January 17, 2001 8:47 PM   Subscribe

TELL HIM IT WAS YOU, IDIOT. Ben Brown interviews John Ashcroft. Kinda.
posted by fraying (35 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

i just watched ghostbusters the other night...can't be a coincidence, its a sign from zool that Ashcroft IS the chosen one.
posted by th3ph17 at 9:05 PM on January 17, 2001

What sign, i never authorised any sign ;)
posted by Zool at 10:07 PM on January 17, 2001

Um....would that make Ben the Keymaster, or the Gate Keeper?
posted by Optamystic at 10:33 PM on January 17, 2001

There was a great editorial in the New York Times a couple of days ago regarding Ashcroft. Here's an excerpt:

"The Attorney General will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, Ashcroft came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

Well put, methinks.

posted by thebigpoop at 11:13 PM on January 17, 2001

New York Times does not work. Try New York Times instead. Check the source of this page to see the difference.
posted by palnatoke at 12:07 AM on January 18, 2001

I agree thebigpoop, definitely one of the NYTimes more articulate moments.
posted by th3ph17 at 12:24 AM on January 18, 2001

I think that it's always been obvious that the Times has displayed blatantly Stanzian leanings, whilst Brown's piece is clearly influenced by Venkmanism. In the end, the only solution is to seek the middle ground, but not too aggressively. For we must always be mindful of Dr. Spengler's oft-quoted exhortations against stream crossing.

Indeed, I believe that I can state, without contradiction, that every man, woman, and child on this wondrous planet deserves a better fate than the one that would be dealt them by a so-called "total protonic reversal".
posted by Optamystic at 12:56 AM on January 18, 2001 must--of course--remember that the gate swings both ways, shedding some doubt on Dr. Spenglers assertions that stream crossing invariably will lead to protonic reversal.
posted by th3ph17 at 1:46 AM on January 18, 2001


Oh, sure....recklessly cross the streams if you like. Remember, though, that some creatures' lives were rent asunder by the last intersection. Oh, the "good" doctors made out ok, to be sure...but what of the others? Who weeps for the Marshmallow Folk?

Yes, I'll admit it....My father was the one you call "Mr. Stay Puft". Heartlessly murdered, in cold nougat, by your blaster wielding "heroes". And for what? I ask you, what was his crime? Strolling calmly through the streets of New York, exploring this new world into which he had been thrown. It was protonic experimentation that brought him into your dimension, and it was protonic inversion, and dare I say, PERVERSION that ended his brief sojourn in said dimension.

Well, you haven't heard the last of us. The Marshmallow people are planning their revenge, you can be sure. So sleep well, America. But know this. We will be back. And this time, your beloved "Ghostbusters" won't be there to help you, for they have grown flabby and old. I await my day, and it is coming. For I am....Son of Stay Puft...
posted by Optamystic at 2:38 AM on January 18, 2001


posted by cheaily at 5:16 AM on January 18, 2001

Zool was Sumerian, not Babylonian.
posted by jdiaz at 6:18 AM on January 18, 2001

Dimensional cross-rifts like the ill fated one that led to the liquefication of your misunderstood father truly are one of the great controversial subjects of our day Optamystic--truly a tragedy.

You must keep in mind though--as jdiaz brilliantly points out--that Zool was in fact a Sumerian manifestation. Accuse me of knee-jerk Venkmansim if you will but that seems to justify the violent reception he received, for as everyone knows, slors, vuldrini, and shuvs alike...the Attorney General is a powerful position.
posted by th3ph17 at 6:55 AM on January 18, 2001

Another perfectly good thread ruined by this Venkman-Stanz talk. Don't you guys ever get tired of this? Can't we just talk about politics once in a while?
posted by rodii at 7:45 AM on January 18, 2001

I did *not* hit the post button twice.
posted by rodii at 7:49 AM on January 18, 2001

Uh huh. Sure rodii. Trying to throw off our serious discussion? Are you trolling?

posted by th3ph17 at 7:53 AM on January 18, 2001

On an almost-related topic. DAMN, what happened to Harold Ramis? I thought I gained some weight since 1984...
posted by anildash at 8:19 AM on January 18, 2001

SPENGLER: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of political discussion on MetaFilter. According to this morning's assortment of links, the current level of partisan animus, ad hominem attacks and flippant Ashcroft bashing would be a Twinkie 35 feet long weighing approximately six hundred pounds.

WINSTON: That's a big Twinkie.
posted by bradlands at 8:49 AM on January 18, 2001

SPENGLER: You weren't here for the election.
posted by solistrato at 9:03 AM on January 18, 2001

We are talking a Twinkie of Biblical and brimstone...dogs and cats living together...
posted by th3ph17 at 9:18 AM on January 18, 2001

If we manage to wring another joke out of this metaphor, we may actually get to see some "total protonic reversal".
posted by Optamystic at 9:48 AM on January 18, 2001

Participants in Thread #5332! Good morning! As a duly designated representative of the MetaFilter community, I order you to cease any and all unecessary joke wringing and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension!
posted by Avogadro at 9:57 AM on January 18, 2001

Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!
posted by Optamystic at 10:11 AM on January 18, 2001

Blame me, I voted Stay Puft.
posted by capt.crackpipe at 10:13 AM on January 18, 2001

Ok man! That sound file really FREAKED me out...

Thats some evil shit to do to someone with four shots of espresso tearing through their veins...
posted by Jeremy at 10:27 AM on January 18, 2001

(still laughing at sound file after five minutes....can't breathe....send help)
posted by Optamystic at 10:34 AM on January 18, 2001

People who sleep at night miss out on the good threads methinks.
posted by th3ph17 at 10:45 AM on January 18, 2001

Mr. Ashcroft, I'd like to take a sample of your brain tissue...
posted by Hackworth at 11:18 AM on January 18, 2001

Sound file?
posted by benbrown at 2:11 PM on January 18, 2001

Oooo, sneaky embeded sound file.
posted by benbrown at 2:12 PM on January 18, 2001

Sneaky embedded sound file that scared the bejesus out of me...
posted by jennyb at 2:58 PM on January 18, 2001

Rutger Hauer reads "Ghostbusters"?
posted by solistrato at 7:29 PM on January 18, 2001

Sorry, just checking to see if posting is working...
posted by Avogadro at 4:39 PM on January 24, 2001

Avogadro: You wore out my scrolling finger, send me a payplal dollar. ^_^
posted by thirteen at 4:54 PM on January 24, 2001

I'd make a sequel to this thread, but we all know it would suck. If we could get Sigourney Weaver though, that'd almost be worth it.
posted by ZachsMind at 7:01 PM on November 9, 2001

Eh, she swore she'd never work with me again.
posted by Optamystic at 9:25 PM on November 10, 2001

« Older Bulletproof teenage twins surrender!   |   Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments