Balls!!!
July 28, 2011 1:37 PM Subscribe
By Theo Olesen. If the driver's license on that site is true, he is about a month shy of 18.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:41 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:41 PM on July 28, 2011
Fuckwit's Olde-Time Family Eatery?
posted by Bromius at 1:42 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Bromius at 1:42 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Gonna have to get into the foreign languages, or he's in trouble.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mrgrimm at 1:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's a girl on etsy who does something similar, except on dainty old teacups.
posted by elizardbits at 1:49 PM on July 28, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 1:49 PM on July 28, 2011 [8 favorites]
I have no idea why on earth I thought that link might be remotely safe for work.
posted by Zophi at 1:50 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Zophi at 1:50 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
There's a girl on etsy who does something similar, except on dainty old teacups.
Imagine getting this from the in-laws ಠ_ಠ
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:54 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Imagine getting this from the in-laws ಠ_ಠ
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:54 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
His font for c*nt is both flamboyant and now-you-read-me, now-you-don't!
Well done, lad.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 1:55 PM on July 28, 2011
Well done, lad.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 1:55 PM on July 28, 2011
I'm probably just being prudish, but this seems to me like the worst of the internet.
posted by jwhite1979 at 1:55 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by jwhite1979 at 1:55 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I want this guy to make an international swear-of-the-day tear-off desk calendar.
I'd buy several.
posted by cmyk at 1:58 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'd buy several.
posted by cmyk at 1:58 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'm probably being tolerant and tickled. but this seems like the best of the internet.
posted by found missing at 2:02 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by found missing at 2:02 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Where are the t-shirts?
posted by reductiondesign at 2:03 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by reductiondesign at 2:03 PM on July 28, 2011
on a shirt.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:06 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by iamkimiam at 2:06 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
i kind of want to print all these out, frame them, and hang them up all around my apartment. not sure my roommates would be that into it though!
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Looking forward to "santorum"
posted by found missing at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by found missing at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2011 [5 favorites]
I feel like I'm seeing the previews for the next six months of every forum board that allows images.
posted by straight at 2:09 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by straight at 2:09 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I can't see the word as written "c*nt" without picturing a little anus in the middle, making the whole thing slightly more obscene than it originally was.
posted by griphus at 2:10 PM on July 28, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by griphus at 2:10 PM on July 28, 2011 [6 favorites]
I kind of want to print them all out and then hold them up at meetings when it's "appropriate." Not sure my boss would be into it though.
posted by grapesaresour at 2:11 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by grapesaresour at 2:11 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I remember there was a comedy book from the 1980s in England which had a list "The World's Naughtiest Words". Right at the bottom: "THATCHER".
posted by Jehan at 2:16 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Jehan at 2:16 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
A lot of those aren't swear words or expletives at all. "Vajayjay" is a horrible cutesy euphemism for a word that isn't a swear word; "schlong" is a Yiddishism; "splooge" is a euphemism. Nobody but a non-native speaker would any of these as an ejaculation (ha) and nobody but the fussiest Sunday-school teacher would consider them seriously offensive.
posted by RogerB at 2:18 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by RogerB at 2:18 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
On that Etsy side, "Fecker" and "Gaybo" made me think of Hall and Oates for no reason I can ascertain.
posted by davejay at 2:22 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by davejay at 2:22 PM on July 28, 2011
We have a prolific tagger here in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle we refer to as "Shitbarf", because, well, that's what he writes everywhere. Distinctively. Shitbarf has spawned a minor (very minor) cult following. I have a couple of friends who document the shitbarves, photographing them every time they find a new one (more frequent than you might expect). And someone wh was clearly not Shitbarf sprayed a large graffito on a wall near my friend's apartment expressing his/her desire for Shitbarf to provide him/her with sexual favors, the wording of which I do not precisely remember.
There's a pretty ridiculous song called "Christfuck" by, oh, some band I am not currently going to look up. "Christfuck" has become one of my most regularly used swear words. (I also accidentally played the song at my wedding reception, and spent a few slightly odd minutes talking realllly loudly to my shiny new in-laws so they wouldn't pay attention to the music.)
What I'm sayin' is, while an international version might be good, kid's got plenty of room to play in the English language before it really becomes a problem to find more words to illustrate. And yeah, some of them are not *real* curse words. But those are a lot more limited.
Puts me in mind of a long-ago friend's pretty little cross-stitch sampler that said "Kill whitey." I am of the generation which finds these things funny. Not entirely thrilled about that fact, but there you go.
posted by Because at 2:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [7 favorites]
There's a pretty ridiculous song called "Christfuck" by, oh, some band I am not currently going to look up. "Christfuck" has become one of my most regularly used swear words. (I also accidentally played the song at my wedding reception, and spent a few slightly odd minutes talking realllly loudly to my shiny new in-laws so they wouldn't pay attention to the music.)
What I'm sayin' is, while an international version might be good, kid's got plenty of room to play in the English language before it really becomes a problem to find more words to illustrate. And yeah, some of them are not *real* curse words. But those are a lot more limited.
Puts me in mind of a long-ago friend's pretty little cross-stitch sampler that said "Kill whitey." I am of the generation which finds these things funny. Not entirely thrilled about that fact, but there you go.
posted by Because at 2:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [7 favorites]
Richard can download a fancy name plate for his desk.
posted by Cranberry at 2:47 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by Cranberry at 2:47 PM on July 28, 2011
"Schlong" is just one of many wonderful yiddish words for "penis." there's also "schmuck,"
"schvantz," "Putz," "schmeckel" "schtickel" "petzel;" There are probably others.
posted by longsleeves at 2:50 PM on July 28, 2011
"schvantz," "Putz," "schmeckel" "schtickel" "petzel;" There are probably others.
posted by longsleeves at 2:50 PM on July 28, 2011
RogerB, I would say that all of these aren't allowed in school - probably his definition of a 'swear word' (mine too). Try saying "and then his schlong splooged into the vajayjay" to a teacher.
Bonus points for not giggling uncontrollable. Seriously schlong splooged into the vajayjay hahahahahahahahahaha
posted by Chipmazing at 3:16 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Bonus points for not giggling uncontrollable. Seriously schlong splooged into the vajayjay hahahahahahahahahaha
posted by Chipmazing at 3:16 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I put the juvenile in Juvenal.
posted by Chipmazing at 3:17 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Chipmazing at 3:17 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I agree that "vajayay" isn't a swear, but that design needs to be set in a diamond-shaped sign like Las Vegas has.
WELCOME
to fabulous
*V*A*J*A*Y*J*A*Y*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:24 PM on July 28, 2011 [9 favorites]
WELCOME
to fabulous
*V*A*J*A*Y*J*A*Y*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:24 PM on July 28, 2011 [9 favorites]
They're lovely, and they cheered me immensely. Nice contract between pretty graphics and rude words. I think I may use them as inspiration for a graphic of TheoraFuckingFifty-Five. I am too lazy to embroider this on a pillow.
posted by theora55 at 3:29 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by theora55 at 3:29 PM on July 28, 2011
You know those Chinatown calligraphy banners? Where they write your name, with colorful letters made of dolphins and butterflies? The non-English speaking calligraphers usually ask you to write your name on a piece of paper for them to transcribe. A friend of mine has purchased several of these words that way.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:44 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's a girl on etsy who does something similar, except on dainty old teacups.
A friend of mine did smething similar, taking outlines of local graffitti and scanning it, then printing on to small porcelain coffee mugs. I have an excellent basic line drawing of a bending lady being rear ended with the immortal commentary, 'Me and you, harder'.
posted by biffa at 3:51 PM on July 28, 2011
A friend of mine did smething similar, taking outlines of local graffitti and scanning it, then printing on to small porcelain coffee mugs. I have an excellent basic line drawing of a bending lady being rear ended with the immortal commentary, 'Me and you, harder'.
posted by biffa at 3:51 PM on July 28, 2011
The vajayjay one looks like the title screen of a 1960s game show. It also evokes the Wonder Bread package.
posted by mdonley at 3:56 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by mdonley at 3:56 PM on July 28, 2011
There's a girl on etsy who does something similar, except on dainty old teacups.
OK, I read "ecstasy" for "etsy" a-and wanted to meet that girl.
posted by chavenet at 4:00 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
OK, I read "ecstasy" for "etsy" a-and wanted to meet that girl.
posted by chavenet at 4:00 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was kind of hoping they would be oaths -- like "zoonds," "gadzooks," and "by Jupiter." Real swearing, none of this mere obscenity.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:13 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:13 PM on July 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
The vajayjay one looks like the title screen of a 1960s game show.
I've been a contestant on that show. What a disaster. Even after I found the buzzer, I had trouble making it work.
Now I just play the home game.
posted by Kabanos at 4:21 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
I've been a contestant on that show. What a disaster. Even after I found the buzzer, I had trouble making it work.
Now I just play the home game.
posted by Kabanos at 4:21 PM on July 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
I was kind of hoping they would be oaths -- like "zoonds," "gadzooks," and "by Jupiter."
Argh, now I want a nice antique amphora that says JUPITER'S COCK in lovely copperplate script.
fucking Spartacus i can't even
posted by elizardbits at 4:23 PM on July 28, 2011 [5 favorites]
Argh, now I want a nice antique amphora that says JUPITER'S COCK in lovely copperplate script.
fucking Spartacus i can't even
posted by elizardbits at 4:23 PM on July 28, 2011 [5 favorites]
This will not be remotely complete until he adds:
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit!
posted by bwg at 4:39 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sheeeeeeeeeeeit!
posted by bwg at 4:39 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I <3 that Vajayjay one. Amazingpants.
A while ago, my friends and I came to the conclusion that when one bedazzles one's vajayjay, one then has a vajizzle.
posted by LMGM at 4:48 PM on July 28, 2011
A while ago, my friends and I came to the conclusion that when one bedazzles one's vajayjay, one then has a vajizzle.
posted by LMGM at 4:48 PM on July 28, 2011
I wonder if he does requests?
I've been using "crotch!" as an expletive for a while now, and it might look nice in my new apt.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:48 PM on July 28, 2011
I've been using "crotch!" as an expletive for a while now, and it might look nice in my new apt.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:48 PM on July 28, 2011
My high school biology teacher would curse with a deadpan "feces" or "female dog."
posted by HeroZero at 6:28 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by HeroZero at 6:28 PM on July 28, 2011
I live in a tourist town that caters to cruise ships. One of the docks is right next to a mountain face of rock. It is the custom here for each new ship that comes into port to paint their ship name and line and sometimes the captain's name on the rock face (sounds horrible to some, but there are historical reasons). Some enterprising person has graffitied BALLS! here and there at random places, and for some reason it just cracks me up every time I see it. I mean really, why balls, why that? It just seems so random for a swear or some kind of commentary. I really wish I knew why they chose that word. BALLS!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 7:21 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 7:21 PM on July 28, 2011
a large graffito on a wall near my friend's apartment expressing his/her desire for Shitbarf to provide him/her with sexual favors, the wording of which I do not precisely remember.
All you Shitbarf suck my balls?
As for the subject of this post, I know that a lot of these will become attachments to my work emails.
I wonder if they take requests. An ex who lived in Budapest for a time told me the dirtiest thing she ever heard was a Hungarian expression that translates to--and I apologize to everyone in advance--"Oh God, stop slapping me in my face with your cock that's covered in shit from fucking Jesus."
Imagine that on a cross-titch.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:41 PM on July 28, 2011
All you Shitbarf suck my balls?
As for the subject of this post, I know that a lot of these will become attachments to my work emails.
I wonder if they take requests. An ex who lived in Budapest for a time told me the dirtiest thing she ever heard was a Hungarian expression that translates to--and I apologize to everyone in advance--"Oh God, stop slapping me in my face with your cock that's covered in shit from fucking Jesus."
Imagine that on a cross-titch.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:41 PM on July 28, 2011
in 1978 I got in severe trouble over doing something very similar to this, though then it was my tech drawing textbook not the internet. Guess it wasn't my time.
posted by the noob at 10:14 PM on July 28, 2011
posted by the noob at 10:14 PM on July 28, 2011
Oh man. The plural shitbarves busted me right up.
posted by Lou Stuells at 10:20 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Lou Stuells at 10:20 PM on July 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just found my new desktop.
oh please it would make such a glorious shirt oh please oh please
posted by lekvar at 10:30 PM on July 28, 2011
oh please it would make such a glorious shirt oh please oh please
posted by lekvar at 10:30 PM on July 28, 2011
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