The Dumbest Boy Alive

February 19, 2016 5:23 AM

In May 2008, on a Friday afternoon, on a bodybuilding forum, a debate started: If you're doing something "every other day", does that mean you do it 3.5 or 4 times in a week? How many days are even in a week anyway? 7? 8? 0? Jon Bois details this discussion in the latest episode of Pretty Good.
posted by EndsOfInvention (72 comments total)

Oh my God, I didn't know Bois had a show. Tears of laughter.
posted by codacorolla at 5:47 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

This story is one that never fails to make me laugh. I've read those posts dozens of times and I cannot stop laughing at them.

Jon Bois is a treasure, obviously.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:51 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

If you find yourself stoically enduring the first three minutes or so and are wondering if the good stuff is coming later in the 18-minute video, the answer is no. It's dramatic music and exaggerated reactions to the original thread all the way down. Save yourself.

(On the other hand, if you find it enjoyable from the outset, more power to you! Enjoy the rest.)
posted by Shmuel510 at 5:58 AM on February 19, 2016 [10 favorites]

Really, the original thread itself needs no embellishment. It doesn't need a voice-over, or a soundtrack, or Jon diagramming the arguments. Just go read it.

Anyway, the best bodybuilding threads are always the ones on Reddit where guys get into some tedious bickering and then Arnold-friggin'-Schwarzenegger drops in to suggest they exercise more and argue less,
posted by um at 5:59 AM on February 19, 2016 [50 favorites]

Good on him for the aside over the r-word. I admit it took me way too long to excise that word from my vocabulary and seeing reinforcement like that would have jumpstarted my path to being a fucking grownup a lot earlier.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:02 AM on February 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

I think Bois actually adds something here through making the dude who knows how many days are in a week the real villain. You might get that from just the original thread, but it's easy to miss.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:05 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't see what the problem is. You can totally work out five times a week, every other day.
posted by jscalzi at 6:09 AM on February 19, 2016 [12 favorites]

Yes, please link to an Arnold thread. Link to me if you want to live.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:40 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

sio42, yes Arnie is a full-on redditor. He talks about bodybuilding but also politics and movies

https://www.reddit.com/user/GovSchwarzenegger
posted by memebake at 6:42 AM on February 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

This comment wins the BB thread:

instead of saying working out every other day, why don't we just say working out .5x everyday since it averages out and we're such a bunch of frickin mathematicians in here.

posted by brokkr at 6:42 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

This is perhaps Arnie's best reddit thread "Ask me... to deliver your favorite lines"
posted by memebake at 6:43 AM on February 19, 2016 [7 favorites]

About half way through this I felt faint and seriously started questions how many day are in a week. I admire Bois for staring deep into the void.
posted by photoslob at 6:51 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

Yeah, back when I was seriously powerlifting I'd check out some of the lifting subreddits periodically and the best part was all the Arnold stuff. What really made it was that most of the time he wasn't coming at it as Arnold Schwarzenegger, famous bodybuilder/movie star/governor; he was coming at it as a dude who knows more about bodybuilding than like 95% of the people on the subreddit (whose name happens to be Arnold Schwarzenegger).

(Also Snoop Dogg is a moderator on reddit's main weed board, though I don't know how active he is)
posted by Itaxpica at 7:00 AM on February 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

As a big fan of that thread from way back (or at least the first time somebody pointed it out to me), I wish the next step would be some investigative journalism to see where the key players are now nearly 8 years later, how swole they might have become in the meantime, and whether or not there's a correlation between swoleness and how many days they think are in a week.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:09 AM on February 19, 2016 [14 favorites]

Sadly, even in an 8 day week, there are still no leg days.
posted by drezdn at 7:13 AM on February 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

now let's ask them to explain the difference between THIS weekend and NEXT weekend and back away slowly
posted by sapere aude at 7:13 AM on February 19, 2016 [10 favorites]

now let's ask them to explain the difference between THIS weekend and NEXT weekend and back away slowly

I still struggle with this. I pretty much always have to clarify "next weekend" (or "next Monday" or whatever) with "the one coming or the one after that?".
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:14 AM on February 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

That reddit thread with Ah-nold is amazing. Deserving of FPP in itself. Did it ever get one?

Edit: (Sort of - http://www.metafilter.com/133053/Consider-dat-duh-divohce)
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 7:16 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: And so out of nowhere, this total stranger just stumbles in as though the last 70 comments never happened and says...
posted by echocollate at 7:19 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

whether or not there's a correlation between swoleness and how many days they think are in a week.

Of course there is. Half of them have been working out a full four times a week for the last eight years, and the other half have only been working out three and a half times a week. Over eight years that's gonna make a pretty huge difference.
posted by Itaxpica at 7:26 AM on February 19, 2016 [10 favorites]

I prefer the Alice in Wonderland approach to working out every other day: "Work out yesterday, work out tomorrow, but never work out today."
posted by Daily Alice at 7:36 AM on February 19, 2016 [30 favorites]

you my bright friend are el wrongo.
posted by OmieWise at 7:37 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'm almost certain I posted a link to the forum discussion here on the blue a while back and had it deleted for being a thin "lol dumb people" type post.

It was a fair deletion, but I stand by the lol dumb people framing.
posted by phunniemee at 7:42 AM on February 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Look, guys, it's not that complicated. Josh, put down the dumbbell and pay attention. I'm doing this for your benefit.

So. There are four simultaneous days, same earth rotation, okay? You with me so far? So that means 4 corner simultaneous 24 hour Days that occur within a single 4 corner rotation of Earth. Right? You got that? It's not rocket science.
posted by Naberius at 7:55 AM on February 19, 2016 [45 favorites]

The previous episode, NO!!!!! is really good as well, especially if you have any kind of interest in football at all, but just appreciation for human pathos is enough.
posted by kmz at 8:06 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

"You don't count what day it is when counting days."

I just realized what the problem is. Josh is probably a lawyer. See, for example, the Ontario rules of civil procedure:

3.01 (1) In the computation of time under these rules or an order, except where a contrary intention appears,
(a) where there is a reference to a number of days between two events, they shall be counted by excluding the day on which the first event happens and including the day on which the second event happens, even if they are described as clear days or the words “at least” are used;
posted by jacquilynne at 8:10 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I wish the next step would be some investigative journalism to see where the key players are now nearly 8 years later, how swole they might have become in the meantime

Mike, it's 7 years later. Arizona public schools=FAIL
posted by shakespeherian at 8:11 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I tried to find a relevant broscience video but I guess he is still too young to really grok the concept of rest.
posted by bukvich at 8:25 AM on February 19, 2016

I just realized what the problem is. Josh is probably a lawyer.

I would be lying if I said I had never been involved in a time computation question with other lawyers that resembled the conversation at issue. To be fair, though, lawyers are pretty bad at math; I had to explain to someone in my office how to calculate 1/10th of an hour, and I'm still not sure they got it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:26 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

The previous episode, NO!!!!! is really good as well, especially if you have any kind of interest in football at all, but just appreciation for human pathos is enough.

I have zero interest in football and I still enjoy Jon Bois' football-based material because he does a good job of filling in the details for those of us who otherwise wouldn't know what's going on.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:27 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I've always enjoyed the Koo Dae Sung episode of Pretty Good. I didn't even realize it was a series.

I think it's the use of Mariah Carey that really makes it shine.
posted by maryr at 8:41 AM on February 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

The commitment of those people to this argument is fascinating.
posted by not that girl at 9:12 AM on February 19, 2016

This video was... Pretty good.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:26 AM on February 19, 2016

Wow. Everybody in that thread comes off looking like the loser of the argument. I also appreciated the thing about the r-word. I liked the video but I could have done without the over the top voices. I have to believe some of those people are trolling in the original thread or I will be sad. I mean this cannot be a real argument:

Ill do it out in 4 weeks for you, maybe it will make more sense?

Week 1 - Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
Week 2 - Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday
Week 3 - Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Monday
Week 4 - Wednesday, Friday, Sunday, Tuesday
Week 5 - Thursday, Saturday, Monday, Wednesday
Week 6 - Friday, Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday

No matter how you look at it, if you workout every other day, you work out 4 times a week.

He gave 4 weeks of examples, so he wins. Of course when you're counting examples you don't count the first week or the last week, duh. That'd be as dumb as counting a rest day as an actual day. I mean if you're resting how can it be a day?

I want to sit next to any of these people at The Martian so I can watch them try to figure out how many days it was from SOL 18 to SOL 50.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 9:31 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Unexpected development
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:39 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Unexpected development

"My job is to make you upset."

Oooh I want this job. I'd be so good at it, y'all.
posted by phunniemee at 9:52 AM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

I'm a huge supporter of the moderation we have here, but one trade off is that we'll never have a thread this deliriously mental.

Nor, sadly, will I ever be able to respond to posts with:

here fuktard read this
posted by kanewai at 9:56 AM on February 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

I have to believe some of those people are trolling in the original thread or I will be sad

Doesn't TheJosh basically admit that he's trolling with this post:

You took me way too serious, I couldn't resist ****ing with you, sorry, no hard feelings but I am an internet ******* to everyone.

He's the main antagonist in that thread. It's a little disappointing to read through it all and then find out he's just a troll, not someone arguing sincerely stupid beliefs.
posted by mokin at 10:07 AM on February 19, 2016

That seems like a cop-out reaction to having lost the argument to me. Like, he was serious but when he felt he was losing was all "oh I wasn't being serious" to save face.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 10:10 AM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Doesn't TheJosh basically admit that he's trolling with this post:

If you believe that an actual troll would ever say that instead of continuing to troll (the video goes into this a bit). Claiming that you were totally just trolling this whole time is an easier refuge than admitting that you can't do basic math.
posted by Copronymus at 10:11 AM on February 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

Yeah, "I WAS ACTUALLY TROLLING THE WHOLE TIME LOL GOT YOU" is the oldest, weakest deflection in the book.
posted by Itaxpica at 10:15 AM on February 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

I've got to agree with Bois that TheJosh only says he's trolling because he's realized he's not going to win the argument; that Justin-27 doesn't take this victory graciously or at all and ends up the villain of the piece is what makes this thread such an educational gift when it comes to online interaction. It's an extreme example but as Bois sort of gets at in his video, that sort of back and forth is pretty common at lesser levels of aggression. (Steroids and hormone abuse is ROUGH man..)

The other gift of that thread is that it allowed me to use both "swoleness" and "swole" in a comment, which made my morning.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:15 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

IT WAS JUST A PRANK, BRO!
posted by I-baLL at 10:23 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

i'd heard about this thread before but jon bois elevates it to the sublime
posted by burgerrr at 10:28 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Jon Bois is the King Midas of inherent stupidity. Buggy football games? Ancient idiotic internet arguments? Pure gold.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 11:05 AM on February 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I once had a senior design try to argue about the definition of a second with me. This isn't just a lifter thing.

I also demand Arnie links. :-)
posted by Kreiger at 11:07 AM on February 19, 2016

Yes, please link to an Arnold thread. Link to me if you want to live.

GET TO THE CHOPPA reddit post in-question!

Everybody, behave and stop bickering. This is about inspiring more people to get into fitness. I've never understood people who argue constantly about who is wrong and who is right in fitness, because the fact is, there are many "right" answers, especially for people just starting out.

Do you think Sergio Oliva and I did the same thing? No. In fact, you could walk into Gold's and watch the 5 best guys and see 5 completely different routines. And you know what? We didn't argue.

Do me a favor. Try to focus more on expanding the fitness community as a whole than protecting your little corner of it.

posted by Panjandrum at 11:38 AM on February 19, 2016 [23 favorites]

My usual thing there when I'm in a discussion with someone on Reddit is to check their posting history, sort it to most popular first and see if they're generally a force for good.

Don't really know much about the guy beyond broad brushstrokes but at least in this context he scores pretty highly.
posted by vbfg at 11:42 AM on February 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Seven is nearly eight.
posted by biogeo at 11:52 AM on February 19, 2016

I think the real question is, how much longer would it take TheJosh to get fit if he only does 0.999999999... (repeating) reps for every 1 that Justin-27 does?
posted by biogeo at 11:59 AM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Here we go again. HOW CAN YOU DO "0.999999999... (repeating) reps"??? That's not even a number! Plus you don't count the first rep lol. When you have .99999998 reps and you want to add .00000001 reps do you start with the .99999998?? NO! Go back to second grade.

I guess you could make up the extra fractions of reps on new magic Second Sunday each week.

I can't believe you're still discussing partial reps. I was just ****ing with you ******s.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 12:29 PM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I would love to see a Spanish (or French) translation of this argument, where two weeks = fifteen days.
posted by mono blanco at 1:16 PM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Now I'm wondering what BEEFTANK's lifting regimen is. Probably something along the lines of "lifts everything, every day."
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:37 PM on February 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

If I don't count the day I start does that make everyday six days a week or eight?
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:51 PM on February 19, 2016

Beeftank lifts approximately twenty-four milks every morning for the appropriate amount of time. He is 72 years old.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:02 PM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

A week is 7 days. A day has 24 hours in it. So a week has 168 hours in it. So if you space out your workout at regular intervals of 5 times a week then you get 168/5 = 33.6. So you work out every 33.6 hours thus you end up working out 5 times a week, every other day. Take that, Bembridge scholars!
posted by I-baLL at 2:21 PM on February 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

(No, I didn't read the fpp. So if somebody already did the math then..uh.... I guess old jokes can be made funny again through excess repetition?)
posted by I-baLL at 2:22 PM on February 19, 2016

Old jokes are the BEST jokes!
posted by Chitownfats at 2:39 PM on February 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

BEEFTANK is a gentle soul. He lifts the things that want to be lifted, and leaves be the things that want to be left be.
posted by Itaxpica at 3:00 PM on February 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

That was good just as a little performance piece in and of itself, if you were uninterested in watching a simple dramatic reading of the original thread. Also, I've got to give props for:

"A half day would be when you lift, a full day would be when I lift."
posted by lucidium at 4:49 PM on February 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I had to explain to someone in my office how to calculate 1/10th of an hour

Hmm. Last time I had to explain how to calculate 10%, it was to an engineer ("in your head" if that makes a difference). Either it's education standards, or the world really is going to hell in one of those little carts.
posted by sneebler at 5:33 PM on February 19, 2016

Oh no. This thread might have ruined my commute forever. I was like "Oh boy, a wonderful treat to enjoy on my way home!" because I live for this shit (my bf reads toy collecting forums on 4chan to look at the toy pictures and my absolute favorite thing is to read over his shoulder all the nerd fights about toys) and I settled in to read on the bus but then I got to this post:

Moron, get off your high horse. You're nothing to me. I am college educated too and I make a lot of money for a 23 yr old. I will not try to convince idiots like you on an Internet message board. All I'm saying is that you can't pragmatically use 3.5 in as a workout frequency.

It's like saying 3.5 men fuuck you in the butt every week when in reality you can't count a person as a half. I am done with you.

And I started uncontrollably cry-laughing and could NOT STOP. The people on the evening bus aren't quite as consistent as the morning folks and I don't recognize anyone around me but eventually I will have to face them again. I'm mortified. Should have stuck with the mediocre YA novel
posted by sunset in snow country at 5:46 PM on February 19, 2016 [10 favorites]

That's terrific you have alot of money. Can you lend me $800? I'll pay you back $100 every other day for 2 weeks. Sound cool?


why am I still doing this to myself
posted by sunset in snow country at 5:49 PM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Do you even math, bro?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:11 PM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Now I'm wondering what BEEFTANK's lifting regimen is. Probably something along the lines of "lifts everything, every day."

BEEFTANK eats more eggs than Gaston.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:23 PM on February 19, 2016

Sometimes you have to use fractures.
posted by blue shadows at 10:25 PM on February 19, 2016

I finally set aside time to watch a few Pretty Goods this evening. The Lonnie Smith episode is absolutely epic.
posted by rouftop at 11:47 PM on February 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

The host of that video is less intelligent than he thinks he is.
posted by surenoproblem at 2:32 AM on February 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

You taking shots at Jon Bois on Metafilter, surenoproblem?

(The Koo Dae-sung episode of Pretty Good is still my favorite.)
posted by Navelgazer at 11:25 AM on February 20, 2016

I'm with surenoproblem. I find Jon Bois insufferable.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:44 PM on February 20, 2016

Luckily, MetaFilter is filled with literally dozens of threads that are about things not made by Jon Bois, for people who do not like stuff made by Jon Bois!
posted by DoctorFedora at 1:14 AM on February 21, 2016 [5 favorites]

Yep, that's great!
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:41 AM on February 21, 2016