“Yummy.”

December 31, 2019 3:07 PM

Antiques Roadshow expert drinks 180-year-old urine, rusty nails and a human hair after mistaking liquid for port [Video][2:50] “An Antiques Roadshow expert, Andy McConnell, accidentally drank 180-year-old urine, rusty nails and a human hair during an appearance on the show. The glass specialist had mistaken the mystery liquid for 1840s port or red wine when he drank from the bottle in a 2016 episode of the BBC series. Inserting a syringe in the bottle’s cork, McConnell tasted some of the “very brown” liquid and remarked: “I think it’s port – port or red wine... or it’s full of rusty old nails and that’s rust.” Host Fiona Bruce has now revealed, in the latest episode of Antiques Roadshow, that the bottle was filled with urine and a single human hair. [...] So [this] was not a bottle of port or wine, but a witches bottle. “So buried in the threshold of the house as a talisman against witchcraft, against curses, against misfortune coming into the home.”” [via: The Independent]
posted by Fizz (53 comments total)

This is why I avoid wine tastings.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:19 PM on December 31, 2019 [12 favorites]

"If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with..."
posted by clavdivs at 3:20 PM on December 31, 2019 [10 favorites]

Same difference.
posted by srboisvert at 3:24 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: go home to your bottle of wee
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:24 PM on December 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

Looking forward, new year's eve 2009: Port wine!
Looking back on the decade, new year's eve 2019: It's been piss, rust, and hair.
posted by rodlymight at 3:30 PM on December 31, 2019 [54 favorites]

Eric Idle is so pissed that he didn’t write this sketch.
posted by droplet at 3:43 PM on December 31, 2019 [8 favorites]

WHaT thE FuuUuuCK???
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 3:50 PM on December 31, 2019 [8 favorites]

He did, Oscar, he did.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:50 PM on December 31, 2019 [4 favorites]

note to self: get tetanus booster before going wine tasting
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 4:00 PM on December 31, 2019 [7 favorites]

*swish*

It's... big... complex... intellectually satisfying... with a strong hint of apotropaism and... is that asparagus?
posted by pracowity at 4:09 PM on December 31, 2019 [19 favorites]

universally applicable political-economic-social-ecological metaphor
posted by Rust Moranis at 4:09 PM on December 31, 2019 [14 favorites]

Haven't we all done this? Some of us even got our powers this way...
posted by pipeski at 4:10 PM on December 31, 2019 [15 favorites]

If you drink from unlabeled bottles, urine for a bad surprise.
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:19 PM on December 31, 2019 [25 favorites]

boone's farm is on it right now
posted by pyramid termite at 4:20 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

It was arguably biodynamic, tho.
posted by rodlymight at 4:26 PM on December 31, 2019 [13 favorites]

I’ve never liked port, and someone not being able to tell it from urine doesn’t make me want to change my nine.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:33 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

But what would GPT-2 do?

LONDON - An Antiques Roadshow expert, Andy McConnell, accidentally drank 180-year-old urine, rusty nails and a human hair during an appearance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.

The comedian and former "American Idol" contestant appeared at London's Natural History Museum and surprised the crowd by opening a bottle of the "twenty-first-century ultra-violet solution" while declaring "I'm the new Super Soaker."
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:38 PM on December 31, 2019 [5 favorites]

This is why I avoid wine tastings.

I remember watching a wine special with John Cleese, and Brendan Fraser was one of the celeb-pals. For one of the wines, Fraser's note was "put it back in the horse" (or something very close to that).

Always stuck with me. Never imagined it might actually be accurate one day.
posted by curious nu at 4:39 PM on December 31, 2019 [16 favorites]

"Well, it's either port, or two hundred year old rusty pee"

"One of those two"
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:50 PM on December 31, 2019 [9 favorites]

For one of the wines, Fraser's note was "put it back in the horse" (or something very close to that)

Reminds me of the story about the fellow who decided to enter a mail-in homebrewing competition. He sent off a bottle of his most recent batch and three weeks got a letter back from the judging panel. “Dear sir: It is our unfortunate duty to inform you that your horse has diabetes.”
posted by nickmark at 5:07 PM on December 31, 2019 [28 favorites]

> Which bottle was I supposed to show the guy?

"We have your results back from the lab. Your blood tests look pretty good, although you should take a vitamin D supplement. Your urine tests ... I'm putting you on an antifungal for powdery mildew."
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:10 PM on December 31, 2019 [4 favorites]

So he’s safe from witches now, right?
posted by bigbigdog at 5:15 PM on December 31, 2019 [14 favorites]

Probably very much the opposite, I should thing, bigbigdog.
posted by Jilder at 5:19 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

Finally, a companion for Cheesoid.
posted by sysinfo at 5:48 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

This is the item I need to equip to finally beat Orphan of Kos
posted by Dumsnill at 6:01 PM on December 31, 2019 [4 favorites]

Remember when people wanted to drink mummy juice? Same energy.
posted by Young Kullervo at 6:45 PM on December 31, 2019 [7 favorites]

Didn’t we have a post recently about a woman whose dealio was something crystals something energy something urine? This one is better.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:56 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

Piss, Rust, & Hair = the name of my new dimly lit Brooklyn Wine Bar.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:00 PM on December 31, 2019 [10 favorites]

This is just to say

I have


nope, I'm out.
posted by Mchelly at 7:34 PM on December 31, 2019 [29 favorites]

Pee BS
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 8:20 PM on December 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

Yay...?
posted by Secretariat at 8:25 PM on December 31, 2019

He’s okay, though?
posted by Selena777 at 8:27 PM on December 31, 2019

Accidental?
posted by 2N2222 at 8:43 PM on December 31, 2019

wait so ...... did he died??
posted by windbox at 8:43 PM on December 31, 2019 [4 favorites]

It's been piss, rust, and hair.

Judas Priest!
posted by clavdivs at 8:50 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

But how much was it worth???
posted by systematize at 9:39 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

He’s okay, though?

Of course. It’s a good thing he wasn’t a witch, however.
posted by zamboni at 10:13 PM on December 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

“I think it’s port – port or red wine... or it’s full of rusty old nails and that’s rust.”

Yeah nah, he was just taking the piss.
posted by zamboni at 10:15 PM on December 31, 2019 [9 favorites]

I moved into a property with a disused decrepit barn, and for a while I entertained the notion of making a studio upstairs. Apparently the previous owner had imbibed a fair amount of alcohol up there and I was removing the bottles and other debris when I found a full bottle of whiskey that was about 50 years old. I excitedly opened it up and took a big whiff of stale urine. Fortunately I didn't drink first.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 12:39 AM on January 1, 2020 [10 favorites]

Antiques Roadshow expert: I take a sip to taste it

DM: make a CON save
posted by GuyZero at 2:56 AM on January 1, 2020 [13 favorites]

Variation on a classic goat joke:

Andy McConnell is potentially the most published author in glassware and glass blowing... but do they call him Andy the Glass Expert? No.

He owns and operates his very own glass shop filled with new items and antiquities... but do they call him Andy the Shopkeeper?

...Drink one bottle of urine and nails...
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:32 AM on January 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

can u imagine the embarrassment when he turns into a toad during full moons 🌚
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:01 AM on January 1, 2020 [7 favorites]

Drink one bottle of urine and nails...

Pissnail and I
posted by zamboni at 5:15 AM on January 1, 2020 [15 favorites]

can u imagine the embarrassment when he turns into a toad during full moons 🌚

Or a newt! Although I understand that gets better.
posted by TedW at 7:22 AM on January 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

I've read about people finding these in old chimneys, hearths and doorways, but I thought the practice was much older than 1840.
posted by SoberHighland at 9:19 AM on January 1, 2020

This is just to say...

I have imbibed
the port
you buried
under the house

and which
you were probably
warding
against witchcraft

Forgive me
it tasted like piss
so gross
and so rusty
posted by mister-o at 9:54 AM on January 1, 2020 [10 favorites]

There's a gallon jug of what was formerly Carlo Rossi filled with my urine somewhere out there. It's been travelling since 2003. I shudder to think where it is now.
posted by Token Meme at 11:16 AM on January 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

Token Meme: "There's a gallon jug of what was formerly Carlo Rossi filled with my urine somewhere out there."

You're saying you turned wine into water?
posted by chavenet at 11:35 AM on January 1, 2020

If urine counts as water then wine counts as water too IMO
posted by RustyBrooks at 1:20 PM on January 1, 2020

So the scotch expert shows up at a bar and is doing tastings where he can identify the single malt blindfolded, even where it was distilled and how old it is--he can even discern the different ages used in blended whiskies. Some drunk staggers up to him and hands him a shot glass, and he throws it back without thinking, then spits it out. "My god, man, that's piss!"

"Yeah, but how old am I?"
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:30 PM on January 1, 2020 [8 favorites]

Andy’s being a pretty good sport about the whole thing over on his FB page. He’s a good egg.
posted by Capt. Renault at 5:47 PM on January 1, 2020

If urine counts as water then wine counts as water too IMO

I have a theory why your espresso machine has been misbehaving.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 7:42 PM on January 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison. The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true URINE AND NAILS.
posted by emelenjr at 7:56 AM on January 2, 2020 [4 favorites]