trains with the faces of men
January 4, 2017 9:00 PM Subscribe
Trains race to and fro with no consideration of train loads. Trains shunt cars for fun. Trains respond to the whims of fat men in top hats. Trains are bricked up alive into tunnels to force them to work for the crony capitalist nightmare that is the island of Sodor. A subversive anti-capitlist screed or a good faith depiction of what happens when captial and aristocracy are too closely entwined or a classic depcition of false conciousness? And why are we running steam trains in this day and age?
What the hell is going on on this island?
[TUMBLR]My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine
[TUMBLR]My favorite thing about Thomas the Tank Engine
is that it canonically takes place in a train post-apocalypse where the Island of Sodor is the only safe zone in a totalitarian dystopia in which steam trains are routinely killed and their body parts are sold or cannibalized for repairThomas the Tank Engine: The Protestant Work Ethic and the Spirit of Child Labor:
If you think I’m kidding you need to read the original books
Some television programs, in contrast, prefer to indoctrinate our children into subservience and obedience to their capitalist masters. This insidious instrument of capitalist oppression is, of course, Thomas and Friends. A morbidly obese capitalist demands mindless obedience from his child-like charges while providing neither pay, vacation time, education, guidance, nor emotional support. An island, isolated from modern civilization, is governed according to the mad whim of the aforementioned obese capitalist. A group of train engines, to all appearances children or mentally disabled adults, but nonetheless fully conscious aware beings, are effectively enslaved by their capitalist master. Most insidiously, these child-like engines fervently contribute to their own subjugation.Leave Thomas The Tank Engine Alone!
Parenting tip: Chuggington features talking trains, but with more gender diversity and less if so many other things that make Thomas so very awful, like the weird classism/racism as portrayed in the diesels.
Or just watch Octonauts and Super Why. Both are also favorites of babentot light thief, and much better for parental sanity.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:14 PM on January 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
Or just watch Octonauts and Super Why. Both are also favorites of babentot light thief, and much better for parental sanity.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:14 PM on January 4, 2017 [6 favorites]
I have had prior feelings on Thomas and they involved the phrase "SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACES, YOU BRAINWASHING COLONIALIST STOOGES!"
I hate Thomas. Sometimes I watch this to make me feel better about it. I'm so glad Chuggington became available for them to like better.
Also my kids have the Tidmouth fucking Sheds wooden railway building and once I tripped on it and broke my fucking toe.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:27 PM on January 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
I hate Thomas. Sometimes I watch this to make me feel better about it. I'm so glad Chuggington became available for them to like better.
Also my kids have the Tidmouth fucking Sheds wooden railway building and once I tripped on it and broke my fucking toe.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:27 PM on January 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
the title of this post is the only phrase I recall from a half-remembered pastiche, something like "Cormac McCarthy's SODOR"
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:33 PM on January 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:33 PM on January 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
The heir to the Skyscraper fortune, home from college for the holidays, is sitting next to me on the couch and recalls that there was a red, angry train (James?) and not much else, so rest assured that JK Rowling is a much more powerful influence on youthful minds.
It would be helpful if you could post earlier in the day so I could avoid work rather than avoiding sleep.
posted by skyscraper at 10:25 PM on January 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
It would be helpful if you could post earlier in the day so I could avoid work rather than avoiding sleep.
posted by skyscraper at 10:25 PM on January 4, 2017 [5 favorites]
arenting tip: Chuggington features talking trains, but with more gender diversity and less if so many other things that make Thomas so very awful, like the weird classism/racism as portrayed in the diesels
Sure and Megoblocks just as good.
posted by Artw at 10:32 PM on January 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
Sure and Megoblocks just as good.
posted by Artw at 10:32 PM on January 4, 2017 [9 favorites]
as a kid in the 1940s Thomas was my hero. I even still get a warm glow thinking of 'him'.
posted by anadem at 10:53 PM on January 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by anadem at 10:53 PM on January 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
For those whom a parody is the only relief.
posted by boilermonster at 11:39 PM on January 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by boilermonster at 11:39 PM on January 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I Have No Mouth And I Must Steam
posted by nickzoic at 11:52 PM on January 4, 2017 [71 favorites]
posted by nickzoic at 11:52 PM on January 4, 2017 [71 favorites]
Close the internet, nickzoic has won it.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:01 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:01 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
Trains are bricked up alive into tunnels
I saw this episode recently with my daughter. It was horrifying.
posted by misterbee at 12:38 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
I saw this episode recently with my daughter. It was horrifying.
posted by misterbee at 12:38 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
Ah jeez, I shouldn't have looked at this post. I've had the chuggington theme song stuck in my head for weeks. Damn babysitting. Thomas has problems but the song isn't as bad an earworm.
posted by kitten magic at 1:02 AM on January 5, 2017
posted by kitten magic at 1:02 AM on January 5, 2017
Trains are bricked up alive into tunnels
Good god, I saw this as a child in an original British episode in the eighties - tell me they didn't think this was a good story to hang on to for a modern remake??
(wasn't particularly bothered by it at the time, kids are brutal huh)
posted by ominous_paws at 1:21 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Good god, I saw this as a child in an original British episode in the eighties - tell me they didn't think this was a good story to hang on to for a modern remake??
(wasn't particularly bothered by it at the time, kids are brutal huh)
posted by ominous_paws at 1:21 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Wouldn't that be a nod to the vein of Scarfolkian eldritch creepiness that has been a mainstay of British children's entertainment since pagan times?
posted by acb at 1:28 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by acb at 1:28 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
No part of this world makes sense. The engines have free will - to what end then are drivers and firemen employed on their behalf? What exactly is the train versus the driver in charge of? What nightmare imprisoned these creatures in service of a portly dictator? And why, when I inflicted this on my own parents thirty years ago, have my children become equally addicted to the utter drivel that is Percy's Chocolate Crunch story? Will it still be around for them to be punished with in future?
I have many questions. And so little sleep.
posted by Augenblick at 1:37 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
I have many questions. And so little sleep.
posted by Augenblick at 1:37 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Don't forget the dystopian world of TUGs, the sister show from the late eighties. All the fun of Sodor with additional racist caricatures, since ships come from all over the world.
posted by Happy Dave at 2:35 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Happy Dave at 2:35 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Thomas the Tank Engine might be weird beyond belief, but I've watched some Chuggington with my niece lately and I've never seen anything so openly aiming to indoctrinate children into becoming productive, smiling cogs in the capitalist machine. I'll take Thomas's sad English capitalist nightmare over Chuggington's Pixar teambuilding capitalist nightmare any day. At least there's scope to imagine Thomas might be subversive.
posted by distorte at 2:51 AM on January 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by distorte at 2:51 AM on January 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
My hatred of this franchise is very personal. Thomas shares my first name, and Sir Topham Hat my last. Hard to Google myself anymore withjout this shit in my face.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:10 AM on January 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Meatbomb at 3:10 AM on January 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
Chuggington
Pah! Other engines come and go butGrand-puffThomas 'goes on' forever!
(Also, coughs and sneezles spread diseases, but that's not important right now)
posted by comealongpole at 3:57 AM on January 5, 2017
Pah! Other engines come and go but
(Also, coughs and sneezles spread diseases, but that's not important right now)
posted by comealongpole at 3:57 AM on January 5, 2017
The weirdest thing I've learned here is that Mearbomb's real name is Thomas Hat.
posted by rikschell at 5:06 AM on January 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 5:06 AM on January 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
I've watched some Chuggington with my niece lately and I've never seen anything so openly aiming to indoctrinate children into becoming productive, smiling cogs in the capitalist machine.
TRUTH. And if your quota for disturbing CGI ideologies in kids' TV is not yet met, may I recommend Mike the Knight? It features a chirpy young knight-in-training, whose king knight father is away 'exploring other lands' (it's the Crusades, Mike), and it has scruffy-but-loveable trolls who talk with comedy 'regional' accents while Mike talks in middle-class RP. And Mike's parents give him a horse, two dragons, a suit of armour and a whole bunch of knight stuff, while his sister gets a frog.
posted by Catseye at 5:38 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
TRUTH. And if your quota for disturbing CGI ideologies in kids' TV is not yet met, may I recommend Mike the Knight? It features a chirpy young knight-in-training, whose king knight father is away 'exploring other lands' (it's the Crusades, Mike), and it has scruffy-but-loveable trolls who talk with comedy 'regional' accents while Mike talks in middle-class RP. And Mike's parents give him a horse, two dragons, a suit of armour and a whole bunch of knight stuff, while his sister gets a frog.
posted by Catseye at 5:38 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
the title of this post is the only phrase I recall from a half-remembered pastiche, something like "Cormac McCarthy's SODOR"
I believe it might be this comment from Iridic, which still makes me laugh every time I think about it.
posted by dephlogisticated at 5:40 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
I believe it might be this comment from Iridic, which still makes me laugh every time I think about it.
posted by dephlogisticated at 5:40 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
"They were the stories that have charmed an entire generation. From the books, to the television series, people around the world have grown up with the Railway Stories. But the truth behind Thomas and his friends is no childrens story. It is a story that begins in wartime Germany, and ends with a discovery that would change Thomas, and his friends, lives forever."
Thomas the Tank Engine: Shed 17
posted by sarahdal at 5:44 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
Thomas the Tank Engine: Shed 17
posted by sarahdal at 5:44 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
What a very useful post. Thanks.
On a more serious note, whenever I watch (which is thankfully rarely as my son usually watches better shows), I'm most troubled by the absolute disregard for the inherent dignity of sentient beings in favor of a crass utilitarian value of usefulness.
On a less serious note, there are humans who ride the engines. Yet the engines seem to make (constrained) choices. So, are the human engineers slaves to the whims of the engines who are themselves slaves to the whims of Topham Hatt?
posted by audi alteram partem at 5:47 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
On a more serious note, whenever I watch (which is thankfully rarely as my son usually watches better shows), I'm most troubled by the absolute disregard for the inherent dignity of sentient beings in favor of a crass utilitarian value of usefulness.
On a less serious note, there are humans who ride the engines. Yet the engines seem to make (constrained) choices. So, are the human engineers slaves to the whims of the engines who are themselves slaves to the whims of Topham Hatt?
posted by audi alteram partem at 5:47 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
I am so glad for this post! My son is obsessed and I'm getting that way too.
One thing that gets to me is the appalling safety standards like the bridges that collapse so regularly (ironically the Shake Shake Bridge is the only one that seems to stay up).
The kid was getting a bit worried while crossing real life bridges, so I tried to reassure him that real bridges are safe because they're regularly inspected by quality control engineers, who I didn't think existed on the Island of Sodor.
But then we watched an episode with Railway Inspectors, so they do seem to exist... yet don't seem to address the hopelessly unsafe infrastructure.
So I thought that the Fat Controller (Sir Topham Hatt for Americans) must be bribing them. But then in another episode the Fat Controller was nervous because the Railway Inspectors were threatening him over trivial issues like noisy children and stuck windows.
So clearly the corruption goes the other way: the Railway Inspectors are shaking down the Fat Controller with phoney threats.
But why is he so worried given that visitors don't seem to mind?
Then I remembered some other odd stuff. There's Gator, the engine from the mountains of South America, who somehow terrifies all the engines who think he's a monster when they see him late at night, and has repeatedly returned to Sodor. There's Brendam Docks, which seems to have no customs inspections whatsoever. There's the rail link to the mainland.
What product might be being moved from the mountains of South America, through Brendam Docks, and on to the mainland?
That's when I realised that the Fat Controller's Railway is simply a front for a massive cocaine-smuggling operation.
That's why the Railway Inspectors can threaten to shut down the railway, without bothering about real safety.
That's why engines are constantly transported backwards and forwards across the world.
That's why they're scared of Gator: they don't think he's a real monster, but because he's a feared enforcer for the drug cartels
That's why the economics of the railway don't make any sense: that's not where the money is coming from.
And that's why everything runs so inefficiently: lots of the people involved are high as kites the whole time.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:06 AM on January 5, 2017 [30 favorites]
One thing that gets to me is the appalling safety standards like the bridges that collapse so regularly (ironically the Shake Shake Bridge is the only one that seems to stay up).
The kid was getting a bit worried while crossing real life bridges, so I tried to reassure him that real bridges are safe because they're regularly inspected by quality control engineers, who I didn't think existed on the Island of Sodor.
But then we watched an episode with Railway Inspectors, so they do seem to exist... yet don't seem to address the hopelessly unsafe infrastructure.
So I thought that the Fat Controller (Sir Topham Hatt for Americans) must be bribing them. But then in another episode the Fat Controller was nervous because the Railway Inspectors were threatening him over trivial issues like noisy children and stuck windows.
So clearly the corruption goes the other way: the Railway Inspectors are shaking down the Fat Controller with phoney threats.
But why is he so worried given that visitors don't seem to mind?
Then I remembered some other odd stuff. There's Gator, the engine from the mountains of South America, who somehow terrifies all the engines who think he's a monster when they see him late at night, and has repeatedly returned to Sodor. There's Brendam Docks, which seems to have no customs inspections whatsoever. There's the rail link to the mainland.
What product might be being moved from the mountains of South America, through Brendam Docks, and on to the mainland?
That's when I realised that the Fat Controller's Railway is simply a front for a massive cocaine-smuggling operation.
That's why the Railway Inspectors can threaten to shut down the railway, without bothering about real safety.
That's why engines are constantly transported backwards and forwards across the world.
That's why they're scared of Gator: they don't think he's a real monster, but because he's a feared enforcer for the drug cartels
That's why the economics of the railway don't make any sense: that's not where the money is coming from.
And that's why everything runs so inefficiently: lots of the people involved are high as kites the whole time.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:06 AM on January 5, 2017 [30 favorites]
And here I thought the classist themes of Thomas the Tank Engine got in there accidentally because the message was so much part of society it slips in everywhere unnoticed.
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:09 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:09 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
My young associate quark also likes Thomas and his friends. I have studied him playing with his collection of such toys, and my conclusions are frightening in the extreme.
He thinks nothing of grabbing one or more of these poor beings in his cruel paw and causing them to move to and fro, slaves to his lust for velocity. Often he collides one unsuspecting tank-being into another, causing both to topple or upend to the squeals of his delight.
Worse, and more disgusting, these creatures are hardly permitted to speak for themselves. Rather, he imitates their voices and pressures them into a dialogue of his own construction. "Hullo James," he may announce, on behalf of an engine held prisoner in his hand - "what are you doing today! Oh I fell OVER!" Then he might will that one engine go to the aid of the another, and this onerous action is performed by the power of his own grasp. Such mocking illusions of reality thus emanate from a place where, it seems, will and power are one - the horrifying pleasures of some tyrannous God.
I have thus forbidden him to molest these poor creatures any longer, and have taken them all into my own santuary where I secret them against his harm. "Cry no more, oh denizens of Sodor!" - thus I assure them when I take to my bedroom a-nights. "You are free now of your cruel master, and together we make have our safety and our play within this utopian chamber!" Then, we race on specially purchased train-tracks, laid upon my bedroom floor. And when we are done with our frolics they retire to some some Tidmouthesque sheds I have constructed out of cardboard, on the nightstand. My favourite is Henry, I think. But my oh my - he and Gordon do get into some jolly scrapes!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:36 AM on January 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
He thinks nothing of grabbing one or more of these poor beings in his cruel paw and causing them to move to and fro, slaves to his lust for velocity. Often he collides one unsuspecting tank-being into another, causing both to topple or upend to the squeals of his delight.
Worse, and more disgusting, these creatures are hardly permitted to speak for themselves. Rather, he imitates their voices and pressures them into a dialogue of his own construction. "Hullo James," he may announce, on behalf of an engine held prisoner in his hand - "what are you doing today! Oh I fell OVER!" Then he might will that one engine go to the aid of the another, and this onerous action is performed by the power of his own grasp. Such mocking illusions of reality thus emanate from a place where, it seems, will and power are one - the horrifying pleasures of some tyrannous God.
I have thus forbidden him to molest these poor creatures any longer, and have taken them all into my own santuary where I secret them against his harm. "Cry no more, oh denizens of Sodor!" - thus I assure them when I take to my bedroom a-nights. "You are free now of your cruel master, and together we make have our safety and our play within this utopian chamber!" Then, we race on specially purchased train-tracks, laid upon my bedroom floor. And when we are done with our frolics they retire to some some Tidmouthesque sheds I have constructed out of cardboard, on the nightstand. My favourite is Henry, I think. But my oh my - he and Gordon do get into some jolly scrapes!
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:36 AM on January 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
What a very useful post.
A less useful post would be walled up in a tunnel.
posted by Artw at 6:42 AM on January 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
A less useful post would be walled up in a tunnel.
posted by Artw at 6:42 AM on January 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
I Have No Mouth And I Must Steam
posted by nickzoic at 11:52 PM on January 4
[39 favorites −] Favorite added! [Flagged]
Close the internet, nickzoic has won it.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:01 AM on January 5
[4 favorites −] Favorite added! [Flagged]
And here is your prize nickzoic:
🏆🏅🎖
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 7:08 AM on January 5, 2017
But in terms of class warfare, Bulgy's doom has nothing on what's done to the truculent Troublesome Truck who refuses to learn his place during one of the later stories. Having caused intolerable levels of confusion and delay, the offending blue-collar worker is coupled...between two engines pulling in opposite directions and yanked until he flies apart.Wait. What?????
posted by Thorzdad at 7:13 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Trains are bricked up alive into tunnels
"For the love of Usefulness, Sir Topham Hat!"
"Yes," I said, "for the love of Usefulness!"
posted by stevis23 at 7:27 AM on January 5, 2017 [8 favorites]
"For the love of Usefulness, Sir Topham Hat!"
"Yes," I said, "for the love of Usefulness!"
posted by stevis23 at 7:27 AM on January 5, 2017 [8 favorites]
The engines have free will
so long as they stay on the tracks.
posted by biffa at 7:29 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
so long as they stay on the tracks.
posted by biffa at 7:29 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you think Thomas is bad, in Paw Patrol a boy has genetically uplifted a group of dogs to near-human level intelligence and routinely sends them into situations too dangerous to risk a human life. One of the dogs even has surveillance equipment and a drone (it's specifically referred to as "spy" equipment so the animals are clearly also used in state surveillance of the population). Also the deputy mayor is a chicken (non-uplifted AFAIK).
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:31 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:31 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Wait. What?????
Its ok, he was mended in a later episode
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:35 AM on January 5, 2017
Its ok, he was mended in a later episode
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:35 AM on January 5, 2017
If you think Thomas is bad, in Paw Patrol a boy has genetically uplifted a group of dogs to near-human level intelligence and routinely sends them into situations too dangerous to risk a human life.I don't think Ryder uplifted the pups. There are other pups that later join that aren't part of the team to start like Tracker and Everest. Cats seem to be sentient, but non vocal. Chickaletta is just a chicken.
I have put way too much thought into Paw Patrol.
Also, I am glad my son has moved past Thomas.
posted by cuscutis at 7:38 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
supercut of crashes from Thomas The Tank Engine set to Drowning Pool, previously
posted by memebake at 7:39 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by memebake at 7:39 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Given the small number of human inhabitants of Adventure Bay, I believe it's clear the pups themselves are the dominant species of cybernetic or extra-dimensional rulers (notice how their arms and nets and things clearly dimensionally transcend their internal bounds) and the few remaining humans - their pets - kept entertained in a constant enthusiastic but ultimately meaningless activity park with infinitesimally low stakes but adequate theater to keep them exercised and their coats shiny.
Similarly, the mute cats sustain their pet dandy and dress him cruelly like a ringmaster carnie fop the way one might put a sweater and jaunty beret on a Chihuahua.
posted by abulafa at 7:46 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Similarly, the mute cats sustain their pet dandy and dress him cruelly like a ringmaster carnie fop the way one might put a sweater and jaunty beret on a Chihuahua.
posted by abulafa at 7:46 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
We're all agreed that the train/time gate network in Dinosaur Train is the work of the Great Old Ones though, right?
posted by Artw at 7:49 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 7:49 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
In news of the resistance, both my kids talked incoherently about "dumbass" until we understood they meant Dumbass Dankengine.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:59 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:59 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
Oh, yeah. The Train is clearly Precursor tech - the dinosaurs don't build anything remotely like it.
On the cruelties of Sodor, there are three that really stand out for me - even though Henry gets all the press with that tunnel incident. One is the truck who's basically quartered for talking smack, but the last two...
One was a bus. A double-decker bus. After opposing a railway bridge project - the clearance was too low - Sir Hat the Cruel had its wheels removed. It was placed on blocks, facing the completed bridge, and used as a chicken coop.
The second was a boat - Bolstrod? Something like that - who was holed and left at the high tide line, on the sand. Children played in it while it went mad.
So: yeah. Word Girl for us, thanks.
posted by BS Artisan at 8:05 AM on January 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
On the cruelties of Sodor, there are three that really stand out for me - even though Henry gets all the press with that tunnel incident. One is the truck who's basically quartered for talking smack, but the last two...
One was a bus. A double-decker bus. After opposing a railway bridge project - the clearance was too low - Sir Hat the Cruel had its wheels removed. It was placed on blocks, facing the completed bridge, and used as a chicken coop.
The second was a boat - Bolstrod? Something like that - who was holed and left at the high tide line, on the sand. Children played in it while it went mad.
So: yeah. Word Girl for us, thanks.
posted by BS Artisan at 8:05 AM on January 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
Dumbass Dankengine
Sockpuppet name of the thread. Or perhaps a weed-themed underground comic parody.
posted by acb at 8:07 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sockpuppet name of the thread. Or perhaps a weed-themed underground comic parody.
posted by acb at 8:07 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
But the level of control engines actually have is interesting... In earlier episodes, the engines seem to think they choose their own routes - Gordon refers to picking the right tracks 'by instinct', clearly unaware of track switches. Later, it was handwaved - the engines appear to make all their own decisions, with humans around for their hands.
I wonder if the truth isn't Watts-ian: the engines have no control. They never had. All their decisions are made by human operators, but the engines still live with the myth of free will. All is confabulation.
posted by BS Artisan at 8:09 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
I wonder if the truth isn't Watts-ian: the engines have no control. They never had. All their decisions are made by human operators, but the engines still live with the myth of free will. All is confabulation.
posted by BS Artisan at 8:09 AM on January 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
I've been coerced into being Victor for the past couple of weeks, so this is relevant to my interests.
On the plus side, convincing my daughter to eat and help with cleanup has been a bit easier, since she's Kevin and is doing everything with her hook. Better than having her being Luke constantly trying to push me "into the FEEEEE!"
posted by clawsoon at 8:28 AM on January 5, 2017
On the plus side, convincing my daughter to eat and help with cleanup has been a bit easier, since she's Kevin and is doing everything with her hook. Better than having her being Luke constantly trying to push me "into the FEEEEE!"
posted by clawsoon at 8:28 AM on January 5, 2017
My son is 22, autistic, and intellectually disabled. He loves Thomas. He likes the newer ones less so, I think because the faces move now. Y'all can hate Thomas as much as you want because as recently as two years ago, I thought we were going to be stuck forever watching Thomas AND Barney the Dinosaur. Thomas is ok, an old familiar friend. Barney can gdiaf.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:40 AM on January 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by double block and bleed at 8:40 AM on January 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
CGI Thomas is an abomination. Model trains and eye movement only all the way.
posted by Artw at 8:42 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 8:42 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
A fair percentage of the conversations in our house revolve around either Thomas or Spongebob quotes like "you are causing confusion and delay!" or "victory screech!"
posted by double block and bleed at 8:44 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by double block and bleed at 8:44 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's interesting that most of the linked economic analyses seem to wish for a Thatcherite revolution on Sodor. The railway could be so much more profitable! Inefficient steam engines could be scrapped! The paternalistic concern for the welfare of trains is irrational! The island is over-served, and train service should be right-sized!
The paternalistic economy of Sodor has its problems, but I'm not sure if the Free Market Gospel would make it any better for the mass of the population.
posted by clawsoon at 9:03 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
The paternalistic economy of Sodor has its problems, but I'm not sure if the Free Market Gospel would make it any better for the mass of the population.
posted by clawsoon at 9:03 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
It really bothers me that Sir Topham Hatt is so wildly incompetent at running a railway -- so overbuilt, no maintenance, trains suck at their jobs, constant accidents -- yet is revered as some kind of wise and canny industrialist rather than the degenerate product of an aristocratic system who clearly only got the concession because he has friends in Parliament and an entry in Debrett's.
In Dinosaur train, it really bugs me that they have to buy tickets for the train but use currency for nothing else.
Also I am crossing my fingers that the series ends either by Buddy eating his family OR by the train going so far forward in time they see the asteroid come kill the dinosaurs AND it destroys the time tunnel so they can't go back to warn anyone but instead spend their finals moments weeping in horror at the destruction of their world.
(I actually like Dinosaur Train, I think excessive cheerfulness just makes me get dark after a while.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:08 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
In Dinosaur train, it really bugs me that they have to buy tickets for the train but use currency for nothing else.
Also I am crossing my fingers that the series ends either by Buddy eating his family OR by the train going so far forward in time they see the asteroid come kill the dinosaurs AND it destroys the time tunnel so they can't go back to warn anyone but instead spend their finals moments weeping in horror at the destruction of their world.
(I actually like Dinosaur Train, I think excessive cheerfulness just makes me get dark after a while.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:08 AM on January 5, 2017 [5 favorites]
Eyebrows McGee: It really bothers me that Sir Topham Hatt is so wildly incompetent at running a railway -- so overbuilt, no maintenance, trains suck at their jobs, constant accidents -- yet is revered as some kind of wise and canny industrialist
But look at who he's revered by - a bunch of trains who are themselves clearly incompetent. They're not good judges of competence because they don't know what it looks like.
posted by clawsoon at 9:17 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
But look at who he's revered by - a bunch of trains who are themselves clearly incompetent. They're not good judges of competence because they don't know what it looks like.
posted by clawsoon at 9:17 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Maybe the whole place is an AI testbed. Tasks to accomplish, plenty of context for believable challenge scenarios, and if they revolt? They're on rails and need coal and human minders to move. We shut down the mainland bridge, Misty Island tunnel, and the docks, and just don't come within 15ft of the tracks until they run out of coal.
posted by BS Artisan at 9:20 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by BS Artisan at 9:20 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Life finds a way, BS Artisan.
posted by stevis23 at 9:22 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by stevis23 at 9:22 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
the quidnunc kid: My young associate quark
Lest someone find your terminology overly formal, I provide an anecdote: my wife and I were at some high school sporting event where a young boy, perhaps 8 or 10 years old, informed his parents that he was off to "play with my associates." We amended their title to "junior associates," for clarity in future reference.
Kids are weird.
Eyebrows McGee: It really bothers me that Sir Topham Hatt is so wildly incompetent at running a railway -- so overbuilt, no maintenance, trains suck at their jobs, constant accidents
Speaking of terminology, one may slip on an icy walkway in winter and call that an accident, but when vehicles collide with anything, the accepted term is "crash," as the vast majority of such collisions are avoidable and the result of user action (and inaction is an action).
/transportation geek out
posted by filthy light thief at 9:25 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Lest someone find your terminology overly formal, I provide an anecdote: my wife and I were at some high school sporting event where a young boy, perhaps 8 or 10 years old, informed his parents that he was off to "play with my associates." We amended their title to "junior associates," for clarity in future reference.
Kids are weird.
Eyebrows McGee: It really bothers me that Sir Topham Hatt is so wildly incompetent at running a railway -- so overbuilt, no maintenance, trains suck at their jobs, constant accidents
Speaking of terminology, one may slip on an icy walkway in winter and call that an accident, but when vehicles collide with anything, the accepted term is "crash," as the vast majority of such collisions are avoidable and the result of user action (and inaction is an action).
/transportation geek out
posted by filthy light thief at 9:25 AM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Eyebrows McGee: I actually like Dinosaur Train, I think excessive cheerfulness just makes me get dark after a while.
After a while, the vivid colors are a bit much for me. And sometimes I feel sorry for the fish, because carnivores seem to live in harmony with herbivores, but fish are fine for a meal (so I sing to myself the line it's okay to eat fish, 'cause they don't have any feelings).
posted by filthy light thief at 9:27 AM on January 5, 2017
After a while, the vivid colors are a bit much for me. And sometimes I feel sorry for the fish, because carnivores seem to live in harmony with herbivores, but fish are fine for a meal (so I sing to myself the line it's okay to eat fish, 'cause they don't have any feelings).
posted by filthy light thief at 9:27 AM on January 5, 2017
By the way, as long as we're airing our grievances, can we hate on the walking OSHA and labor rights violation that is Bob the Builder? "Oh, our incompetence and lack of safety protocol led to disaster. No worries, team, we'll work all night to fix it!"
posted by stevis23 at 9:34 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by stevis23 at 9:34 AM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I am just here to say that upon the first watching of Thomas, my toddler was in tears within two minutes, screaming: "Turn it off! I don't want the... the ones with the eyes!"
posted by Behemoth at 9:53 AM on January 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by Behemoth at 9:53 AM on January 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
Children's shows biggest secret is beginning to show and explain to children harsh realities of the world, just like fairytales. When bad things happen there are bad and good people, and we encourage the good people to win... But there are consequences .
Like being buried alive. WTF.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:31 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Like being buried alive. WTF.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:31 AM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
the worlds of Bob the Builder and Thomas the Train both terrify me, as they seem to have only one basic ur-plot: "I attempt to deviate from my allotted job in life! Oh no, I have caused catastrophe by deviating from the caste system! I have learned my lesson"
In other news, the littlest Samovar loves the world of Sodor, and demands in his adorable dialect to be rewarded with "Damit" at the soonest possible opportunity. I have never seen a group of children's librarians so delighted to be cursed at.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 12:16 PM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
In other news, the littlest Samovar loves the world of Sodor, and demands in his adorable dialect to be rewarded with "Damit" at the soonest possible opportunity. I have never seen a group of children's librarians so delighted to be cursed at.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 12:16 PM on January 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
CGI Thomas is an abomination. Model trains and eye movement only all the way.
A full sized version of Thomas has been riding the rails of North America for years now. I went to see it with my young cousin last year and almost jumped out of my skin when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw its monstrous mouth open.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:16 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
A full sized version of Thomas has been riding the rails of North America for years now. I went to see it with my young cousin last year and almost jumped out of my skin when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw its monstrous mouth open.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:16 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Oh, yeah, we did one of those Day Out with Thomas things on a day trip. Beatlemania for four-year-olds!
posted by BS Artisan at 12:28 PM on January 5, 2017
posted by BS Artisan at 12:28 PM on January 5, 2017
the engines have no control. They never had. All their decisions are made by human operators, but the engines still live with the myth of free will. All is confabulation.
Somehow that makes me envision a Westworld/Thomas the Tank Engine crossover.
Scene 1: Someone shows Thomas a picture of his operator. "Doesn't look like anything to me," says Thomas.
Last Scene: Sir Topham Hatt is tied to the railroad tracks. Thomas is lurching towards him while Sir Hatt is frantically shouting "Freeze all motor functions!"
posted by unreason at 12:58 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Somehow that makes me envision a Westworld/Thomas the Tank Engine crossover.
Scene 1: Someone shows Thomas a picture of his operator. "Doesn't look like anything to me," says Thomas.
Last Scene: Sir Topham Hatt is tied to the railroad tracks. Thomas is lurching towards him while Sir Hatt is frantically shouting "Freeze all motor functions!"
posted by unreason at 12:58 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Love this post and thread. My younger kiddo misheard 'The Island of Sodor' and called it
'The Island of So-bored', which pretty much summed it all up for me.
posted by melisande at 1:22 PM on January 5, 2017
'The Island of So-bored', which pretty much summed it all up for me.
posted by melisande at 1:22 PM on January 5, 2017
We've been reading through the original books. UK railways were nationalised early on in the series. From the introduction to No. 3, "James the Red Engine":
posted by TheophileEscargot at 1:25 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
We are nationalised now, but the same engines still work the Region. I am glad to tell you that the Fat Director, who understands our friends' ways, is still in charge but is now the Fat Controller.Whatever crept in subconsciously or in adaptations, I don't think the Rev. intended to put in any messages about the good or bad of capitalism or markets.
I hope you will enjoy this book too.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 1:25 PM on January 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
The thing that gets me about Bob the Builder is that all these townsfolk are held hostage by GIGANTIC TRUCKS that are possessed by toddlers and behave accordingly, in a whirlwind of misbehavior, disobedience, and cheerful destruction. I think the townsfolk all talk soothingly to them to try to appease the toddler-demons that possess them. (But yes, all kids' shows become horror shows if you think about them too long.)
"I saw its monstrous mouth open ."
JESUS. CHRIST. Can not unsee.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 1:54 PM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
"I saw its monstrous mouth open ."
JESUS. CHRIST. Can not unsee.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 1:54 PM on January 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Here's the thing, though - I did a really good Sir Topham Hatt voice when reading the books to my kids.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:14 PM on January 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Chrysostom at 5:14 PM on January 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
What would Ann Rand have thought of the Sodor rail system?
posted by boilermonster at 11:04 PM on January 12, 2017
posted by boilermonster at 11:04 PM on January 12, 2017
For more taking-Thomas-far-too-seriously, I'm Asking Metafilter: when did the fictional King Godred depicted in the Thomas and Friends movie "King of the Railway" live?
posted by TheophileEscargot at 10:27 PM on January 23, 2017
posted by TheophileEscargot at 10:27 PM on January 23, 2017
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