"Dance, Dance, Dance" 🕺🎟️💃
February 2, 2022 2:10 PM Subscribe
Ballroom etiquette was not complete without a Dance Card.
'Sticking to the Dance Card':
Was this the App before the Apps?
Here is an example from Tulane Universities Digital Archive.
'Thank Goodness We Don’t Have To Do That Anymore: Dance Cards'
I had heard of these and then I found two from spring and Fall of 1926 belonging to my grandmother. They were her sorority dances. Both, the first signature was my grandfather.
I had heard of these and then I found two from spring and Fall of 1926 belonging to my grandmother. They were her sorority dances. Both, the first signature was my grandfather.
Fascinating
posted by Windopaene at 2:29 PM on February 2, 2022
posted by Windopaene at 2:29 PM on February 2, 2022
Abehammerb, "Shake a Tail Feather" is an actual love (triangle) song and the Ray Charles/Blues Brothers version has a long list of dance names!
posted by rhizome at 2:57 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 2:57 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
I interned with an archives briefly and had to accession about 4 years' worth of dance cards that had been saved by the one gentleman who ended up marrying the woman that the collection was named for.
I still slip into a weird fugue state, thinking about this family I'd never known but knew intimately from all the personal items, correspondence, etc I had to "process."
posted by elkevelvet at 3:16 PM on February 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
I still slip into a weird fugue state, thinking about this family I'd never known but knew intimately from all the personal items, correspondence, etc I had to "process."
posted by elkevelvet at 3:16 PM on February 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
This was a fun post! I've definitely heard of a dance card but I'm pretty sure I've never actually seen what one looked like.
posted by Tesseractive at 3:17 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Tesseractive at 3:17 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
Aww, that’s so sweet that Grandpa got the first dance!
There’s a scene in one of the Betsy-Tacy books where the girls have fun making the dance cards for the school formal, and then they become keepsakes later. I find the whole idea charming. A lot of the customs we think of as stuffy were meant to grease the wheels of social interaction; sometimes there’s less anxiety when everyone knows what to expect.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:19 PM on February 2, 2022 [17 favorites]
There’s a scene in one of the Betsy-Tacy books where the girls have fun making the dance cards for the school formal, and then they become keepsakes later. I find the whole idea charming. A lot of the customs we think of as stuffy were meant to grease the wheels of social interaction; sometimes there’s less anxiety when everyone knows what to expect.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:19 PM on February 2, 2022 [17 favorites]
Although... when either the Gaskells or PEERS good-parts recreation balls tried dance cards, it caused such heinous competition and connivance and bad feeling that they had to stop right quick.
At least, that's what I was told some time later by dancers who remembered it. I can only personally attest that we didn't have them. Set lists for the whole evening, often, verbal agreements for particular dances, yes, but no dance cards.
posted by clew at 3:35 PM on February 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
At least, that's what I was told some time later by dancers who remembered it. I can only personally attest that we didn't have them. Set lists for the whole evening, often, verbal agreements for particular dances, yes, but no dance cards.
posted by clew at 3:35 PM on February 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
My mother was a debutante in the 50s and spent a couple of years at fancy parties with dance cards. She once told me that at the high society parties of New Orleans it was the custom for the gentlemen to give gifts to the ladies on their dance card. Mostly tokens. But the gift for the first dance of the evening was customarily a discrete whisky-filled hip flask. Because in New Orleans in the 50s it would have seemed unladylike to go to the bar for a drink. But no one expected the poor young women to be sober.
posted by Nelson at 3:49 PM on February 2, 2022 [31 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 3:49 PM on February 2, 2022 [31 favorites]
Funny thing, I have mainly heard "dance cards" referred to as part of political metaphors about obligations, echoed in the Texan "you got to dance with them what brung you."
The second link was a little poignant in an unexpected way, making me think of jazz musicians playing for dances at schools where they wouldn't have been admitted on campus for any other purpose.
When I was young, I was glad that we don't really do named partner dances anymore in ordinary situations. I was terrible enough in grade school tap class, and I hated to think of myself trying to, say, fox trot. But maybe dance cards and patterned dances would have been better than the wall-hugging, the getting your courage up every single song, and the incredibly generic "fast dance" and "slow dance."
posted by Countess Elena at 4:05 PM on February 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
The second link was a little poignant in an unexpected way, making me think of jazz musicians playing for dances at schools where they wouldn't have been admitted on campus for any other purpose.
When I was young, I was glad that we don't really do named partner dances anymore in ordinary situations. I was terrible enough in grade school tap class, and I hated to think of myself trying to, say, fox trot. But maybe dance cards and patterned dances would have been better than the wall-hugging, the getting your courage up every single song, and the incredibly generic "fast dance" and "slow dance."
posted by Countess Elena at 4:05 PM on February 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
The year 1926 seemed interesting. Heel end of the Roaring 20s. That year, my grandfather could not afford another two years of college and set out to work that summer. I have letters, on Dodge Bros. stationary, NY hotels, The mid west, Chicago. in the letters he mentions the upcoming dance and said he'll try to make because " you skip harmony class and are a fireman, I'll try to make it" He did, signed the card, and 7 days later started as a clerk at Bell Telephone- Detroit. They married in 1930 which corresponds to the decline of dance card usage. In 1937, Lil Abner premiered 'Sadie Hawkins Day' a tradition in my school in the early 80s, ironically, that was my first musical as cast.
posted by clavdivs at 5:10 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 5:10 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
Haha. When I was a young teen, I went to this special society dance thing. Our names were in the Blue Book. (Another story) My mother was born into old money, and, although she became an anti-racist liberal--this was the 60's--she still made us go to these fucking things in case we wanted to stay in St. Louis High Society. None of us did, of course.
And yes, we had dance cards. Very very awkward, the whole thing.
The very last dance occasion, at the St. Louis Country Club (to which we did not belong) my brother and I sneaked out to go to a soft-porn drive-in. Nobody noticed.
posted by kozad at 5:24 PM on February 2, 2022 [5 favorites]
And yes, we had dance cards. Very very awkward, the whole thing.
The very last dance occasion, at the St. Louis Country Club (to which we did not belong) my brother and I sneaked out to go to a soft-porn drive-in. Nobody noticed.
posted by kozad at 5:24 PM on February 2, 2022 [5 favorites]
My mom grew up poor in the era of dance cards. She told me of the stigma of not having your dance card filled, and about how painful it was socially. She told me about one time when she sat on the sidelines while her favorite song (at the time) played and crying because she was alone.
Fast forward to 5th or 6th grade - and I made sure to dance with every girl in my class (there were five) just to make sure they all got at least one dance.
Fast forward to the dance with mom when I got married. I played 'Smoke Gets in your Eyes' and made my mom cry.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:24 PM on February 2, 2022 [17 favorites]
Fast forward to 5th or 6th grade - and I made sure to dance with every girl in my class (there were five) just to make sure they all got at least one dance.
Fast forward to the dance with mom when I got married. I played 'Smoke Gets in your Eyes' and made my mom cry.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:24 PM on February 2, 2022 [17 favorites]
guess I'm first to the punch, then.. Soft-Porn Drive-In
what kinda music do we play?
posted by elkevelvet at 6:45 PM on February 2, 2022
what kinda music do we play?
posted by elkevelvet at 6:45 PM on February 2, 2022
Dance cards also play a part in Meet Me in St. Louis.
posted by elphaba at 6:46 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by elphaba at 6:46 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
My wedding had a lot of influences from the 1920’s, and the unexpected hit were the dance cards. We coordinated with the DJ the first 10 songs to be played and they were written in each dance card in that order. It was a delight to see friends and relatives, some not knowing each other very well, try and fill out their dance cards with each other for the evening.
posted by photovox at 7:51 PM on February 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by photovox at 7:51 PM on February 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
We often look at the rigid and complicated rules of etiquette etc involved in such affairs and wonder how people managed to navigate their way. In reality, the rules were less complicated than the myriad of social expectations governing interactions today and they were written down so everyone knew what was expected of them.
posted by dg at 8:31 PM on February 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by dg at 8:31 PM on February 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
I remember being young (in the 70s) and hearing enough references to "Dance Cards" from my parents and grandparents that I assumed I would be issued one when I turned 16, similar to a driver's license. I was a bit relieved when that didn't happen.
posted by mmoncur at 8:44 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by mmoncur at 8:44 PM on February 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
the rules were less complicated than the myriad of social expectations governing interactions today and they were written down so everyone knew what was expected of them
Not so’s they knew it, from at least the Elizabethan era on, in English. It’s always a proof and reward of social power to enforce the rules and not follow them. Sermons, court cases, eventually magazine articles keep laying down different rules; diaries and novels show people wondering what was really required and what they could get away with.
posted by clew at 9:34 PM on February 2, 2022 [6 favorites]
Not so’s they knew it, from at least the Elizabethan era on, in English. It’s always a proof and reward of social power to enforce the rules and not follow them. Sermons, court cases, eventually magazine articles keep laying down different rules; diaries and novels show people wondering what was really required and what they could get away with.
posted by clew at 9:34 PM on February 2, 2022 [6 favorites]
I love this kind of social history. Great post!
posted by scratch at 5:00 AM on February 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by scratch at 5:00 AM on February 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Neat!
This is one of those things I've never really understood or looked into but have been inexplicably been aware of. I spend a lot of time with old literature and films, including a unique obsession with US east coast fancy-college-club trivia from the mid '20s, but it's never come up in any memorable way. My mom has lots of stories about weirdly formal high-school dances in the '50s, but she's never mentioned it except when using the phrases for other things. But, somehow, I know about the concept. It's weird that something I'm guessing most people didn't participate in and hasn't really happened for generations remains so familiar.
I'm now struggling to think of other living phrases that come from the same scene. There are plenty of early 20th century jazz, juke, and calliope options. But, that's about all I can think of.
posted by eotvos at 7:23 AM on February 3, 2022
This is one of those things I've never really understood or looked into but have been inexplicably been aware of. I spend a lot of time with old literature and films, including a unique obsession with US east coast fancy-college-club trivia from the mid '20s, but it's never come up in any memorable way. My mom has lots of stories about weirdly formal high-school dances in the '50s, but she's never mentioned it except when using the phrases for other things. But, somehow, I know about the concept. It's weird that something I'm guessing most people didn't participate in and hasn't really happened for generations remains so familiar.
I'm now struggling to think of other living phrases that come from the same scene. There are plenty of early 20th century jazz, juke, and calliope options. But, that's about all I can think of.
posted by eotvos at 7:23 AM on February 3, 2022
I didn't mention it when I posted The Cockroach Witch of Montreal as a comment many years ago, but much of the detritus littering the stairwell when they cleared out the witch's apartment consisted of dance cards just like these. So they must have been a feature of society balls in the early part of the 20th century in Montreal as well.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 8:58 AM on February 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Turtles all the way down at 8:58 AM on February 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm now struggling to think of other living phrases[...]
Wallflower, belle of the ball, waltz away with, cut in on.
It's weird that something I'm guessing most people didn't participate in and hasn't really happened for generations remains so familiar.
Social dancing was immensely important to most of the Euro-American world up until the 1960s. For comparison, it was at least as big a market as movies in the 1930s and 1940s; the gilded movie palaces and little town theaters were matched by palais de dance and community dance floors at every price. Non-folk dancing had been popular since at least the 1860s, though, with new music and dances and etiquette being introduced into continuous dance practice .
Sure, most people didn't go to private Bridgerton-esque balls. A whole ton of people went to association balls; everything like a guild, union, fraternal order, or large business was likely to host regular dances in their own buildings or rented ones. Then the commercial dance halls and dancing with relative strangers became common even for the middle classes (following the working classes).
There's a great book about how universal it was and how suddenly it stopped in Britain, Going to the Palais. It died in less than a decade, when 1960s youth decided that dancing to '45s of exactly the music they wanted was better than live music, most of which had to be covers.
The Boomers did it.
posted by clew at 1:05 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
Wallflower, belle of the ball, waltz away with, cut in on.
It's weird that something I'm guessing most people didn't participate in and hasn't really happened for generations remains so familiar.
Social dancing was immensely important to most of the Euro-American world up until the 1960s. For comparison, it was at least as big a market as movies in the 1930s and 1940s; the gilded movie palaces and little town theaters were matched by palais de dance and community dance floors at every price. Non-folk dancing had been popular since at least the 1860s, though, with new music and dances and etiquette being introduced into continuous dance practice .
Sure, most people didn't go to private Bridgerton-esque balls. A whole ton of people went to association balls; everything like a guild, union, fraternal order, or large business was likely to host regular dances in their own buildings or rented ones. Then the commercial dance halls and dancing with relative strangers became common even for the middle classes (following the working classes).
There's a great book about how universal it was and how suddenly it stopped in Britain, Going to the Palais. It died in less than a decade, when 1960s youth decided that dancing to '45s of exactly the music they wanted was better than live music, most of which had to be covers.
The Boomers did it.
posted by clew at 1:05 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
We often look at the rigid and complicated rules of etiquette etc involved in such affairs and wonder how people managed to navigate their way. In reality, the rules were less complicated than the myriad of social expectations governing interactions today and they were written down so everyone knew what was expected of them.
Inasmuch as I know some of it was unspoken then too, I definitely found myself feeling envious of the clarity of this just now. I go out dancing on average once a week, and some weeks if multiple people are interested in meeting up to dance (or I'm interested in meeting up with someone specific to dance or not dance, or just want to meet new people), some strategy is involved. There are actually lots of rules and customs!
Will the person I'm most interested in come out to play, and when exactly will I hear from them about it? If they try to play it all cool (or hedge their bets) and wait to hit me up until 10:30 p.m. the night of a dance party in a snowstorm, I might have already decided to stay home or go somewhere else. I can ask them out, but if they're busy or don't see the message (or, let's be real, see the message in their notifications and choose to leave it unread for one of many possible reasons), things still might not go anywhere that night.
Sometimes you can influence the situation by posting a thirst trap somewhere they might see it, but that often doesn't work or has less than desirable consequences, e.g., if they don't look at your posts, or if someone you're not interested in replies instead. That said, sometimes this can open unexpected conversations, so it's not a bad practice if you can stand to do it. It might even make you feel more confident. It's OK to have a face and a body and want people to see them and be seen existing.
Even if they do come out, they might not want to go to the venue you want to go to, for a variety of reasons. Maybe the DJ or band you want to see isn't danceable enough, or is the wrong genre for their tastes. Maybe their ex likes to hang out at your favorite dance club too. Maybe the bartender stole from them and they never want to go back. Maybe they're playing the same games you are and don't want to meet up with you at the same place someone else they're dating (or married to) might show up. Maybe they don't like (or used to like but now feel awkward with one of) your friends.
Should I just hedge my bets and go out to dance with my girl gang somewhere if I don't hear from any of the people I'm specifically interested in? Usually the answer to that is yes, not least of all because that's how you meet more people to be interested in, and even if your regular group doesn't come, you might make new friends. Also, dancing makes you feel good and is good for you even when it's not specifically a romantic scenario.
There are some risks involved in the strategy of just going out anyway, at least if you want to meet people, because pandemic times, and also because of the other various risks involved in going out dancing. Sometimes it's better to save your energy and/or not get hungover so you can stay out all night the next night with whoever you really want to see. After a while, at least for many in my group, you drink less, because it's expensive and not good for your health, and you feel confident enough not to need it before getting out on the dance floor. For regulars, the dance floor can be a bit more like going to the gym, and we mostly save our real drinking for the nights when we need a release or need a little extra courage to overcome inertia, e.g., when someone we want to get to know better is there.
Get too many intrigues going and things get complicated, because while it's tacitly understood that everyone may be seeing multiple people until it's declared otherwise, no one talks about it, and unlike in days of yore, you can't invite everyone to the same dance. Monogamy in dating has become the default assumption, even if you're only at the stage where you might or might not meet up on a given weekend night (and even if you might always be at that stage with a given person). You end up having a lot of "friends" and telling people that you're hanging out with a friend tonight, or you hung out with a friend last night.
Then there are the people you absolutely don't want to see, and people who absolutely don't want to see you, and associated strategy around which dance parties to frequent. Plotting it all out is kind of endlessly distracting and diverting. A dance card would be simpler and, in the case of some situations where people I know have waited months to figure out what the "situation" with someone might be or turn into, far more direct!
posted by limeonaire at 1:49 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
Inasmuch as I know some of it was unspoken then too, I definitely found myself feeling envious of the clarity of this just now. I go out dancing on average once a week, and some weeks if multiple people are interested in meeting up to dance (or I'm interested in meeting up with someone specific to dance or not dance, or just want to meet new people), some strategy is involved. There are actually lots of rules and customs!
Will the person I'm most interested in come out to play, and when exactly will I hear from them about it? If they try to play it all cool (or hedge their bets) and wait to hit me up until 10:30 p.m. the night of a dance party in a snowstorm, I might have already decided to stay home or go somewhere else. I can ask them out, but if they're busy or don't see the message (or, let's be real, see the message in their notifications and choose to leave it unread for one of many possible reasons), things still might not go anywhere that night.
Sometimes you can influence the situation by posting a thirst trap somewhere they might see it, but that often doesn't work or has less than desirable consequences, e.g., if they don't look at your posts, or if someone you're not interested in replies instead. That said, sometimes this can open unexpected conversations, so it's not a bad practice if you can stand to do it. It might even make you feel more confident. It's OK to have a face and a body and want people to see them and be seen existing.
Even if they do come out, they might not want to go to the venue you want to go to, for a variety of reasons. Maybe the DJ or band you want to see isn't danceable enough, or is the wrong genre for their tastes. Maybe their ex likes to hang out at your favorite dance club too. Maybe the bartender stole from them and they never want to go back. Maybe they're playing the same games you are and don't want to meet up with you at the same place someone else they're dating (or married to) might show up. Maybe they don't like (or used to like but now feel awkward with one of) your friends.
Should I just hedge my bets and go out to dance with my girl gang somewhere if I don't hear from any of the people I'm specifically interested in? Usually the answer to that is yes, not least of all because that's how you meet more people to be interested in, and even if your regular group doesn't come, you might make new friends. Also, dancing makes you feel good and is good for you even when it's not specifically a romantic scenario.
There are some risks involved in the strategy of just going out anyway, at least if you want to meet people, because pandemic times, and also because of the other various risks involved in going out dancing. Sometimes it's better to save your energy and/or not get hungover so you can stay out all night the next night with whoever you really want to see. After a while, at least for many in my group, you drink less, because it's expensive and not good for your health, and you feel confident enough not to need it before getting out on the dance floor. For regulars, the dance floor can be a bit more like going to the gym, and we mostly save our real drinking for the nights when we need a release or need a little extra courage to overcome inertia, e.g., when someone we want to get to know better is there.
Get too many intrigues going and things get complicated, because while it's tacitly understood that everyone may be seeing multiple people until it's declared otherwise, no one talks about it, and unlike in days of yore, you can't invite everyone to the same dance. Monogamy in dating has become the default assumption, even if you're only at the stage where you might or might not meet up on a given weekend night (and even if you might always be at that stage with a given person). You end up having a lot of "friends" and telling people that you're hanging out with a friend tonight, or you hung out with a friend last night.
Then there are the people you absolutely don't want to see, and people who absolutely don't want to see you, and associated strategy around which dance parties to frequent. Plotting it all out is kind of endlessly distracting and diverting. A dance card would be simpler and, in the case of some situations where people I know have waited months to figure out what the "situation" with someone might be or turn into, far more direct!
posted by limeonaire at 1:49 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
You could make an app to reify all that strategy. Negotiate agreements on when and where to meet, publish them so others can see just how well you’re doing compared to them. Maybe charge a little so it feels exclusive, special skins for events, publish the results onto the socials for a memento.
Dancecrd.
posted by clew at 8:20 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Dancecrd.
posted by clew at 8:20 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Plotting it all out is kind of endlessly distracting and diverting
Holy shit, that's a complicated world you live in! Makes me glad I can't dance ;-)
posted by dg at 5:45 PM on February 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
Holy shit, that's a complicated world you live in! Makes me glad I can't dance ;-)
posted by dg at 5:45 PM on February 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
« Older Erin O'Toole ousted as leader of the Conservative... | The War in the East -- on TV Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:28 PM on February 2, 2022 [14 favorites]