"Gently does it: Mild sex can halve the risk of a heart attack"

November 28, 2000 9:52 AM

"Gently does it: Mild sex can halve the risk of a heart attack" That's right, ladies and gentlemen - even pointless, lacklustre, unimaginative, dreary, workaday, missionary, vanilla sex with someone you are bored with can have tremendous health benefits. So get out there today and actively pursue some mild sex today!
posted by barbelith (9 comments total)

If you need help getting aroused, you can always watch E! Online's Mild On ... series.
posted by dhartung at 9:58 AM on November 28, 2000

Yeah, but it hasn't been the same ever sine Jules Asner left.
posted by tiaka at 10:10 AM on November 28, 2000

Unfortunately, Dick Cheney has for years misread this advice and has avidly pursued wild sex, leading to four heart attacks and thirty-nine solicitation arrests. (That last fact may bear only a Drudge-like glancing relationship to the truth.)

Well, that's it. I creeped myself out. I'm going to go boil myself now.
posted by Skot at 10:29 AM on November 28, 2000

Ew... please don't use the words "Dick Cheney" and "wild sex" together in the same sentence again. You've just ruined my day.
posted by PWA_BadBoy at 10:51 AM on November 28, 2000

I just love the fact that Dick Cheney was the obvious model for Richard Dreyfuss's raving Senator in The American President. Every time I see him I think of that.
posted by dhartung at 11:30 AM on November 28, 2000

So get out there today and actively pursue some mild sex today!

I'd love to.

Volunteers cheefully accepted.
posted by baylink at 11:43 AM on November 28, 2000

Will "Dick Cheney" replace "Ernest Borgnine" as the universal standard phrase for killing sexual interest?
posted by plinth at 11:47 AM on November 28, 2000

Let's not forget Janet Reno. That'll do it every time.
posted by timothompson at 12:08 PM on November 28, 2000

Actually, Abe Vigoda replaced Ernest Borgnine as the USP/KSI* several years ago (it was about the time Star Trek cast Jeri Ryan as a Borg called Seven of Nine... and I'd thought the trekkers were incapable of irony). Current runners-up are Danny DeVito and Kathie Lee Gifford.

For the Political USP/KSI, Janet Reno replaced Strom Thurmond back in mid-93, but Dick Cheney (whose name does sound somewhat like a conditon requiring ointment) is a strong contender.


*universal standard phrase for killing sexual interest
posted by wendell at 3:57 PM on November 28, 2000