Everyone knows that nobody knows "Everyone Knows That"... until now

April 28, 2024 12:52 PM

For more than two years, the world of lost media has been flummoxed by 17 seconds of grainy audio uploaded to a small name-that-song site. Tentatively titled "Everyone Knows That (Ulterior Motives)" based on the apparent lyrics, the clip's energetic retro 80s vibes defied all attempts by music ID apps and various hive-minds to track it down, soon becoming the holy grail of the "lostwave" community of enthusiasts for obscure unidentified "rare grooves." The search inspired articles, video essays, Youtube and TikTok memes, ambitious reconstructions (including multiple music videos), and whole wikis, but the song itself remained unsolved... until now.

...turns out it's from a porno! Specifically the 1986 adult film Angels of Passion, with the song, "Ulterior Motives", by artist Christopher Saint Booth (who specialized in porn soundtracks). The original is unfortunately layered with, uh, other sounds, but a (mostly) sanitized version is available here.

The crown of "most mysterious song on the internet" now passes to... The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet (previously)

posted by Rhaomi (24 comments total)

MetaFilter: ...turns out it's from a porno!
posted by chavenet at 12:57 PM on April 28 [26 favorites]

I love the efforts of the lost media community! it's so cool to have heard of this and to finally see the mystery solved. By porn!
posted by wellifyouinsist at 1:14 PM on April 28 [2 favorites]

I'm pretty sure Christopher Saint Booth was the drummer for Spinal Tap for 72 hours in 1985 or 86.
posted by Naberius at 1:40 PM on April 28 [17 favorites]

I think this is where I get to brag that I helped solve a different one of these, right here on meta filter dot com. I mean, all I did was tweet at someone I was virtually certain would be able to ID the song and they were, but it still felt good!
posted by capricorn at 1:40 PM on April 28 [8 favorites]

Reminds me of one of my favourite episodes of Reply All, “The Case of the Missing Hit.” I really love stuff like this, where people turn to crowdsourcing a solution to a longstanding mystery. Thank you for introducing me to the term and concept of “lostwave”!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 2:18 PM on April 28 [2 favorites]

You know what other song was from a porno?
posted by dannyboybell at 4:21 PM on April 28 [16 favorites]

I'm pretty sure Christopher Saint Booth was the drummer for Spinal Tap for 72 hours in 1985 or 86.

There’s only one way to exit the position of drummer for Spinal Tap. Must be a different dude because Christopher Saint Booth is still alive.
posted by ensign_ricky at 5:40 PM on April 28 [5 favorites]

Carl92 you beautiful man, why didn't you just say you wanted the fun pop song extracted from the retro porn you were watching
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:07 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

Rescued by porno yet again. Thank you, porno!
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:13 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

The original is unfortunately layered with, uh, other sounds

Can AI fix it? Now *that* would be a model that earns its kilowatts.
posted by credulous at 7:00 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

I guess the lofi-ness is sort of its charm, but at this point, it would be a good idea to just re-record it. I'm worried that then it's going to sound like something straight out of Saved by the Bell.
posted by alex_skazat at 9:05 PM on April 28

re-record it.

Whoa well my comment is irrelevant!
posted by alex_skazat at 9:10 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

"Mom!! I'm just watching it for the music! JEEZ!!"
posted by Floydd at 10:26 PM on April 28 [2 favorites]

To anyone who says a song from a porno can't possibly have any merit: you're full of doo-doooo-doo-doo-doo.

Edit: beaten to it; leaving this up because pun.
posted by BiggerJ at 1:01 AM on April 29

Mod note: [Hey, sailor; did you know this shagadelic post is now starring on the sidebar and Best Of blog?]
posted by taz (staff) at 2:16 AM on April 29

There’s only one way to exit the position
…
Turns out it's from a porno
posted by ambrosen at 4:54 AM on April 29

Christopher Saint Booth (who specialized in porn soundtracks)

There are worse things to specialize in, I guess. But you have to wonder how one gets started in that particular genre.
posted by tommasz at 6:41 AM on April 29

It had been my prediction that the EKT brouhaha was some degree of hoax or joke. That the poser of the question, who dropped out of sight after posing it, had perfectly well known the song's origin.

This story neither confirms nor denies my intuition, darn it.
posted by Western Infidels at 6:43 AM on April 29

I live in North Carolina am I gonna get in trouble for listening to this?
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 8:44 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]

Does it get a Parental Advisory sticker like Zappa's instrumental jazz album?
posted by credulous at 8:59 AM on April 29

Watching 80s porn to Leonard Cohen's Everybody Knows hits different.

I do admire the hero who "skimmed through all of their movies." Research is an art, people.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:41 AM on April 29 [2 favorites]

Those 808 claps tho
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:05 PM on April 29

But you have to wonder how one gets started in that particular genre.

I sometimes write production music (that is, "library" music that winds up underneath TV shows and ads and, sometimes, pornos). Some production companies or networks have house libraries they use to save money (since they can then collect the publishing royalties when they broadcast the music).

I met a guy -- long-haired 80s rock guy -- who did a lot of work for Playboy Channel in the 90s. Basically you happen to be a "music guy" who the porno guys know, same as any other gig.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:37 AM on May 1

Update: CBC Radio's "As It Happens" tracked down and interviewed the original artist. tl;dl: His 6-year-old son broke the news to him after school, he barely remembered recording it but was moved to tears when he realized the breadth of interest around the world, it was not created with a porn film in mind, and he committed to combing his back catalogue to see if he can find the original recording -- or to re-record it if not.
posted by Rhaomi at 4:59 PM on May 2 [6 favorites]