dispatches from the outer edges of sanity

July 2, 2021 6:15 AM

I Learned How to Cope with Agoraphobia. The Pandemic Eroded It All – Talia Lavin (previously) writes for Vice about having to "face the crippling fears I avoided for more than a year" as the country reopens for “Hot Vax Summer”
posted by bitteschoen (9 comments total)

This hits home for me, as I recently started therapy for social anxiety. I thought I had a handle on my social anxiety, pre-pandemic, but I realized a couple months ago that, no. No I do not. All the skills I learned, all my coping strategies, they all withered and died due to a year-plus in near isolation, and I can't let it keep being a problem.
posted by SansPoint at 7:23 AM on July 2, 2021 [6 favorites]

I had jury duty in June. The first day I made sure to take my Buspar. The second day I forgot. Not good. Right about lunch time I had a very bad panic attack. The whole thought of being on a jury, judging facts, maybe changing someone's life forever just hit me so hard. One of the deputies asked me if I needed a paramedic, I was shaking so badly. I told her what was happening and she spoke to the judge. I was dismissed.

Even thinking about it now makes me uncomfortable.
posted by Splunge at 8:19 AM on July 2, 2021 [14 favorites]

I've been through this. Her description is accurate and evocative.

I was heartened by the last two paragraphs. Sounds like she's done the really hard part already, the rest is merely excruciating.

People recover from this. PEOPLE RECOVER FROM THIS. The tragedy of anxiety and panic disorders in general, and agoraphobia in particular is that they are very treatable BUT their precise symptoms make seeking treatment and accepting treatment literally the scariest things in the world. She was spot on when she described avoiding another panic attack at all costs as a fully rational pursuit. It feels like that, even though it is not, in fact, rational.

If anyone out there is feeling this way, all I can say is, like, don't wait 20 years?

I didn't regress too much during the pandemic, probably because I'm years into my recovery and I've had time to develop a stable network. Also, we weren't hit that hard where I am. I've been quite fortunate.

On preview:

SansPoint: good for you for seeking treatment, I'm proud of you!

Splunge: I'm sorry that happened to you. Even though it ended in a panic attack, you still tried! I'm proud of you too! Also, I have a little capsule on my key chain that contains 1mg of Xanax, which I haven't actually needed in almost 7 years but I still keep out of habit. It helps in cases of forgetting.
posted by Horkus at 8:32 AM on July 2, 2021 [13 favorites]

Stories like this are especially frightening when they note that their disease worsened later in life. As someone who's prone to anxiety issues, I used to comfort myself with "At least it's not agoraphobia".

So much for that. I guess we'll just wait and see.
posted by hwyengr at 8:33 AM on July 2, 2021

This is quite minor, but at the very very beginning of the pandemic when we were all still learning a great deal, I took to heart the warnings to stay indoors unless absolutely necessary (back when it seemed this might be all over in a couple of weeks). I spent six days without leaving my house, the longest stretch of my life by probably four days or so. On the sixth, I took a garbage bag to the curb and as I stepped outside I was overcome with a brief vertiginous wave of anxiety at the vast dome of the sky above me. It passed in a few seconds but for a moment there I was terrified.

I feel for those who live with agoraphobia.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:15 AM on July 2, 2021 [6 favorites]

My wife has anxiety disorder and agoraphobia, and despite 20 years of successful recovery, has also found both making a very unwanted comeback over the last year. Even just walking across the street alone to the CVS is currently a struggle.
posted by briank at 10:11 AM on July 2, 2021 [4 favorites]

This article hit home for me. I am fortunate not to have suffered to the same extent as the author.

One thing that I felt that wasn't in this article was the grim relief I felt at the start of the pandemic. I had the strong sense that I didn't have to face my fears for a while and I could stay inside. Things are a bit better for me now, but there are days where I struggle with working out whether it's a net benefit for me to try to face the world and fail or to stay inside.
posted by mnfn at 10:13 AM on July 2, 2021 [3 favorites]

I hope no one is feeling bad or guilty about losing progress they had made, or having depression or social anxiety, or anything, worsen, since 2019. Of course that happened, what did people think would happen? It is not anyone's fault, especially not yours. You did great. You navigated an ordeal that is almost unprecedented in our lifetimes. You got hit (we all did) with a truckload of stress, fear, isolation, uncertainty, new difficulties in parenting, all kinds of things.
posted by thelonius at 12:39 PM on July 2, 2021 [14 favorites]

Thank you for sharing this, my disability is from physical rather than mental illness but this resonated with me so much: I’ve toyed with describing myself as disabled (the Social Security Administration recognizes agoraphobia as such), although I rarely do so in public—partially out of shame, or a fear of stolen valor from those whose disabilities are physical and visible, or a fear that accepting this designation means I will never get better.
posted by ellieBOA at 4:23 AM on July 5, 2021