Favorites from amber_dale

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MeFi post: The dark truth behind the convictions for 'gender fraud'
It is, but that would require you to consider a trans male penis to not really be a penis, which is only really half a step from the bullshit of considering a trans man to not really be a man.

It doesn't, if you allow that people have the right to make categorical distinctions between the types of penises they want to have sex with, based on its size, shape, visible state of health, piercings, or the very material it is made of, or whatever.
posted to MetaFilter by prize bull octorok at 3:06 PM on December 18, 2015
MeFi post: “Words without experience are meaningless.”
I think Lolita is probably the book with whom my relationship has changed the most over time; when I first read it (sometime around high school so not, like, Delores' age but still quite young) I thought it was kind of interesting and I, unfortunately, had a lot more interest in and sympathy for Humbert than for Delores, I think largely because of a lot of internalized patriarchy. I'd inadvertently accepted the idea that if older men wanted to do something that was okay and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:30 AM on December 16, 2015
Ask MeFi post: Art poster buying
The Portland Art Museum is one of the participating museums on 1000museums.com, which produces high-quality reproductions straight from the source, using archival quality pigments and paper. And wadayaknow, right there is Birch Forest ($19.00 - $449.00 USD depending on what size you want).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Kabanos at 2:12 PM on December 11, 2015
Ask MeFi post: How to improve memory?
Read Make it Stick. It's awesome, and is research-based strategies for increasing memory.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by guster4lovers at 2:09 PM on October 24, 2015
Spaced repetition has changed my life.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dfan at 2:34 PM on October 24, 2015
Ask MeFi post: Give me your favorite and best things to do with roasted hatch chiles!
This here is my favorite green chili, which I make a whole bunch of different versions of:

Start with a pork roast. If you can find a nicely marbled one, slow cook it until it's falling apart, then shred it. If it's lean, dice and brown it. (I prefer the slow cooked pork, and the roasts are usually cheaper if you can find them at all, but I've had a tough time finding cheaper marbled roasts lately.)

Add a little bit of garlic, maybe two or three... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ernielundquist at 1:16 PM on September 17, 2015 marked best answer
MeFi post: Chess Pieces and Copyright
Archive.org still have the 3D files
posted to MetaFilter by Lanark at 9:01 AM on September 9, 2015
Ask MeFi post: This One Weird Trick...Marriage Edition
In my household, any question that does not have an objectively right answer is settled by the convening of an electoral college, to which my wife and I each send 100 delegates.

For example:
"What should we order in for dinner tonight?"
"51% of my delegates cast their votes for Chinese food."
"80% of mine vote for pizza."
"Pizza it is!"

This has two advantages.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by yankeefog at 7:25 AM on August 31, 2015
MeFi post: Self care and the need for leisure
Oooh, I have been thinking about this lately. Last night I was doing a "yoga for self-care" online video (this one; it's great) and at one point the instructor said something like (paraphrasing) "Taking time for self-care helps you to be better at all the roles you play in your busy life." And on the one hand, there are many women who are trained to never ever take a moment for themselves because it's "selfish," so if it helps them justify self-care, I'm glad that... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by sunset in snow country at 11:12 AM on August 12, 2015
MeFi post: Planning for the next Vesuvius eruption
Favorite Naples tale:

Naples in the Time of Cholera, 1884-1911
Frank Snowden

It's also episode nine of his Yale course on Epidemics western civ since 1600.

Apparently the city was infected at pandemic level and the Be Powers censored all news of it to keep tourist income from cratering.
posted to MetaFilter by bukvich at 6:22 AM on July 30, 2015
Ask MeFi post: Help me build a better social real-life network in 2009 !
I have a goal to turn all acquaintances I like into FRIENDS. Does it always work? No. Mostly it doesn't. But I keep trying, and when I do get a real friend, it was totally worth it.


You keep seeing them around at parties/school/work/shows/clubs/etc.
You kind of remember their name, and they kind of remember yours.
They're a friend of a friend, but not... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Juliet Banana at 11:41 AM on December 25, 2008
MeFi post: “Where’s My Cut?”: On Unpaid Emotional Labor
Being asked "what's for dinner" the second I walk in the door*

Oh my god, my husband used to ask me that. Until he came home one day and was like "Hey, what's for dinner," and I exploded at him, saying something like:

What must it be like to live in your WORLD OF WONDER, where everything is a MYSTERY! What food will magically appear before you, through no work of your own other than the power of your... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mothershock at 8:06 AM on July 23, 2015
MeFi post: The Secret Sadness of Pregnancy with Depression
I had just "normal" mood swings during my first pregnancy (despite it being a miserable pregnancy) and no post-partum depression, so nobody was particularly on the lookout when my second pregnancy made me come completely unglued. By the time I had the baby, I'd be falling down a hole of undertreated pre-natal depression and increasing emotional desperation for around 8 months; unsurprisingly, it rolled into a horrifyingly bad case of post-partum depression. But by then everyone around... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Eyebrows McGee at 8:56 AM on May 30, 2015
MeFi post: Whole Foods Got Millennials All Wrong
Guys this thread is making me want to basically hug Berkeley Bowl.
posted to MetaFilter by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:07 AM on May 8, 2015
Ask MeFi post: Weekend in Aberdeen - what/how to do
Pubs: The Grill on Union street has an amazing amber wall of whiskey running behind its extensive bar, and whiskey-tasting menus (6 selected drams for a round figure). It may not look terrific from the outside, but it's definitely worth a visit. The Prince of Wales has a fine selection of real ales. The Brewdog bar (already mentioned) is neat, and barely a stone's throw away on Littlejohn St is Six Degrees North, which stocks a wide variety of Belgian bottled beers. Under The Hammer, nearer the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Joeruckus at 11:13 AM on February 3, 2014 marked best answer
MeFi post: "... a kind of purgatory-themed amusement park"
You know, it makes sense that their albums have para-religious themes, because they're obviously a peasant religious movement, and you could place them in line with the medieval heretics or the followers of Thomas Muntzer, by which I mean a (not without flaws) roughly communistic movement for the dispossessed which tries to articulate meaning for the lives of the totally disregarded and carries an apocalyptic vision of justice. Probably Thomas Muntzer's people looked just as crazy, dirty, etc,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:19 PM on April 30, 2015
MeFi post: Leaning Out
What an incredibly vulnerable and raw piece of writing. I hope he finds a new way. I could have written this same piece.

Exactly ten years ago I graduated college and jumped into the deep end of American materialism, 80-hour work weeks, using my entire life as a device for printing money.

I learned what an empty and unfulfilled (pointless) existence I was creating. As my depression progressed, I would go on 'sales calls' and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Baby_Balrog at 10:00 AM on April 17, 2015
MeFi post: How About the Rest of North America?
These are shoes MADE IN THE USA...it is being done.

•Alden, men’s dress shoes, made in Middleborough, MA since 1884
•Allen Edmonds, men’s boots and dress shoes, (available at Nordstrom), made in Wisconsin
•Athena Alexander, women’s sandals and heels, made in Gardena, California
•Bear Feet, infant and toddler shoes, made in Austin, Texas (mentioned in “10 Things We Love: Made in Texas“)
•Cade & Co, infant... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by shockingbluamp at 11:32 AM on April 3, 2015
MeFi post: Like Serial? You'll love The Jinx.
From what I understand, the envelope is new evidence. I don't think anyone apart from the filmmakers knew about that until it aired. I'm not a legal expert, but it looks like something that could be really bad for Durst. It directly ties him to the murder.
posted to MetaFilter by triggerfinger at 3:44 PM on March 10, 2015
MeFi post: "My gender exists in some sort of quantum state."
I think a good thought experiment for what being trans is like is more along the lines of, "What if you were a cis boy but from the day you were born your parents and all of society insisted you dress and behave like a traditional girl instead and never took you seriously when you claimed that wasn't really you?"

This line of reasoning seems to suggest that there is something about "traditional girl" gender socialization, dress,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by divined by radio at 1:26 PM on February 11, 2015
MeFi post: It's enough to make you want to stop teaching kids poetry.
No harm, no foul, sweet little guy!

this is what dating is like in a perfect socialist utopia. "Hey check out my genitals. U like?'
"No thanks!" "OK, back to our fulfilling creative careers."
posted to MetaFilter by Potomac Avenue at 5:43 AM on January 22, 2015
MeFi post: Southwest Airlines safety announcement.
The German word "fremdschämen", which means "to be embarrassed because someone else has embarrassed themselves and doesn't notice", is the perfect word for how this makes me feel.
posted to MetaFilter by dotgirl at 11:54 PM on January 5, 2015
MeFi post: "one of the best interviews you’ll ever hear, providing genuine insight"
I'm a heavy podcast listener and not a single one of my favorite podcasts was there (though Serial may end up on that list) but it did have a lot of podcasts which I listen to an occasional episode of, or listened to ten or fifteen episodes of before I started to get very diminishing returns.

Apart from anything else, not having The Bugle on there is a travesty (I'd go for the Bin Laden fuckeulogy episode, the phone hacking episodes or the one after Andy's son was born)... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Kattullus at 3:35 AM on December 16, 2014
MeFi post: Israel bombing Gaza again
At some point you get tired of it and you fire the fucking rocket.

That implies you have rockets on hand for such an occasion, the way I keep money on hand to buy lunch for days I'm too harried to make myself a sandwhich.

That's not quite how this works.

To fire the rocket, first you have to dig up some sewer pipe from the streets. Gaza's already pretty short on that material, which is why they are... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ocschwar at 5:48 PM on July 8, 2014
MeFi post: The Child Philosopher
The Hulk one was pretty great, but philosophy for children is a real thing. Here are some examples:

Ian (six year old) found to his chagrin that the three children of his parents' friends monopolized the television; they kept him from watching his favorite program. “Mother,” he asked in frustration, “why is it better for three children to be selfish than one?”

Jordan (five years), going to bed at eight one evening, asked, “If I go to bed at eight... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by anotherpanacea at 10:51 AM on October 24, 2013
MeFi post: Communication not as a state of emergency.
This can come across as a kind of magical thinking that makes people stay in abusive relationships, because of course my partner only wants the best for me.

To be fair, damn near any aspect of a healthy, functional relationship is found wanting if you project it onto an abusive relationship. But that's a problem with the relationship, not the concept of trust.

By the time you get to calling the other person a... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by A god with hooves, a god with horns at 2:45 PM on July 15, 2013
MeFi post: Basically, She's A Lannister
Funnily enough I am reading Russia : A History at the moment and have literally just finished learning this morning about the early Rus including Olga, wife of Igor and mother of Sviatoslav. It's part of my ongoing "learn a ton of stuff about random subjects" program (currently the subjecty is "Russia!"). I'm flitting between that, The Icon and the Axe, the Russian Rulers Podcast and Martin Sixsmith's Russia. Round about now is where I start soliciting... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by longbaugh at 11:55 PM on July 10, 2013
Ask MeFi post: Inspiration — not motivation — for writing.
Context: I'm a professional screenwriter. I wrote the movie SYLVIA. The following works for me. I'm not saying it will work for anything else.

Start with three sentences representing the beginning, middle and end of your story.

Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back.

Woman buys house. House turns out to be haunted. Woman defeats ghosts.

Those are dumb examples but you get the idea.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by unSane at 5:48 PM on January 15, 2006 marked best answer
MeFi post: NSFW. Changing female body image through art
prior art: Plaster Caster
posted to MetaFilter by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 5:50 AM on January 17, 2013
Ask MeFi post: Christmas Wish List Headache
Someone just gave me fleece sheets like these that I did not want at all and they have turned out to be the best thing in the entire world. They are somehow cozy without being too warm, which is an issue for me with sleeping. I'm giving them to a bunch of people this Christmas whether they want them or not.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by something something at 12:36 PM on November 28, 2012
Ask MeFi post: cheesy like david hasselhoff
Many people including myself have found that it is easier to learn hard cheesemaking if you start with soft cheeses-- which start with yogurt, mostly. So I'd encourage you to begin there. I've written before about a good way to get your feet wet in the hobby without buying any special equipment other than a candy thermometer. Making yogurt the way Dr. Fankhauser suggests is not only fun, but naturally leads you towards making hard cheeses if you are interested. (Totally off-topic, but the... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by seasparrow at 8:39 PM on October 31, 2012
MeFi post: Frightening fiction
Speaking of scary stories, Bill Ponzini's "Peekaboo" gets me every. damn. time.
posted to MetaFilter by magstheaxe at 1:19 PM on October 25, 2012
MeFi post: He cried during the last “Lord of the Rings” movie.
When I should have broken up with her: picked her up on our second date, and as we're driving away from her house, she looks sadly at me and says, "Why don't you ever tell me I'm pretty?" Second date. Like fifteen seconds into it. I should have just turned around and dropped her back off, but, y'know, callow youth and all that.

When I did break up with her: I bought a video game I was very excited to play and was about to call her to cancel our evening, because... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Errant at 5:14 PM on February 3, 2012
MeFi post: Needs Moar Uncanny Everything
*bane voice*
I you give a mouse a cookie, then you are only doing what is right.
For too long you have hoarded the carb-rich food for yourself, allowing the mouse to starve amid your decadence.
And for this your punishment must be more severe.
posted to MetaFilter by codacorolla at 7:31 AM on August 8, 2012
Ask MeFi post: Prospective father-in-law rejected marriage proposal request. What now?
My steps 1-2-3 are kind of based on a playful relationship, though, if you think she would respond better to direct conversation, do that. I've been proposed to in the past, and it didn't even work out, but I really treasured the proposal itself, tbh. It's important to some people.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by stoneandstar at 12:43 AM on July 18, 2012
MeFi post: I do my little turn on the catwalk...
Such impressive uniforms. But one of these things is not like the other ...foreign conscript, maybe.

Great gallery, gman, thanks. Rio Wang is consistently one of my favorite blogs, full of treasures.

Here is an interesting gallery of civilians - a decade or two earlier, but of the era: cartes-de-visite showing Russian 'types.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by madamjujujive at 5:30 PM on June 30, 2012
MeFi post: A song to the bearded glacier
Mar-tin was a man.
Okay, he was a dragon-man.
Maybe he was just a dragon.
But he was still
posted to MetaFilter by bicyclefish at 10:42 PM on June 26, 2012
Ask MeFi post: These sites have DD+ sections, where's the A- section?
There's a lot of lovely on What Katie Did if you want to go classic/retro.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by merocet at 8:32 AM on June 25, 2012
Ask MeFi post: Help me be okay with looking like a dork.
I suggest very strongly that you get many, many, many more opportunities to speak in front of people. MANY. This is the very best thing you can do. I cannot stress this hard enough. Practice on video or in your car is an OK alternative, but what you really need is to do lots of different presentations in front of lots of different audiences. You should try to find places to practice outside of work - church, clubs, whatever. You will see significant... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by SMPA at 4:49 PM on April 26, 2012
Ask MeFi post: Am I really this shallow?
Pot costs money, too. If you're not smoking it with him, you might be surprised at how much it costs. Even without knowing any of the particulars, I feel confident that a week's supply for a daily user = a whale watch, at least.

I have been in your situation. I spent my early twenties hoping that my boyfriend would hit me so I would feel entitled to break up with him. Then I spent my mid-twenties engaged to a different guy, thinking it was tolerable because he was a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by gentian at 9:00 PM on March 16, 2012 marked best answer
MeFi post: Mad Max Rock City
Where else do the police come to your house after you’ve been robbed and ask you, ‘Why did you call us?"


Or Philaddelphia.

In the fall of 2007, My wife and I had just moved to the City of Brotherly Love from Canada via Holland. We rented a beautiful home in Brewery town at Poplar and 29th.

It's famously said that Philadelphia is a "block to block" city.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by 256 at 6:55 PM on February 24, 2012
Ask MeFi post: Google search result: Can this damage be undone?
1. Save the full http-ey URL of the document for future reference.
2. Have the school remove (or amend) the page.
3. Submit the URL from #1, manually, to Google to index, with this form.

Whatever Google finds at the URL replaces the old one in search results. Presto fix-o.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by rokusan at 11:49 PM on January 29, 2012 marked best answer
MeFi post: Whoops.
so. much. stupid.
posted to MetaFilter by Theta States at 2:11 PM on January 12, 2012
MeFi post: Never talk to a Style reporter!
During a particularly low moment when I was renting a room from a hirsute and under-groomed schizotypal, sleeping on a borrowed futon and eating beans from a can, I had three (three!) ex-girlfriends announce their weddings in the Times over the course of a semester. I stumbled across the third (with a photo!) as I sat, pants around my ankles, on a fetid commode literally begging my angry colon to unburden itself.

I actually don't think I've read the Sunday Styles... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by R. Schlock at 10:11 AM on December 2, 2011
Ask MeFi post: A poem or quote to bring a tear to the eye of the grandfather who raised the bride
I've heard this in wedding vows, and once as a toast.

My True Love Hath My Heart
by Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)

My true-love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true-love hath my heart, and I have his.

His heart in me keeps him and me in one,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by chana meira at 5:19 PM on February 20, 2010
MeFi post: Feel like a phony? Just fake it till you make it.
In my research assistant job, I constantly feel like I have no goddamn idea what I am doing and have had to learn the skill of just powering forward regardless, asking questions and looking things up and just generally getting on with it to the best of my ability. I have had to make peace with the fact that 90% of the time my experiments are going to go wrong, and 90% of the time nobody will be able to tell the difference between something that went wrong because I screwed up and something that... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Scientist at 3:35 PM on November 3, 2011
Ask MeFi post: This really won't let me go. Please be my internet friends and counsel me.
1. Forgive yourself. Forgive your past self. You didn't know how to be responsible - that's disappointing. But no one got hurt! You slacked off on trivial responsibilities. That's the up side. You made a minor social mistake while still young, just like lots of people. You have the chance to learn from it, to be gradually more responsible and more thoughtful about the responsibilities you take on. What you did was tiny and ordinary. No one should feel bad about... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:22 AM on November 1, 2011
MeFi post: "He is, it goes without saying, a popular, popular man at dinner parties."
> Yeah, I imagine it's near impossible to eat a lethal dose of cannabis.

Maybe, but don't kid yourself.

If anyone needs any volunteers for test subjects I'm certainly willing to try. You know, for science.

I've yet to achieve this theoretical-to-me "too stoned" state and it's certainly not from a lack of trying. So far the biggest danger has been eating too much ice cream or cookies or... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by loquacious at 11:12 AM on October 16, 2011
Ask MeFi post: Help me find a prose reading for my best friend's wedding!
Not exactly what you wanted, but I think of Hermann Hesse when I read the question:

"One never reaches home,' she said. 'But where paths that have an affinity for each other intersect, the whole world looks like home, for a time.'"
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kcm at 9:21 AM on September 22, 2011
MeFi post: Orange safety vests may be worn by men and young girls, they bring too much attention to ladies.
I am always amused by people who think they can out-lawyer God

Right now I'm reading book 16 in Susanna Gregory's medieval Cambridge books. The Killer of Pilgrims revolves about the badges that pilgrims could buy from sacred shrines throughout Christendom. These tokens, or signacula, were said to have various properties-- from pardoning sins to automatic entry into heaven. There is one scene which has a widow demanding her... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:01 PM on August 27, 2011
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