Meet Jane Marie Kroc

August 2, 2015 7:47 AM

There has obviously been a great deal of gossip, rumors and questions about me the past few days. To put them to rest: yes, I am transgender/gender fluid. Janae Marie Kroc, in her own words, is a "Transgender/genderfluid Alpha male/girly girl Lesbian in a male body." She is also a powerlifter, bodybuilder, and strongman competitor who owns several records in the 220lb weight class.

Rumors had swirled for a long time, but now it's official.

Janae's employers, EliteFTS (Dave Tate and Jim Wendler), knew from the beginning. She has had support from within the strength sport community, stating [apologies for citing something called Proteinfart.com]:

At this point I do live my life in both genders but I am still undecided about whether or not to fully transition to living as a female full time ... I told Wendler and Dave Tate at Elitefts when I first signed on and they were and still are very supportive of me as are nearly all of my close friends which comprise the majority of the top lifters in the sport. Ed Coan [THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME -ed.] even recently reached out to me to offer his support.

Janae has been documenting her transition over a year on her Instagram.

Janae has spoken about her personal difficulties with transitioning:

Being a total alpha male and transgender definitely makes me unique even in the transgender community. ... Gender identity and personality tests that I have taken in an effort to figure myself out always indicate that I am both hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine. Exactly what I need to do to be at peace with myself is something I am still not 100% certain of. Transitioning is a very difficult process and even tougher at an oder age (I'm 42). ... And living as a transgender woman that is honest about her situation is very difficult and can be dangerous. I am a very realistic person and I don't think the transitioning will magically solve all of my issues without creating new challenges. Whatever path I choose there will be sacrifices to be made.

Janae is perhaps most famous for the "kroc row," a variation on the dumbbell row which Jim Wendler explained thusly: "Take a weight you can row one time, then row it twenty times." Janae has performed this exercise with ~300lbs.

posted by mrbigmuscles (28 comments total)

Just as a warning, the "Rumors had swirled" link is to a bodybuilding message board. The first page of comments has one or two decent people, but also a lot of hateful, hateful bullshit.
posted by joyceanmachine at 7:52 AM on August 2, 2015 [6 favorites]

The first link is an "about me" with a male name and male pronouns, FYI.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:03 AM on August 2, 2015

It is a joy and delight watching the increasing tidal wave of people saying "I am going to live my life authentically to me, and fuck you sideways if you can't take it." In some ways it reminds me of the celebrity comings-out that started in the 90s... and looking at the speed with which same-gender relationships/rights/representation gained pretty broad mainstream acceptance it gives me hope that we're going to see an accelerated version of that with trans rights.

Course the only way to see that accelerated version is for us cis people to support, support, support.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:10 AM on August 2, 2015 [34 favorites]

First off, more power to her, and kudos to the folks in the powerlifting/bodybuilding community who have been solid for her.
But, wow, how beautifully does this continue the upending our comfortable simplicities when it comes to identity. As she says, being and alpha male and a girly girl all-in-one! Heavens to murgatroyd, that's fascinating (and I'm not in any way trying to reduce Kroc to an "it" . . . I'm just ceaselessly amazed at what it can mean to be human).
posted by pt68 at 8:16 AM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]

It is a joy and delight watching the increasing tidal wave of people saying "I am going to live my life authentically to me, and fuck you sideways if you can't take it."

I couldn't agree more. I definitely don't fully (or maybe even partially) grasp the issues involved, as someone who has never had to struggle or even really think about this, but I do completely support the right of people to deal with it on their own terms and using their own definitions. The sooner we can shift the legal and administrative systems, the better -- right now things are broken out in crazy ways by state in the US, plus an incredibly complicated patchwork of insurers, employers, and so on.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:16 AM on August 2, 2015 [4 favorites]

She's lovely. I'm always so excited when people decide to create the space they need to be themselves.

and fffm is entirely correct that all of us cis folks need to up our game as allies.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:24 AM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]

I don't know which is the bigger feat of strength - 300 lb kroc rows, or transitioning over a public Instagram page with her reputation in the most masculine communities I can think of.

Either way, she looks awesome and I wish her all the best on her new journey.
posted by oceanjesse at 8:30 AM on August 2, 2015 [2 favorites]

wow. the world needs more alpha males like her. no disrespect, but i suppose when one has so excelled at obvious masculinity, with all its support systems and rewards, the next biggest challenge can only be living as a woman. when you reach the top you might as well keep going up.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 9:25 AM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

posted by mrbigmuscles

Eponysteri--

I don't actually have big muscles. It's the name of the first Diablo II character I lost to Hardcore mode. RIP Mrbigmuscles

*coughs awkwardly*
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:29 AM on August 2, 2015 [6 favorites]

Very inspiring. It must take a whole different kind of strength to transition publicly in such a community. I love lifting and weight-training, but I've never been comfortable with the overbearing toxic masculinity of the lifting community. The faster we can get rid of patriarchical concepts like alpha male, the better.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:34 AM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

As the fight over acceptance of homosexuality slowly moves, kicking and screaming, into the annals of history, the next big one will be over gender expression. The more people who come out and visibly live their lives the gender they choose---or even as no gender at all---the quicker we'll come to terms with it, I think.

Good for Jane Marie. She's awesome.
posted by SansPoint at 10:05 AM on August 2, 2015 [7 favorites]

Last night I was flipping tv channels and there was some reality competition where two of the contestants were lesbians married to each other and their sexual orientation was just completely, utterly unremarked upon. No "look how brave they are" or any hint of salaciousness or anything acknowledging that they were not like the other couples. I'm guessing/hoping gender identity will be treated the same in 10-20 years. Maybe sooner.
posted by desjardins at 11:13 AM on August 2, 2015 [7 favorites]

So I've had a few interesting conversations with friends recently about these pictures. It's not something I'm going to get heated up over, but I find it a tiny bit frustrating to hear them described as BRAVE and BOLD and PROUD and all that. I mean, I'll take "She's so brave" over "She's so disgusting." But it still sort of feels like missing the point.

Because when I think of how I felt early in my transition, or of the friends I've seen in that same giddy-hopeful-nervous early transition phase, "brave" just isn't the word that comes to mind.

[…And at this point, the friend I'm talking to steps in and says "Well, you know, when someone is being brave they never feel brave." Which is true. There's an important sense in which real courage is about standing firm and tough on the outside even when you're pants-shittingly terrified on the inside. But honestly, that sense of the word "brave" isn't quite right here either. Like, yes, there are moments of pants-shitting terror when you start transitioning, especially if you're unlucky enough to be dealing with violence or threats, and there are times when you just have to take a deep breath and keep moving. But, unless you're in a profoundly physically or emotionally abusive setting, that's not the dominant emotion.]

It's like the feelings I see expressed in these pictures are on some other axis totally orthogonal to one that runs between boldness and terror. They're smaller, more inward, less theatrical, more mixed feelings — caution, vulnerability, nervous optimism, self-consciousness, the deep but quiet relief of giving up and walking away from a bad situation.

If I had to invoke a Hollywood stereotype for them, it wouldn't be "soldier going into battle" or "unflappable pride parade marshall" or even "un-fuck-withable everyday role model who won't compromise her ideals." It would be… a very shy teenage girl, on her first date with a boy she likes very much, quietly surprised to find that he shares some of her interests and likes listening to her. Or maybe a young woman in an empty new apartment in an unfamiliar city — and it's not the glamorous future she used to dream of, and she's had to accept so many disappointments to get there, but it's real and it's hers. It's not "I have every right to be myself and fuck you if you disagree." It's "Sometimes, on good days, I remember that I deserve kindness too."
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:29 AM on August 2, 2015 [30 favorites]

Anyway, I don't know. I really don't mean this as a slam against anyone here, and I'm so incredibly happy that we've gotten to a point where my cis friends are recognizing these pictures as beautiful and moving. It just reminds me that we look very different to ourselves and each other than we do to a lot of our allies, and that's okay.
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:30 AM on August 2, 2015 [4 favorites]

I guess on reflection it's less "I'm irritated" and more "Weird. That's not how I interpreted that scene in the movie at all."
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:34 AM on August 2, 2015

I clicked on the "Rumors had swirled" link and read a few pages of the thread on the message board.

One thing that struck me is how many people kept saying, basically, "I can understand being gay or lesbian, etc., but I think Kroc is just in denial about [Kroc's] sexuality." There are too many people who try to understand an experience they have never had by likening it to other things they may or may not know anything about. It is about as intelligent as saying "I know I could drive a race car because I'm really good at Mario Kart." It is perfectly acceptable to say you can understand being gay, lesbian, etc., but you can't understand being transgender. If that is your situation, that is okay, and please stop there, rather than ascribe motivations, at random, to someone's decision to transition.

The fact that so many people cannot understand being transgender, and yet can be straight and understand being non-straight, does not mean that being transgender is simply incomprehensible. I am reminded of a conversation I had with a coworker who said "I can understand being gay or lesbian, etc. because that was something I kind of grew up around. My mom said she really couldn't understand it though. I can't really understand what it might be like to be transgender because this is something I've never really been exposed to before." Which isn't to say he has been unkind about my coming out at work in the least, but I bring this example up to say that even good allies seem to have trouble understanding quite where we're coming from. Perhaps because, at this point in time, gender identity isn't even something that is thought about by most people unless you are having difficulties with being whatever gender was assigned to you.

Based on my own experience as a transgender male, I think we unfortunately have a long way to go before the average person who is cis can say they can understand (or want to understand) being transgender and, consequently, the humanity that is inherent in those who are transgender can be recognized. The Trans Panic Defense is still a legal justification for murdering a transgender person, except in California; discrimination based on gender identity is still acceptable in most of the US; I still get odd and/or disgusted looks from people on the street sometimes; and next week, when I go to get my name changed on my driver's license, I am not sure if it will come back with the correct gender on it.

I think there is power in a transgender individual coming out, both for the individual, as well as for the community as a whole. It is a lot harder to be discriminatory when you know someone personally who belongs to one of the groups being discriminated against. And it is a lot easier to risk rejection and be honest about who you are when you know there are others who have done the same and things have still been somewhat okay afterward. So in the meantime, I say, thank you Kroc for being the multifaceted human being that you are, so that the rest of us may feel better able to do so too.
posted by sevenofspades at 12:13 PM on August 2, 2015 [15 favorites]

Perhaps because, at this point in time, gender identity isn't even something that is thought about by most people unless you are having difficulties with being whatever gender was assigned to you.

At risk of outing myself as less progressive than MeFi median in this area, that's certainly true of me. I've never really understood what it means "feel like" a man or a woman or to have a "body image," especially divorced of social perceptions of that presentation.

By "social perceptions," I mean, it makes sense to me that someone would want to speak the prestige dialect. As I've learned more about male privilege I've come to appreciate that I present male. If I had a magic ring that made people think I was white, I'd probably wear it sometimes, just to save myself some questions from receptionists about what I was delivering. For me, these things are all tools for interacting with people, and I care about them mostly only as much as the people around me care.

But I've had a conversation with a woman who said she would be "freaked out" if she woke up one morning male, not just in a "what happened last night?" kind of way but because the idea of "being male" and living that way freaks her out. Even in some counterfactual world where everyone would treat her exactly the same afterward. She was just attached to the idea of being a woman, in a way that she couldn't quite articulate and I didn't understand.

So, yes, at least for a sample size of one, it's true that gender identity is not something that I have thought much about or that I can claim to understand.
posted by d. z. wang at 12:51 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm a cisgendered male myself, and while I don't "understand" what it means to be transgender, I don't think understanding needs to be a barrier to acceptance or compassion. (And, I'm not accusing you of that, d. z. wang, just making a larger point springing off of your post.)
posted by SansPoint at 12:54 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

It's amazing and gladdening to see how wide the spectrum of gender expression is. It's even better that people are able to express their gender identities more openly and be who they really are. I knew a corner had been turned when TLC started showing "I am Jazz". I have so much respect for people like Janae who have the courage to step out and say "this is who I am".
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 1:00 PM on August 2, 2015

Exactly what I need to do to be at peace with myself is something I am still not 100% certain of.

i hope she finds the answers she's searching for. i've been actively struggling with this for 15+ years and probably background struggling with it for more like 30. i guess personally i've reached the point where i've just stopped trying stuff and have settled in to trying to accept feeling uncomfortable and not at peace. i hope that we as a society keep expanding what we accept in gender so there are more avenues for people to find their own peace.
posted by nadawi at 1:28 PM on August 2, 2015 [2 favorites]

SansPoint: Oh, sure. I wrote what I did because the "perhaps" sounded uncertain, and I wanted to reassure sevenofspades that yes, not only do such people exist but they live among us at this very moment.
posted by d. z. wang at 1:29 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

By "social perceptions," I mean, it makes sense to me that someone would want to speak the prestige dialect. As I've learned more about male privilege I've come to appreciate that I present male. If I had a magic ring that made people think I was white, I'd probably wear it sometimes, just to save myself some questions from receptionists about what I was delivering. For me, these things are all tools for interacting with people, and I care about them mostly only as much as the people around me care.

What's funny is, I thought the same thing for decades. I remember telling myself in high school that I wasn't actually trans — that I only wished I looked like a girl as a practical thing, because it would be more convenient. Like, it would be way easier to date other girls if you could stay over at their house and not get suspicious looks from their parents! And wouldn't it be great to never have to hide an awkward boner! And girls get to play cooler sports in school than guys do! And how great would it be to fit in at an Ani DiFranco concert instead of feeling like an awkward third wheel!

There were times when I was feeling especially bitter that I'd even have told you that women were the real privileged ones, that misandry was a serious problem — and so that it was purely rational (and not queer at all, nope) for me to wish I was a member of the privileged class.

I think in general people are great at knowing what they feel and kind of lousy at figuring out why they feel it. I was right about wanting to be seen as female. I was dead wrong about the "purely practical" reasons I told myself I wanted it for. I genuinely have no idea whether any of this is applicable to you. Just… gender identities can be surprisingly small and stealthy and easy to mistake for other things?
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:51 PM on August 2, 2015 [11 favorites]

I knew a corner had been turned when TLC started showing "I am Jazz".

I ran across this video earlier today by a trans guy explaining why he was declining overtures from American Idol to audition. Minute two is where it really gets going. The whole thing is what I've been wanting to say about not knowing if all this attention is positive or if we have turned a corner. (Don't get me wrong, being trans in the US now is really different to being trans in the US ten years ago (I think I'm officially ancient in trans terms), but I don't know that we're on the downhill stretch.)
posted by hoyland at 3:37 PM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

If I had a magic ring that made people think I was white, I'd probably wear it sometimes, just to save myself some questions from receptionists about what I was delivering.

While I am well-aware your example is about experiencing racism, I do think your anecdote is relevant to the topic of gender identity, but not in the way you might expect. Being transgender and not transitioning is a little like this, except these moments happen all the time. Your whole life is someone mistaking you for who you are not or making wrong assumptions about you based on your appearance.

The standard thought exercise I give people is: "Imagine you were you, and looked exactly as you do now, but for some reason, every day when you venture out into the world you now have to go out looking like [person of opposite gender] (so this may mean doing makeup, wearing a dress or cutting your hair super short and wearing a suit). You look in the mirror and you don't recognize yourself and you don't look like [opposite gender], but for some reason, everyone is convinced you make a great [person of opposite gender] and treat you accordingly. You have to go to school, go to work, make friends, perhaps find a relationship, with no one ever really seeing you and you trying hard to pretend to be this opposite gender -- so no one finds out your horrible secret. And you have to go on that way, every day, for the rest of your life."

It's a little gender-essentialist of an example, but so is the society we live in, by and large. Most of the people I have discussed this with have said "wow, that would be horrible" or "I can't imagine how frustrating that would be". My mom, who has negative levels of empathy, got flustered and said "that's bizarre" and shortly ended the conversation.

Even in some counterfactual world where everyone would treat her exactly the same afterward.

They key part of my example is that no one would treat her exactly the same afterward. They would forever treat her as the man she is not, which is perhaps the more horrifying part of it. I read a quote from someone who is transgender and they described having to live as the gender they were assigned as "wearing an ill-fitting suit that you can never take off".

For me, these things are all tools for interacting with people, and I care about them mostly only as much as the people around me care.

Some people don't really experience any real connection to a gender at all. If you would truly not mind wearing drag the rest of your life and having everyone treat you as a woman, that may be why. If not, you may be privileged enough to have your internal sense of self match your physical appearance. And, for me at least, being transgender means apart even from the social aspects of it, my body has always mostly felt wrong to me and I used to experience a lot of dissonance, confusion, and disappointment looking in mirrors.

[Also, to be clear, my "perhaps" was that "perhaps" people have trouble understanding being transgender because gender identity is not something that is thought about, not "perhaps" there are people who don't think about gender identity. I am well-aware of the fact most people don't think about it and either don't need to or are otherwise not encouraged -- or are actively discouraged -- to explore what gender identity means for them.]
posted by sevenofspades at 3:39 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]

Congratulations to Janae Marie Kroc. I wish her all the best in her living her genderqueer truth. But as a counterpoint to the sense of triumphalist inevitability that flavors so many discussions about trans issues in the aftermath of achieving marital equality, I want to share a post my spouse made on Facebook last night:

To the man in the gold 90s Chevy Suburban who yelled, "You look like a man!" at me tonight, thank you. In my 38 years on this earth, it had escaped my notice.

Thank you and your drunk girlfriend for the retching noises and epithets. Even as the majority of society avulses me out like some irritating mote, you dared to reach out.

Thank you for following me in your truck to tell me how ugly I am. And thank you for gunning the engine and trying to run me down as I sought to escape through a bank parking lot. Too many men lack the courage and conviction to try and run down ugly people who look like men. Things that are ugly and do not challenge our worldviews in any way should be struck by chromed bumpers, you're absolutely right.

Finally, thank you to the low cinder block wall in the back of the bank parking lot, without which I would not still be here.

I'm going to go weep now.

Transmisogyny is a powerful, dangerous force that makes every foray into public spaces for people like my wife--visibly trans women not living in select large cities on the East or West Coast--exhausting and risky. This is not magically going to go away due to some inevitable march of progress. It is going to require a lot of work to convince a mass of people who consider women like my spouse and Janae Marie Kroc subhuman walking punchlines or dangerous perverts to either let go of their bigotry, or believe that acting on it would be too socially costly to be worthwhile.

I do hope people are committed to taking more action than following Kroc's instagram, for her sake and for my family's.
posted by DrMew at 9:11 PM on August 2, 2015 [13 favorites]

DrMew, please pass along condolences to your spouse. That sounds terrifying, and it shouldn't have happened.
posted by jaguar at 9:40 PM on August 2, 2015 [3 favorites]

Being a total alpha male and transgender definitely makes me unique even in the transgender community.

Hah, no. You're just hanging out in the wrong trans communities.
posted by Dysk at 12:13 AM on August 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm so sorry, DrMew. The time when anti-trans violence isn't common-but-invisible cannot come soon enough.
posted by gingerest at 4:32 AM on August 3, 2015 [1 favorite]