Pamela Anderson to marry Kid Rock.

April 13, 2002 5:36 PM

Pamela Anderson to marry Kid Rock. I'll wait for the movie.
posted by dchase (52 comments total)

Gross.
posted by holycola at 5:39 PM on April 13, 2002

Too bad. Joe Dirt has the cooler car.
posted by machaus at 5:39 PM on April 13, 2002

I'm packin up my game an I'ma head out west/where women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts...
posted by jonmc at 5:41 PM on April 13, 2002

How long before Anderson turns up dead in a hotel room somewhere? Seems inevitable to me for some reason.
posted by scarabic at 5:45 PM on April 13, 2002

Judging by the amount of makeup she wears, I'd say it has already happened.
posted by Settle at 5:47 PM on April 13, 2002

Eww! She looks like she's made of Fimo

I can't wait for the Kid Rock/Pam Anderson sex video to come out. I've always had a thing for him, which must have something to do with the fact that I lived my early life in a trailer.

Wishful thinking, scarabic.
posted by evanizer at 5:49 PM on April 13, 2002

You'll wait for the movie? I'll wait for it to come out on video...
posted by SpecialK at 6:26 PM on April 13, 2002

I'm reasonably sure that when it is released, we'll get a link here first.
posted by verso at 7:01 PM on April 13, 2002

So how does he compare to Tommy Lee? Anybody got a ruler?

never mind... that was probably too crude.
posted by benjh at 7:14 PM on April 13, 2002

I wish I knew the answer to that, benjh.

I want to conduct a poll of the 'straight' men of Mefi: I cannot imagine anyone being remotely attracted to Pamela Anderson. She just seems too scary. I mean, Britney I can understand (sort of). But Pam Anderson? But what do I know about ladies. Do any of you men find her beautiful or pretty or sexy? Or is she as much of a freak as I think she is. I'm just curious.
posted by evanizer at 7:38 PM on April 13, 2002

evanizer: Britney yes, Pamela no.

It's the same "Mary Ann/Ginger" dynamic that has gone on for generations.
posted by yhbc at 7:48 PM on April 13, 2002

As a representative of the hetero nation, ev, I can say I find her about as sexy as a bag of peat moss. I'm more a J.C. Herz, Natalie Portman, Lesley Boone* man myself.

*call me crazy, I think she's hot.
posted by jonmc at 7:50 PM on April 13, 2002

The peat moss comment goe double for Britney. Sorry, oliver.
posted by jonmc at 7:51 PM on April 13, 2002

jon, you're crazy. (not to turn this into fark, or anything).

That said, I stand by (and hopefully, explain) my position - caricatures of traditional female beauty (see: Pam Anderson, Ginger on Gilligan's Island) are in real life only attractive to young boys who don't know any better and older men who never grew up. I don't think Britney has become a caricature herself yet, but she could eventually.
posted by yhbc at 8:06 PM on April 13, 2002

Britney is disgusting. But compared to Pamela, she's alright, in a campy, porn star sort of way.
posted by insomnyuk at 8:07 PM on April 13, 2002

Jon, you are not crazy. Just because Lesley Boone is not a size 0 does not mean she isn't sexy (all those negatives! the point is Lesley Boone IS sexy).
posted by LeiaS at 8:19 PM on April 13, 2002

jon, you have such eclectic and diverse taste in music and in women, too. I like that. Although I have to add, I find it hard to believe that many straight men would kick Pamela or Britney out of bed, no matter how over the top and cartoonish they might be.
posted by iconomy at 8:28 PM on April 13, 2002

Believe it or not, most guys I know consider both Britney and Pamela to be cartoon characters. They wouldn't kick 'em out of bed but these guys probably wouldn't kick Josephine The Plumber out of bed, that's just how straight men are a lot of the time. :)
posted by jonmc at 8:37 PM on April 13, 2002

I hate `em both.
I'd rather Andy Rooney.
posted by dong_resin at 8:37 PM on April 13, 2002

Jon, you are definitely not crazy. Lesley Boone is hotter than Britney or Pamela. Pamela's scary looking, and Britney, well, it's not too tough to look good when you're 19 and pampered.

And since you brought up the actress who plays Molly on "Ed," I'll observe that the central female character on the show (the cookie-cutter blonde teacher Carol Vessey [sp?]) is the least interesting and least attractive of the three main women on the show (Nancy, Mrs. Doctor Mike, is the other). The same thing is true of "Ally McBeal" and "Sex and the City," and maybe some others as well. Why would this be? Or am I just wrong about Ally and Sara Jessica Parker's character (whose name escapes me)?
posted by diddlegnome at 8:38 PM on April 13, 2002

I think it's Carrie and you are so right. I'd never thought about it before. And the same holds true for leading men - I always think the sidekick is much more attractive. Hhmm.

Josephine The Plumber

It is to laugh ;)
posted by iconomy at 8:48 PM on April 13, 2002

diddlegnome, my theory on that is that the shows you mention are geared toward gaining as large a female audience as possible, so the central characters are set up as female everyman characters which means they are necesarily a little bland(Ally being the exception). Sidekicks onthe other hand, are usually there for comic relief which means they can be as weird as they want, which to a lot of people makes them more appealing.
This is not limited to chick-centric shows, Look at Taxi to pick a random example, Alex was an ordinary if likable guy, but the supporting charcters like Latka, Louie, and Ignatowski(my personal hero) were completely off the wall and consequently more popular. One could say that often the main character of a sitcom is merely a wall for the supporting cast to bounce off of.

Just a theory.
posted by jonmc at 8:48 PM on April 13, 2002

But a good theory, jon, and it makes as much sense as anything I can think of. I've never been able to figure why that neurotic little scarecrow Ally gets all the guys when Vonda works in the same building.

Oh, that's right, it's because somebody *wrote* it that way.
posted by diddlegnome at 8:54 PM on April 13, 2002

Vonda? Gimme Elaine the secretary any day, man.

But the sidekick angle has appeled to me since I was a kid. I had an idea for a short story called "Sidekick's Revenge" once* where this typical cowboy hero turns to his sidekick and says he has to go rescue the damsel in distress and the sidekick says "How come you always get to do that?" and a lengthy debate ensues, with the end result being the sidekick galloping off to the rescue leaving the hero scratching his head.

OK, It needs some fleshing out, but I like it.

*really, this thread just brought it back, honest.
posted by jonmc at 9:01 PM on April 13, 2002

Judging by the amount of makeup she wears, I'd say it has already happened.

MeFi history made: I agree with Settle!
posted by adampsyche at 9:16 PM on April 13, 2002

Britney looks like a goddamned horse. And a horse can do useful work.
posted by Settle at 9:31 PM on April 13, 2002

Good lord. owillis, you're needed. Administrator, please hope me!
posted by yhbc at 9:39 PM on April 13, 2002

Pamela Anderson looked pretty good back in her early years. Before Playboy, the boob job, Baywatch, etc., when she was a simple Canadian girl and landed the role of "Labatt Blue Zone Girl" for the Canadian brewery, she was very easy on the eyes. But age, wear and tear, and excessive makeup have not made her look any better

jonmc: Gimme Elaine the secretary any day, man.

Funny, but when you said that I immediately thought of her first. Now she was/is definitely one of the most underrated beauties on tv. And she meets the "wacky sidekick" rule as well.
posted by Grum at 9:51 PM on April 13, 2002

Whenever I see Elaine on Ally McBeal I can't help but remember her scene as Cousin Vicki in "National Lampoon's Vacation" oh so many years ago.

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
posted by monique at 10:05 PM on April 13, 2002

speaking of jane krakowski, does anyone remember her as cousin vicki in national lampoon's vacation?

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
posted by quonsar at 10:06 PM on April 13, 2002

Of course, Britney looks best to me topless.
posted by dong_resin at 10:13 PM on April 13, 2002

cousin vicki in national lampoon's vacation

*That* was Jane Krakowski? Wow. I had no idea.
posted by diddlegnome at 10:34 PM on April 13, 2002

Speaking of hot "sidekick" chicks (and of taxi) did anyone else think Carol Kane was kind of a hottie? or have gone completely over the edge here?
posted by jonmc at 10:38 PM on April 13, 2002

I think everyone should take a moment to appreciate the amazing simul-post that quonsar and monique just pulled off. Either that, or someone is mixing up their aliases.
posted by malphigian at 11:04 PM on April 13, 2002

I would, but then I'd have to scroll up a a bit and read them. We can't have that.

I'm with you on the Carol Kane thing, Jon.
Not unlike my raging thing for Annabelle Gurwitch.
posted by dong_resin at 11:09 PM on April 13, 2002

Whoa! That's amazing... I hope this is real and not the Klonopin and Bombay Sapphire playing tricks on me.

Perhaps someone did find that time machine after all. I can see the tatoo:
"April 13, 2002. 10:05 pm PST. MetaFilter thread #16336. Post something about Jane Krakowski"
posted by evanizer at 11:12 PM on April 13, 2002

I may be the third biggest fag here, but are you people crazy? Have none of you seen Barb Wire? Pam Anderson is totally totally hot and you know it.

I hereby end my boyzone participation. ;)
posted by RJ Reynolds at 11:15 PM on April 13, 2002

Who are in the number one and number two spots, darling RJ?
posted by evanizer at 11:16 PM on April 13, 2002

All these people that you mentioned, yes I know them they are quite lame; I had to rearrange their faces and give them all another name.
posted by Mack Twain at 11:35 PM on April 13, 2002

That would be Miguel and Miguel, if I'm not very much mistaken, evanizer.
posted by Settle at 11:47 PM on April 13, 2002

Now, now, boys, no namecalling. (Boyzone MeFi strikes again.) Anyway, if Pammie wants to do a "for life" hookup with Bob, (yes, Kid Rock's name is Bob) then well, that's her prerogative. The two seem to be a match made in sleazo tabloid hell, though that's just the two of them. I wonder about the kids -- I mean, what woman looks at Kid Rock and thinks "Yes, I should entrust the raising of my sons to this man."

Oh. Never mind. Duh. The woman who looked at Tommy Lee and thought "Yes, I should procreate with this man."
posted by Dreama at 1:01 AM on April 14, 2002

Bailey (Jan Smithers), the glasses gal versus Jennifer (Loni Anderson) on WKRP. Loni is another cartoon.

Murphy Brown was one show where I found the intentional hot babe hot, Corky (Faith Ford).
posted by HTuttle at 1:37 AM on April 14, 2002

And don't forget Kate Rambeau (Dey Young) to Rock N' Roll High School's lead, Riff Randal (P.J. Soles). Sure, Riff was the cute rebel, but I always had the chub for bespectacled Kate. :)
posted by tpoh.org at 3:53 AM on April 14, 2002

Who are in the number one and number two spots, darling RJ?

*Whistles, waves towards Connecticut (and Chicago)*

God, I can't believe people are turning on Tommy Lee, too! I mean, he's emaciated and volatile! Mmm.

After all Pammy and Tommy have done for America, too.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 6:27 AM on April 14, 2002

Pamela Anderson stopped being attractive when she had her lips done. Now she looks like one of those Spitting Image puppets. I hear tell that fake breasts are sort of hard to the touch, but they're ok for squeezin'. But what is kissing those fake lips like? Ew.
posted by macadamiaranch at 7:36 AM on April 14, 2002

Not much to add, but yes, Pam Anderson went from hot to shot long ago. She's a caricature, like a blonde Elvira. Britney: cute, but less "hot" than Drew Barrymore, for instance.
And I always dug Jan Smithers myself even if I couldn't recall her name. Not Faith Ford, however; I thought Miles's girlfriend Audrey (another actress whose name eludes me--Jane something?), who also turned up on Frazier, was hotter.
Erika Eleniak was probably Best Baywatch Babe Ever--but Donna D'Erico was right up there with her. But Lisa Hartman...didn't anybody tell Clint Black she's mine?
For big-screen leading ladies, Sharon Stone and Theresa Russell spring to mind...followed by Olivia D'Abo in Conan the Destroyer.
posted by StOne at 8:48 AM on April 14, 2002

And wasn't Josephine the Lady Plumber once a little cutie-pie herself? I seem to recall reading that she was Darla in those Little Rascals films, wherein Robert Blake (nee Gubatosi) was Porky. Old age gets us all if we live long enough.
posted by StOne at 9:33 AM on April 14, 2002

wow. that was too wierd. i thought i was the only person on the planet who knew that was jane krakowski. well, enough standing around gawking, i'm off to the empire state building.
posted by quonsar at 9:39 AM on April 14, 2002

(Sharon has nothing to do with my username BTW)
posted by StOne at 9:42 AM on April 14, 2002

Beating everyone to the punch:
"OK, that's enough sharin,' StOne!"
posted by StOne at 9:46 AM on April 14, 2002

Pamela Anderson is attractive in a very abstract sort of way; you look at her and you think nice legs, nice rack...

But it's just too much, too fake. Somehow, she winds up being less than the sum of her parts.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 4:30 PM on April 14, 2002

oh my god. how funny. i love that movie and have seen it hundreds of times, so i'm full of useless trivia about the people who played in it.
posted by monique at 10:57 PM on April 14, 2002