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April 8, 2009 9:42 AM   Subscribe


 
New Video Game Takes Up Unspeakable Quantities of System Resources, Is Undownloadable; Joke Impact Severely Blunted
posted by lumensimus at 9:44 AM on April 8, 2009


NOOOOO!!! I LOVED HER!!
posted by Burhanistan at 9:48 AM on April 8, 2009


warning - the cracked version on pirate bay arms you with a pea-shooter against bears, gorillas and lions, with no "run" option to select
posted by pyramid termite at 9:55 AM on April 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


Gunman Stan McKurt: I shoot evil in the face
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 9:56 AM on April 8, 2009


The game is slow to load but does work. The cutscenes are pretty clever.
posted by Nelson at 9:58 AM on April 8, 2009


I'm constantly amazed at the amount of effort and resources the onion devotes to replicating the world in perfect ironized form, and it strikes me that if they were to actually start taking over real world business, government and entertainment services I would be helplessly in thrall to their knowing cynicism.
posted by doobiedoo at 10:01 AM on April 8, 2009 [4 favorites]


The game is slow to load but does work.

10 to 1 those progress bars are just empty timers. There's nothing going on in this "game", you know.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:01 AM on April 8, 2009


Can this be true?

Wait a minute, these links come from The Onion.

I'VE BEEN PUNK'D!

* head asplodes *
posted by mazola at 10:03 AM on April 8, 2009


i never would have thought the controls would be so hard to master...
posted by sexyrobot at 10:19 AM on April 8, 2009


The ostrich made me giggle.
posted by lazaruslong at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


10 to 1 those progress bars are just empty timers

It's sucking a lot of bandwidth while loading.
posted by Nelson at 10:28 AM on April 8, 2009


The ostrich made me giggle.

Me too. Up until that point, I was just smirking, but I lost it and really laughed out loud when that small and smiling head popped up...
posted by weston at 10:46 AM on April 8, 2009


Boy, is THIS gonna get deleted!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:54 AM on April 8, 2009


Yeah, shooting people threads usually tend to suddenly disappear here.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 10:57 AM on April 8, 2009


It actually does load, and you can shoot people in face. But I don't know what the hell it's doing, because it maxed out my RAM consumption and made my hard drive groan.
posted by MetaMonkey at 11:07 AM on April 8, 2009 [1 favorite]


I tried to play this thing yesterday, and it crashed three different browsers on three different computers with two different operating systems.
posted by box at 11:10 AM on April 8, 2009


The furthest I ever managed to get was about halfway through the first guy's head exploding.
posted by box at 11:12 AM on April 8, 2009


I read The Onion too. Now I can read it on Metafilter?!
posted by inoculatedcities at 11:18 AM on April 8, 2009


Bobbie Battista doing bits for the Onion? What happened? Ted Turner likes 'em younger?
posted by Xoebe at 11:23 AM on April 8, 2009


Awesome, fuckin thing froze my browser.
posted by dead cousin ted at 11:33 AM on April 8, 2009


I got through it (as did everyone who killed the ostrich). You rescue your brother and he says your other brother has been kidnapped across town. Then the "demo" ends.

I know someone is trying to make a (very blunt) satirical statement here, but it's mostly unimpressed. The guns and exploding face chunks do get bigger, but there's no replay factor whatsoever and I can't imagine paying for it.

10 to 1 those progress bars are just empty timers

Dunno, but it's a fairly large-sized flash movie.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:39 AM on April 8, 2009


It could have been a lot funnier than 1 ostrich, I guess is what I'm saying.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:39 AM on April 8, 2009


You people.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:44 AM on April 8, 2009


I heard if you let the ostrich live, you get to ride it later!
posted by stenseng at 11:55 AM on April 8, 2009


Ok, I finally got through it. Pretty funny but way too big of a resource hog.
posted by dead cousin ted at 11:56 AM on April 8, 2009


Don't be too harsh. Dick Cheney lost his job recently and he's got to do something to survive in this harsh economy.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:08 PM on April 8, 2009


It needs penguins and at least one monkey who shoots back.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:14 PM on April 8, 2009


This is seriously the funniest video the Onion has ever done and I strongly recommended you watch that before "playing" the "game."

I'm constantly amazed at the amount of effort and resources the onion devotes to replicating the world in perfect ironized form

Yes.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 3:31 PM on April 8, 2009


I'm waiting for IntimateRange: cockpunch showdown.
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:14 PM on April 8, 2009


Between this, and the other recent thread about violence in video games, and between ST:TNG: Conspiracy, I am going to have a lie-down and meditate on playing Robot Finds Kitten. And take some ahimsa.
posted by oonh at 7:18 PM on April 8, 2009


Oh, shooting with bullets...'cos I was thinking .... uh...I'll just go.
posted by Smedleyman at 8:28 PM on April 8, 2009


The video is pretty perfect. The game is funny, but yeah, its humor is diminished by how much it hangs.

So, is this an Onion production? Or did the Onion find the game and then do the story? (Which would make it, very convolutedly, a real news story)
posted by roll truck roll at 12:24 AM on April 9, 2009


walkthrough plz?
posted by Pronoiac at 9:42 PM on April 11, 2009


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