Bring Back the Elephants

September 24, 2003 8:54 PM

Bring Back the Elephants! This article proposes returning these "super keystone species" to the Americas, which were inhabited by proboscideans for so long. The eating habits of free-ranging elephants would help prevent wildfires, and this extreme exercise in rewilding would restart the evolution of one of humanity's own "evolutionary nursemaids."
posted by homunculus (23 comments total)

The first link was previously mentioned here and here.
posted by homunculus at 8:59 PM on September 24, 2003

"The eating habits of free-ranging elephants would help prevent wildfires"

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

A: From stomping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

A: From stomping out burning ducks.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:28 PM on September 24, 2003

posted by quonsar at 9:31 PM on September 24, 2003

"The fecal matter of the elephant is vital to the position of the elephant as a super-keystone species."
posted by homunculus at 9:35 PM on September 24, 2003

pachydermic poo pr0n.
posted by quonsar at 9:36 PM on September 24, 2003

Elephants should not be nursemaids.
posted by soyjoy at 9:51 PM on September 24, 2003

More fun with elephants.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:55 PM on September 24, 2003

sk8r boi!
posted by quonsar at 10:01 PM on September 24, 2003

Interesting stuff, homunculus. From the first link: Unlike explosively reproducing aliens of the New World such as kudzu, Africanized bees, or zebra mussels, animals reproducing as slowly as elephants, with an intrinsic rate of increase of about five percent per year, should be controllable.

(No North American professional sports teams called the elephants? "The Yukong Elephants (Bucheon) were based in Seoul, playing at Tongdaemun Stadium until 1995.")
posted by philfromhavelock at 10:24 PM on September 24, 2003

Some elephants pursue a career in the arts.
posted by homunculus at 10:29 PM on September 24, 2003

I think they can be nursemaids. Think of Babar. They can teach the kids that monarchy is cool, and shooting other animals on safari is the Elephant Way.
posted by CommaTheWaterseller at 1:00 AM on September 25, 2003

WHERE'S. MY. ELEPHANT?!

- Bart
posted by davidmsc at 4:07 AM on September 25, 2003

BTW: There are already elephants in Tennessee.
posted by piskycritter at 9:43 AM on September 25, 2003

Elephants are my favorite non-human mammal.
posted by rushmc at 9:45 AM on September 25, 2003

Not to mention the return of that squishy stuff between the elephants' toes, i.e., slow natives....
posted by Pressed Rat at 9:59 AM on September 25, 2003

Stompy!!(er was his name Stampy?)
Seriously, what about the poaching issue?
posted by effer27 at 10:09 AM on September 25, 2003

This is not about elephants, but here's an interview with the author of a book on why we should allow the big alpha predators to survive: "Just another flavor of meat."
posted by homunculus at 12:05 PM on September 25, 2003

Seriously, what about the poaching issue?

I'm sure it would be a problem, but I imagine it would be less of one than in Africa and Asia, where the severe poverty compels the poachers.
posted by homunculus at 12:11 PM on September 25, 2003

mr_c_d, that was my favourite joke when I was about twelve, I'm delighted that it's still making the rounds.
posted by sennoma at 12:13 PM on September 25, 2003

We'll have to, of course, introduce sufficient new predators to control the elephants. On second thought, ummm.......what eats elephants? Hmm...... I guess they just topple over eventually from old age.

Oh to be an elephant.


posted by troutfishing at 2:54 PM on September 25, 2003

>Oh to be an elephant.

Well, you can get this close to being an elephant: The White Bone by Barbara Gowdy.
posted by philfromhavelock at 8:18 PM on September 25, 2003

...what eats elephants?

Lions and hyenas mostly. I suspect both would be controversial if introduced in the Mid-west.
posted by bonehead at 8:36 AM on September 26, 2003

Speaking of which: Lions 'near extinction in Africa'
posted by homunculus at 11:55 AM on September 27, 2003