Rubbery, processed, salty, smoky, filthy, and delicious.
April 13, 2012 2:43 AM Subscribe
"It’s really not fair", says the LA Times. "For the lucky Brits", says Fox. "The stuff of dreams", says the UK's tabloid Sun. Truly, today is a new chapter for humankind, as we welcome the Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza Crust.
...thus proving once again that the only food worth eating in the UK has its origins in the Indian subcontinent.
Now I'm really intrigued to know if you're referring to pizza or... hot dogs?!?! with this.
posted by smoke at 2:51 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm referring to my sheer sense of disgust with the notion of the "hot dog stuffed pizza crust".
posted by Slothrup at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Slothrup at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
The bread was fake and weird but chewy like a bagel.
If that is meant to be "The bread was fake and weird, but chewy like a bagel," well, OK, it's your experience. The way it's written suggests that bagels are fake and weird, and, Mr. Guardian-Writer, those are fighting words....
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
If that is meant to be "The bread was fake and weird, but chewy like a bagel," well, OK, it's your experience. The way it's written suggests that bagels are fake and weird, and, Mr. Guardian-Writer, those are fighting words....
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
...thus proving once again that the only food worth eating in the UK has its origins in the Indian subcontinent.
Nah, a proper Cornish Pasty is wonderful.
posted by Akke at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
Nah, a proper Cornish Pasty is wonderful.
posted by Akke at 2:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
The Brits love sausages wrapped in pastry and dough. This is kind of a circular sausage roll.
posted by carter at 2:54 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by carter at 2:54 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
Mmmm, "bedoughed, pink-brown phallus". That's certainly an... evocative phrase.
posted by DecemberBoy at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by DecemberBoy at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
For the record, Pizza Hut has been doing a version of the 'Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza' in South Korea for years. Proof: this weird commercial uploaded to YouTube in 2007.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
OH GOD IF THEY MADE A PIZZA WITH GREGG'S SAUSAGE ROLL AS THE CRUST I WOULD DIE
Probably of a heady mixture of cholesterol and joy.
posted by emmtee at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Probably of a heady mixture of cholesterol and joy.
posted by emmtee at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
1) That sounds really gross.
2) But if you think about it, sausage on a pizza isn't unknown and is in fact pretty good. If you did this at home with fresh ingredients. Wait...how do you make a hot dog?
3) That sounds really, really, REALLY gross.
posted by DU at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
2) But if you think about it, sausage on a pizza isn't unknown and is in fact pretty good. If you did this at home with fresh ingredients. Wait...how do you make a hot dog?
3) That sounds really, really, REALLY gross.
posted by DU at 2:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
If this is wrong then, man, I don't want to be right.
posted by fight or flight at 3:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by fight or flight at 3:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
No doubt this will soon result in a political scandal where Milliband and Cameron rush to be the first photographed necking one because they're so down with the proles.
posted by Abiezer at 3:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Abiezer at 3:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
Before anyone assumes that Pizza Hut is introducing something unhealthy, this is also home of the deep fried heroin supper, andParmo.
This counts as a healthy option.
posted by notseamus at 3:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
This counts as a healthy option.
posted by notseamus at 3:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't really get the point of a stuffed crust. I mean, just put more stuff on the pizza.
posted by londonmark at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by londonmark at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have this image in my mind of somehow removing the sausage in one piece from one of these "pizzas" and ending up with a great flaccid ring of grey fake meat. And the "Mustard Drizzle" sounds less like a delicious condiment than some kind of horrible WWI chemical atrocity.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [21 favorites]
One knows they're not going to go high end enough on this, so their sausage is going to really turn out to be a slightly spiced nasty bit of hot dog. I think they missed the bacon boat on this, and gone with a thinner version, using bacon inside the crust, instead.
posted by Mattachine at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Mattachine at 3:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is a remarkably effective and simple rule for pizza consumption, the thinner the crust, the better the pizza. I consider Chicago style pizza basically inedible, stuffing the crust only makes it worse. italian pizza, Alsatian flammkuchen, French crepes, etc. all rock!
There is plenty of good traditional food in Britain, but it's sold by pub food and requires advance preparation, so city pubs commonly make all their money on beer and sell crap food, especially in working class English cities.
There is afaik only one good place for British food in all of Manchester, namely Tom's Chop House and its sibling Sam's Chop House, although one Canal st. bar has edible British food. I unaware of any such place in Birmingham or Liverpool.
There are however country pubs that cannot make their money on alcohol because people must drive there. I've enjoyed almost every meal I've eaten in a country pub, even in England.
I have done alright with pub meals in Edinburgh and St. Andrews as well, suggesting that Scotland might just have better traditional food than England, except their pretty posh places. I've forgotten ever meal I've eaten in Glasgow, but that'd make a better comparison to Manchester.
In fact, there a generic pizza chain in Scotland called Pizza express that makes ediblely thinly crusted pizza. yum!
posted by jeffburdges at 3:19 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
There is plenty of good traditional food in Britain, but it's sold by pub food and requires advance preparation, so city pubs commonly make all their money on beer and sell crap food, especially in working class English cities.
There is afaik only one good place for British food in all of Manchester, namely Tom's Chop House and its sibling Sam's Chop House, although one Canal st. bar has edible British food. I unaware of any such place in Birmingham or Liverpool.
There are however country pubs that cannot make their money on alcohol because people must drive there. I've enjoyed almost every meal I've eaten in a country pub, even in England.
I have done alright with pub meals in Edinburgh and St. Andrews as well, suggesting that Scotland might just have better traditional food than England, except their pretty posh places. I've forgotten ever meal I've eaten in Glasgow, but that'd make a better comparison to Manchester.
In fact, there a generic pizza chain in Scotland called Pizza express that makes ediblely thinly crusted pizza. yum!
posted by jeffburdges at 3:19 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
The UK has great, fresh produce and meats and outstanding dairy. They have the best desserts in the world. Why they want to follow the Americans into the land of obesity-inducing, greasy, processed pseudo-food is beyond me.
posted by vacapinta at 3:20 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by vacapinta at 3:20 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
WHAT HATH PIZZA SCIENCE WROUGHT
My friend had this and posted pictures on her Facebook. Apparently not too bad. The hot dog is like the sausage you get in a tin of sausage and beans. As expected, really.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:22 AM on April 13, 2012
My friend had this and posted pictures on her Facebook. Apparently not too bad. The hot dog is like the sausage you get in a tin of sausage and beans. As expected, really.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:22 AM on April 13, 2012
A spokesman for Pizza Hut said: “The range builds on our proud tradition of creating innovative dishes to enjoy on a night in with friends.”
He went on to comment, "These innovations are the result of our vision and commitment to the field of 9 year-old male taste sensibilities. Our research department tells us that we are but months away from finally mastering sour gummy worm and pop rocks toppings technology. 2012 will truly be a year of advances."
posted by Rhomboid at 3:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
He went on to comment, "These innovations are the result of our vision and commitment to the field of 9 year-old male taste sensibilities. Our research department tells us that we are but months away from finally mastering sour gummy worm and pop rocks toppings technology. 2012 will truly be a year of advances."
posted by Rhomboid at 3:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'd hit it.
posted by bardic at 3:23 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by bardic at 3:23 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Crazy Pizza Hut pizza has been in Hong Kong for years including sausages in the crust. It's all shit.
Meanwhile Pizza Express (mentioned above) is also in HK and frankly it's probably the best option (other than super-expensive restaurants). But it's really shit as well.
I love good pizza - but I have never found a chain that can do it well.
posted by awfurby at 3:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Meanwhile Pizza Express (mentioned above) is also in HK and frankly it's probably the best option (other than super-expensive restaurants). But it's really shit as well.
I love good pizza - but I have never found a chain that can do it well.
posted by awfurby at 3:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
metafilter: a great flaccid ring of grey fake meat
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 3:40 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 3:40 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've disliked the numerous desserts I've eaten in England, vacapinta, well "crème anglaise" is disgusting. Pies are good of course, especially rhubarb. Is that what you mean? Shortbread is nice too. Ginger bread rocks, maybe that's partially German though. Imho, France does desserts as well or better overall : tuiles, crème brûlée, clafoutis, etc.
posted by jeffburdges at 3:42 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by jeffburdges at 3:42 AM on April 13, 2012
Our restaurant had a hot dog on the bar menu, but it was a kosher beef dog seared off and then wrapped in puff pastry and baked for twenty minutes. You don't suppose that was what they were thinking, do you?
posted by halfbuckaroo at 3:43 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by halfbuckaroo at 3:43 AM on April 13, 2012
'Creme anglaise' is not a dessert in England.
posted by Summer at 3:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Summer at 3:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
I love good pizza - but I have never found a chain that can do it well.
Piola and Ask make good pizza, but those are small chains.
posted by Akke at 3:47 AM on April 13, 2012
Piola and Ask make good pizza, but those are small chains.
posted by Akke at 3:47 AM on April 13, 2012
In fact, there a generic pizza chain in Scotland called Pizza express that makes ediblely thinly crusted pizza. yum!
It's throughout the UK, but predominantly in England - it's headquartered in London.
(For passable chain pizza in the UK, Zizzi's isn't terrible, but really, you're better off finding a small independent Italian place - even my wee town has a couple.)
posted by Dysk at 3:55 AM on April 13, 2012
It's throughout the UK, but predominantly in England - it's headquartered in London.
(For passable chain pizza in the UK, Zizzi's isn't terrible, but really, you're better off finding a small independent Italian place - even my wee town has a couple.)
posted by Dysk at 3:55 AM on April 13, 2012
Is it an unbroken ring of hot dog meat? Could you use it as a belt? I need answers here.
posted by orme at 3:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by orme at 3:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
How quickly do you need answers? Are your pants in imminent danger of falling down?
posted by louche mustachio at 4:00 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 4:00 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
Are you wearing pizza pants?
posted by louche mustachio at 4:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [12 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 4:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [12 favorites]
Jesus, that's vile. And I say that as someone who has had a doner kebab pizza (and would again if I hadn't given up eating lamb).
I had a pizza in Finland last week that came with reindeer meat. It sadly wasn't nice.
posted by mippy at 4:04 AM on April 13, 2012
I had a pizza in Finland last week that came with reindeer meat. It sadly wasn't nice.
posted by mippy at 4:04 AM on April 13, 2012
The Brits love sausages wrapped in pastry and dough.
Also anything in pie form.
posted by kersplunk at 4:07 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also anything in pie form.
posted by kersplunk at 4:07 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Actually, last time we ordered from Pizza Hut you could get some kind of cookie dough side.
I'm 30, and grew up in a backward corner of the provinces, but in the UK I don't remember pizza being really popular until the late 80s/early 90s. If you live in an area with a Muslim population, fried chicken is the more popular takeaway (it's halal and there are about 70m sub-KFC operations) but where I grew up, until very recently when they opened a Frankie and Benny's, the only places to eat were the supermarket cafe, McDonalds or pizza takeaways. As a teen, we went to Pizza Hut because it wasn't just the only sit-down restaurant we could afford, but the only one in town. It later became a KFC, then a Gamestation store, then empty - probably because it couldn't compete with Pizza Planet and Pizza Station.
posted by mippy at 4:08 AM on April 13, 2012
I'm 30, and grew up in a backward corner of the provinces, but in the UK I don't remember pizza being really popular until the late 80s/early 90s. If you live in an area with a Muslim population, fried chicken is the more popular takeaway (it's halal and there are about 70m sub-KFC operations) but where I grew up, until very recently when they opened a Frankie and Benny's, the only places to eat were the supermarket cafe, McDonalds or pizza takeaways. As a teen, we went to Pizza Hut because it wasn't just the only sit-down restaurant we could afford, but the only one in town. It later became a KFC, then a Gamestation store, then empty - probably because it couldn't compete with Pizza Planet and Pizza Station.
posted by mippy at 4:08 AM on April 13, 2012
A new export market for pink slime! You wouldn't even have to form it into a hot dog first, just develop an injection machine and shoot it right into the crust.
posted by tommyD at 4:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by tommyD at 4:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
I don't really get the point of a stuffed crust. I mean, just put more stuff on the pizza.
It's not about the amount, it's about the distribution.
posted by DU at 4:17 AM on April 13, 2012
It's not about the amount, it's about the distribution.
posted by DU at 4:17 AM on April 13, 2012
When the Lamb opened the fifth seal, I heard the voice of the fifth living creature say, "Come and see!" I looked and there before me was a flaccid brown horse! Its rider was named Hut, and Pizza was following close behind him. They were given power over all of the earth to kill by pizza crust stuffed with shitty hotdogs.
posted by Splunge at 4:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 4:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
There are other places to get pizza in the UK other than pizzametropizza.com, who knew?
posted by fistynuts at 4:27 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by fistynuts at 4:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Wiener? In my cornicione? It's more likely than you think.
posted by uncleozzy at 4:38 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by uncleozzy at 4:38 AM on April 13, 2012
I've disliked the numerous desserts I've eaten in England, vacapinta, well "crème anglaise" is disgusting. Pies are good of course, especially rhubarb. Is that what you mean? Shortbread is nice too. Ginger bread rocks, maybe that's partially German though. Imho, France does desserts as well or better overall : tuiles, crème brûlée, clafoutis, etc.
France's creme brulee is arguably the British dessert of burnt cream.
Anyways, by desserts I mean: Sticky Toffee pudding, Eccles cakes (with Lancashire cheese), Bakewell tarts, Sponge cakes, Treacle tarts, Bread and butter pudding, Jam roly-polys, Eton mess, Apple pie, Crumbles, etc.
posted by vacapinta at 4:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
France's creme brulee is arguably the British dessert of burnt cream.
Anyways, by desserts I mean: Sticky Toffee pudding, Eccles cakes (with Lancashire cheese), Bakewell tarts, Sponge cakes, Treacle tarts, Bread and butter pudding, Jam roly-polys, Eton mess, Apple pie, Crumbles, etc.
posted by vacapinta at 4:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
I've disliked the numerous desserts I've eaten in England
Then you have never had sticky toffee pudding. Or decent trifle.
There are two things that British cooks have always excelled at-- condiments and sweets.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Then you have never had sticky toffee pudding. Or decent trifle.
There are two things that British cooks have always excelled at-- condiments and sweets.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
In fact, there a generic pizza chain in Scotland called Pizza express that makes ediblely thinly crusted pizza. yum!
It's throughout the UK, but predominantly in England - it's headquartered in London.
(For passable chain pizza in the UK, Zizzi's isn't terrible, but really, you're better off finding a small independent Italian place - even my wee town has a couple.)
posted by Dysk at 11:55 on April 13 [+] [!]
Pizza Express, Zizzi and Ask are all owned by Gondola Holdings. Personally I find all three to be much of a muchness.
posted by jonnyploy at 4:55 AM on April 13, 2012
It's throughout the UK, but predominantly in England - it's headquartered in London.
(For passable chain pizza in the UK, Zizzi's isn't terrible, but really, you're better off finding a small independent Italian place - even my wee town has a couple.)
posted by Dysk at 11:55 on April 13 [+] [!]
Pizza Express, Zizzi and Ask are all owned by Gondola Holdings. Personally I find all three to be much of a muchness.
posted by jonnyploy at 4:55 AM on April 13, 2012
Fire and Stone is OK if you like experimental pizza.
posted by Summer at 5:03 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Summer at 5:03 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Huh, I just assumed this was old hat in the West. We've had it for years in Japan.
posted by Bugbread at 5:04 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Bugbread at 5:04 AM on April 13, 2012
Of course it was Pizza Hut that came up with this.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2012
The most difficult thing was breeding the miniature, toroidal sheep in order to produce the casings.
Do you win a prize if you get the slice with the join?
posted by lucidium at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2012
Do you win a prize if you get the slice with the join?
posted by lucidium at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2012
And the "Mustard Drizzle" sounds less like a delicious condiment than some kind of horrible WWI chemical atrocity.
Or a deeply unsavory fetish, as in the deadline "MP Caught in Mustard Drizzle Scandal Denies Everything."
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
Or a deeply unsavory fetish, as in the deadline "MP Caught in Mustard Drizzle Scandal Denies Everything."
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
"The stuff of dreams", says the UK's tabloid Sun.
A dream to some. A nightmare to others.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
A dream to some. A nightmare to others.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
....Suddenly I really want to feed it to Patton Oswalt to see what his reaction is.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:42 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:42 AM on April 13, 2012
...sausage on a pizza isn't unknown and is in fact pretty good.
"Hot dog" is to "Sausage" as "Thomas Kinkade" is to "Art"
posted by Thorzdad at 5:56 AM on April 13, 2012
"Hot dog" is to "Sausage" as "Thomas Kinkade" is to "Art"
posted by Thorzdad at 5:56 AM on April 13, 2012
What happened to just putting a hot dog on a slice of pizza and folding it, like a normal person?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
The very best pizzas have no more than two toppings, and oftentimes one of the toppings is simply garlic. Discuss.
Actually, don't discuss. This is irrefutable.
posted by emelenjr at 6:07 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Actually, don't discuss. This is irrefutable.
posted by emelenjr at 6:07 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Actually, you know what, this gives me some ideas. I make a lot of grilled pizzas throughout the summer, and where there is a grill, there are frequently hot dogs.
I'm just sayin.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:11 AM on April 13, 2012
I'm just sayin.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:11 AM on April 13, 2012
> The very best pizzas have no more than two toppings
What if one of those toppings is pesto, and the other one is another pizza?
posted by lucidium at 6:16 AM on April 13, 2012
What if one of those toppings is pesto, and the other one is another pizza?
posted by lucidium at 6:16 AM on April 13, 2012
99% of the time when I get a pizza here in England I buy the fresh unfrozen ones from the grocery store that you stick in the oven for 10 minutes.
The delivery chains are overly salty, greasy, and insanely overpriced. I have found the eatin places like Ask/Zizzi/Pizza Express and their ilk overpriced and poncey.
posted by like_neon at 6:20 AM on April 13, 2012
The delivery chains are overly salty, greasy, and insanely overpriced. I have found the eatin places like Ask/Zizzi/Pizza Express and their ilk overpriced and poncey.
posted by like_neon at 6:20 AM on April 13, 2012
Wait...how do you make a hot dog?
It can be done. First, you get your sheep intestines. Even the Paupered Chef guys say it was a tremendous pain in the ass, though.
posted by Diablevert at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012
It can be done. First, you get your sheep intestines. Even the Paupered Chef guys say it was a tremendous pain in the ass, though.
posted by Diablevert at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012
I unaware of any such place in Birmingham or Liverpool.
Just want to quickly jump in and point out the wonderful Monro in Liverpool. There is also a place in Gateacre (still Liverpool) called the Bear and Staff that I like a lot. And as far as desserts go, sticky toffee pud is one of the finest desserts ever created. Also: Victoria sponge and trifle. The British get some foods wrong but their desserts are not one of them.
I never had a good pizza during my time in England. I learned to love Papa John's because it was the best I could get, which was always very sad for this pizza lover. However, the Indian food made up for that and now I can't find a good Indian place in my US city to save my life. But there is plenty of great pizza!
posted by triggerfinger at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Just want to quickly jump in and point out the wonderful Monro in Liverpool. There is also a place in Gateacre (still Liverpool) called the Bear and Staff that I like a lot. And as far as desserts go, sticky toffee pud is one of the finest desserts ever created. Also: Victoria sponge and trifle. The British get some foods wrong but their desserts are not one of them.
I never had a good pizza during my time in England. I learned to love Papa John's because it was the best I could get, which was always very sad for this pizza lover. However, the Indian food made up for that and now I can't find a good Indian place in my US city to save my life. But there is plenty of great pizza!
posted by triggerfinger at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
...thus proving once again that the only food worth eating in the UK has its origins in the Indian subcontinent.
posted by Slothrup at 10:47 AM on April 13
Thus proving once again that there are far too many people who know shit-all about food in the UK these days, and who positively seem to revel in making a damned fool of themselves by revealing the fact in public.
posted by Decani at 6:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
posted by Slothrup at 10:47 AM on April 13
Thus proving once again that there are far too many people who know shit-all about food in the UK these days, and who positively seem to revel in making a damned fool of themselves by revealing the fact in public.
posted by Decani at 6:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
Oh god, I forgot to mention in addition to the delivery chains and eat-in chains there's also the pizza they sell at the local chippy next to the fried chicken, kebab, and pickled eggs and they're usually called "Chik-N-Go" or "Tasty Rooster Bucket" or something like that. I probably forgot because my brain is trying to do me a favour by repressing traumatic experiences.
Sigh, I miss Blondies.
posted by like_neon at 6:38 AM on April 13, 2012
Sigh, I miss Blondies.
posted by like_neon at 6:38 AM on April 13, 2012
The worst pizza I've ever had was years ago at the Pizza Hut in Bath, served by a guy that looked suspiciously like Joe Strummer.
posted by malocchio at 6:53 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by malocchio at 6:53 AM on April 13, 2012
Oh, if you live in Manchester, go to Croma.
like_neon - proper chippies don't do pizza, kebabs or anything else. The chips from pizza/kebab shops are always Wrong.
Thus proving once again that there are far too many people who know shit-all about food in the UK these days, and who positively seem to revel in making a damned fool of themselves by revealing the fact in public.
SPOTTED DICK! BUBBLE AND SQUEAK! AMIRITE
posted by mippy at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012
like_neon - proper chippies don't do pizza, kebabs or anything else. The chips from pizza/kebab shops are always Wrong.
Thus proving once again that there are far too many people who know shit-all about food in the UK these days, and who positively seem to revel in making a damned fool of themselves by revealing the fact in public.
SPOTTED DICK! BUBBLE AND SQUEAK! AMIRITE
posted by mippy at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012
The worst pizza I ever had was 99p from the Co-op (chain of small to medium-sized supermarkets in the UK), and had, as a topping, something that was described as (presumably due to a legal technicality) "cheese style topping". No, this was not some sort of gluten- or dairy-free speciality item. It just wasn't legally allowed to be called "cheese".
The best I have had in the UK, was here in Brighton, and rivals what I've had in Italy (full disclosure, I know the guy who runs the place).
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012
The best I have had in the UK, was here in Brighton, and rivals what I've had in Italy (full disclosure, I know the guy who runs the place).
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012
I've occasionally smuggled capers into a pizza restaurant to dump onto a lovely margarita pizza. lol
Apple pies and crumbles are certainly quite good, although the best clafoutis I've eaten obliterated the best cherry pie. I adore pumpkin pie. I've had tasty bread pudding too, forgot about them. All this spongy stuff feels like such a waste though, good fruit or ice cream always taste way better.
In fact, creme anglaise is simply the French word for that creme the British drop a perfectly good piece of pie into, not a good idea.
posted by jeffburdges at 7:32 AM on April 13, 2012
Apple pies and crumbles are certainly quite good, although the best clafoutis I've eaten obliterated the best cherry pie. I adore pumpkin pie. I've had tasty bread pudding too, forgot about them. All this spongy stuff feels like such a waste though, good fruit or ice cream always taste way better.
In fact, creme anglaise is simply the French word for that creme the British drop a perfectly good piece of pie into, not a good idea.
posted by jeffburdges at 7:32 AM on April 13, 2012
I think the best supermarket pizza is the Chicago Town pepperoni one that rises in the oven. It has approx 14m calories in it, though, and because it's a bake and rise deal you have to cook the whole thing.
I'm surprised how expensive takeaway is in London compared with Manchester, so I have no idea about that outwith chains. There was a nice one near where I used to live in North Acton that did a Garlic Supreme, but frankly nothing is as tasty as Babylons on Oxford Road. (And while I don't eat donners anymore, Abduls is the ur-kebab. London kebabs come in pitta rather than naan which is wronger than 25 Hitlers.)
posted by mippy at 7:37 AM on April 13, 2012
I'm surprised how expensive takeaway is in London compared with Manchester, so I have no idea about that outwith chains. There was a nice one near where I used to live in North Acton that did a Garlic Supreme, but frankly nothing is as tasty as Babylons on Oxford Road. (And while I don't eat donners anymore, Abduls is the ur-kebab. London kebabs come in pitta rather than naan which is wronger than 25 Hitlers.)
posted by mippy at 7:37 AM on April 13, 2012
I like that even The Sun gave space in their paper for the nutritionist to recoil in disgust.
posted by Theta States at 7:46 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Theta States at 7:46 AM on April 13, 2012
It can be done. First, you get your sheep intestines. Even the Paupered Chef guys say it was a tremendous pain in the ass, though
Esp. for the sheep.
posted by eriko at 8:00 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Esp. for the sheep.
posted by eriko at 8:00 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
deep fried heroin supper
They use hash oil instead of peanut?
posted by Thorzdad at 8:12 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
They use hash oil instead of peanut?
posted by Thorzdad at 8:12 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is afaik only one good place for British food in all of Manchester, namely Tom's Chop House and its sibling Sam's Chop House
The Mark Addy? I think you probably just need to get out a bit more (see also: Liverpool and Birmingham).
posted by ninebelow at 8:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
The Mark Addy? I think you probably just need to get out a bit more (see also: Liverpool and Birmingham).
posted by ninebelow at 8:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
You take a hot dog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza: you got Cheezy Blasters. THANKS MEAT CAT!
posted by macadamiaranch at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by macadamiaranch at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've had this crust a couple of times now as my other half loves them. For me, it's just too much and the "mustard drizzle" is as unappetising as it sounds. I much prefer the cheese stuffed crust.
Where we live, though Pizza Hut is about the best pizza in town; Whilst nearly every Tom, Dick and Harry sells pizza they range from edible but massively over-priced to something Satan has used to wipe his arse with. At least with Pizza Hut I can stuff my face like a king for the cost of a pizza from Domino's with one of their discount codes and it doesn't make me wretch.
posted by DuchessProzac at 8:57 AM on April 13, 2012
Where we live, though Pizza Hut is about the best pizza in town; Whilst nearly every Tom, Dick and Harry sells pizza they range from edible but massively over-priced to something Satan has used to wipe his arse with. At least with Pizza Hut I can stuff my face like a king for the cost of a pizza from Domino's with one of their discount codes and it doesn't make me wretch.
posted by DuchessProzac at 8:57 AM on April 13, 2012
I don't really get the point of a stuffed crust. I mean, just put more stuff on the pizza.
People have become accustomed to eating (or throwing away), bland, chewy, flavorless, cardboard crusts. If you dump enough fat and salt on it though, you might not notice.
If we could do decent crusts, maybe we wouldn't have to dip our pizza into anything even remotely liquid enough to spread or stuff other things into the crust.
posted by Stagger Lee at 8:58 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
In fact, creme anglaise is simply the French word for that creme the British drop a perfectly good piece of pie into, not a good idea.
IT'S CALLED CUSTARD.
posted by Summer at 9:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
IT'S CALLED CUSTARD.
posted by Summer at 9:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Now If only we could stuff a pizza into a hot dog....
And then put that inside a pizza crust!
It'd be the Inception of all delivery foods!
posted by cacofonie at 9:55 AM on April 13, 2012
And then put that inside a pizza crust!
It'd be the Inception of all delivery foods!
posted by cacofonie at 9:55 AM on April 13, 2012
you got Cheezy Blasters!
....Oh my God, you're right.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:57 AM on April 13, 2012
....Oh my God, you're right.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:57 AM on April 13, 2012
While I pretty much only ate Papa John's pizza when I lived in the UK, I must say that their Alfresco pizza was suprisingly good: Goat's cheese, caramelised red and yellow pepper confit, cherry tomatoes, onions with a balsamic drizzle. I was kinda bummed when I got back to the US and couldn't get it here.
And despite not having good pizza, I tried to focus on the things that British cooks did right. Mostly the things that vacapinta mentioned - great produce and dairy [can we just talk about cheese for a second? Most normal supermarket cheese in the US is abysmal - rubbery, flavorless, unnaturally colored....even some of the more specialty cheeses are tasteless. The bog standard cheese I used to get at Tesco blows most of our cheese out of the water], and real British specialties such as lamb, savory pies, sausages, cornish pasties, cream tea foods etc. When they are prepared well they are sublime.
posted by triggerfinger at 10:05 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
And despite not having good pizza, I tried to focus on the things that British cooks did right. Mostly the things that vacapinta mentioned - great produce and dairy [can we just talk about cheese for a second? Most normal supermarket cheese in the US is abysmal - rubbery, flavorless, unnaturally colored....even some of the more specialty cheeses are tasteless. The bog standard cheese I used to get at Tesco blows most of our cheese out of the water], and real British specialties such as lamb, savory pies, sausages, cornish pasties, cream tea foods etc. When they are prepared well they are sublime.
posted by triggerfinger at 10:05 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
If I squint and tilt my head I can kind of see the sausage roll thing they were going for but ohdearlordno. The only thing worse than shitty pizza is a hot dog, and combining the two totally exceeds my 'hey, more for you!' threshold.
Blergh.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:08 AM on April 13, 2012
Blergh.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:08 AM on April 13, 2012
He he, English people arguing about Italian food. *eats popcorn*
posted by surrendering monkey at 1:27 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by surrendering monkey at 1:27 PM on April 13, 2012
I find it odd to brag about and generally sensationalize eating something like this.
Clearly, those dying of congestive heart failure in their early 50s are on their death beds, bragging about eating this kind of crap.
posted by markkraft at 2:58 PM on April 14, 2012
Clearly, those dying of congestive heart failure in their early 50s are on their death beds, bragging about eating this kind of crap.
posted by markkraft at 2:58 PM on April 14, 2012
It's like BIG FOOD has a bunch of flashcards with things like "cheese," "bacon," "chipotle," "pizza," "nugget," "sticks," "ranch dressing," etc., on them and they randomly pick three of them at a time to become the next entree at Applebee's or Pizza Hut or whatever. (And, yes, I do remember the MST3K skit where they did this with Tex-Mex food terms, but I can't find it on YouTube at the moment.)
Next gimmick: Ranch dressing sticks that you dip in processed cheese sauce! Bacon chipotle nugget pizza!
I fear that I'm on my way to becoming one of those really annoying food purists, but I'm becoming so disgusted with food that tastes like greasy cardboard. REAL FOOD, PLEASE!
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 7:41 PM on April 14, 2012
Next gimmick: Ranch dressing sticks that you dip in processed cheese sauce! Bacon chipotle nugget pizza!
I fear that I'm on my way to becoming one of those really annoying food purists, but I'm becoming so disgusted with food that tastes like greasy cardboard. REAL FOOD, PLEASE!
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 7:41 PM on April 14, 2012
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posted by Slothrup at 2:47 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]