Perfect Watch for a CEO? Perfect Leather Daddy Jacket?
September 29, 2015 8:35 AM   Subscribe

115 Ways to Scream 'Status' I thought this would just be a list of expensive things the super-rich have (and there's a lot of that), but also contains really interesting stuff on Broadway singers' throat lozenges, oboe players' preferred reeds, etc.
posted by xingcat (125 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
 
Forgot to mention, found at kottke.org.
posted by xingcat at 8:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Manic Panic makes a lipstick? I would have adored that in 1994. I remember Manic Panic as being THE hair dye for cool kids then. As in, it was literally the only option if you wanted to dye your hair blue or green or anything interesting. But it was also very cool. I remember that Play-Doh-like smell to this day.

This is an interesting blend of "fuck you, poor people" and "here's what I use to really get something done."
posted by Countess Elena at 8:44 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


is there a single word for unnecessary and expensive changes made to a product to convince people that they have to get rid of the perfectly good one they already have? i see this everywhere (smart phones driven by spec sheets, crabon fibre bicycles with disc brakes) but this article really exemplifies it.
posted by indubitable at 8:45 AM on September 29, 2015


They broke the desli.de parser.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:48 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also of interest but not covered here -- downmarket status objects. For example, real writers don't need Moleskines, they have dogeared $2 notebooks from the CVS or wherever was handy. Another example: I was taught that ladies should always put used candles into centerpieces, so that visitors won't think they're the kind of people who just bought their things all of a piece.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:49 AM on September 29, 2015 [32 favorites]


I remember Manic Panic as being THE hair dye for cool kids then.

Somehow nothing has changed in 20 years according to my daughter's music playlists and stained bathroom sink.
posted by GuyZero at 8:50 AM on September 29, 2015 [13 favorites]


There are certain types of super specialized Japanese pens and brushes that scream THIS PERSON IS VERY SERIOUS AND WIILLING TO PAY IMPORT FEES for artists/cartoonists

Also of interest but not covered here -- downmarket status objects.

I'm guilty of this, I ink in pilot pen and all my current watercolors are from a set I won at a carnival that's a baby's first palette kinda thing.
posted by The Whelk at 8:53 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


The Uppababy Stroller seems like an odd inclusion in that list. It is a durable utility stroller and on the pricier side, but it's like buying a $5 coffee instead of a $3 one.

The art book list is weak weak weak. That giant Warhol book is mass produced and a great value of price per kilogram, so most bang for your buck if you want to impress with a large book, but not great in displaying any status. No one who knows art is impressed with anything in that list.

I kind of love this bit: “It’s a real status move to have your designer dream up a couch that fits the room so precisely that it has to be custom built in the living room itself over several days.”
Interior designer with tax-sheltered clients



But what the fuck is this shit?
The Seats for Those Who Want to Be Seen … At SoulCycle
WHAT?
We're only at item 25, I've been shown like 8 advertisements, and they think that there is status at some spinning class?


And then the final confirmation they are just pulling shit out of their ass here.
The Totems for Grade Schoolers
Far Cry 4 for PS4

“I play that game with Owen and Sean, who are the most popular kids in the school.” —Will, sixth-grader

And the pic for the game has an obvious age 18 rating on it. Like they just texted someone and had them ask their kid this question.

I'm done, this article is trash.
posted by Theta States at 8:54 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is less to scream status and more just plain want for this vegan: Vaute Couture's winter jackets.
posted by Kitteh at 8:54 AM on September 29, 2015


I really enjoy the phrase "Kanye’s fondness for all things Chandigarh" but the semi-extinct cactus and specific Soulcycle spots are getting into some serious Twilight Days of Rome territory
posted by theodolite at 8:56 AM on September 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


now all i can think of is that Bob's Burgers where Bob buys the expensive Japanese knife and gets in a pissing contest with Teddy's artisanal hammer
posted by indubitable at 8:57 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]




I'm almost tempted to give those throat pastilles a try, although they're obscenely expensive. Fisherman's Friend has always been my go-to in the past.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:59 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


smart phones driven by spec sheets, crabon fibre bicycles with disc brakes


I can't speak to the smartphones, but I've come around to the carbon fiber bicycle after being a "steel is real" guy for years. It really is a nicer ride, even for the amateur (and demonstrably faster at the pro level). I think the jury is still out on disc brakes, and still not permitted in the pro peloton. They do provide one concrete advantage over caliper brakes with carbon wheels: when you are descending in the wet, you are less likely to die.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:59 AM on September 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


Like they just texted someone and had them ask their kid this question.

You've hit upon the essential New York affiliated journalism methodology.
posted by codacorolla at 9:00 AM on September 29, 2015 [13 favorites]


There are certain types of super specialized Japanese pens and brushes that scream THIS PERSON IS VERY SERIOUS AND WIILLING TO PAY IMPORT FEES for artists/cartoonists

Anyone who uses metric paper in the US - haaaaaaaardcore.
posted by GuyZero at 9:00 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


—Danny Danko, senior cultivation editor at High Times

"Danko", indeed...
posted by mykescipark at 9:01 AM on September 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


crabon fibre bicycles with disc brakes

While these are indeed good bikes, they're really just expensive rather than actual status items, which are not the same thing, which I think was the point of this list.
posted by GuyZero at 9:01 AM on September 29, 2015


That giant Warhol book is mass produced and a great value of price per kilogram


Seems like the publisher really gets Warhol.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:04 AM on September 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


Among my friends in high school, Manic Panic or Punky Colors was what was often used, but Kool-Aid sent a signal of greater authenticity, warding off any notions that you were some mere poseur with enough spending-money that it could be frittered away at Sally's Beauty Supply.

In the 80's the only place to get Manic Panic, that I knew of, was Wacko when it was still on Melrose (in L.A.) and Antenna in the Valley. You certainly couldn't buy it at the beauty supply.
posted by Sophie1 at 9:09 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I can definitely see architects wanting all that architect stuff, well everything except the wooden glasses, that one's off.

I actually really enjoy looking at these status objects, even if I don't believe in the type of taste/sophistication/wealth they're projecting, or perhaps especially if I don't believe in that... maybe I just like looking at things made exotic by us.
posted by doobiedoo at 9:09 AM on September 29, 2015


#116: having time to read a 115-slide slideshow and ponder your position in society's pecking order.
posted by lalochezia at 9:09 AM on September 29, 2015 [13 favorites]


Monograms are tacky because they reduce the value of the object in the re-sale/secondhand market and monogrammed handkerchiefs are how people are framed for the murder of a duchess, don't you people read Lord Whimsy, it can happen to you!
posted by The Whelk at 9:10 AM on September 29, 2015 [13 favorites]


They sell Manic Panic here at Shopper's Drug Mart right in the hair dye aisle and after fond memories of having to scrimp and save and convince my mom to drive me to the vintage store downtown (in early 90s South Carolina) where they sold it when I was a teen, seeing it so readily available sort of takes the fun out of it.
posted by Kitteh at 9:12 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


I kinda of want to send a bunch of the items on this to all the people I know who could possibly verify or dispute their authenticity.
posted by Diablevert at 9:14 AM on September 29, 2015


Well, five years ago I would've laughed at the first one. $1000 socks? Whattamaroon.
But since then someone bought me a pair of Smartwool PhDs as a gift. Never gonna go back. Nuh-uh. No.
posted by eclectist at 9:17 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Fun. I started with a sneer but now I want the chalk and the pastilles.
posted by bearwife at 9:21 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


I went into it to find the Leather Daddy jacket, all ready to scoff at their mistake. But, yeah, they nailed it with the Langlitz.
posted by dnash at 9:22 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


No one who knows art is impressed with anything in that list.

The inclusion of the battered copy of Edie—which I still love, mind you—and the copy of Miller's View From The Bridge—WTF? Why not Timebends?—on that pile made me snicker. I think I saw a similar pile of books on a shelf at J Crew a couple of weeks ago.

I do covet those wooden glasses, tho.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:27 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I can confirm #7, Hagoromo Fulltouch chalk. And its discontinuation is indeed a tragedy.
posted by of strange foe at 9:29 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


"*An earlier version of this slide misspelled Danny Danko's name. We regret this error."
posted by queensissy at 9:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hmm.

Furry con status item: a custom badge waiting for you on the artist GOH's table on the first day. Especially if they did one for you gratis.

Comic artist status item: a "to-read" pile full of stuff from around the world, including both lavishly printed books from foreign cult favorites and xeroxed minis from folks who will Be Someone in a year or three.
posted by egypturnash at 9:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


The watch thing is great. Billionaires in my experience wear two kinds of watches: digital ones worth less than $100 (or maybe a bit more if they have a Garmin GPS one), and OLD Swiss watches handed down from their grandfathers with VERY aged patinas.
posted by MattD at 9:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


By your purchases, you shall by identified.

Luckily, this only works for the super rich.
posted by clvrmnky at 9:41 AM on September 29, 2015


(Quietly looks up how much custom Tiffany stationary costs)
posted by The Whelk at 9:44 AM on September 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


I also couldn't help laughing at "'Swiss Miss is more common; she’s a cheese, and I’m sort of meh to her.' —Fiona, third-grader"
posted by queensissy at 9:46 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I didn't get all the way through the list, so I didn't see if they had "IT Professional" covered.

The real status symbol is pasty whiteness and a saggy, tired face. There are things that money can't buy.
posted by clawsoon at 9:48 AM on September 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


The idea of professional status symbols are fascinating. I was once introduced to the idea of the professional status symbol in a big way via a live talk by a Nobel prize winning physicist. At the beginning of the talk - this was around '99, '00 - he pulled out a GREEN LASER POINTER. Nobody had seen such a thing yet, and there was this huge rustling in the audience; he laughed and said, gesturing with the pointer, "You like? All the alpha nerds have them." You could practically feel everyone in the audience wanting one. A Nobel is one kind of status symbol, but a green laser pointer - well, not only did it represent some kind of in-the-know-ness, but it was also attainable.
posted by barchan at 9:49 AM on September 29, 2015 [34 favorites]


I also couldn't help laughing at "'Swiss Miss is more common; she’s a cheese, and I’m sort of meh to her.' —Fiona, third-grader"

Manhattan teenagers are terrifying. teen Manhattan theatre kids are basically boozy 45 year olds with two divorces behind them.
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on September 29, 2015 [24 favorites]


(Oh hey quick search reveals Crane makes all of Tiffany's paper, which is appropriately New Englandy and cheaper without the Tiffany branding.)
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on September 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


But what the fuck is this shit?
The Seats for Those Who Want to Be Seen … At SoulCycle
WHAT?
We're only at item 25, I've been shown like 8 advertisements, and they think that there is status at some spinning class?


This is not an exaggeration at all. SoulCycle is $32 a class, lots of celebrities go there, and there's a Crossfit style cult around it.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 9:57 AM on September 29, 2015


There are jokes about it on Kimmy Schmdit, SoulCycle is totally a thing.
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


What the fuck is this shit? Fancy spinning class? I cannot believe these fools buying into this stuff! *lays around all day eating cheetos*
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:02 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


And here I am, riding my bike outside in the fresh air like a sucker!
posted by entropicamericana at 10:08 AM on September 29, 2015 [17 favorites]


"In economics, Veblen goods are types of material commodities for which the demand is proportional to its high price, which is an apparent contradiction of the law of demand; Veblen goods also are commodities that function as positional goods"
posted by growabrain at 10:08 AM on September 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


crabon fibre bicycles

...like a shellfish even needs a bicycle...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:11 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


And here I am, riding my bike outside in the fresh air like a sucker!

Ha. Most of the hardcore cyclists I see are riding in the "fresh air" just alongside major thoroughfares at rush hour.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:13 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm laughing because those huge dogs are literally the first odd thing I noticed about Tribeca residents. I immediately made the connection to the size of their apartements.
The second thing I noticed is often their "sweat" pants and shifts are most often really fine cashmere. I really miss the days when it was deserted down there, nothing but the WTC and an after hour club or two.
posted by TenaciousB at 10:17 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


"Crabon fibre" is a neologism coined by BikeSnobNYC. It's much nicer than regular old carbon fiber.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:18 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


(Oh hey quick search reveals Crane makes all of Tiffany's paper, which is appropriately New Englandy and cheaper without the Tiffany branding.)

Yeah, i was gonna say CRANE'S FOR GOD'S SAKE and cut your own goose nibs or risk being shunned as a parvenu
posted by poffin boffin at 10:20 AM on September 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


Damn. The Mercedes diesel is at #2. Yep.

For bikers, I'd add a late 70s BMW R90s, or a "Bumblebee" airhead GS.
posted by Ambient Echo at 10:22 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Me: "I've saved up and now I can finally afford to buy this nice thing!"
Society: "Screw you, hipster."
posted by LastOfHisKind at 10:22 AM on September 29, 2015 [11 favorites]


Whelk, plz. If you're truly In The Know you get your own engraving die, address included, and order stationery off of that.
posted by tel3path at 10:23 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


All I know is I instantly like someone better if they have a copy of City of Darkness or the Codex Seraphinianus on their coffee table or bookshelf. And most rich and upwardly mobile people in NY probably wouldn't have either. The nerdy ones might, and I would thus probably like them better.
posted by chimaera at 10:28 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Whelk, plz. If you're truly In The Know you get your own engraving die, address included, and order stationery off of that.

That's why I have this paper mill, built in and supplied by own ancestoral woodland to produce only the finest limited run paper stock for use.
posted by The Whelk at 10:30 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


My husband would totally disagree on the bowling ball one. Something like almost all of his multiple, multiple bowling balls are from the 80's and he swears by them.
posted by Lucinda at 10:30 AM on September 29, 2015


Are the leather jackets only for leather daddies in SF? Because I am a boring Midwestern straight, but dammnnnn that is a nice jacket.
posted by protocoach at 10:31 AM on September 29, 2015


i just got to the $14 for canned tomatoes and i am ready for the annihilation of human civilization, let's do this
posted by poffin boffin at 10:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [11 favorites]


Guess who's about to become an expert on what kind of knockoffs exist for that Issey Miyake bag? This moi.
posted by almostmanda at 10:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [24 favorites]


I am intrigued by the description of Grether's Pastilles as "magic beans for your vocal cords." But I've never really understood how any sort of drink or lozenge can help the actual voice. I am an ear, nose, and throat doctor and I deal with the vocal cords all day. I have singers that swear by certain potions and drops, but when you swallow, that material bypasses the vocal cords entirely - unless it "goes down the wrong tube" and you know when that happens.

Gargling, on the other hand, does directly involve the cords, but most substances that are gargled (lemon water, Listerine, etc) are drying and inflammatory.
posted by robstercraw at 10:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [17 favorites]


(Oh wait nevermind I found a box of engraved Crane stationary from ten years ago that was a housewarming gift)
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Aw, the chalk story is kind of heartwarming though. I work with science types, and I can totally see them doing something similar.

However, I just renewed my husband's Lapham's Quarterly subscription and now feel incredibly conflicted about it. We're nerds, but not ones with status. Harumph.
posted by librarianamy at 10:36 AM on September 29, 2015


Anyone who uses metric paper in the US - haaaaaaaardcore.

We had to buy an entire ream of A4 paper from Amazon, because we needed to submit some printouts to the UK government, and they required A4 paper. Grrr.
posted by leahwrenn at 10:42 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Crabon fibre

Crab On Fiber sounds like a quaint English hamlet where there's recently been a murder.
posted by codacorolla at 10:44 AM on September 29, 2015 [16 favorites]


The chalk feels like something that would be sold by Kiosk, my #1 favorite purveyor of nifty little odds and ends.
posted by theodolite at 10:45 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


When I was 12 video games rated 18+ were totally the thing to play. I'm sure this hasn't changed.

Regarding pens (and pilot pens and imports), I got a pilot custom 74 imported because that's half the cost of buying it from the US branch of the company, and it still isn't a cheap pen.
posted by idiopath at 10:47 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Huh, I have that CEO Swatch watch. Mine has a clear plastic around the face instead of black, but otherwise it's the same watch. It's a good watch, doesn't snag on my clothing, easy to read, no metal touching my skin. But, sadly, I don't have the CEO-level salary to go with it. So I guess it's not a real status symbol when I wear it? Oh well.
posted by shelleycat at 11:23 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well, two bits of anecdata, both related to music in a weird way:

- oboe players are rarely that materialistic. If you're materialistic, you find a way to spend your time that has better ROI than practicing oboe. What they are - perfectionists. And a bit insecure, like most woodwind players. So if you can convince them that this Loree reed cane is going to resonate at a bit more fundamental level than your basic cane, that's what they're going with...

Seriously, I thought this entry was a total ass-pull because - if you're a serious oboist you don't just BUY a reed that looks like that picture. Loree is the leading brand of oboe, but there is not a Loree-made reed. There is cane from the region of Loree. You may buy your reed *staples* from the F. Loree company, but clearly you make them yourself, or get your private teacher to make them for you. Duh.

As a clarinetist, I use only bespoke reeds from Rico and sons...

- I used to play in a band which was led by a guy who drove an early '80s Mercedes diesel. One night he ended up driving the equipment truck back from a gig, and, as I had shared a ride with someone else, I was conscripted to drive said early '80s Mercedes diesel back to our origin point for the evening. 4-speed manual transmission, drove, sounded, and accelerated like a concrete truck, and as I was firing it up he said "Listen, sometimes the lights just - go out. But push the knob back in and pull it back out and they always come back on..."
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:25 AM on September 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


Those Yumiko leotards are insane. Over 60 bucks for the cheapest nylon option with no frills. Nylon. That's equivalent to an entire pair of pointe shoes for shiny, fat highlighting, minimal sweat absorbing nylon.

Maybe it's magical nylon that makes you look a full size smaller with legs up to your ears and feet to make Paloma Herrera weep.
posted by romakimmy at 11:31 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


is it a leotard that removes my bunions, where do i buy that.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


The presence of Far Cry as a status symbol for under-18 kids - because they play it with their most popular schoolmates and get a bit of their gloss - is not a sign of this article being dumb New York journalism but a sign of how dumb status symbols are in general. A wise inclusion.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 11:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


The presence of Far Cry as a status symbol for under-18 kids - because they play it with their most popular schoolmates and get a bit of their gloss - is not a sign of this article being dumb New York journalism but a sign of how dumb status symbols are in general. A wise inclusion.

Yeah, I thought that was actually a fairly clever bit of piss-taking. Because it absolutely was a status symbol at that age; when I was that age, it was having Goldeneye on N64, because it meant you had the money for a video game system and games and had parents who would let you play "adult" games.
posted by protocoach at 11:39 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Anyone who uses metric paper in the US - haaaaaaaardcore.

Like me using yellow trace in Europe..
posted by mumimor at 11:42 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I didn't get all the way through the list, so I didn't see if they had "IT Professional" covered.

The real status symbol is pasty whiteness and a saggy, tired face. There are things that money can't buy.


Yeah, as I was enjoying this list with my family, I told them about the IT billionaire I met the other day - fits your description exactly.
posted by mumimor at 11:48 AM on September 29, 2015


Pretty sure I saw a promotion - buy 5 bunion removing leotards, get a free matching hip replacement.
posted by romakimmy at 11:50 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


As a clarinetist, I use only bespoke reeds from Rico and sons...

As a sax player who switched from trumpet, I quickly got fed up with the interminable futzing with reeds (culling, wetting, breaking in, shaping, having to replace them when they get fatigued mere days after they finally hit their sweet spot, etc.) that woodwind players are a slave to. I decided that buying "expensive" synthetic Fibracell reeds and having each one last unchanged for literally months before getting flabby was infinitely preferable to probably spending the same amount on dozens of cane reeds - plus the accompanying required faffing about - in the meantime. It didn't take me very long to adjust my embouchure to get my preferred sound out of them, either.

But I know quite a few reed players that look at me like I'm nuts when I say I've spent $12-$14 on a single reed - and it's not even "natural" cane!
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:04 PM on September 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


But I know quite a few reed players that look at me like I'm nuts when I say I've spent $12-$14 on a single reed - and it's not even "natural" cane!

I do this with Elixir bass strings. They cost 2-3x regular bass strings, last 6x as long, and retain those sparkly high harmonics almost through their entire lifespan.

As a brass player through college, I would sit behind the oboes and bassoons and just marvel at how much time they'd spend on their reeds. Then I'd empty my spit valve right next to their water bottles.
posted by Existential Dread at 12:09 PM on September 29, 2015 [14 favorites]


I have no clue about the other status symbols but the long lived diesel Benz and the Jeep Wagoneer ring true.

I want a bigger garage.
posted by Monochrome at 12:18 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


My husband would totally disagree on the bowling ball one. Something like almost all of his multiple, multiple bowling balls are from the 80's and he swears by them.

The technology has improved so much since then that he can swear by them all he wants, but he'd easily get a good-sized jump in his average just by going with new gear. The coverstocks now do a lot better at absorbing oil to grip the lanes faster and stronger, and the weight blocks really offer a lot more variety in when and how the ball breaks.

When I stopped bowling 5 years ago, getting a new ball every year was very common for a lot of people.
posted by evilangela at 12:46 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'd add a few for designers/architects:
The Gedess lead pointer and either Caran d'Ache or Koh-i-noor lead holder (or Rotring 600)
A Braun, Nomos, or Junghans 'Max Bill' watch
Sennheiser, AKG, or Beyerdynamic headphones
Strong opinions about either canary, yellow, or white trace
posted by a halcyon day at 12:51 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Aren't most earyl-80s diesel Mercedes nowadays end up being converted to biodiesel?
posted by I-baLL at 12:54 PM on September 29, 2015


...while late-model VW SUVs will just end up getting Rolling Coal bumper stickers instead.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:02 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Among my friends in high school, Manic Panic or Punky Colors was what was often used, but Kool-Aid sent a signal of greater authenticity, warding off any notions that you were some mere poseur with enough spending-money that it could be frittered away at Sally's Beauty Supply.

In Denver in the early 80s, any sort of 'party colors' temporary dye was the mark of a poseur. I was at an outdoor show one time where it started raining and people were blocking anyone with temporary dyes from getting into the covered restrooms, so they'd get all wet and their hair dye would run.

And I am literally going to go buy everything on that list now, so suck it, haters. You'll never be as cool as me!
posted by ernielundquist at 1:04 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Damn, nailed me, a halcyon day. I bought a Braun watch earlier this year. (I already had the Rotring and Sennheisers, lol).
posted by Ambient Echo at 1:06 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


my primary status symbol these days is a health insurance plan with a tiny deductible and no referrals needed.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:10 PM on September 29, 2015 [29 favorites]


I remember trying to use Kool-Aid! I looked and smelled like I'd let a popsicle melt in my hair and dry there. It was just gunk. I think it works better on kids with shorter or blonder hair. Now that I recall, dying your hair so many times that you ended up with this bleached, strawlike, tortured under-color was a signifier of a kid who was not only cool but had been cool for a long time, and had no parental sartorial oversight.
posted by Countess Elena at 1:17 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


And the pic for the game has an obvious age 18 rating on it. Like they just texted someone and had them ask their kid this question.

Rating or no rating, I can confirm that even here in the hinterlands the "cool kids" all play (or claim to play) 18+ games. My 4th grader suddenly wants the new Fallout, despite the fact he's never seen or played the other three, based solely on the buzz at school (likely driven by the app).

Also, we noted with some amusement recently that Minecraft of all things, is rated 10+. My son is 9 and has played for five years, and he's pretty typical, if you judge by YouTube.
posted by anastasiav at 1:23 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Guys! Guys! Speaking of cool, look at this picture in the new Jörn Günther catalogue. It's from an early 15th century Book of Hours with an illustration that I'm calling "Angels make Baby Jesus pie."

♫♪ Wonder-ful! Coun-selor! Almighty God, the Prince of Pie!♫♪
posted by octobersurprise at 1:36 PM on September 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


I simply must remember to have one of my servants get me these things so I can give them to my other servants. But not right now. I'm busy.
posted by srboisvert at 1:42 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Seriously, I thought this entry was a total ass-pull because - if you're a serious oboist you don't just BUY a reed that looks like that picture.

The oboe reed photographed is pretty terrible. It looks like it has fishskin AND a wire, which means it isn't sealing properly along the sides and air is leaking. And the thread is varnished to hell, which means someone isn't confident in their knot-tying abilities. It also looks like a mass-produced, generic French scrape (not that it's a bad scrape, but it's easier than the American scrape to produce by machine). In other words, it's mass-produced and probably sounds awful.
posted by Wossname at 1:46 PM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


At my hospital, status of being a doctor goes like this:

Year 1, intern: Hooray, I've got scrubs and a white coat! I'm a real doctor and people are impressed by me!

Year 5: Hooray, I don't need to wear the white coat to carry around all my notes and instruments! I'm a real doctor and people are impressed by me!

Year 10: Hooray, I wear an Italian suit every day! I'm a real doctor and people are impressed by me!

Year 15: Fuck, I'm on call again? I'm wearing jeans and t-shirt because I'm a REAL doctor and what I wear has nothing to do with anything.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:50 PM on September 29, 2015 [17 favorites]


Existential Dread: “I do this with Elixir bass strings. They cost 2-3x regular bass strings, last 6x as long, and retain those sparkly high harmonics almost through their entire lifespan.”
I play guitar rather than bass, but Elixir strings are worth every penny of the extra money.
posted by ob1quixote at 2:10 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


The sclafani tomatoes are the ones I buy (I think years ago they were the consumer reports top choice?) but now I really want to do a side by side tasting with those $14 ones.
posted by rmless at 2:33 PM on September 29, 2015


Kimchi fridge: gimme.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 2:40 PM on September 29, 2015


My brother is a math professor, and one of the least materialistic people I know, and he loves Hagoromo Fulltouch chalk. It is legitimately A Thing among mathematicians.

Word is that Rikagaku is a decent substitute - not quite as good, but close enough.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:03 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I will second that Hagoromo Fulltouch chalk is really for real.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:19 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]




I worked for half a decade at Japanese schools and you could tell which teachers used Fulltouch, because they had their own private stashes they'd take to and from the classrooms with them instead of using the school-provided chalk. It was DIVINE, the chalk equivalent of the Uniball Jetstream.

Hearing that Hagoromo just went out of business made me feel a little tinge of sadness for a former life, so I checked out their web site. The home page does indeed state that they are out of business, though apparently the sheer volume of desperate outcry over wanting more Fulltouch led them to extend production for a month longer than planned.

The good news is that they also mention having passed the Fulltouch production technology to another company, Umajirushi. time will tell whether they do it justice.
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:09 PM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


The best quote about the Hagoromo chalk is "it's like a Lamborghini for your hands."
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:27 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I can testify that those pastilles are really good, by far the best medicated or unmedicated relief for a scratchy or sore throat I've ever tried. I have the blackcurrant flavour.
posted by mythical anthropomorphic amphibian at 4:37 PM on September 29, 2015


Regarding pens (and pilot pens and imports), I got a pilot custom 74 imported because that's half the cost of buying it from the US branch of the company, and it still isn't a cheap pen.

It was DIVINE, the chalk equivalent of the Uniball Jetstream.

Is this where I talk about how I used to buy my red and blue Uni-ball Signo refills on eBay from sellers in Japan? You can get black refills in the U.S., but not red and blue—a pain for anyone who works with printed proofs, especially when dueling over changes with multiple editors with their own preferred pen colors. (I still shake my fist at the punk kid who came in and usurped orange from me, but I bet that's how the older staff writer who preferred purple felt when I switched, so I guess turnabout's fair play.) I need to get those pens out of the box I stashed them in when I got a new gig last fall and quit working on paper...

Also, I really don't need chalk, but I really want some.
posted by limeonaire at 4:46 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I just bought some of those pastilles. About all that I can afford/get my hands on from this list anyway.
posted by peacheater at 4:49 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was totally worried they'd do a beer on this list, and then I'd have a dozen or so people coming to me asking me to order some beer that was only released in cork & cage 750ml bottles at the limited brewery-only celebration last fall in upper NE Backwoodsistan.

Fortunately they didn't, and I can go back to relaxing and drinking my PBR tallboys. Which I drink because they are cheap and I work in beer so I am always thirsty and broke.

So to add to their list: on their off days, beer folks either drink PBR or if they are acolytes of Caligone: Miller Lite. Always tallboys. However, when we're in public, we pull something obscure out of our huge cellars of beer we're afraid to drink alone and try to act all humble about it. "Oh, it's just a wild-soured, barrel-aged Hill Farmstead and Lawson's collab release I picked up last time I was at the brewery, have some!" The tryhards will always show off whatever whalez they just scored and act like they're doing you a massive favor to give you a miniscule pour.

We do always have some nifty bottle opener on our keychain, but there's no consensus on type or branding. It's usually whatever you can get for free.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 5:17 PM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


I work in beer so I am always thirsty and broke.

And also, one would presume, soaking wet with steadfastly pruney skin.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:50 PM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


Even in this era of widening inequality, the ultimate aim is to be — to however small a degree — the envy of your peer group, whether you’re an oligarch or a Pratt student.

The correct phrasing should be, "Especially in this era of widening inequality, ..."

Are the leather jackets only for leather daddies in SF? Because I am a boring Midwestern straight, but dammnnnn that is a nice jacket.

They are legitimately nice jackets and are worn by many actual motorcyclists, as well as all the leather people. The leather is incredible to touch and only gets nicer with time. I still have some regret that I did not buy one when they were much cheaper (though at the time they were unimaginably unaffordable; I would stop in at the store and try on jackets like an ashamed pervert a couple of times a year but could never order one).
posted by Dip Flash at 7:27 PM on September 29, 2015


Aren't most earyl-80s diesel Mercedes nowadays end up being converted to biodiesel?

Yeah, more or less. Though the one a friend owns is in the shop a lot, and every time it's in the shop it costs about $500.

Grether's pastilles are legitimately nice, and one of those rare chances to taste blackcurrant and redcurrant in the US, though ridiculously expensive with restricted supply: they were $5 half a dozen years ago when World Market sold them.
posted by holgate at 7:38 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


limeonaire: “Also, I really don't need chalk, but I really want some.”
Yes. I meant to say that too. I don't even think I have a slate in the house, let alone a chalkboard, but I really want that chalk.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:48 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


The house I'm about to move out of has one wall that a previous tenant turned into a huge chalkboard...I wish I'd heard about that chalk a couple years ago...
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:55 PM on September 29, 2015


Man.... Something about this list was just... sad?

Not because I'm above it. I'm not, but when I got to the Far Cry one, I was all "Man, what am I doing with my life?". For all the lack of self-awareness that the rest of the list seemed to demonstrate, that one hit really hard.
posted by schmod at 8:45 PM on September 29, 2015


I imagine I'm not the only one who clicked through this list half-expecting to find "Sub-14,000 Metafilter User Number."






I'm talking CASH MONEY people, name your price.

posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:31 PM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I hate to be that guy but I'm pretty sure they mean Chemdawg?
posted by OverlappingElvis at 10:00 PM on September 29, 2015


what's chemdawg?

NOT MUCH YOU
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:16 PM on September 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


Good God, it took NYC this long to discover Langlitz Leathers? Seriously, those jackets were a status symbol back in the 80s in Portland, and they weren't "just for going to leather events" although they had their fans - they were the best-designed custom leathers for riding and although they were expensive, they weren't overpriced at all considering leathers are essential safety gear for people who commute by motorbike on Portland's often slick roads.
posted by gingerest at 10:24 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


It would be somewhat less sad if they were flourishing in Chile but dying out in New York because propagation and import were forbidden, but even that doesn't hold - there are invasive plants banned in New York state, but no cactus on the list.
posted by gingerest at 12:34 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


And also, one would presume, soaking wet with steadfastly pruney skin.

This is actually more true than I care to admit.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 4:47 AM on September 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


I agree that there is such a thing as investing in quality, especially if you're pushing the top of your field, or have ambitions of pushing the top of your field (Ex: The reeds for oboe players, the chalk).

Even buying something purely for fun (the lipstick, the drone, etc.)

Beyond that, buying something purely for status reasons is idiotic.
posted by prepmonkey at 7:51 AM on September 30, 2015


buying something purely for status reasons is idiotic.

A bold controversial stance!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:33 AM on September 30, 2015 [7 favorites]


Okay, I give up, how is Far Cry 4 a status symbol? It's Far Cry 4, far crying out loud.
posted by I-baLL at 8:41 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


I-ball, I think the deal is that for a kid, it totally can be. It means 1) you have a game system that can play it; 2) someone bought you a ~$60 game for that system; 3) it's rated so that you shouldn't be playing it, but you're allowed to. It seems odd that it wouldn't be something newer and shinier, though.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:32 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


" you have a game system that can play it" It's available for all consoles. I can buy it for my 360 right now. And it only costs 30 bucks which is pretty much the standard price for all of these games. I can't imagine a video game being a status symbol. Now having a ton of video games and multiple consoles? Okay, that's a status symbol though not sure of which status (uber video gamer, maybe?)

Actually, being able to play Crysis on your pc with all the graphics settings set to high may have been a status symbol before.
posted by I-baLL at 9:37 AM on September 30, 2015


not sure of which status

nerd overlord
posted by poffin boffin at 11:21 AM on September 30, 2015


I can't imagine a video game being a status symbol.

Were you never a kid? OF COURSE THEY ARE.

(For my generation it was BBC Micro kids crowing over Elite; then us C64 kids getting the ported version, and whether you had the cassette or disk version.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 11:36 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


All I know is I instantly like someone better if they have a copy of City of Darkness or the Codex Seraphinianus on their coffee table or bookshelf

Finally, someone is impressed! Because my wife sure doesn't appreciate it. :)

posted by Theta States at 2:05 PM on September 30, 2015


(OK this Blow Up polish movie poster is amazing)

Yea, holy shit. Are prints available? $1500 for an original is pretty depressing.
posted by emptythought at 4:30 PM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


My pastilles arrived today. Delicious. And effective. Thank you, list gods!
posted by bearwife at 4:09 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


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