Activity from jessamyn

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Do I need to be friends with my boyfriend's friends?
I guess, from my perspective, a significant other is a significant part of your life- not just a compartment of it. So, his family becomes your family, yours his, and this starts to extend to friends as well. If this isn't how you're doing your relationship, this advice won't hold.

Yeah just as a data point, this is how I feel about relationships as well. I agree with everyone, obviously you shouldbn't be made to feel uncomfortable but there's a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:14 PM on December 10, 2017

How to Become: Law Librarian; School Librarian
You didn't mention professional associations so I'll suggest that you check out AALL and VAASL. Many professional associations have mailing lists (sometimes publicly available) or online discussions where people discuss things relevant to their jobs and it's a great way to both get your name out there as someone who is curious and also get your questions answered by people in your geographic and professional areas. Librarians are very into professional organizations, has been my experience. If… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:01 PM on December 10, 2017

Newly added "no tresspassing" signs torn down on our land
We should have also dated them, you're right. Definitely our bad on that. This interpretation of the law explains why the name and address are on there I guess. I added above that there are already other posted signs and we were just adding additional signs.

Welcome to Vermont! An awful lot of this depends where you live. I was in this situation and eventually wound up getting to know my neighbors and giving up on the No Tresspassing signs but that… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:31 PM on December 9, 2017
an easement by prescription won't be on any deed

Mine very specifically had two legal easements (power line, logging road) that transferred with the property, it was one of the things that technically reduced the value of the land (though not really that much). This may vary state to state? There is definitely a thing in Vermont with "Class 4" roads that have technically been owned by the town but in many cases were not being maintained at… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:35 PM on December 10, 2017

Help me find books like Jesmyn Ward's Sing Unburied Sing.
I really liked Jacqueline Woodson's Another Brooklyn. Lush detail in a coming of age story. Had a magical feeling edge to it but it's all grounded in reality.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:37 PM on December 7, 2017

Vacation destination
From what I know about you, I think part of what you would like to do is tour a little bit of Route 66. Can not guarantee great food but there is some really interesting scenery. This part, in particular includes the Painted Desert which is a totally different ecosystem than where you are. Alternately you can drive around part of it in Albuquerque which is also great for visiting. I've been to Phoenix a few times recently and I'm shruggo on it but I've enjoyed the Musical Instrument Museum in… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:27 PM on December 7, 2017

Recommend me your favorite vegetable soups!
My friend made me this mix and match recipe outline which I always appreciated.

My favorite one lately is red pepper lentil soup. Simple and hearty.

6 cups chicken stock [or whatever, soup base, not too salty]
1 onion
1 red pepper
4 carrots

chop veggies & sautee in olive oil & add to hot stock

1 1/2 c red lentils
1/2 c wild… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:11 AM on December 7, 2017

Like TED, but you can be in your pyjamas the whole time
We have a lot of them in the library world since many librarians are from states where they need CE (Continuing Ed) credits for their jobs. Here are a few examples.

- Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference (nb, I am speaking at it) put on by Wisconsin Library Association
- There's a Library 2.016/7 series put on by San Jose State that is very well-attended.
- The State of Nebraska does some really good weekly mini-conferences that are CE for… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:44 AM on December 6, 2017
Here are some more virtual library & related conferences. I've tried to pick ones by various groups.

- TechKnowledge 2017 - put on by the Library Journal folks.
- National Information Standards Organization virtual conference
- Innovative Libraries Online Conference (in Iowa)
- ACRL Virtual conference is more of a hybrid model, there is some online-only information but it mostly mirrors an IRL conference
- Multi-State… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:44 AM on December 6, 2017

Best Hyperlocal Charity--Bay Area!
I'm a huge fan of the East Bay Food Not Bombs out that way and have donated to them myself. They don't have much of a web presence but you can contact them via their website or by phone.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:20 AM on December 6, 2017

Stuck in the middle--or am I?
Nearly every time I feel "stuck in the middle" it's because I am failing to support or enforce my own boundaries and letting the feelings of other people dictate what I am doing. You made a choice to end things with A. You are not in the middle. That was your choice. You can decide whether to talk to them about this or not--and I am with other people, if this is a sexual harassment thing I might mention it, if it's a clueless/jerk thing I probably wouldn't--but unless you want to get… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:15 AM on December 5, 2017

There’s something in the walls...
I live in an 1880's house and mice are just a thing you deal with especially this time of year when the weather gets cold and they move indoors. My goal usually is trying to keep them out of the house. The big aspects to this are

- closing up mouse holes (anything larger than the size of a dime) with steel wool or solid foam)
- putting away and sealing up ALL food

There are not birds in your walls, this is not a thing unless there are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:11 AM on December 5, 2017 marked best answer

Recommendations on books to deal with insecurity about money?
Yeah some of this has to do with whether you have legit money concerns and are concerned about that, or whether you're really doing okay with money and have an anxiety issue (fellow sufferer, so I feel you). I agree that Suze Orman is good for this sort of thing. I also really liked reading fellow MeFite jdroth's book Your Money: The Missing Manual (his other books are quite good also) because it gave me a much better sense that I am doing everything right. I also liked this book from a decade… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:03 AM on December 5, 2017

Wait: what are the rules around rabbis?
Presuming you're not of the faith, the only other thing I would make sure to know is the dates for Hannukah since some people seem to think it's the Jewish Christmas and don't realize that it comes at a different time. It's basically the 12th - 20th this year and the dates are different year to year. Agree with BlaLaLa, rabbis tend to be chill and unless there's some fight that's underlying why you're having this conversation, it should be just fine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:09 PM on December 4, 2017

Where are all the natural nature photographs?
Free Large Photos has a lot of these, it's run by a friend of mine (depiste the somewhat spammy sounding URL) and not all the stuff is natural, a lot is.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:39 AM on December 4, 2017

Housing the Homeless: What works, what doesn't?
I mostly have worked with libraries who serve populations of people experiencing homelessness. Here are a few programs that may be useful.

- Not sure what the status is of SLC's 24/7 library program but I could put you in touch with the library director there.
- SFPL actually hired a social worker to help their homeless populations and do specific programming for their homeless teen populations
- some stuff going on in Toronto centered around the library and the city services.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:21 PM on December 3, 2017

Identify this song from a 1990 skateboard video
The credits and the comments seem to indicate it's by a band called Catalogue. If it were me, I'd be trying to track down David Schlossbach if he's still around and ask him.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:36 PM on December 2, 2017

Three Things I Know Nothing About
Welcome to the Commonwealth!

Yes! I grew up in a house in MA that had all these things (and so did my sister) so hit me up if you have specific questions. People have given you a lot of decent advice, here are a few things to add.

- OIL: Your oil delivery person is likely also your furnace maintenance person. If the furnace hasn't been serviced recently call them for an annual servicing. They can let you know if there is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:16 PM on December 2, 2017

Help me avoid making a tourtierror
The one I had included ground up mushrooms. I do not love mushrooms as a general rule but this did seem to add the little oomph it needed to keep it from just being a meat pie. Other suggestions include a good chunk of ground pepper (like more than you would think) or a bit of chicken stock.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:08 PM on December 2, 2017 marked best answer

I might actually be why Keurig was invented...
My friends are definitely more the "whatever" type of coffee drinkers

Then the answer should be something that works for you. Your solution sounds great to me. I am someone who likes coffee and can recognize good coffee but does not care whether what I am drinking is "good" or not most of the time. I host people a lot. Even my coffee snob friends don't expect me to have snobby coffee for their particular use if I haven't invited them for a special… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:58 AM on December 1, 2017

🎶Here I go (for the first time) on my own (sorta)🎶
- My back of envelope calculations are to presume I will be tossing 25% of my income towards taxes so I allocate accordingly. See if you need to make quarterly tax payments (yes, an accountant can help with that)
- Start tracking expenses NOW so you're in the habit. Understand how self employed money works. You basically pay taxes on what you earn minus your expenses (this is hand-wavey) and things like charitable contributions, IRA contributions, HSA contributions if you have a high… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:06 PM on November 30, 2017

1997 catch phrases and yadda yadda yadda
Accordingly, since many 1996 movies were out late in the year and hit in 1997 you might want to look at lists like this. So with that list, besides Jerry Macguire, you'd have Beavis and Butthead (any sort of "Heh you said ______" joke) and the regrettable Space Jam.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:17 AM on November 30, 2017

Which goal app can help me?
I use one called HabitBull. It is fairly dull, I track four things

- did I floss
- did I do my shoulder exercises
- did I mediate
- did I exercise three times in a week (exactly what you are looking for)

It lets you set goals so you want to floss 100 days in a row or whatever you get a little "Hey you did it!" banner. I think there is a premium version where you can maybe track more habits but I've been using it like this for years and it's been fine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:14 PM on November 29, 2017 marked best answer

Why make a house a Home?
I used to rent, then I bought a house, then I rented again. Now I own a vacation house (my late fathers house) and continue to rent for my primary residence. I am probably rich for my other demographic considerations. My landlady is 93. My rent hasn't gone up in ten years. I live in Vermont and my heat is included in my rent. I could definitely not own and live in a home for this amount of money. It is definitely a precarious situation. I love the hell out of it. That said, at a future point… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:30 PM on November 29, 2017 marked best answer

Free? Low-tech? That could be a "stretch"
Bob Anderson's book is considered the bible for this. Don't know how you feel about photocopying pages, etc but it's about as low-tech as you get. I like Darebee's stuff too.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:46 PM on November 29, 2017

Should this dented can of coconut milk go in the garbage?
In my opinion, that is fine. Dents that have created a breach of the can are a problem, creating places for bacteria to get in. That said, Consumer Reports says never do it. USDA says if the dent isn't big enough to lay your finger in it's ok and says look out for "sharp points" in the dent. I would eat this.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:08 AM on November 28, 2017
Your chances of getting botulism in the US are roughly one in three million and most cases of botulism in the US are from improperly home-canned foods. You are safer eating that coconut milk than getting in your car and driving to the store to get more. Not discounting that there is a risk, but that it's important to determine your tolerance for risk in many of these situations.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:37 AM on November 29, 2017

To upgrade or not to upgrade my Mac: that is the question
I literally just went through this with my old Air which didn't have enough RAM to run social media sites usefully anymore and had a battery that was getting less and less robust. I decided to go with a new Air which cost $800 US on sale and I could use all my old cables with (with one $10 adapter). It's going to be less future-forward since it doesn't have USB-C for charging etc. On the other hand, no touch bar which I just could never get on board with. I notice a HUGE difference in… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:40 AM on November 28, 2017
^^^ is exactly what I got. I got a brand new one on sale for about $50 less than that, if you're willing to wait for sales.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:46 AM on November 28, 2017

How do I love thee?
Here are something I love that aren't the obvious cute, funny, warm, sweet, good at lifting boxes, gets along with my friends things.

- I can wake him up in the middle of the night or morning and he is legit happy to see me not "RARARAR you woke me up!" (as I might be)
- He truly loves being alive and living in the world.
- He is a good son, gets along with his mother and makes an effort with their relationship
- He is kind… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:19 PM on November 27, 2017

Group gift exchanges like Yankee swaps or Secret Santas?
I've been thinking about this. How about just doing just stocking-level gifts for everyone and secret santa-ing it up? So like everyone gets maybe two people and the rule is "must fit in a stocking." Then everyone is guaranteed to not have a huge pile of crap, and you can also "fill in the blanks" with stuff like snacks for the kids liquor for the adults, LED flashlights and socks and gift cards for everyone. Everyone could pick one general category (so one person gets… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:30 PM on November 27, 2017

Holiday Season Family Party Ideas
I'd just go for something nice like Solstice which i think you can make an argument it's ok to celebrate. It's always going to be a few days before the Christmas holidays. Have a bonfire or a big raging fire inside (somehow) and have it just be a "Welcoming the longer days" or "Welcoming in the light" sort of thing. Crank the heat up til 11. put a bunch of neat lit up stuff around (to your tastes) and have a big dinnertime meal. When i was a kid we'd celebrate this with my… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:11 AM on November 27, 2017

How does an HSA work?
I am self-employed and the year I had a HDHP I got an HSA. What that means is I went to my bank and said "I have a high-deductible health plan and I'd like to have a health savings account" they said okay and then there was a ton of paperwork I had to fill out and then I had a special bank account at my same old bank.

Certain plans will work with HSAs and I'm not sure what your options are but in my state it was very clear from the health insurance options which ones did… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:42 PM on November 26, 2017
You just put it there however you move money between accounts. You need to let the IRS (I think) know how much you put in it, but you can literally cut yourself a check or whatever you do to pay yourself. For me it was a secondary account to my main account so I just transferred it in. Just check and see what the maximum is that you can put into it. I was actually sort of shocked at how half-assed the whole thing was. The main thing is to make sure you keep good records for tax time.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:24 PM on November 26, 2017 marked best answer

Australia visit in August 2018
I have stayed in both Song Hotels in Sydney and the one on downtown Sydney is right near everything and was, when I was there about seven years ago, incredibly moderately priced no frills good place to stay. When I traveled around Australia we found Wotif to be a pretty good place to track down accommodations as well. I mostly spent time in WA so don't have much local advice except try to see the fruit bats come out and the sun there is NO JOKE (esp compared to where your profile says you are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:33 PM on November 26, 2017 marked best answer

pre-gaming the funeral
This has caused me a lot of emotional distress. Is it normal to "pre-mourn" deaths?? Or are my symptoms a sign of a deeper problem? How do I deal with it?

Within tolerances it's normal. Once it's affecting your life to crying-in-bathroom levels, it's a little outside of the normal range. Which would be fine if it wasn't bothering you but it seems like maybe it is. To me, an anxious person, this sounds like anxiety. You mind is literally… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:54 AM on November 26, 2017 marked best answer

Weather-proofing a door we never use
In New England what we do with doors to barns is weatherstrip, maybe use some of that sheet plastic and then cover the whole thing with a nice looking quilt or other hanging thing that can actually look nice, potentially on one of those swing-out curtain rods so you have a door in an emergency. Undoable in a pinch, otherwise completely undoored and maybe you have a place to put a nice quilt on the wall.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:48 AM on November 26, 2017

Please help me figure out this instrument.
The composer's Linked in profile says "Composed musical soundtrack utilizing digital instruments and open source samples for 2014 video game "Banished." To my ear it sounds like sampled and digitzed Tuvan throat singing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:27 PM on November 25, 2017 marked best answer

A wall bordered with flowers, not thorns
I can only control myself and I'm not happy with how I acted. If I were a good friend and leader and human I think I would have liked to have said something like, "Thank you, let's talk when I get back, I am looking forward to that, this chocolate will help a lot, I'm closing the door now."

I think it's really good that you're acknowledging that there is room for more grace in these interactions. My partner is a lovely guy but also… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:15 PM on November 25, 2017

Going no contact without burning bridges... impossible?
You seem unhappy with yourself for getting mixed up with Ted and the secrecy with which you surrounded this fling is isolating you and making you unhappy. Let's extract Ted from this for a moment and ignore his feelings and think about your own

- you think you'd feel better if you didn't follow his social media
- you feel weird because you've never talked about this and your friends don't know what happened
- you're enjoying social media less… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:02 AM on November 25, 2017

I want to feel like I'm sleeping on the floor, but not be on the floor
Depending where you are, there is often a slew of people offering to sell you kits for these on Craigslist, you assemble it, types of things. I sleep on a platform bed about 3' off the ground with very close slats that has a similar feeling. The one thing to note with a platform bed is that you really need to stay on top of moisture (just regular old "Hey people sweat a little" stuff) because there will be no under-mattress ventilation. So make sure you flip it every so often as… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:25 PM on November 24, 2017 marked best answer

Too much storage unit, too little time.
I am sorry for your loss. The first thing to think about is how much money you have versus how much time you have. And how huge is the storage unit? Since Winter is Coming, if you can afford it, leaving this til weather improves would likely be easier (and is okay to do). If you can't afford it, it's worth thinking about whether you need to extract maximum value from this (i.e. really make some canny sale choices to optimize getting $$ in which case you need an appraiser), or maximum sentiment… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:02 AM on November 24, 2017 marked best answer

Help me get my cursor back from the hijackers
it seemed weird that it has airplane mode but went to wireless but listed itself still in airplane while wireless at the same time.

That can be normal. Airplane mode for iOS just means "no cellular" You can definitely have wifi going and cellular off. Usually, however, you need to go into airplane mode and then affirmatively turn wifi ON to have the situation you describe.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:33 PM on November 23, 2017

What's the best Scrabble app?
Only mentioning this because you said "fanatic" The Scrabble people keep sort of a tight reign over the brand which means you have to use their official app ($8 and it's not great) or something like WWF which is Not Scrabble. If he has a desktop computer that he uses, he might really enjoy Wordbiz which is a real-time Scrabble client that connects to a server in Romania and you can play your friends or Internet randos. No mobile version however. The good news is it's flexible so easier… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:01 AM on November 23, 2017

What do YOU do with clothes worn but not dirty?
If I'm willing to wear something again without washing it, I put it away.

This is me. And it didn't work when I was using a dresser and a closet to organize my clothes so I switched up my organizational strategy. Now all my clothes are folded and most of them (other than as few rare hanging things and some storage for like second string PJs and gym clothes and seasonal stuff) are on shelves. Bins on shelves for socks and underwear. At the end of the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:23 PM on November 22, 2017

Middle-aged man in search of the perfect wallet
I am always looking for the perfect wallet because what I really want is something that has been in a guy's back pocket for a decade but I can't always get that. I finally splurged on a new wallet which is this very nice wallet only I bought it on Ebay so it cost about 30% of that.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:05 AM on November 22, 2017

Looking for ways to improve my office at work!
I think the best thing for offices to make them feel less office-y is good lighting. So see if you can get something there with a warm bulb (can be LEDs, they have cooler and warmer options) and consider a floor lamp and.or a desk lamp and never use overhead lighting or flourescent nonsense. I am a big fan of eucalyptus branches. You can stick them in the window to "activate' them a little otherwise stash them away. A nice rug if it's that sort of place. A hanging plant? Something tough to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:27 PM on November 21, 2017

twitter basic
Yep totally possible though it depends on what platform you are using. On the desktop version you can check your notifications and you'll see little icons that are the people who liked it. The only time you won't see them is if you're logged out and someone liked your tweet form a locked account (pretty sure I am remembering this right). On mobile you have to click on the tweet itself and then there is a list of who liked it. Forwarding, if you mean retweeting (i.e. sent that tweet on to their… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:57 PM on November 21, 2017 marked best answer

Where to find old magazine issues online?
I assumed this was a case of defunct publishers releasing archives online.

I used to work at Open Library. It is very much a situation of asking for forgiveness and not permission. Which is not to say that some magazines haven't decided to put some of their content online, just that it's the exception rather than the rule. You might find better coverage for some magazines via The Internet Archive because i'm not sure content that is being scanned is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:08 PM on November 20, 2017

other names of the rose
I will agree with many of the books in this thread and the previous thread (specifically The Historian, Cabinet of Curiosities, Perfume, Anathem, Years of Rice and Salt, City and the City, Aegypt, and all the Perez-Reverte books). You might also like

- The Three-Body Problem by Cixin Liu
- The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins (very violent, but if that's not a thing that concerns you, it hits all the other points)
-… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:18 PM on November 20, 2017

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