Urinating Rosé into a Wine Glass

May 19, 2017 8:57 PM

Fashionable Flasks: Cosmo tests the latest in women's flasks. But not the tampon flask.
posted by jacquilynne (24 comments total)

I think the moral is to stick with whites for any flask that makes it look like you're urinating.
posted by ckape at 9:37 PM on May 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

On the other hand, if you went with a red, they might be concerned enough for your health to forget that you just peed in the middle of a Starbucks.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:45 PM on May 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

Ahh...Spencer's...in my local American mall, the first novelty franchise I experienced to blur the demographics of Adult and Child and exploit the growing discretionary income of teenagers. Whoopee cushions, pin-up posters, infinity lights...the place exuded sex. Good times.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 9:53 PM on May 19, 2017 [7 favorites]

Nothing says "fashionable" like blood-warm booze awkwardly nipped from a plastic bladder. (Upon typing, surprised this isn't an Ab-Fab quote, and now questioning whether it isn't).
posted by Graygorey at 10:46 PM on May 19, 2017 [7 favorites]

What do you pair with watermelon?
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:59 PM on May 19, 2017 [2 favorites]

When I was growing up, lady drunks drank likker; no mucking about with all this wine jazz like an altar boy.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:40 PM on May 19, 2017 [15 favorites]

Truly; if I had only 3 oz on my wrist, I wouldn't be filling it with rose.
posted by batter_my_heart at 12:13 AM on May 20, 2017 [22 favorites]

Historically the flask was invented for the European working and middle class who couldn't afford the dedicated drinking staff of the upper class.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:20 AM on May 20, 2017 [4 favorites]

At a regional burn once, a nice French lady offered me alcohol supplementation with whiskey distributed via a supplemental nursing system.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:25 AM on May 20, 2017 [4 favorites]

My mother was in the debutante social circle of Houston, TX in the 1950s. One weekend they took a field trip to New Orleans, I think for parties around Mardi Gras. They had pre-arranged dance cards for the ball. The gentlemen gave gifts to the ladies they danced with. Mostly tokens. But it was traditional for the gift for the first dance to be a hip flask. A silver hip flask, full of bourbon. Because a lady could not go to the bar for a drink, that would not be appropriate, but no one expected the poor things to go through the evening sober.
posted by Nelson at 5:57 AM on May 20, 2017 [24 favorites]

Can any of these get through airline security?
posted by MtDewd at 8:44 AM on May 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

Can any of these get through airline security?

No, but it makes getting through airline security bearable.
posted by Fizz at 9:37 AM on May 20, 2017

That part in the video when she yawns in the meeting and needs a quick wine pick-me-up? I barely ever drink but I don't remember ever thinking "wow, this alcohol sure wakes me up!!" I must be doing it wrong.
posted by artychoke at 9:37 AM on May 20, 2017 [3 favorites]

Think of your body as a flask. And you're halfway there.
posted by Fizz at 9:38 AM on May 20, 2017 [7 favorites]

Think of your body as a flask. And you're halfway there.

Can any of these get through airline security?

No, but it makes getting through airline security bearable.

Amen. Last time I flew from YYZ back to YVR I poured my coworker's leftover scotch into a 250ml aluminum water bottle.

Just made sure to finish it before getting to the front of the line - yep, empty bottle. No liquids.
posted by porpoise at 10:29 AM on May 20, 2017 [1 favorite]

Carrying three bottles of wine around with you would be heavy! I can think of a few places I'd have used these as a student.

I can think of more places I'd use them now.
posted by Braeburn at 12:17 PM on May 20, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just buy tiny bottles, MtDewd, but remember they should still be sealed. I think the FAA might prohibit drinking alcohol not served by the airline, just because the U.S. is a screwed up puritanical place, but maybe nobody actually cares and outside the U.S. you should be fine.
posted by jeffburdges at 3:11 PM on May 20, 2017

Oranges injected with vodka were, perhaps are, a popular refreshment at UK sporting events where drinking is controlled or proscribed. Similarly, if a member of one's party is or appears to be female, one or more wine box bladders can be removed from their cardboard host and taped around an abdomen to resemble late pregnancy. Bonus at outdoor gigs - once drained, the bladders can be inflated by lung and make remarkably sturdy cushions for the sit-upon.

Some time ago, I arranged to spend a couple of weeks on a friend's farm in rural Sweden. I was going to write the novel during the day, and we were going to spend the evenings drinking. At the time, Sweden had become an EU member but retained its state monopoly on alcohol sales: at that particular juncture, a good bottle of single malt could be exchanged for multiple litres of Forest Star, the extremely good moonshine vodka distilled by independently-minded Swedes.

According to EU rules, I could bring in as much booze as I liked provided it wasn't for commercial use. If I came equipped with sufficient whisky, we could stay nicely afloat for the whole stretch without troubling the Systembolaget. But, alas, I was flying on Ryanair, which had draconian penalties for excess baggage that cut in just above what I needed to take with me in terms of clothes and life impedimenta.

However, there were no weight rules about what you wore onto the flight. I had a huge tweed overcoat with serious storage - including a giant poacher's pocket - and with a little work I managed to fit in four 75cl and two 1l bottles of Scotland's finest - five litres in toto, which hung around my frame like shackles and made me look like a cross between Uncle Monty and a Russian space probe. There was no pretence possible but no rules being broken in those pre-9/11 days, so the check-in and security at Stansted just giggled and waved me through.

The Swedish customs at the rural airport (nowhere near the Stockholm in its name, but massively convenient for the farm, yay loco) had other ideas. I was pulled into The Room and invited to empty my pockets. I'm afraid I rather mugged it up as I extracted one, two, three... oh, here's another, that's four... five and, oh, yes, I forgot, number six, and lined them up nicely on the metal table.

Scowl. Are you aware that we have strict rules about importing alcohol into Sweden?

Yes. But I was under the impression that in the EU there are no limits on personal use.

Are you saying you intend to drink all this yourself?

I'm here for a fortnight. I shall be writing a book.

You're a writer?

Yes.

Shakes head. Points at booze parade. Get this lot out of here.

(Reader, I finished the book, and we finished the booze. But we had to go to the Systembolaget anyway. You wonder why I hate Brexit? Next time: the 40th Birthday Party On The Swedish Farm With The Punch In The 20 Gallon Drum...)
posted by Devonian at 6:46 PM on May 20, 2017 [14 favorites]

Just buy tiny bottles, MtDewd, but remember they should still be sealed. I think the FAA might prohibit drinking alcohol not served by the airline, just because the U.S. is a screwed up puritanical place, but maybe nobody actually cares and outside the U.S. you should be fine.

Just my own anecdata, but I've taken a handful of tiny bottles on my last two flights from New York to Orlando, FL without incident.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:45 AM on May 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

The orange injected with vodka was known in the circles I ran in as a 'Long Kesh orange'. Remand prisoners ( prisoners awaiting trial) in the U.K. Used to be permitted one can of beer a day. That's likely changed. Actual convicts ofcourse had no access to alcoholic beverages.
Side note... all this smuggling information might have been very helpful to Mr. Bannon who I understand accompanied You Know Who to the Very Dry Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:22 AM on May 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Electronic technicians who worked in the oil industry in Libya back in the day tell me that all the sand played merry hell with the tape heads in the data loggers, so much so that many gallons of tape head cleaner had to be shipped out per month.

It said tape head cleaner on the containers, and it certainly cleaned tape heads - as it should do, being a special formulation created in the UK: one part Smirnoff to one part Smirnoff.
posted by Devonian at 12:19 PM on May 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

It said tape head cleaner on the containers, and it certainly cleaned tape heads - as it should do, being a special formulation created in the UK: one part Smirnoff to one part Smirnoff.

See also: Everclear. We'd fill bottles labeled "tape head cleaner" with grain alcohol to get it into the taper's pit back in the old Grateful Dead days.
posted by mikelieman at 12:29 PM on May 21, 2017

You must have been the cleanest 'heads in the gig...
posted by Devonian at 12:37 PM on May 21, 2017

You must have been the cleanest 'heads in the gig...

Actually, it was back in the day when we used Freon-TF for actually cleaning the tape heads. And I didn't drink all that much back then ( didn't have children... ) The grain alcohol just sat in the spares kit in case someone needed it.
posted by mikelieman at 1:19 PM on May 21, 2017