"It's fair to say we do have the world by the balls"
April 11, 2022 4:44 PM Subscribe
Found this on a dezeen article [NSFW]. Highly recommend checking out the product website [NSFW] which contains the most magnificent gifs I've ever seen.
You are welcome.
it should be blue
posted by clew at 4:52 PM on April 11, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by clew at 4:52 PM on April 11, 2022 [9 favorites]
Also it should have a NSFW tag
posted by clew at 4:54 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by clew at 4:54 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
It's fair to say that... I do not want your cookies.
posted by Splunge at 4:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 4:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]
Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they etc
posted by saturday_morning at 4:57 PM on April 11, 2022 [28 favorites]
posted by saturday_morning at 4:57 PM on April 11, 2022 [28 favorites]
First, wowie. Second, need that NSFW warning.
posted by kylefreund at 4:58 PM on April 11, 2022
posted by kylefreund at 4:58 PM on April 11, 2022
Currently obliterating the group text with these gifs, thank you so much.
posted by saladin at 5:06 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by saladin at 5:06 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they etc
I just got a brilliant idea bros -- the blockchain -- for your balls!
posted by treepour at 5:07 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
I just got a brilliant idea bros -- the blockchain -- for your balls!
posted by treepour at 5:07 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
Ordering one of these, a red and white striped sweater, and a knit cap to play “Where’s Balldo?” with my girlfriend
posted by ejs at 5:12 PM on April 11, 2022 [17 favorites]
posted by ejs at 5:12 PM on April 11, 2022 [17 favorites]
NSFW warning.
The URL is https://www.dezeen.com/2022/03/18/balldo-sex-toy-testicals-dildo/
How much more of a NSFW warning is necessary beyond "Balldo Sex Toy Testicals(sic) Dildo"?
posted by explosion at 5:17 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
The URL is https://www.dezeen.com/2022/03/18/balldo-sex-toy-testicals-dildo/
How much more of a NSFW warning is necessary beyond "Balldo Sex Toy Testicals(sic) Dildo"?
posted by explosion at 5:17 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
The second link was more opaque, and I didn't hover over the first link to investigate it before clicking the second one. I also vote NSFW.
posted by prefpara at 5:18 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by prefpara at 5:18 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
Eagerly awaiting reviews
posted by smidgen at 5:22 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by smidgen at 5:22 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
Mod note: Added NSFW notes
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 5:23 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 5:23 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
balldon't
posted by paper chromatographologist at 5:25 PM on April 11, 2022 [13 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 5:25 PM on April 11, 2022 [13 favorites]
Well, that’s something I’ve never considered…
Or wanted…
posted by Windopaene at 5:28 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
Or wanted…
posted by Windopaene at 5:28 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
Did you know that when farmers want to castrate cattle, they put a tight rubber band around the base of the scrotum? This is a thought that I arrived at with no prompting whatsoever.
posted by JDHarper at 5:37 PM on April 11, 2022 [19 favorites]
posted by JDHarper at 5:37 PM on April 11, 2022 [19 favorites]
When step-1 is “take a safety razor to your testicles”, there will be no step-2 for me.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:38 PM on April 11, 2022 [15 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 5:38 PM on April 11, 2022 [15 favorites]
It's fairly... girthy, no?
posted by fatbird at 5:41 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by fatbird at 5:41 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
*furiously deletes recent browser history*
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:43 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:43 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
It's fairly... girthy, no?
I’m thinking that’s probably a selling point.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:45 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
I’m thinking that’s probably a selling point.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:45 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
One the selling points they feature is "Never lose your ball erection," which isn't a sentence I had ever considered before.
But all the obvious jokes aside, I'm happy that the people who are into this can order what appears to be a high quality product.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:50 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
But all the obvious jokes aside, I'm happy that the people who are into this can order what appears to be a high quality product.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:50 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
it should be blue
blue on the blue, as it were
see also
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:51 PM on April 11, 2022
blue on the blue, as it were
see also
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:51 PM on April 11, 2022
Finally, a new answer to the question "How they hangin'?"
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:53 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by Hardcore Poser at 5:53 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
I was promised flying cars.
posted by PlusDistance at 6:03 PM on April 11, 2022 [34 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance at 6:03 PM on April 11, 2022 [34 favorites]
I suppose this would be great for the ED crowd, but for the rest of us... my penis is right there!
posted by dobbs at 6:14 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by dobbs at 6:14 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
I've never seen anything that is so clearly a 'Rejected Ray Smuckles Achewood Storyline'
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:25 PM on April 11, 2022 [29 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:25 PM on April 11, 2022 [29 favorites]
Ow my balls, indeed.
posted by hijinx at 6:27 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by hijinx at 6:27 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
Um, no.
posted by dg at 6:38 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by dg at 6:38 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
I bet you a dollar this will just go the way of the heeldo, toedo, kneedo, buttdo, elbowdo, chindo, eardo, and nosedo.
posted by swift at 6:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by swift at 6:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]
"...their hearts and minds will follow."
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:59 PM on April 11, 2022
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:59 PM on April 11, 2022
I do have a lovely hairdo
posted by JDHarper at 6:59 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by JDHarper at 6:59 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
I fear my FB ads will be scary for weeks now.
posted by rpfields at 7:01 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by rpfields at 7:01 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]
This is bofa erasure
posted by praemunire at 7:02 PM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 7:02 PM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]
I've never seen anything that is so clearly a 'Rejected Ray Smuckles Achewood Storyline'
Well Ray I do suppose it would be great for the erectile dysfunction crowd but for the rest of us our shaft is right there
All not needin a device of silicone for its structural integrity
posted by saturday_morning at 7:08 PM on April 11, 2022 [9 favorites]
Well Ray I do suppose it would be great for the erectile dysfunction crowd but for the rest of us our shaft is right there
All not needin a device of silicone for its structural integrity
posted by saturday_morning at 7:08 PM on April 11, 2022 [9 favorites]
Eddie Deezen suddenly wonders why his name is trending.
posted by dr_dank at 7:08 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by dr_dank at 7:08 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
There are no bad ideas in brainstorming.
Though this one probably should have died in committee.
posted by AlSweigart at 7:42 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
Though this one probably should have died in committee.
posted by AlSweigart at 7:42 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
The perfect gift for every occasion
especially when
you don't like them much
but want to
give
something
you know
they'll use
posted by winesong at 7:49 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
especially when
you don't like them much
but want to
give
something
you know
they'll use
posted by winesong at 7:49 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
Apparently -- I can see it in the design -- there is a point. Beyond that, i have no clue what the point actually is.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:59 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:59 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
Jeff Bezos has had to adapt his next spacecraft after this development.
posted by zerobyproxy at 8:03 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by zerobyproxy at 8:03 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]
It’s like a little spaceship for your balls!
posted by pickles_have_souls at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by pickles_have_souls at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
Jeff Bezos has had to adapt his next spacecraft after this development.
That would make it a Bez-do?
Only launches on Mondays.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
That would make it a Bez-do?
Only launches on Mondays.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]
I feel like we are witnessing the dawn of a new era of embarrassing emergency room injuries
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 8:40 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 8:40 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]
So....if someone WERE actually to use this in the manner intended - what exactly is the PENIS doing while this is going on?
someone please tell me it's reading THE NEW YORKER or something
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]
someone please tell me it's reading THE NEW YORKER or something
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]
I can only imagine the answer to that to be "flopping around uselessly", which is not a phrase one usually wants to apply to one's penis, whether during coitus or otherwise.
posted by a car full of lions at 9:18 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by a car full of lions at 9:18 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
"balls deep" is not what I was thinking
posted by The otter lady at 9:43 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 9:43 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
someone please tell me it's reading THE NEW YORKER or something
posted by EmpressCallipygos
Pretty sure it’s the New Yanker.
posted by skyscraper at 10:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos
Pretty sure it’s the New Yanker.
posted by skyscraper at 10:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]
what exactly is the PENIS doing while this is going on?[in the most Sean Connery voice you can imagine]
RAISE PERISCOPE! We will range on the Americans. Vasily, one ping please
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:03 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
Oh dear
There’s a time warp…
Is that … a limerick?
There once was a man quite contorted
Whose privates were differently sorted
When asked to recall
Where he placed his right ball
He deferred to the one he had courted
I’m sure I’ll regret this in the morning.
posted by skyscraper at 10:17 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
There’s a time warp…
Is that … a limerick?
There once was a man quite contorted
Whose privates were differently sorted
When asked to recall
Where he placed his right ball
He deferred to the one he had courted
I’m sure I’ll regret this in the morning.
posted by skyscraper at 10:17 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]
OMG I didn't realise the first link wasn't to Wired's review. You need to read the review!
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:02 AM on April 12, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:02 AM on April 12, 2022 [11 favorites]
*furiously deletes recent browser history*Whatever floats your boat, I guess. I'm gingerly deleting my browser history. I'm going to be pretty gingerly about everything, all day now, I think.
posted by Western Infidels at 6:15 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Balldo! Apply directly to the scrotum!
Balldo! Apply directly to the scrotum!
posted by xedrik at 7:27 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Balldo! Apply directly to the scrotum!
posted by xedrik at 7:27 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
:-/
Chorus:
Ting-a-ling, God damn, find a woman if you can.
If you can't find a woman, find a clean old man.
If you're ever in Gibraltar, take a flying fuck at Walter.
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit them with a hammer?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you bounce 'em off the wall like an Indian rubber ball?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a hollow sound when you drag 'em on the ground?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a mellow tingle when you hit 'em with a shingle?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a salty taste when you wrap 'em 'round your waist?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they chime like a gong when you pull upon your dong?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
posted by rozcakj at 7:30 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
Chorus:
Ting-a-ling, God damn, find a woman if you can.
If you can't find a woman, find a clean old man.
If you're ever in Gibraltar, take a flying fuck at Walter.
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit them with a hammer?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you bounce 'em off the wall like an Indian rubber ball?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a hollow sound when you drag 'em on the ground?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a mellow tingle when you hit 'em with a shingle?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a salty taste when you wrap 'em 'round your waist?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they chime like a gong when you pull upon your dong?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?
posted by rozcakj at 7:30 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
Nyarlathotep comes in many forms?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:42 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:42 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
if you build it, they will ...
posted by Clowder of bats at 8:00 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Clowder of bats at 8:00 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
𝅘𝅥𝅮 Swing low, sweet...𝅘𝅥𝅮 um
posted by indexy at 8:22 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by indexy at 8:22 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
It’s like a little spaceship for your balls!
Sung to the tune of They Might Be Giants' "Birdhouse in Your Soul."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:49 AM on April 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
Sung to the tune of They Might Be Giants' "Birdhouse in Your Soul."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:49 AM on April 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
Owie
posted by BlunderingArtist at 9:05 AM on April 12, 2022
posted by BlunderingArtist at 9:05 AM on April 12, 2022
Whatever floats your boat, I guess—but if I was putting any sort of constricting anything around that part of my anatomy, I'd want it to have some sort of In Case Of Emergency ripcord or something that would cause it to explosively disintegrate.
Okay, maybe not explosively.
Also, if "Ow! My Balls" were a real show, this would be advertised during every commercial break.
But since we're all here having this discussion, I will point out that Dezeen has a fairly interesting linked article about a company producing non-gendered sex toys, which is an engineering challenge if I'd ever heard one. Also, apparently CES has walked back its anti-vibrator stance. And that's your sex toy news of the day! Now back to Jim, with sports!
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:56 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Okay, maybe not explosively.
Also, if "Ow! My Balls" were a real show, this would be advertised during every commercial break.
But since we're all here having this discussion, I will point out that Dezeen has a fairly interesting linked article about a company producing non-gendered sex toys, which is an engineering challenge if I'd ever heard one. Also, apparently CES has walked back its anti-vibrator stance. And that's your sex toy news of the day! Now back to Jim, with sports!
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:56 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Not just for sex. You can wear your Balldo anytime. I'm wearing mine right now as I talk to you.
posted by dobbs at 10:19 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by dobbs at 10:19 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
Also, if "Ow! My Balls" were a real show, this would be advertised during every commercial break.
It is, however, a real subreddit (link obviously NSFW, as is the oh-so charmingly named sister subreddit "Ouch! My Flaps!"), so perhaps a natural sponsorship opportunity? The videos there give me the same queasy sensation as the Balldo how-to video.
posted by Dip Flash at 11:59 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
It is, however, a real subreddit (link obviously NSFW, as is the oh-so charmingly named sister subreddit "Ouch! My Flaps!"), so perhaps a natural sponsorship opportunity? The videos there give me the same queasy sensation as the Balldo how-to video.
posted by Dip Flash at 11:59 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
[Insert low-hanging fruit joke here]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:30 PM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:30 PM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'll give the Balldo some creadit where it's due.
Haven't had this much entertainment from a MeFi thread in awhile.
Thanks!
posted by Goofyy at 6:03 PM on April 12, 2022
Haven't had this much entertainment from a MeFi thread in awhile.
Thanks!
posted by Goofyy at 6:03 PM on April 12, 2022
I tried to describe the Balldo to my roommate (in as genteel language as I could). He stood, blinking for a few seconds, and then his shoulders sagged and he walked away, saying only, "nope, I don't have the bandwidth to think about that now, sorry."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:22 PM on April 12, 2022
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:22 PM on April 12, 2022
Surprised not to have seen it suggested already: regarding "what is the penis doing?"
... obviously someone is going to attempt double penetration by one person with that.
posted by illongruci at 4:53 AM on April 13, 2022
... obviously someone is going to attempt double penetration by one person with that.
posted by illongruci at 4:53 AM on April 13, 2022
Balldo.com is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their balls wedged into their dildo, or why.
posted by Kabanos at 6:39 AM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Kabanos at 6:39 AM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]
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