Thirsty at Trader Joe's

July 12, 2023 8:47 AM

You’re not imagining it: Trader Joe’s employees are all boning each other.
posted by May Kasahara (67 comments total)

Is this guy riffing on Jamie Loftus' Wienermobile piece?

See Also...every restaurant staff. Also...every movie theater chain. Also...anywhere predominantly young people work.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:50 AM on July 12, 2023 [30 favorites]

Well, now I’m imagining it.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:51 AM on July 12, 2023 [41 favorites]

I'd hit it (The 'YES' checkbox on the Trader Joe's United unionization card)
posted by latkes at 8:59 AM on July 12, 2023 [32 favorites]

I have a friend who works at TJ's, just sent her this article. hopefully she can deliver the dirt...
posted by supermedusa at 9:00 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I will definitely have a more noticeable attitude on my next trip to TJs.

Maybe that's why the employees are all so friendly...
They are getting some later...
And got some earlier.
And maybe on their break.

And, etc.
posted by Windopaene at 9:00 AM on July 12, 2023

Sounds like tree planting. Except fun.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:04 AM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Well they do have a generous sampling and return policy.
posted by srboisvert at 9:09 AM on July 12, 2023 [8 favorites]

Also...anywhere predominantly young people work.

Exactly. I was about to come in and say exactly that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:19 AM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

I was a manager at the Campbell, CA store for about a year a few years decades ago. I am happy to report I was NOT the person who crashed a 70k pallet of wine and liquor from the afternoon delivery truck. However, I also did not notice much in the way of excessive boning, whether in or out of the store. Still a big fan and shop there weekly (now in IL).
posted by Glinn at 9:21 AM on July 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

But Trader Ohhhhhs, surely.
posted by Shepherd at 9:23 AM on July 12, 2023 [6 favorites]

I was sort of shocked when I spent six months working at a Barnes and Noble and only confirmed that *two* of the staff were dating each other. Young people hook up, it's how it goes.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:25 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Sounds like tree planting.

Is this a search term I should become familiar with? Because that sounds hot...
posted by Windopaene at 9:29 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

The secret lives of grocery employees

• Trader Joe's: polycules
• Safeway: bowling league
• Whole Foods: fight club
• Walmart: despair
• Amazon Fresh: pan flutes, drums, chanting

posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 9:32 AM on July 12, 2023 [36 favorites]

Soy chorizo indeed.
posted by gwint at 9:32 AM on July 12, 2023 [12 favorites]

I've never had a partner who I didn't meet at school or work. Not sure how else you're meant to without resorting to something weird like an app
posted by GoblinHoney at 9:33 AM on July 12, 2023 [11 favorites]

I also did not notice much in the way of excessive boning,

"Excessive", I love it. "Yes sir, we run a tight ship here, I am pleased to report that the correct amount of boning is taking place."

"Is that ... none? None boning?"

"Certainly not."
posted by mhoye at 9:37 AM on July 12, 2023 [28 favorites]

Now I'm hearing the White Lotus theme, but played on kazoos.
posted by jquinby at 9:44 AM on July 12, 2023 [5 favorites]

How much of their boning is just repackaged lust from trysts at other stores?
posted by AndrewInDC at 9:51 AM on July 12, 2023 [25 favorites]

TJ's = tug jobs?
posted by lalochezia at 10:00 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'm sure Rule 34 just got invoked somewhere and I weep for the future....
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:18 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

When I was in high school (in the 1800s as my daughter likes to say) I (very) briefly worked at a McDonalds where an alarming number of the employees were sleeping with an alarming number of other employees. It was like there was some sort of contest or something.

Also, there's a "would you like fries with that?" joke hidden somewhere in this anecdote, but I'll be damned if I can find it.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 10:24 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Still a big fan and shop there weekly

Does that mean you are a big fan of Trader Joe's? Or of excessive boning? Or both?
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 10:24 AM on July 12, 2023

You're not imagining it: Slate mines yet another reddit post for content.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:45 AM on July 12, 2023 [21 favorites]

And next year, there will be the exact same story about the Olympics.
posted by meowzilla at 10:46 AM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

See Also...every restaurant staff.

For real.

Watch this: "Walk-in cooler."

Some of y'all just got horny.

Credentials for this joke: met my wife working together in a restaurant.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:50 AM on July 12, 2023 [7 favorites]

I'm picturing the TJ's manager interviewing a prospective entry-level hire, asking the boilerplate question about why he'd (the interviewee is definitely a him in this scenario) want to work at TJ's, and getting the answer "I've heard it's a great place to find someone to have sex with."
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 10:55 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Trader Joe's: where the chicken thighs are boneless, but the employees are bonin'
posted by briank at 11:06 AM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

I haven't been to TJs in years, but now that they mention it, I did always feel like the cashiers were extra friendly/flirty when I did shop there...maybe I should go back
posted by supermedusa at 11:11 AM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

"met" my wife "working together" in a restaurant
posted by hippybear at 11:19 AM on July 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

[ASMR voice] WALK-IN COOLER
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:25 AM on July 12, 2023 [5 favorites]

Two bells!
posted by gottabefunky at 11:33 AM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

Stock it. Oh yeah, stock it... right... there.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:41 AM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

The Onion weighs in on this phenomenon.
posted by Rykey at 11:55 AM on July 12, 2023 [8 favorites]

This post is like Metafilter in circa 2002. Post about sex were pretty regular and the comments tended toward the raunchier side, like the ones here.
posted by beagle at 11:58 AM on July 12, 2023 [5 favorites]

he described his first few months there as a sort of carnal “mayhem.”

What Makes Trader Joe's a Great Place to Work?

• Our Crew
• Who We Are
• What We Offer
• The Bone Zone
• Career FAQs

Search for Trader Joe's jobs.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:00 PM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Yeah. I worked for a natural/organic TJ's competitor in a big city for 15 years. I've seen fellow coworkers endlessly reshuffling the partner deck, some coworkers get married to each other, some coworkers divorce their out-of-company spouses to hook up with new coworkers, some married coworkers inviting other coworkers to swing with them... seemingly every possible permutation of human relationships.

I'd guess any place with the majority of workers in their 20s, and a decent turnover rate will have the same sort of situation.
posted by onehalfjunco at 12:14 PM on July 12, 2023

a sort of carnal “mayhem.”

"Carnal Mayhem" would be a great name for a metal band. Or maybe even is one already.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:23 PM on July 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

the comments tended toward the raunchier side, like the ones here.

Were there deletions? We seem to be at like a PG, Tonight Show jokes with your parents in the room level here, at most.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:45 PM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

the writer of this article very obviously has not worked in the service industry before or like any kind of lower paying job where you're around people your age and your life prospects in terms of societal norms isn't stellar

working at my corpo job where everyone is married? has a kid? owns a home with someone else? there's very little boning going on (usually - though I might just be missing out this early into my corpo career since I've never been a part of management)

working as a server with a bunch of people in their early to late 20s? everyone's stoned out of their gourd, there's a lot of coke going on in the kitchen, there's always one or two very PTSD'd out vets this country's used up and tossed aside like spent casing who get very violent when they get access to the coke, and everyone's fucking and there's so much drama, so so so much drama

I know of like very few restaurant work cultures that aren't like that outside of immigrant owned digs and even then lol
posted by paimapi at 1:17 PM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

We seem to be at like a PG, Tonight Show jokes with your parents in the room level here, at most.

I keep imagining a Monty Python sketch where there's a whole store full of employees and customers cruising around like it's a singles bar and using strange and clumsy innuendo, awkward attempts at flirting and a whole lot of confusion and misunderstanding whether or not someone is actually asking about a product or proposing you would like to go mash it in the cooler.

So all of the people who want to swing and party keep getting directed to food or store items and the people looking for food keep ending up being offered casual sex.

"Excuse me is this fish deboned?"

"Yes. Why, would you like it boned?"

"Yes please... Wait, just what in the hell are you doing!? I need to speak to your manager!"

"Oh, a team player are you, then? Switch hitter, perhaps? Say no more, he's in an all hands staff meeting and I'm sure there's room for one more! Right this way!"
posted by loquacious at 2:11 PM on July 12, 2023 [7 favorites]

That's the bawdy 1970's Trader Joe's
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 2:56 PM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Sounds like tree planting.

Is this a search term I should become familiar with? Because that sounds hot...

Only if you are into backbreaking piece work, black flies and tick checks and living in the remote far north of Canada.
posted by srboisvert at 2:59 PM on July 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

This is not journalism. This article is a marketing stunt to make Trader Joe's shoppers feel sexy. Feh.
posted by metametamind at 3:07 PM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Of course my younger co-workers were hooking up when I was at TJ's. Our 'Artist' (ie the person who makes all the signs) was always setting up shop in the remotest parts of the store and then having folks turn his workspace upside down getting hot and heavy. Turns out it was the other artist. fun times.

When I was there Trader Joes hired the underemployed precariate, which was a thing pre-pandemic. Trader Joes did everything it could to switch up everyone's shifts to try and prevent folks from unionizing, and with the massive staff turnover, it meant everyone was mixing it up all the time.
posted by zenon at 3:09 PM on July 12, 2023

I'd more think it was to make the Trader Joe's workers feel sexy and the shoppers feel jealous and left out and thirsty, but YMMV.
posted by hippybear at 3:10 PM on July 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Trader Joes did everything it could to switch up everyone's shifts to try and prevent folks from unionizing, and with the massive staff turnover, it meant everyone was mixing it up all the time.\

You'd think with all the shift swaps and the "mixing it up", people would become MORE bonded as an employee group, not less.

But then, I remember the puritanical shame veil upon sexuality and sex positivity in the US and realize people were likely hiding all this from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of solidarity.
posted by hippybear at 3:11 PM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

No wonder their bananas are always so mushy…
posted by Mchelly at 3:25 PM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

This is not journalism. This article is a marketing stunt to make Trader Joe's shoppers feel sexy. Feh.

It's not journalism, it's Slate.

Fwiw, the Trader I usually shop at has never felt particularly sexy. It could be the times that I go, but everyone seems a little older than the workers at Whole Foods or the other Trader Joe's, and noticeably higher.
posted by betweenthebars at 3:36 PM on July 12, 2023

beagle: This post is like Metafilter in circa 2002. Post about sex were pretty regular and the comments tended toward the raunchier side, like the ones here.

Not only that, but not even one critical/scoldy comment to the effect of how unprofessional and gross it is to hit on/hookup at work.
posted by dr_dank at 4:13 PM on July 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

I can’t say I’ve ever sensed a vibe like this at my local. I’ve certainly never felt that anyone there was flirting with me, which is actually fine because it means my “all boundaries, all the time” approach to life is up to snuff.
posted by scratch at 4:29 PM on July 12, 2023

Jeremy worked at Albertsons before getting hired at Trader Joe’s, and Jonathan spent time at a Whole Foods. Both of them told me that those jobs never matched the wanton mess of their future employer because supermarkets, by their very nature, are prudish and antiseptic.

Oh pish. I can regale you with stories of heel marks on manager's desks; hot hookups in, yes, walk in coolers; parking lot shenanigans; locked bathroom doors. Albertson's inmates are not nearly as boring as this story attempts to infer.
posted by annieb at 5:38 PM on July 12, 2023

I can regale you with stories

Yeees...?
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:30 PM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I mean, if the stories are to be regaled anywhere, they're to be regaled here. We've already had one couple hook up in a walk-in cooler and later get married. Please, do tell.
posted by hippybear at 6:54 PM on July 12, 2023

My mind was blown the other month when I learned Trader Joe's is Aldi. (No, not that one, the other Aldi)

Something something German kink something.
posted by wierdo at 9:36 PM on July 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

There's a street near me that has an Aldi store on the corner, and an Aldi warehouse further back, and the street is called "Aldi Way". I smile every time I see that.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:44 AM on July 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

I'd more think it was to make the Trader Joe's workers feel sexy and the shoppers feel jealous and left out and thirsty, but YMMV.

Looking forward to ISO standard safety signage that says, in some iconic way, “nobody cares as long as everyone washes their hands.”
posted by mhoye at 6:10 AM on July 13, 2023

Visit Home Depot in the evening. same. Not just young workers, and customers, for that matter. Less so, but still a thing at Lowes.
posted by theora55 at 7:17 AM on July 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

In a podcast released by Trader Joe’s in 2019, the company’s president, Bryan Palbaum, said that Trader Joe’s specifically seeks out people who have “outwardly nice” personalities, because it’s difficult to “train someone to be nice.”

A brilliant move, as is spreading the word about sex and the store. Shoppers will go there to see for themselves, maybe expecting their sex lives to improve.
posted by Brian B. at 7:54 AM on July 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

is now profoundly disappointed by the Emeryville Home Depot :(
posted by supermedusa at 8:39 AM on July 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

Shoppers will go there to see for themselves, maybe expecting their sex lives to improve.

You mean to judge each employee's activeness and 'sex-worthiness'. Employees are going to be getting weird looks from a good percentage of readers of this Slate article for a while. Hopefully it doesn't go viral.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:43 AM on July 13, 2023

omg the spate of new TJ's shoppers making cringey Monty Pythonesque innuendoes at the poor cashiers just trying to get through their shifts.
posted by supermedusa at 8:53 AM on July 13, 2023 [3 favorites]

I can regale you with stories
In German, the staff placing the wares into the shelves (shelf is Regal in German) are called Regalbetreuer or sometimes Regalschlichter.
RegalbetreuerIn
I am sure they have stories but sex?
I often shop at Hofer (the Austrian branch of Aldi) and employees are friendly, but i somehow just cannot imagine them having sex in the store during opening hours. For starters, there are not all that many staff, perhaps 3 to 4, usually two at the cashiers desk, and one or two filling shelves. and it is cold, from the a/c. The storage / delivery area most often is open to the sidewalk, and there staff sit on beer cases having cigarettes during breaks. Also, shop opening hours in Austria are only from 7.30am to 8pm, saturdays to 6pm, sunday closed - so this allows for sex at home?
posted by 15L06 at 9:07 AM on July 13, 2023

As the person in charge of receiving at the bookstore, I certainly had many long, boring hours to *think* about sex, but I also knew exactly how clean every surface back there was and I've never met anyone hot enough to risk that UTI.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:13 AM on July 13, 2023 [2 favorites]

You mean to judge each employee's activeness and 'sex-worthiness'.

Or just to buy their groceries from nice people, not judging them at all.
posted by Brian B. at 9:19 AM on July 13, 2023

I mean, if the stories are to be regaled anywhere, they're to be regaled here. We've already had one couple hook up in a walk-in cooler and later get married. Please, do tell.

Produce manager and the scan coordinator used to work late on price change nights. It was (not really) secret that they were hooking up in the manager's office during the night, locking the door. Scrape marks on the desk were giggled over for years.

Assisstant store manager met the floral manager and dated for several years, then got married. Fast forward eight years or so, and she caught him in the parking lot with the bookkeeper. He and the bookkeeper later married, but surprisingly, she would pop into the store at odd hours to check up on him.

A head cashier and a different assisstant store manager started a very open affair (despite being married to other people). They would lock the manager office door. During a snowstorm they told their respective spouses that they had to stay in the store because it was expected to open in the morning. Eventually they were found out; divorced their spouses; started a regular relationship, during which he spiraled downward mentally and they had a horrific breakup.

A meat manager started an affair with his meat wrapper (he was married, she was single) for a few years. Eventually she met someone and called off the affair. He got very pushy and refused to take no for an answer. She went to the manager to complain; nothing was done. Eventually she sued for sexual harrassment and won.

The pharmacist and her boyfriend who would lock the small pharmacy bathroom door sometimes when he would drop by.

Oh, and during the carnival hosted by the Catholic Church across the street, every year there are teenagers who lock the bathroom doors and have sex, or have sex behind the building, but I'm not sure they qualify since they aren't employees.


Had enough?
posted by annieb at 2:33 PM on July 13, 2023

One of those anecdotes reminds me of the old "pickle slicer" joke - it's easy to find online so I won't re-tell it here.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:57 PM on July 13, 2023 [1 favorite]

Never experienced this phenomenon firsthand back in my food service days, but I do remember one conversation that gave me pause (and made me lose a lot of respect for some of my co-workers).

Can't remember how it came up, but one of my female co-workers said to me "Yeah, Suzy says you're the only guy here who's never hit on her." "Well, she's only sixteen, and I'm twenty-four," I said. "Yeah, but all the other guys here are older than you," she said. Ugh.
posted by Rykey at 9:31 AM on July 14, 2023 [2 favorites]