, at least for me. In occupations where no tangible evidence of your work generally exists, the concrete evidence of accomplishment that comes with cooking, cultivating food, knitting, or even home decorating is a refreshing psychic boost. I also find that many of these activities are conducive to "flow states," which are psychologically beneficial.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:24 AM on September 5, 2012

I can't find it
This Ask requested Roman, Celtic, Sumerian, and Egyptian settings.

Here's one that was focused on Alt-Rome.
posted to MetaTalk by amber_dale at 12:49 PM on August 17, 2012

Pros and Cons of a tiny space for four people
Can you put any furniture on the terrace? Having a little kid-sized table and cozy chair would make it easier for them to have some quiet, solitary time if their sis was in the bedroom.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:02 AM on July 30, 2012

Help me go sockless
It sounds awful, but: Crocs. They make little Mary Janes and ballet flats out of the same "Croslite" material as the hideous standard clogs. They are the only thing that have never, ever given me a blister when going sockless.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 1:58 PM on July 24, 2012

I need to cook up big batches of yarn.
Thanks for the responses so far. To clarify:

On size, 2.5 inches (like the electric frying pan linked) is not deep enough. A crock pot is too narrow and deep; I used to have one and it is really only good for 4 ounces or less of yarn. That 18 quart one is what I have been looking at, but even 22 quarts was a bit small for 12 ounces of yarn, which is the dye lot size I need.

Temperature: Basically, it needs to be able to boil water. I had to crank… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 11:57 AM on July 18, 2012
Good call re: aluminum anything being bad. I really need the low and wide shape because of my dye process. The restaurant supply idea is interesting. It looks like a large food warmer might be an option.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 7:30 AM on July 19, 2012

A guide to Hadrian's Wall
I used the Burton guide in 2006 (there is now an updated edition). It gave very amusing and specific directions, including where to beware of farm animals and lawn gnomes as landmarks. I am not familiar with the other guides but would recommend the Burton.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:40 AM on July 10, 2012

Where can I get waxed in Washington?
Best Wax Center in Georgetown (Maria) is great, and fairly reasonable in price. Can you take the Circulator bus?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 11:32 AM on June 25, 2012

How to sell a brand new never been used wedding dress?
I second If you don't want to have people ask to try it on and you want to get the most money back, it will come down to information. Provide the style, color, and size per the manufacturer. If it was altered to fit you, provide the height with heels. Measure the dress at bust, waist, hip, and length from natural waist. Be detailed and up-front about shipping methods, cost, insurance, etc.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 1:07 PM on May 15, 2012

First breakup woes.
A helpful post-breakup book is On Love by Alain de Botton.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 11:35 AM on April 1, 2012

The 'Donorsexual'
So ... this is me.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:05 AM on February 6, 2012
I thought people might be interested: "Metafilter's own," and all that jazz.

The brief submitted to the FDA is available here, if anyone wants to delve into the legal issues.
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 8:18 AM on February 6, 2012

Tell me about Ambergris Caye, including lodging ideas.
We stayed at the Hotel del Rio in 2009 and found it to be a good value. Some of their rooms have kitchens, although ours did not.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 6:13 PM on January 24, 2012

What can I do to keep my mind off of the pain after my lasek surgery?
I did not have much in the way of pain after LASIK and neither did my friends who have had it done. Sleeping for most of the 24 hours afterward and kicking back for a couple of days after that was enough. Just remember not to rub your eyes.

When I had strabismus correction surgery (the muscles that move and focus the eyes---THAT is painful for several days), I listened to dozens of episodes of South Park, since you can follow what's happening without watching and it's… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 10:05 AM on January 23, 2012

What should I buy at Kohl's and Land's End?
Land's End bathrobe!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 7:32 AM on December 27, 2011

How Knitting Behind Bars Transformed Maryland Convicts
posted to MetaFilter by amber_dale at 12:30 PM on December 7, 2011

As The Skirt Turns You could upload your own design or choose an existing one.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 10:59 AM on November 29, 2011 marked best answer

Should I cut up the credit cards?
Etsy plus the wishlist strategy outlined above broke my shopping habit. There's just SO much on Etsy ... much of it is unique, so it's hard to compare between items. And many shops don't take returns or exchanges, so the risk of buying is amped up. That meant that I wishlisted tons of stuff, but bought very little. You can create "treasuries" of items to give yourself a little reward from the hours of window shopping without actually buying, too.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 9:56 AM on November 14, 2011

Help me put one cat on a diet without starving another! Staying sane would be nice too.
I switched my two (one fat, one thin) from free feeding with dry food to 2x daily wet food. The best way to minimize hungry yowls (and binge/purge vomiting from overeating at mealtime) was a food ball. The holes are adjustable, so they can get a tiny bit of dry through the day to tide them over, but not enough to make it the centerpiece of their diet. The fat one did drop a couple of pounds.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 7:21 PM on November 1, 2011

Stop me, before I eat out again
Our strategy for using up fresh veg:

- Go to the market and buy whatever looks fresh and tasty.
- Go onto foodgawker or tastespotting and run a search for each type of veg.
- Bookmark a couple of recipes for each thing in a weekly folder or pinboard.
- Buy any additional ingredients needed and try out the recipes as needed. Note those that justify repeat usage.

Pretty much any vegetable can be put into some… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 11:35 AM on September 16, 2011 marked best answer

Concealer tips, please!
Step 1: Apply concealer to zit.
Step 2: Gently tweeze flakes of skin highlighted by concealer.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by amber_dale at 2:37 PM on July 21, 2011

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