MetaFilter

Many of my previous jobs have been random assignments I took to pay the bills. There was no career plan. ... I absolutely do not want to settle for just anything again.

I want to encourage you to reframe this in order to build your confidence and present yourself well to potential employers. While it's true that some people set a career plan in place and just tick off the mile markers as their career speeds forward as planned, that is becoming more... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Bentobox Humperdinck at 12:09 PM on February 24, 2015

It's now much harder to read real AskMe seriously...
It's now much harder to take books and movies seriously. How am I going to read a book or watch a movie ever again without framing it in my head as an AskMe post?
posted to MetaTalk by emilypdx at 2:11 PM on April 1, 2014

Unreliable narrator is maybe not quite what you're after, but it so close that I'm having a hard time thinking of stories that fit what you're looking for and don't have unreliable narrators.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kagredon at 11:32 AM on April 1, 2014

256, if you want a really, really mean April Fool's Day prank, there's always: Breaking: Netflix to Relaunch FIREFLY


Those people are going to the special hell.
posted to MetaTalk by zarq at 6:32 AM on April 1, 2014

I went into this from mbrubeck's link, so I knew it was a joke. But it took me about 5 questions to get that these were media references. Up until that point, I thought the mods were just, like, doing us. As in, just straight up making fun of the most annoying questions they see posted to AskMe.

Hey, look at me, I'm Ask Metafilter, "Should I cheat on my husband with his best friend who has a drinking problem and a history of violence, or focus on kicking... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by 256 at 5:36 AM on April 1, 2014

I am blushing because I flagged something.

It's actually genuinely comforting to see the system working even when it doesn't need to.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 10:04 PM on March 31, 2014

This metatalk thread confirms that I am not insane! Or at least not insane in one particular way!
posted to MetaTalk by Kwine at 9:34 PM on March 31, 2014

You'll be pleased to learn that almost every car has a book. Two, in fact. The Haynes Manual and the Chilton's Manual. These are available at any auto parts store and also on the usual book sellers like Amazon. Just look for the one on your specific vehicle.

The great thing about these books is that they tell you how to do almost everything, and also they tell you when to go to a real mechanic. So if your car isn't starting, head to the troubleshooting section and check... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fake at 11:06 PM on August 7, 2011 marked best answer

Here are some recipes that I've been working on, best taken in sequence.

#1: Bourbon.
2 fl. oz. Bourbon
Drink neat, chase with:

#2: Bourbon.
2 fl. oz. Bourbon.
Drink neat, chase with:

#3: Bourbon & Coke
2 fl. oz. Bourbon
6 fl. oz. Coca Cola
Mix, stir lightly, and consume, stopping to order:

#4: Bourbon.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by The White Hat at 2:58 PM on August 6, 2011

Whatever you do, don't go, "I'm thinking of getting into a V with my roommate. What do you think?" and then listen thoughtfully through a discussion, and then say, "Okay, thanks for your time OH BY THE WAY WE ALREADY DID IT." That is not respectful of your friend's opinion and the time your friend has put into thinking carefully about you.

Not that I have any experience with this or anything.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Madamina at 7:32 AM on August 5, 2011

Oh for heaven's sake.... I've got to call bull on this. Look, if you're a) hot, and b) sitting in front of a fan, do you feel hotter? Or do you feel cooler? It's as simple as that.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by easily confused at 4:07 PM on August 3, 2011

Metafilter: Seemed Dumb But Not Pressingly So.
posted to MetaTalk by marxchivist at 6:41 PM on August 1, 2011

If she doesn't make a meta complaining about an unfair deletion she's missing a golden opportunity.
posted to MetaTalk by Poet_Lariat at 2:41 AM on August 1, 2011

I have made a card for people getting married that has the first few steps of the proton-proton chain in solar fusion on the front and an inscription inside along the lines of "This equation represents the permanent joining together of two bodies; it is ultimately responsible for all life on Earth. May you too be joined together forever and bring life to the world."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by alby at 1:33 PM on July 31, 2011 marked best answer

Nobody in his right mind would have made that joke, cortex.

Are you suggesting I'm crazy? Crazy for being so punny?

Crazy? Crazy because my joke blew? Crazy for riffing? Crazy for whiffing? Crazy for "ugh"iiinng yooouu?
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 4:31 PM on July 26, 2011

I think the best way to do it would be totally anonymously. Write a little note, wrap it in a $20 and go find a hat to drop it in.

But. I agree that a better tactic in terms of return on investment would be a low paid service worker. When I was a kid my single mom worked in a diner to barely squeak through school. Some guy tipped her the change of a $50 for a piece of pie and a cup of coffee - his tab had been less than a dollar. She chased him out thinking it had been a... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dirtdirt at 6:23 PM on July 25, 2011

So you're comparing metatalk to garbage?

MetaTalk : We're only happy when it rains.
posted to MetaTalk by mannequito at 1:27 PM on July 22, 2011

Noticing a pattern is *exactly* the same as going through my neighbour's bins

It's EXACTLY THE SAME as going through your neighbour's bins in the crepuscular gloom and finding a severed human arm tossed casually among seemingly infinite numbers of cardboard boxes from a disreputable chinese take-away, and thinking to yourself, "my God! Jankovitz has killed again - I knew he could not be trusted, that his lust for murder and dismemberment would out... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:51 AM on July 22, 2011

Tackling angels on the head of a pin is never advisable. Just trust me on this.
posted to MetaTalk by owtytrof at 1:57 PM on July 22, 2011

I had a lot of trouble parsing this post, especially as when I finally worked out what it was about, it turned out to be a little off the wall.
As near as I can tell, you are concerned that somebody seeking advice for how to battle demons in a dream, who was advised to test their dreamworld demon-casting abilities by drinking poison, might somehow die (as a result of drinking dream poison, or by drinking real poison "if they are having a bad day") and then the police will... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by bystander at 1:21 AM on July 22, 2011

If you're at all like me, then the anxiety associated with anticipating a big life change will be way worse than the change itself. You know all the pleasures and advantages of your old life; the new life, however much promise it may hold, is fundamentally unknown to you right now, and leaping into the unknown can be scary and stressful. Try to remember a time in the past when you took a leap and everything turned out all right. Tell yourself as often as you need to that... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Orinda at 7:31 PM on July 20, 2011

Dear askme: there's a big shard of glass in my foot, and it hurts like the dickens when I walk. How can I stop the pain?

PS DO NOT TELL ME TO REMOVE THE GLASS SHARD
posted to MetaTalk by the bricabrac man at 9:17 AM on July 20, 2011

I think the husband would run into trouble trying to explain where he got the baby from long before the coma was done.

Regardless, he's got an appointment with the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique somewhere down the road.
posted to MetaTalk by Alvy Ampersand at 7:09 PM on July 15, 2011

Ironmouth, why do you keep repeating that over and over as if a dozen other people hadn't already told the OP to talk to a lawyer before you ever showed up in the thread?

I think in this case he repeated his point because it is being energetically mocked.
posted to MetaTalk by furiousxgeorge at 1:47 PM on July 15, 2011

A friend of mine went to meet up with a guy after chatting and exchanging photos online. She got there, saw him, and said "Hi, Mike?" He turned around, saw her, and denied he was Mike. She knows it was him; she had his picture. He had hers, too, a recent one. So for the 30 minute drive home, she gets to think on what about her -- that is not apparent in a photo -- could be so repulsive that this guy would decline even to meet her.

This guy,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by pH Indicating Socks at 10:00 PM on July 19, 2011

The woman goes into a 10 year coma, the guy abandons her, takes the kid to another state, she wakes up with amnesia and has no idea she was even pregnant.

Finally the discussion turns to the important issues.
posted to MetaTalk by gerryblog at 11:14 AM on July 15, 2011

I can't take credit for any of stuff you've gotten help for but I'll be damned if that's going to stop me so YOU ARE WELCOME! GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE LIVING A HAPPIER LIFE!

We need schmoopy to remind us not to be so damn cool all the time, that it's ok to show your vulnerabilities and flaws. And gratitude, expressing gratitude can never be wrong.
posted to MetaTalk by Foci for Analysis at 9:07 PM on July 18, 2011

And also, there are a lot of people out there who view their almosts and the people who had crushes on them as a sort of relationship-bank, from whence they can extract admiration and sex when they get bored. You were an "almost" to this guy - that chubby girl who had such a crush on him. He probably has not nurtured some kind of secret passion for you all along, or been secretly thinking "oh, if only she were prettier!" (and even if he were thinking... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:39 AM on July 19, 2011

"Jeremy Clarkson got his painful scrotum injury with this one weird trick! Click here!"
posted to MetaTalk by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:29 PM on July 16, 2011

I remember The Snarks. They lived under the sea, and they had those funny heads with a tube on top.
posted to MetaTalk by katillathehun at 12:27 PM on July 17, 2011

A male pony at that

Admit it, dear reader - you too scrolled back to check.
posted to MetaTalk by DreamerFi at 12:40 AM on July 17, 2011

the moderators are jessamyn, cortex, mathowie, pb, restless_nomad, and sometimes vacapinta.

vacapinta: the "y" of the mod team.
posted to MetaTalk by mendel at 9:13 AM on July 15, 2011

I can go over there and be less popular than you, if that will help.
posted to MetaTalk by louche mustachio at 3:59 AM on July 14, 2011

Relevant:

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live. It is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
— Oscar Wilde
posted to Ask MetaFilter by polymodus at 6:59 PM on July 16, 2011

Plannedchaos well versed in the precendent of Rubber v. Glue.
posted to MetaFilter by anazgnos at 7:47 AM on April 15, 2011

Still smells like scam.

Go find the publicly available phone number for this embassy, call *that* number, and ask to speak to the person you spoke to.

From now on I'll answer all my unknown callers with "American Embassy, New Jersey."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ellenaim at 1:37 PM on February 17, 2011

I say we cannonize Pope Guilty,

it's 'canonize,' actually, unless you want to fire him from artillery.
posted to MetaTalk by jonmc at 9:40 AM on February 13, 2011

Metafilter: The rule is: do not do that.
posted to MetaTalk by l33tpolicywonk at 8:09 AM on February 14, 2011

Now quick, go get a chisel and a hammer, and also some nail polish, wire, screwdrivers, thermite, magnesium tape, channel locks, a reciprocating saw, three other locks and knobs, some Laffy Taffy, and a can of that compressed air.

Then lock yourself back in and we can work on REALLY getting you out.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by klangklangston at 2:24 PM on October 7, 2009

HOORAY FOR JIGGLING!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by craven_morhead at 2:22 PM on October 7, 2009

We have SLYT posts of cats riding turtles

The turtle was chasing the cat.

The monkey was riding the pig. Backwards. On a pig. Baby monkey.
posted to MetaTalk by ActingTheGoat at 4:33 PM on February 15, 2011

I personally like this quote:

" If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned."

- Epictetus
posted to Ask MetaFilter by 7life at 3:50 PM on February 11, 2011

Seconding Anatoly: it's what you put in the wok that matters.

I also recommend staying away from ready-made sauces. Once you have the ingredients it's really not hard to make your own and many of them are quite simple: soy sauce, sherry, cornstarch, a little sesame oil.

I think these bottled sauces are worse than nothing. A classic but unpretentious stir-fry starts by marinating the meat in one sauce, then partially cooking the meat and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Quietgal at 10:28 AM on February 11, 2011

I just foolishly assumed that the hookup was the next logical step towards a relationship. Is that not the case?

Not necessarily. I know that it can be really confusing when you've already got emotions invested in the friendship, but...a friendship plus sex is only "friends with benefits". That's what the "benefits" refers to -- "we're friends who fuck now and then, but we're not dating".

A... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by EmpressCallipygos at 12:44 PM on February 11, 2011

I think it's safe to say that of all of the AskMes tagged with "erotic", this is my least favorite.
posted to MetaTalk by burnmp3s at 4:21 AM on March 4, 2008

I think princeofpersiaxz is a dick, too, but it was hilarious to see everyone completely fail at "flagging and moving on" and then vigorously tell him what was wrong with him.

Ask MetaFilter: Serving your need for both altruism and your need to lecture people over the Internet!
posted to MetaTalk by ignignokt at 3:24 AM on March 4, 2008

I have never seen such admiration for an activity that is an outright violation of an American law

Well, we like to fuck. And a lot of us are Americans so we like to spend money frivolously. Two and two, dude.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Roman Graves at 1:34 AM on March 4, 2008

donate the money to the Humane Society or Darfur

They have to game a website on the Internet! THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON SHIT LIKE ABUSED ANIMALS AND GENOCIDE.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by secret about box at 12:27 AM on March 4, 2008

THE POSTS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE
posted to MetaTalk by Countess Elena at 9:18 AM on January 18, 2009

MetaTalk: Your husband's trying to kill you. No, your huband's trying to kill you.
posted to MetaTalk by Wolfdog at 9:08 AM on January 18, 2009